Then again, when we reached the seventh floor, another member of our party was already there, enduring the leaky roof with no noticeable discomfort: Guvner Oonah DeVail, our brief acquaintance from the Courts. She had brought a folding canvas chair with her, and now sat a short distance back from the window, peering out into the street. Her silver-wired staff leaned up against the wall within easy grabbing distance.
«Fine morning, isn't it?» she asked. She had managed to place her chair out of the direct line of any of the leaks, but her olive green bush-hat was still sodden with rain. «How are you two feeling?»
«Quite well, your honor,» I bowed.
«Bar that nonsense!» she snapped. «I'm on official leave from the court bench, so you can skip the flowery titles. My name is Oonah, got it? Oonah.»
«Hezekiah Virtue,» my companion said, scuttling forward and holding out his hand. Whatever Prime backwater the boy came from, they were certainly big on handshakes. But DeVail was happy to reciprocate, grabbing Hezekiah's hand and pumping it heartily.
«Heard you two saved a library yesterday,» she said. «Bully for you. Top marks.»
I tried to look suitably modest; Hezekiah just blushed.
«A thousand pardons, honored ones,» Wheezle interjected, «but I must return below to meet the other guests. Good deaths to you all.» He kowtowed and slipped away.
Since this might be our only moment alone with Judge DeVail, I had to ask the vital question. «Guvner,» I said, then corrected myself, «Oonah… have you figured out what the thieves took from your office?»
«Yes and no,» she replied in a low voice. «I believe they took a scroll written by my mother some forty years ago. People sometimes call me an explorer, but my mother Felice… she was ten times the traveler I ever hoped to be. In her lifetime she touched on all the Outer Planes – all the heavens, all the hells – as well as the Elemental Planes and more than a dozen Prime Material worlds. No one else ever rambled around the multiverse like Felice did.»
I might have countered that my father had easily matched Felice DeVail's achievements; but I refused to play the pathetic cast-off son, boasting on his dad's behalf. Sometime, I would have to find out if Niles had ever gone a'rambling with Oonah's mother.
«When she died last year,» DeVail continued, «Felice left me her diaries: a treasure trove of stories and multiverse lore. I was slowly working my way through each scroll, indexing, annotating, getting them ready for more extensive scholarly research… and the sad truth is, I hadn't gotten around to the scroll the thieves took. I have no idea what was in it.»
«The thieves said something about dust,» Hezekiah said.
DeVail shrugged. «If you know the right portal, you can get to an entire universe of the stuff – the Quasielemental Plane of Dust. It's a flat sea of grit stretching infinitely in all directions: no water, no truly solid ground… and no air in the atmosphere, so no wind to disturb the dusty surface. On top of that, the dust is hungry; leave your armor unattended for a day, and it'll disintegrate to dust too. I've never been there, but my mother visited once. She hated it.»
«And she didn't mention anything special about the plane?» I asked. «The thieves said she'd drawn a map. Maybe a treasure map?»
«I honestly don't know,» Oonah answered. «She was always reluctant to talk about her travels… to talk about anything, really. My mother would much rather ferry down the River Styx than make after-dinner conversation, even with close friends. Self-effacing to a fault when she wasn't roving around the wilds.»
Maybe Felice DeVail didn't talk to her daughter, I thought, but she must have talked to someone; otherwise, how did the thieves know there'd be something interesting in the scroll? Or perhaps Oonah herself had talked about her mother where the wrong ears could overhear. However, before I could ask Oonah who knew she had the diaries, the stairway shuddered with a flurry of rattles and creaks.
«More company,» the Guvner said.
Like a puppy, Hezekiah rushed to see who was coming. A moment later, he ran back to us. «There are two of them with Wheezle,» he whispered. «And one is a tiefling.»
I looked at Oonah. She gave a noncommittal shrug and turned her eyes toward the stairs. No doubt, both of us knew a few tieflings who weren't antisocial ruffians; but the vast majority of their kind went through life in a state of ill-controlled hostility, believing the world despised them and doing their best to despise it back.
