products are available."

According to PETS, these companies force software to undergo lengthly
and arduous tests, often without rest for hours or days at a time.
Employees are assigned to "break" the software by any means necessary,
and inside sources report that they often joke about "torturing" the
software.

"It's no joke," said Granola. "Innocent programs, from the day they are
compiled, are cooped up in tiny rooms and 'crashed' for hours on end.
They spend their whole lives on dirty, ill-maintained computers, and are
unceremoniously deleted when they're not needed anymore." Granola said
the software is kept in unsanitary conditions and is infested with bugs.

"We know alternatives to this horror exist," he said, citing industry
giant Microsoft Corp. as a company that has become extremely
successful without resorting to software testing.

* Qwkit 1.0b * Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.


-+- SLMAIL v3.5C (#1540)
+ Origin: Robotech ч Lake City's Music*Demo BBS ч [904] 758*9477 (13:205/1)

=== GoldEd/2 2.50.B1016+
+ Origin: Info-Shelter (2:51/2)
=============================================================================

Hello All!


Best regards, Boris

--- Ручка шариковая, цена 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)

Д HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД HUMOR.FILTERED Д
Msg : 79 of 100 - 76 + 93
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 27 Nov 94 12:10:18
To : All 27 Nov 94 17:02:46
Subj : 4HF
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Vsevolod Shabad (2:5020/202)
* Area : 68.PVT (68.PVT)
* From : Max Klochkov, 2:5020/99 (24 Nov 94 22:23)
* To : Yuri Safronov
* Subj : Испугались? А я не про театр...
=============================================================================
Hello Yuri!
Happy to contact you!

Thursday November 24 1994 10:59, Yuri Safronov wrote to Anton Tsarevsky:

AT>> Согласен. Более того, готов это все проделывать в гигиенических
AT>> условиях - то есть даже не разбивать а торжественно выливать в ванну
AT>> или еще куда,

YS> Идет! Выливать бум в рот. :)

Что-то ты проявляешь повышенный интерес к судьбе еще не купленного пива и
очень опасаешься того, что его пронесут мимо твоего рта - не иначе лечить надо.
По этому поводу вспомнилась мне одна старая история, года так 1992-го. Есть, как
известно, метод мнимого кормления собак мясом по профессору Павлову
(используется для получения желудочного сока). Так вот, в упомянутом выше 1992
году был изобретен метод мнимого поения пивом по профессору Палееву (кто не
знает, это /113). Этот метод используется для лечения от пивного алкоголизма.
Суть его в следующем: берется большая цистерна пива (одной тонны хватит) и
мощный насос. Затем берется пивной алкоголик, подлежащий излечению, кладется на
кушетку, и приглашаются Гоша Зафиевский и Алекс Янг (или еще кто-нибудь размером
со средней величины шкаф), с тем чтобы один сел на пациента около головы, второй
около ног, таким образом пациент никуда уже не денется. Затем шланг от цистерны
подсоедияется к насосу, шланг от насоса заводится пациенту в рот, и еще один
шланг вводится пациенту в анальное отверстие и опускается обратно в цистерну.
Затем насос включается, и выключается после того, как концентрация алкоголя в
цистерне уменьшится примерно на порядок. В результате теоретических изысканий
был сделан вывод, что после такого лечения пациент до конца жизни не смождет
даже смотреть на пиво.
По сравнению с методом лечения по Палееву наш с Царевским метод отличается
гуманностью, и гораздо меньшей эффективностью, кроме того, он оставляет за
пациентом свободу выбора.

Sincerely yours, Max

-+- Edlin for Windows 2.42.G0614+
+ Origin: Нам не страшен 37, 37, 37 (2:5020/99)
=============================================================================

Hello Boris!

Хм. Не говоря уж о содержимом, сабджик-то каков! ;-))))

Best regards,
Vsevolod

=== (C) 1994 Vsevolod Shabad
+ Origin: Никто, кроме нас! (c) ВДВ (2:5020/202)
=============================================================================

Hello All!


Best regards, Boris

--- Ручка шариковая, цена 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)

Д HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД HUMOR.FILTERED Д
Msg : 82 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 27 Nov 94 12:12:36
To : All 27 Nov 94 17:02:46
Subj : .риватизация FIDO
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД
========================================================================
* Forwarded (from: R50.SYSOP) by Dmitry Penzin using timEd 1.01.g3+.
* Originally from Konst Malanin (2:5020/60) to All.
* Original dated: Nov 15 '94, 13:27

Поздравляю с началом приватизации !