Why? Just because they looked a bit different from normal humans. Nothing very obvious – maybe slightly feline eyes or a curling prehensile tail, maybe dark greenish hair or a small set of horns. Some blamed these deviations on demon blood in the family tree, but others said it was simply the price of life in the wide open multiverse; once humans left the placid safety of the Prime Material plane, their children occasionally developed unusual traits. I could see no shame in being a plane-touched child… but the tieflings turned their tiny slivers of difference into massive chips on their shoulders.
The tiefling coming up the stairs, for example – a young woman, and a strikingly attractive one, even if she did have spiky reptilian crests running up the flat of each forearm. They were nothing more than white bony ridges against the taffy brown of her skin, easily mistaken for ornamental bracers if your eyes weren't as sharp as mine; I'd happily hire a woman this lean and lithe to pose in my studio. However, the look on the tiefling's face clearly stated she would never consent to be my model. In fact, she'd probably run me through with her longsword just for suggesting it. She wore a tight-fitting black sheath of genuine dragon skin, and her hand rested lightly on the pommel of her sword, as if she were just waiting for one of us to disparage her race.
Embossed on the breast of the dragon skin was the horned skull symbol of the Doomguard – just the sort of faction that attracted tieflings. The Doomguard held a «leave things alone» attitude toward life; or more precisely, they had a dizzying passion for entropy and would love nothing more than watching the multiverse slowly grind to a halt. They took offense at any interference with the gradual dissolution of existence, whether you tried to slow the disintegration through gratuitous creativity or speed it up through aggressive destruction. With the Doomguard's «keep your hands off the world» philosophy, was it any wonder tieflings found the faction in tune with their own feelings?
«Greetings again, honored ones,» said Wheezle as he led the newcomers toward us. «May I introduce Yasmin Asparm of the Doomguard, and Initiate Brother Kiripao of the Transcendent Order?»
If tiefling Yasmin was a fireball waiting to explode, Brother Kiripao was an icy mountain quivering on the verge of avalanche. He was an elf, his age impossible to guess; and he moved with a graceful serenity unusual even for one of his race. With vibrant green eyes, hair shaved clean off, a composed smile on his face as he bowed to greet us… well, he intimidated me ten times more than Yasmin. There's something about a certain type of monk that promises he can pummel you to pudding with his bare hands, all the while discussing the delicate art of flower arrangement. Not that Brother Kiripao was completely unarmed – I noticed a shiny black set of nunchakus tucked into his belt sash, and that didn't put me at ease either.
Worst of all was his faction. The Transcendent Order, also called the Ciphers, subscribed to the belief that people thought too much. If we just stopped filling our heads with ideas, the Order preached, we would become attuned to the harmony of the multiverse.
In the abstract, I could sympathize with such a philosophy; but in the real world, it meant that Ciphers always leaped before they looked. Their training taught that if they could just act without thinking, they'd always do the right thing. It gave them chillingly fast reflexes, which made people like Brother Kiripao invaluable in sudden emergencies when there was no time to debate tactics. However, it also meant they had no faith in measured discussion or advance tactical planning – they believed exclusively in the spur of the moment.
A hotheaded tiefling and a placid elf monk who could change in a split-second to a fighting dervish… it was going to be a long three days.
Our final pair of companions, Yasmin and Oonah, had retired to rest elsewhere in the building… probably in separate rooms. Guvners and the Doomguard tend to view each other with suspicion: Guvners spend their lives discovering new laws of the multiverse, gauging their success in life by the number of laws they can unearth; the Doomguard, on the other hand, only recognize the Law of Entropy, and are quick to label the Guvners misguided fools for believing anything else is important. One law versus an ocean of laws – a dispute that has come to blows on many occasions. It was just one example of the inter-faction tensions that continually plague the city.
However, inter-faction relations don't always need to be strained, even when the faction philosophies are diametrically opposed. Wheezle and I, Dustman and Sensate, had a splendid time watching funerals pass beneath us. As a Dustman, the little gnome had an encyclopaedic knowledge of burial customs throughout the multiverse, and he happily explained the actions of each group who filed up to the Mortuary. For example…
«What luck, honored Cavendish! The next group of mourners always brings special delight when one of their fellows dies. They are orcs hailing from a Prime world whose name I am regrettably unable to pronounce, and they have the charming tradition of building their coffins in shapes that have special meaning to the deceased. You will observe that these particular pallbearers carry a casket carved to look like a giant pink trout. Such a mischievous smile on its face… it must be quite a happy fish.»