Dmitry Valdov -> Igor Belyakov (от 12.11.94):

IB> Опять согласен. Почему-то эха считается собственностью модератора.
!> А потому, что создатель конференции - ее хозяин. Точка.

Обобщая принцип, выдвинутый г. Вальдовым (как я понял - после прочтения
эхопола), до "создатель = хозяин", предлагаю :

1. Организовать АОЗТ "FIDONet Russia".
2. Акционеры - из числа ФИДОшных ветеранов и инвалидов (в качестве
критерия - знание отчества и подписи Влады Ставски).
3. Уставный капитал - по 3 л пива с акционера.
4. Объявитъ АОЗТ "FIDONet Russia" хозяином сети FIDONet в России.
5. Оставить в нодлисте только акционеров, остальных послать по
матери - пущай читают почту в он-лайне или блю-вавой (за примерное
поведение). Пойнтов давать только за выдающиеся заслуги.
6. Присвоить Вальдову почетное звание "первый приватизатор FIDO" и
соорудить памятник из тары, оставшейся после оприходования
уставного капитала (см п 3).


/ Konst Malanin.

___ ?PIP-W-Reboot !
- Origin: Doors_To_Montmartre (2:5020/60) (2:5020/60)

-+- timEd 1.01.g3+
+ Origin: Russia, Saint-Petersburg, dmitry@fish.spb.su (2:5030/167.6)

... У него не было волос, так что рыжим его считали условно

-+- PPoint 1.86
+ Origin: Почем? (2:5020/52.777)
=============================================================================

Hello All!


Best regards, Boris

--- Ручка шариковая, цена 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)

Д HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД HUMOR.FILTERED Д
Msg : 83 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 27 Nov 94 12:13:06
To : All 27 Nov 94 17:02:46
Subj : HF
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД
* Forwarded by Grigoriy Shpakov (2:5020/54.35)
* Area : RU.ANEKDOT (RU.ANEKDOT)
* From : Eugene Leskovets, 2:450/17 (в среду, 23 ноября 1994 года 13:24)
* To : All
* Subj : анекдот
=============================================================================
Hello All!

Раз встречаются модераторы RU.x и RU.y.
MRU.x: Ты слыхал, в магазин плюсы завезли?
MRU.y: Ну и что?
MRU.x: Как что? Надо пойти, очередь занять.
MRU.y: Да бесполезно! Борисов из RU.ANEKDOT все уже давно из-под прилавка
скупил.

Как-то раз пишет модератор RU.z Борисову:
"Тут в моей эхе один злостный нарушитель появился, а у меня плюсы кончились.
Ты не продашь парочку?"
Б: "Да ты ко мне в эху заходи, я тебе даже бесплатно дам"

Bye!
Eugene

-+- timEd-g1+
+ Origin: + Blues Orphan at work + (2:450/17)
=============================================================================

Hello All!


Best regards, Boris

--- Ручка шариковая, цена 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)

Д HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД HUMOR.FILTERED Д
Msg : 85 of 100
From : Basil Dolmatov 2:5020/50.40 28 Nov 94 01:27:30
To : All 28 Nov 94 04:04:40
Subj : (1) Guidelines for Ineffective OS/2 Advocacy :)
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД
К сожалению описанная здесь тактика часто используется не только в сравнении
различных систем. :-(

=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Lev Semenets (2:5060/88.3)
* From : timbol@netcom.com, 2:50/128 (Sunday November 13 1994 10:11)
* Subj : (1) Guidelines for Ineffective OS/2 Advocacy :)
=============================================================================
X-RealName: Mike Timbol


Beware. This is an example of what some people write when they have too
much time on their hands. If you lack a sense of humor (you know who
you are), you should probably skip this post. No offense intended to
Mr. Hodges, who wrote the original (serious) version. In fact, I encourage
people to read, since it brings up some good points, and also makes this
post easier to understand.


Guidelines for Ineffective OS/2 Advocacy
========================================

Over the past few years, long time OS/2ers have become aware that
the computer trade press doesn't give us much attention. Letter
writing campaigns to idiotic computer magazines have helped people
get a sense of how many intelligent and well-spoken OS/2 users
there are, but they still haven't turned the tide among the
Micro$oft boot-licking press. Fortunately, the "Electronic Press"
is one area where OS/2 has solid support. This is due to the fact
that we, the actual customers, are able to voice our opinions
directly to one another. Nobody is in direct control of the media
and what is "printed". Nobody has to justify the claims we make.
Say something enough, and people start to believe it. This is where
the grass roots OS/2 effort began. This is where Team OS/2 was born.

In following the discussions on usenet, I have noticed an important
trend: "The MS advocates here have been quite wrong - and the OS/2
advocates have been pretty much vindicated." While we OS/2 users have
a fine reputation for being right, even infallible in some cases,
we can always do better. I frequently see Windoze advocates being
drawn into arguments which go astray of the original point, or
degenerate into extended and pointless debates. This is great! Here
are some pointers on how to do it.


SOME "DOs AND DON'Ts" OF OS/2 ADVOCACY
--------------------------------------

1. BE OBNOXIOUS AND INSULTING.

There is nothing to be gained by taking a polite, courteous tone.
Hey, you're in an argument, right? If you're losing, start calling
the other people names. If you're winning, you can do the same thing.
Hey, some bozo is insulting your operating system! Don't stand for it!
Readers will see for themselves that you can't be pushed around.


2. EXPLAIN OS/2 ADVANTAGES -- USE SIMPLE EXAMPLES

Try to state in plain english what you like about OS/2. Use relevant,
real-world examples. For instance "I can download new WAD files for
DOOM while playing System Shock and X-COM in windowed DOS sessions!"
"I have 64 DOS boxes open! Do *THAT* in Windoze!" If you're running
out of ideas, just go back to the tried-and-true "I can format a
floppy disk in the background!" One gets the idea there is something
good here. Let them know exactly what it is.


3. NEVER ADMIT OS/2 WEAKNESSES

OS/2 is a great system and we love it. However, some people insist that
OS/2 has weak points. The nerve! If people point out advantages in
other systems that OS/2 doesn't have, quickly claim they aren't
advantages after all. Phrases like "Who would ever want to do that?"
and "What a useless feature!" address the issue nicely. If people post
about problems they *claim* to be having with Warp, just include a
simple followup that says "It works on my system. You must have shoddy
hardware" or perhaps "I have a real problem with people that for some
reason or another are unable to get OS/2 configured the way they want
calling what is more times than not THEIR lack of knowledge and
experience with the system a BUG in the software." Another tactic is
to downplay the problem: "Besides you, how many people do you really
think will encounter this bug?"


4. REGULARLY ARGUE WITH A "STRAWMAN"

Example: "Anyone remember the talk about a 'human-centric interface'?
If you can talk, you can use a computer........It's called 'vision'"
Windoze fanatics will probably mention delays in IBM's grand vision,
but these factors are irrelevant. This is the future of "portable"
OS/2 we're talking about! Windoze NT doesn't matter anyway.


5. GO FOR THE KILL

This is a standard tactic of negotiation. If you argue too
vehemently, what happens is the "other guy" becomes entrenched.
They can't change their mind on an issue without "losing face".
So, when you've aptly demonstrated that you are in all ways superior
to the "other guy", go for the kill. Insult his intelligence and
upbringing. Question his logical ability. Suggest he learn how to
read. Recommend a good psychiatrist. Ask if he understands
english. Pick on his spelling. Tell him to learn how to use his
editor. Talk about line length. For good measure, insult Bill Gates.


6. TRY TO KEEP SUBJECT TITLES POSITIVE

Many people just browse subject titles. Make sure what they see
looks interesting and inviting. "Winblows96 SUX ROX!" "OS/2 WARP
THE GREATEST OS *EVER*!!!!!!!" Now don't those look interesting?
Watch out for Windoze advocates introducing or changing subject
title to anti-OS/2 themes. For example, someone may post a thread
with the title "OS/2 performance disappointing?" I mean, really,
questioning OS/2's performance!? Obviously, this person is out to
get OS/2. Immediately change the subject to something like "OS/2
performance great!" If you have time, write a simple followup that
says "It works great on my system. You must have shoddy hardware."
(See point 3.)