«Do the orcs worship trout?» I asked.
«No,» Wheezle answered, «they simply like bright, eye-catching coffins. Existence is hard for orcs, even in Sigil where The Lady's law of live-and-let-live gives them a degree of protection. Even here, orcs seldom enjoy the smallest luxury during their lifetimes. Therefore they build their own coffins long before death approaches, choosing to make those coffins silly or wanton or extravagant – the embodiment of some personal fantasy that can soothe all grievance when their world is harsh. Perhaps this particular orc once saw a rich man eating trout and dreamed of being able to do the same; or perhaps the orc just longed for the freedom to sit quietly on a river bank and catch fish. Who can say? He chose a trout for his own reasons… and throughout his difficult life, he often must have sat beside his pink fish coffin and taken comfort that his death would wear a cheerful face.»
Talk like that gave me a greater appreciation of Wheezle, and Dustmen in general. Usually, one only thinks of them as a morbid crew who preach that death is a state of ultimate purity, something we should all work toward. Indeed, they claim that everyone in this world is dead already, that the entire multiverse is the afterlife of some joyous existence elsewhere; all of us must now undergo the agonizing transition from exuberant life to peaceful death, and rejection of death in any form simply makes our path more painful.
Needless to say, the Dustman philosophy doesn't sit well with Sensates. After all, we pride ourselves on being in love with life, the painful parts as well as the pleasurable ones. Most Sensates kill themselves once or twice just to see what death feels like… but we make piking sure we have a top-rate priest standing by to raise us again once we've reaped all we can from the experience.
Still, it was educational to hear Wheezle speak of death so affectionately. Much as I couldn't understand the attraction myself, I always think fondly of people who've found their true loves.
A figure emerged from the front doors of the Mortuary: humanoid, but with eyes that burned like dull red embers. It carried a heavy burlap sack in one hand, but let its other hand swing free, displaying a set of razor-sharp claws. Even at this distance, I could smell the stench of decaying flesh.
«Looks like a barrow wight,» I whispered to Wheezle, as I quietly drew my rapier. «Nasty things – they can drain the life right out of you. How much do you want to bet the bad guys carried the wight in earlier, pretending it was a corpse? Then the wight got out of its coffin when no one was looking and filled that sack with treasures from your faction.»
«It would be unethical to take your bet, honored Cavendish.» Wheezle gently laid his hand on my sword and lowering the blade. «The wight's bag does not hold stolen treasure; it holds our supper.» He went to the window and waved. «Over here, Eustace,» he called softly to the wight. «I trust it is still hot?»
Eustace the Wight curled his lip and uttered a bone-chilling hiss. Wheezle went down to meet him at the door.
«Brother Kiripao has been teaching me how to fight,» Hezekiah whispered to me. He demonstrated a few jerky punches that came perilously close to my nose. «See?»
«Keep your wrists straight,» I murmured. A friend of my father's had believed every well-bred gentleman needed skill in the «manly» arts, so he'd spent several months training me in sportsman-like boxing… not that Brother Kiripao was apt to fight like a sportsman.
«And he's also been telling me about the Transcendent Order,» Hezekiah went on. «It's all about emptying your mind.»
«You must have great potential,» I said.
«Naw,» the boy replied. «I got all kinds of stuff in my head. Special tricks and all. From Uncle Toby.»
«Good old Uncle Toby.»
«You know,» Hezekiah whispered, «until I came to Sigil, I thought maybe Uncle Toby and I were the only people in the world who could do special things. Everybody back home was so boring. But here… well, look at us all. Oonah has her staff, Wheezle's an illusionist, Yasmin and Brother Kiripao both have priestly magic…»
«How do you know all that?» I interrupted.
He stared at me as if he didn't understand the question. «I just asked them,» he said.
Disquieted, I glanced back at the other four in the room, silently eating their suppers. All four had magic at their fingertips? But then, they'd been hand-picked by their factols for an important assignment; of course, they'd be the best their factions had to offer. And why had Lady Erin chosen me? I wasn't a wizard or a priest. Yes, I could use a rapier, but mostly I happened to be a witness, assigned to this team solely because I might recognize the thieves.