7. RESPOND WITH OBVIOUS FLAME BAIT

Recent examples from usenet:

"You mean Windoze97?"

"Meanwhile people who use MS products wait...and wait...and wait."

These comments are worth their weight in gold. Note that the first
one points out valid flaws in Microsoft's operating system strategy.
What, they seriously think they can release Chia-pet OS 1.0 next
year!? Who are they kidding!?
The second simply points out valid problems with all Windoze users.
They'll appreciate an objective viewpoint, and the smart ones (if
there are any) will switch to OS/2. However, some of them may
disagree with you and claim that they're doing real work with their
computers right now -- after all, they are fanatics. Ignore these
responses. Why bother?


8. CONTINUE THREADS INDEFINITELY

It's easy to get bogged down in pointless debates that can't be
proven one way or the other. Predictions about the future, guesses
about installed base, sales of apps, etc. Hey, you can't be proven
wrong, so what have you got to lose? Insist that your view is right.
Insist that other people are wrong. They may try to politely disagree,
but they won't get away that easily. Use phrases like "You disagree,
but won't explain why." It doesn't matter if they've already explained
at great length; just claim they haven't. Then make some remarks
about their intelligence. (See point 1.)


9. SPREAD RUMORS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

Occasionally, you see an anti-Windoze rumor that apparently comes
from nowhere and has no apparent basis in reality. For instance,
there was a recent one titled "Windoze 95 can't run DOS apps!"
Follow up on it. Assume it's true. "My God, Micro$haft must be
a bunch of morons! They can't even get DOS apps to run! Ha ha ha!"
If you don't do this, people might miss it. If someone posts an
anti-OS/2 news article, just blow it off. After all, the press is
just a bunch of Micro$oft boot-lickers. If they post a positive
article, spread it far and wide. When you see one, a followup
including the entire article and the phrase "I agree!" or "Well said!"
might be appropriate.


10. SHOOT FROM THE HIP

Why would you ever need to think about something a Windoze advocate
says? They use Windoze, so they must be wrong. Disagree immediately,
while it's still fresh in your mind. Do it publicly, so that they know
they've been nailed. (See point 5.)


OS/2 ADVOCATE TACTICS TO COPY
-----------------------------

o MEANINGLESS POINTS AND STATEMENTS

Try to use arguments that say nothing, but sound good. State them
as if they were obviously true. Make them sound like as much like
marketing hype as possible. It helps if you can get an account
at IBM to do this. Examples:

"The next release of OS/2 is more of the same if you say it builds on
what has gone before and offers people the best platform for the
future - today."

"It won't be perfect in everyone's eyes - your included, likely - but it
will be excellent in the eyes of a great number of people - and
deservedly so."

"IBM is deadly serious about OS/2 succeeding. When you see OS/2 Warp
running smoothly, reliably, quickly (and cheaply!) on your system, you'll
have some idea of what happens when IBM gets serious about something."

"Watch this newsgroup for reports of positive experiences using Warp.
The thing just works - and works well."

"This one will sell better than ever. The momentum continues. Yeah."

"IBM has got it pretty much right. Blow a fuse if you like. But that
is it in a nutshell."

"Finally, a version of OS/2 with NO rough edges!"

"OS/2 Warp. The ONLY Operating System."


o THE "WINDOZE FAMILY" MULTI-PRONGED ATTACK

This is a great one! Micro$oft can't do anything worth a damn, so
they have to come out with a whole slew of products just to compete
with OS/2! Attacking this "Windoze Family" concept is easy. It works
like this: Someone makes a "point" about a specific version of
Windoze, for example "Windows NT is more stable than OS/2." The
proper response is to switch the comparison to Windoze 3.1. "Oh yeah,
well OS/2 is more stable than Windoze 3.1!" When people talk about
the huge selection of Windoze apps, say "OS/2 has more than ten times
as many apps as Windoze NT!"

Here's a simple chart to help you out:

Issue being compared System to compare to
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Memory requirements Windoze NT
Applications available Windoze NT
User base Windoze NT
Windoze compatibility Windoze NT
Speed Windoze NT
Stability Windoze 3.1
Bundled drivers Windoze 3.1
Resources available to Windoze apps Windoze 3.1
Multitasking Windoze 3.1
Networking "TCP/IP is available for OS/2"

You get the idea. You can substitute Windoze 96 anywhere. It
won't be out for several years, so claim anything you want about
it. Nobody can disagree with you!


o THE MARKET MOMENTUM ARGUMENT

When Windoze advocates start talking about Windoze NT and the upcoming
Windoze 96, start talking about "market momentum". Installed base,
applications available, and developer support are the main issues.
OS/2 has ten times the installed base of Windoze NT, and more
applications and ISVs as well. The momentum is clearly with OS/2.
Windoze 96 has ZERO installed base, ZERO applications available, and
ZERO developer support. What chance does it have?


o INCONSISTENCY

Remember, the number of people who actually _contribute_ to advocacy
groups in places like usenet, Fidonet, CompuServe, Prodigy, AOL, etc.
is likely quite small compared to "lurkers" who may be interested
in OS/2 and silently tune in to get an impression of what OS/2 is
all about. These people probably will not spend a lot of time
following the debates. OS/2ers need to be aware of this and try to
take advantage of it as much as possible. Don't bother being
consistent -- most people won't notice you contradict yourself
anyway. Some examples:

Windoze luzer: "Well-written Windows apps multitask just fine."
OS/2 user: "The OS should handle this, not the app!"

Windoze luzer: "OS/2 apps can hang the message queue."
OS/2 user: "Not if they're written well!"

Windoze luzer: "Windows NT 3.5 runs quite well on newer hardware"
OS/2 user: "What about the millions of older machines?"

Windoze luzer: "I run Warp on a 486SX and it's slow."
OS/2 user: "God, what crappy hardware you've got!"


o RATIONALIZATION AND DISTORTION

A favorite tactic is to emphasize a minor point that might be
otherwise overshadowed by some other issue. The most important
subject in this class is word definitions. After all, it's vitally
important that we all agree on terminology before going forward.
Some examples:

Windoze luzer: "OS/2 lacks apps in many mainstream categories."
OS/2 user: "Define 'mainstream'!"

Windoze luzer: "OS/2 has few native apps available"
OS/2 user: "Define 'native'!"

Windoze luzer: "Windows NT is the best selling workstation-level
operating system."
OS/2 user: "Define 'workstation'!"

Windoze luzer: "Windows95 applications already exist"
OS/2 user: "Define a 'Win95 app'!"


o DIVERSIONARY TACTICS

Some clever OS/2 advocates are masters of changing the subject. This
even includes the subject title. Learn from them. Consider this
recent example:

Subject: FUD from MS advocates (was Re: IBM's lack of integration ...)

Notice that the original discussion of OS/2 was replaced with a

-+-
+ Origin: NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 261- (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================

Hello All!

Для вас, маргиналы ;-)

Lev

-+-
+ Origin: Point of confusion (2:5060/88.3)
=============================================================================

Hello All!


Cheers, Basil (The Edifying Cat)

--- GoldED/2 2.42.G0214
* Origin: Edifying Cat's Nest (2:5020/50.40)

Д HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД HUMOR.FILTERED Д
Msg : 86 of 100
From : Basil Dolmatov 2:5020/50.40 28 Nov 94 01:27:12
To : All 28 Nov 94 04:04:42
Subj : (2) Guidelines for Ineffective OS/2 Advocacy :)
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Basil Dolmatov (2:5020/50.40)
* Area : SU.OS2.MARGINAL (SU.OS2.MARGINAL)
* From : Lev Semenets, 2:5060/88.3 (25 Nov 94 11:23)
* To : All
* Subj : (2) Guidelines for Ineffective OS/2 Advocacy :)
=============================================================================
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Lev Semenets (2:5060/88.3)
* From : timbol@netcom.com, 2:50/128 (Sunday November 13 1994 10:11)
* Subj : (2) Guidelines for Ineffective OS/2 Advocacy :)
=============================================================================
X-RealName: Mike Timbol

negative for MS fanatics. There are a number of more subtle tactics
one needs to watch. Perhaps the most common one comes in discussions
of capabilities "in the box." Windoze advocates might be pointing out
that WFW has more device drivers than OS/2. Quickly point out that
OS/2 has more device drivers "in the box." When a Windoze advocate
replies that WFW has peer-to-peer networking in the box, subtly shift
the focus. Mention that OS/2 TCP/IP is available, and blows away
what WFW offers. When someone claims that OS/2 has poor ISV support,
mention the bundled Bonus Pack as being "much better than the crap that
comes bundled with Windows". If someone starts talking about Windoze NT
features, turn the discussion to the NFS add-on for Warp.


o ENDLESS FOLLOW UPS ON NEGATIVE SUBJECTS

Some OS/2 advocates stay up until the wee hours of the morning writing
about subjects negative to Windoze. This is incredible dedication!
By following up, you help the thread continue indefinitely. Examples:

"Microsoft Says it Will Shoot People!!!!!"
"Microsoft has been thinking of selling NT for the last 6 months."