Maybe I should just sketch the faces of the thieves, give the pictures to my fellow team members, then head for home. They didn't need me; even Hezekiah had more tricks up his sleeve than I did. Mind you, I had one advantage the rest of them lacked: I was completely sane. Scowling Yasmin, placid Kiripao, clueless Hezekiah, death-loving little Wheezle… even Guvner Oonah had her barmy side, the way she rushed off for that showdown with three homicidal fireballers. If I left them all alone, who knew what kind of catastrophes they'd cause without my moderating influence?
Still, the idea of poor mundane Britlin surrounded by five magic-wielding addle-coves… it rattled me. Stepping away from the window, I announced, «It's my turn to sleep. Wake me at the next shift change.» Without waiting for objections, I went down the creaky stairs, laid my bedroll in the back of a fifth floor room, and hoped I wouldn't lie awake too long.
«You're watching with me on the top floor,» she said. «I'll see you up there.» As she went out the door, she paused and turned back to me. «You look innocent in your sleep. And you make little sounds.»
Without another word she dashed away, and when she hit the staircase, it clattered into a furore of squeaking. I think she was running up the stairs two at a time.
«Anything happening out there?» I asked.
She shook her head, without shifting her gaze; for a street with nothing going on, it certainly seemed to rivet her attention.
Shrugging, I went to the corner of the room that held the biggest puddle of rainwater… at least an inch deep in some places, thanks to exaggerated warps in the wood of the floor. Carefully, I wet my hands and patted them on my face for a morning wash. The water smelled of dirt and dust; little fibers floated in it, either threads left behind by some carpet that had once lain on this floor or hairs from rats nesting in the building.
I crouched down and lapped up a bit of the puddle, just to see if it tasted like rats, carpet, or something else. The flavor was mostly bland dust, with a slightly smoky tang to it. Did that come from Sigil's normal smog of chimney soot? Or was I tasting the residue of the fire that had burned through the Hive earlier in the week?
«Did you just put your tongue on this filthy floor?» Yasmin asked from her place by the window.
«Actually I just slurped up some rainwater,» I replied. «However, I'll happily lick the floor if you think the flavor's worth it.»
«Sensates!» she growled, and went back to looking out the window.
Since she'd mentioned it, I did try licking the floor but it didn't impress me. Ordinary varnished cedar – I'd tasted much better in my time.
Idly, I picked up my sketchbook, made a few sweeps with my stick of charcoal, then put it down again.
«What's that you just drew?» Yasmin asked.
«Nothing,» I answered, holding up the page so she could see. «For a moment I considered drawing a stark little streetscape – the Mortuary, with wretched bands of Collectors sneaking in corpses at the backdoor. But I decided against it.»
«Why?»
«Because people don't like depressing pictures.»
«I do,» Yasmin said.
«Yes, you probably do,» I admitted. «You and the whole Doomguard. And the Dustmen, and the Bleak Cabal, and maybe some other factions too. But my regular customers don't like depressing pictures. They'd hate seeing such pictures in my studio, and they'd hate hearing that I'd sold such pictures to… people who weren't like themselves.»
«In other words,» she sneered, «you're not going to draw something that interests you, because some jink-jigging nobs would disapprove.»
«Disapproval's not the point,» I replied. «It's just that whenever I pick up charcoal or paintbrush, I have two choices: create something that earns money or waste my time on something that doesn't. A man has to be practical.» For my mother's sake, I might have added – keeping up Cavendish Case was not cheap, but it would kill her if we ever had to move out of the house. Of course, I wasn't prepared to talk about family with a complete stranger like Yasmin; why should I care if she thought I was a greedy self-centered berk?
Yasmin turned away to glare out the window, then reached into a pocket of her dragon skin leotard and tossed me a worn gold coin. «There,» she said. «Special commission. Draw what you want, any way you want. And I promise I won't tell your precious customers you worked for a Doomguard tiefling.»
I held the coin in my hand for several seconds, feeling the warmth of the gold – a warmth that had come from Yasmin's body. Then I lifted my sketchbook, flipped to a blank page, and started sketching the clean lines of her face. High forehead, strong jaw, good cheekbones… an excellent artist's model, just as I thought.