Someone spent a long time writing articles on these points. Prolong
them as much as possible.


o RESPONDING TO THOSE WHO PAINT OS/2 USERS AT "NUTS" AND "FANATICS"

We've been insulted! Nail the bastard! Inform his sysadmin! Mailbomb
him! Shut down his account! We can't let him get away with this!


o GLOOM AND DOOM PREDICTIONS FOR WINDOZE

OS/2 Warp is here. Obviously, Windoze has no future. Inform
Windoze users that their OS is doomed. If they disagree, just
tell them they're ignorant. Eventually, they'll see the light, and
thank you for it.

__________________________________________________________________________

************************
* PAY FOR THIS ARTICLE *
************************

PLEASE DO NOT SEND THIS ARTICLE TO ANY ELECTRONIC MEDIA
WHERE OS/2 SUPPORTERS AND ADVOCATES ARE FOUND!



Note for the humor-impaired: This article is a joke. Do not take it
seriously. You can post a serious reply to this article, but then I'd
have to shoot you. Wait! That, too, was a joke! Look, a smilie -> :)
(Sadly, some people *still* won't get it...)

- Mike


-+-
+ Origin: NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 261- (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================

Hello All!


Lev

-+-
+ Origin: Point of confusion (2:5060/88.3)
=============================================================================

Hello All!


Cheers, Basil (The Edifying Cat)

--- GoldED/2 2.42.G0214
* Origin: Edifying Cat's Nest (2:5020/50.40)

Д HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД HUMOR.FILTERED Д
Msg : 87 of 100
From : Leo V. Mironoff 2:5020/293 28 Nov 94 00:33:48
To : All 28 Nov 94 14:00:44
Subj : .ермины Windows
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД
ЗДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДї
Forwarded by Leo V. Mironoff (2:5020/293)
Area : RU.ENGLISH (RU.ENGLISH)
From : Serge Miroshnichenko (2:5026/3.33), Sunday November 27 1994 17:44
Subj : Термины Windows
ЮДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДЫ

TL> ps Но самый ужас - это перевод слова icon в русских виндах. Знаете как?
TL> "ЗНАЧОК" 8-() ;-)

Это еще ничего. Вот у наших юзеров в моде книжка Евгения Козловского "Norton
Commander 4.0" изд-ва ABF, Москва 1993. Книжка кстати неплохая, но написана
фидошником, что ли? :) Жуткий фидо-хакерный жаргонище, совершенно нелитературный
язык, и предназначена скорее как пишет автор в предисловии: "только для крутых
юзеров", делая в послесловие оговорку: "Используя компьютерный жаргон, автор
назвал бы этот свой опус Quick-книгой".

Windows там так и называется - Форточки. Keybar - угадайте как? Правильно --
Доска Ключей. Viewer - вьюер. Это еще слава богу... А вот запрос NC4.0 о
архивации файлов называется вообще замечательно - Просильный Лист. Функция Make
Directory ничтоже сумнящеся названа Творилкой! Кстати, вы может не подозреваете,
но с клавишей Alt Творилка превращается в превосходную Искалку!
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД
--- copy con com3
* Origin: - The Endless Quest - (2:5020/293)

Д HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД HUMOR.FILTERED Д
Msg : 88 of 100
From : Leo V. Mironoff 2:5020/293 28 Nov 94 03:05:54
To : All 28 Nov 94 14:00:48
Subj : well, that's one way to come out...
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД
ЗДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДї
Forwarded by Leo V. Mironoff (2:5020/293)
Area : .LVM.NETMAIL (Personal netmail)
From : Pavel Grodek (2:5020/214.4), Monday November 28 1994 01:31
Subj : well, that's one way to come out...
ЮДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДЫ
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Pavel Grodek (2:5020/214.4)
* Area : REC.HUMOR.FUNNY (REC.HUMOR.FUNNY)
* From : caius@titan.ucs.umass.edu, 2:50/128 (Friday November 25 1994 00:30)
* To : All
* Subj : well, that's one way to come out...
=============================================================================
@kiae @phantom @gate.phantom.ru 2:50/128.0@fidonet
@REPLYADDR caius@titan.ucs.umass.edu
@REPLYTO 2:50/128.0@fidonet
X-RealName: MICHAEL A PHIPPS
Keywords: funny, parents, sexual
Approved: funny@clarinet.com

I heard this story from a Unitarian minister, who swore up and
down that it was true. The young man in question is one of his
parishoners.

A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms
with his homosexuality and decided to "come out of the closet". His plan
was to tell his mother first; so on his next home visit, he went to the
kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden
spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had realized he
was gay.
Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean,
homosexual?"
"Well...yes."
Still without looking up: "Does that mean you suck men's penises?"
Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an
embarrassed affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and,
brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose, snapped:

"Don't you *EVER* complain about my cooking again!"
--
Selected by Maddi Hausmann Sojourner with Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke
(jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com. If you see a problem with an RHF posting,
reply to the poster please, not to us. Ask the poster to forward comments
back to us if this is necessary.

-+-
+ Origin: (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================

Hello Leo!

4hf

Sincerely Yours,
Pavel

ДДД GoldED 2.42.G0614+
. Origin: With best wishes/regards/anything you wish (2:5020/214.4)
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД
--- copy con com3
* Origin: - The Endless Quest - (2:5020/293)

Д HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД HUMOR.FILTERED Д
Msg : 95 of 100
From : Leo V. Mironoff 2:5020/293 29 Nov 94 10:04:34
To : All 30 Nov 94 14:45:34
Subj : .ень благодарения в .понии :)
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД
ЗДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДї
Forwarded by Leo V. Mironoff (2:5020/293)
Area : .LVM.NETMAIL (Personal netmail)
From : Max Smolev (2:5020/141.45), Sunday November 27 1994 14:31
Subj : День благодарения в Японии :)
ЮДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДЫ
Hello Leo!

Тута вот вычитал - довольно миленькие письма встречаются в импортных эхах
---------------

Д Азия (всемирная, англоязычная) (2:5054/3) ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД ASIAN_LINK
Msg : 48 of 112
From : Lois Culver 1:349/19 Tue 22 Nov 94 12:48
To : Bernie Burawski Sun 27 Nov 94 14:15
Subj : Tnksgiving in Japan
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД

BB>Hello again everyone! I'm an American living in Japan and working
BB>with the United States Navy. It gets lonely around Thanksgiving and
BB>Christmas and was wondering if anyone in Cyber-land with be
BB>interested in exchanging Christmas Cards & letters. It would really

Hi, Bernie! Since this should get to you about Thanksgiving, I'll send
it along now to say I hope you have a good one!

Believe it or not - I spent a Thanksgiving in Japan (Yokota Air Base) in
1948! You'll have to admit that was a LONG time ago, and I really dont
remember very much about it except that I am sure we must have eaten at
the Officers' Club, because in those days not much was available which
looked like Thanksgiving dinner! Our "salads" were always cabbage
(cole slaw), as the lettuce and other vegetables were not grown to US
Standards until much later, since everything grown there used human
waste from the Japanese "honey buckets" for fertilizer. We even got
used to cabbage on our hamburgers, instead of lettuce!

The turkeys were probably frozen and came in from the US. I remember the
first chicken I got at the commissary. They advertised, as we came in
the door, "fresh chickens". I paid for one, and when I gave them my slip
as I left, they handed me a live chicken, tied by the feet, which had
been grown on the base. Yikes! I had NO idea what to do with a LIVE
chicken! I let it live in the back yard for months, rather than face
it. By that time, it had become a pet!

So, Bernie, I wish you a good Thanksgiving, and hope you will find
happiness that by NEXT year you'll be back in the US!