It was about the time I started trying to capture her eyes that she finally recognized the picture on the paper.
«What do you think you're doing?» she snapped.
«Drawing something I want. Now stop jerking your head like that, so I can get on with the work. I take commissions seriously.»
Like many first-time models, she started out self-conscious and artificial, went through an irritable stage when she threatened to quit every other minute, progressed to a state of sullen resignation, and finally came to ignore me when she became tired of forcing her face into «artistic» expressions. That's when I turned to a new page and began the real drawing.
And so the day passed.
At the time, Oonah and Wheezle had the fourth floor watch, while Yasmin and Hezekiah took the seventh floor. It was just as well Yasmin and I weren't together again – when she saw my final drawing the day before, it had taken her aback, possibly because it showed how strikingly lovely she was. I had drawn her with her chin resting thoughtfully on her fist, and the bony ridge of her forearm was an integral part of the picture's composition. She had never posed in that position, certainly not during the day we'd been together, and possibly never in her life; but even I was surprised how strongly it captured who she was. For several long minutes after I had finished it, I didn't want to let it out of my hands. I wanted to hold it, memorize what I had done… or maybe throw it in the faces of critics who derided my portraits as shallow.
Still, a commission was a commission, and Britlin Cavendish never peeled his clients. Carefully, bashfully, I handed it to Yasmin. She never said a word; she simply stared at it a long long time.
After that, we both shied away from each other's company for a while – it felt too awkward. I decided to ask Hezekiah to take the next day's watch with Yasmin; his Clueless questions would irritate her, but she might be more at ease being annoyed than handling whatever emotions she felt the day before.
With the other four team members on watch, Brother Kiripao and I had little to do. After two days in the tenement, I had endured enough of its quaking stairs and musty smell; so I found myself on the ground floor, staring out at the street and wondering how risky it would be to go for a walk in Sigil's version of fresh air. Brother Kiripao may have been thinking the same thing, for he wandered down to join me, gazing out the glassless window.
We could hear the giant's approach several minutes before the corpse actually came into view: the sound of overloaded carts groaning along the cobblestones, mingled with the grunts of people lugging a heavy burden. Then, around the corner came a haycart supporting the giant's head and shoulders, his long wild hair tumbling over the sides of the cart and trailing along the street. The hair was green, and his skin sulphur yellow – a jungle giant, if I correctly remembered Kreepatch's Guide to the Multiverse. Sigil didn't have a large population of giants, but a few happened into the city from time to time, and they naturally stood out in the crowd. Jungle giants were one of the more civilized species, smart and self-disciplined enough to stay out of trouble.
The giant in front of us, however, had not been quite smart enough. His throat sported a long red gash, still dribbling blood onto the pavement… enough blood to satisfy a string of dogs who trotted along beside the corpse to lick up the spillage. For a moment, I thought the deceased must have been killed by one of his fellow giants – who else is tall enough to slit a giant's throat? But then, a random breeze blew in through the window and filled my nostrils with an overpowering stink of cheap whiskey.
Whiskey had soaked into the giant's hair… whiskey clung to his beard and his meagre clothing… whiskey formed a visibly sticky coat on his bare skin. The giant must have bathed in the stuff, or poured a dozen bottles over his head. The obvious conclusion was that he'd been celebrating something; a marriage perhaps, or one of his people's religious festivals. I could picture him drenching himself liberally with whiskey, externally and internally, then bumbling off into the city and passing out in some alley. If a robber wandered by, the thief might well do a slice-job on the giant's throat before picking his pockets – you wouldn't want a drunken giant to wake up while you were bobbing his money pouch.
The breeze blew in at me again. Stale rotgut whiskey: I knew the aroma well, just as I knew the bouquets of the finest wines. And yet, there was something slightly odd…
«Warn the others to stay on their toes,» I told Brother Kiripao. «I have to check something out.»
Tossing off my jacket, I rumpled my hair and pulled out my shirt tails to bring my appearance more into line with street fashion in the Hive. Then with a drunken swagger, I stumbled out the door and up to the passing giant. «Sure is a big piking basher!» I called out to the nearest Collector.