Hugs
Lois in Oregon

* OLX 2.2 * Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
-+- Renegade v10-05 Exp
. Origin: Greetings from Magnetic Inx THE MACHINE (1:349/19)
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Вот так-то. Когда будешь заказывать цыпочку уточняй, что хочешь ее жареную :)

Best wishes, Do you know who've killed Laura?
Max A man from Twin Peaks...

ДДД GoldED 2.42.G0214+
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД
--- copy con com3
* Origin: - The Endless Quest - (2:5020/293)

Д HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД HUMOR.FILTERED Д
Msg : 96 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 30 Nov 94 00:50:16
To : All 30 Nov 94 14:45:48
Subj : _-^-_ .оэма ".мерть модема"
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД
ЖДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДї
є Forwarded by Dimitri Martemianov (2:5020/306.1)
є Area : REL.ARTS.QWERTY
є From : dime@kim.belpak.mogilev.by, 2:50/128 (Среда Ноября 23 1994 06:42)
є To : All
є Subj : _-^-_ Поэма "Смерть модема"
ХМММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММММѕ
X-RealName: Dmitri Puchko

Bonjour!

Погиб модем... Замолк на месте,
Щелчок реле - и все, готов...
Не получаю я известий,
Не слышу "занято" гудков,

Не остаюсь я вечерами,
Чтоб позвонить на BBS,
И терминальные программы
Не пробуждают интерес...

Ты был мне больше, чем устройство.
Хоть временами и чудил,
И доставлял мне беспокойство,
Но все же я тебя любил.

На память от тебя остался
Лишь только старый manual.
Я трижды, помниться, пытался,
Но до конца не дочитал.

Уж мне твоей невинной шутки
"Connection lost" не испытать,
И в помутившемся рассудке
Тебя об стену не швырять.

Не подмигнешь кошачьим глазом
Зеленых лампочек своих,
Не обзову тебя "заразой" -
Навек динамик твой затих...

Пойду к начальству я, и страстно
На ZyXEL денег попрошу,
И, огорченный и несчастный,
Про смерть модема напишу.

Au revoir!

dime@kim.belpak.mogilev.by


-+-
+ Origin: KIM (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================

Hello All!


Best regards, Boris

--- Ручка шариковая, цена 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)

Д HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД HUMOR.FILTERED Д
Msg : 98 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 30 Nov 94 00:52:32
To : All 30 Nov 94 14:45:50
Subj : 4 humor.filtered?
ДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДДД
* Forwarded by Dmitry Valdov (2:5015/2)
* Area : RU.SEX (RU.SEX)
* From : Oleg King, 2:5023/1.1 (Saturday November 19 1994 19:36)
* To : Sergey Dubrov
* Subj : меня хотят познакомить с девушкой ;-/ (hm-m-m...)
=============================================================================
Привет, Sergey!

Friday November 25 1994 16:40, Sergey Dubrov wrote to All:

SD> Друг напару со своей женой угрожает subj'ем ;) А я даже не знаю как к
SD> этому отнестись - второй раз на грабли неохота наступать.... Да и не был я
SD> ни разу в таких ситуации. Кто цего скажет по этому поводу? Девушки самой я
SD> не видел, но ей чего-то там наговорили про меня ;)

Ты главное не бойся. Мне тут в локалке нашей калужской регулярно (где-то
раз в месяц) пытаются девушку найти. До сих пор так и не познакомили. Ты
живи как и жил, совсем не факт, что девушке ты понравишься и она захочет
тебя охомутать. Я тоже сначала боялся, а потом привык. У нас там такие
базары идут - сначала про windows, потом про полуось, потом про Дианетику,
потом кто-нибудь обращает внимание на мой ориджин, и тут вылезает наш /2 и
вопит: "ЖЕНЩИНУ!! Женщину Кингу надааа!!!" и они начинают искать мне девушку.
Да, а если они все-таки тебя с ней познакомят - ты, главное, не показывай,
что очень испуган - девушки это толкуют по своему. Если она будет тебя тащить
в постель - обязательно заметь ненароком: "Да, да, я тоже очень хочу спать."
Ни в коем случае не пей шампанского - лучше спои его девушке. Они от него обычно
шизеют и начинают ловить кайф. Вот. А тут главное подсунуть им не свой кайф
(свой кайф жалко - если он еще не встал), а что-нибудь другое, например
томик сочинений Гете, или почитать Русские Народные Сказки (особенно на бис