«He's a heavy sod, all right,» the Collector replied. Sweat poured down her face as she helped push her cart, but the woman seemed cheerful enough. «I like the heavy ones,» she went on. «When the Dustmen hand out jink for collecting stiffs, they pay by the pound.»
«You'll be rich, you rotten berk!» She and I both laughed loudly. I let the laugh break into a cough and staggered up against the corpse to steady myself. With a little squirming, I managed to change position so my nose was flush against the giant's skin. One good whiff, and I backed away a few paces.
«Where'd you find this big old jumbo?» I asked the Collector.
«Lying in an alley,» she said. «Where else? He got drunk, he got sliced… simple as that.»
Yes, someone wants us to believe that story, I thought to myself – someone who hadn't taken into account a Sensate's sensitive nose. On the giant's skin, beneath the stink of cheap whiskey, lurked the more subtle fragrance of Phlegistol: an ultrahigh-grade fuel oil, said to be mined by gray dwarves in the caverns of Carceri. Nobles in The Lady's Ward liked to burn Phlegistol to heat water for baths; they claimed it burned cleaner than coal and very very hot.
«Sure is a big basher,» I said again and whacked the corpse's side heartily. A load of liquid in the giant's gut sloshed loudly in response to my blow; and I had no doubts what that liquid was. Our fire-loving enemies had somehow killed this giant and used the slit in his throat to top him full of flammable oil. Afterward, they had soaked him in a few gallons of whiskey to hide the Phlegistol smell. Now the corpse was an eighteen-foot-long bomb, left in an alley for unsuspecting Collectors who'd deliver it straight to the Mortuary.
I wondered how the arsonists intended to set this off. A single fire-arrow would do the trick. You'd want to shoot from a long distance away, but the giant was a huge target. A hit anywhere should be good enough to touch off the payload – whiskey fumes were flammable enough, but the Phlegistol was positively explosive. For maximum effect, the enemy would probably wait till most of the body was inside the doors of the Mortuary; then boom.
As quickly as I could while maintaining my drunken act, I waved cheery-bye to the Collectors and wobbled my way back to the tenement. Brother Kiripao was waiting inside the door. «The corpse is a bomb,» I said in a low voice, as I slipped back into my jacket.
«A large bomb?» he asked.
«I'd guess more than a ton of Phlegistol.»
He glanced at the giant, now being heaved off the carts and hauled slowly up the Mortuary's front steps. «We must leave this building,» he said. «It cannot withstand a sizable explosion at such close range.»
«Then you get around to the rear of the dome,» I told him, «and keep an eye on people escaping that way. I'll warn the others.»
He nodded in agreement and dashed out at once. Three seconds later, it occurred to me that he really didn't know what to look for – only a few of us had the proper dark about the githyanki and githzerai thieves. I should have been the one to watch the back, and let Brother Kiripao clear the building; but something inside of me wanted to save Yasmin personally.
The moment I finished putting on my jacket, I ran for the stairs. They squealed and wavered under my feet, but I kept my balance and made my way upward as fast as possible. Oonah was looking over the stair railing at the fourth floor level, and called down to me, «What's going on? I saw you in the street.»
«The giant's filled with Phlegistol,» I gasped, panting from running up the steps. «If it goes boom, this building will too.»
«Damned right it will,» she nodded. «I've seen Phlegistol explosions before. Gray dwarves love the stuff – they fill up wine bottles, jam in cloth fuses, and toss them at people they don't like. Good way to burn a whole sodding village.»
«You and Wheezle clear out of here,» I told her. «I'll get the others.»
«Just shout,» she said. «They'll hear you.»
«So will the enemy,» I replied. «Best not give ourselves away.» And I hurried up the stairs again before she could argue.
My heart was pounding loudly in my ears when I finally reached the top. Of course, Hezekiah had heard the racket of the creaking stairs and come to investigate. «We have…» I wheezed, «…we have… to get out. Bomb.»
«What's a bomb?» he asked, perky as ever.
Piking stupid Prime-worlders! To them, the height of military ingenuity was sharpening both edges of your sword.
«What's this about a bomb?» Yasmin said, coming out of the surveillance room.
«The giant…» I told her. «Phlegistol… we have to…»
«All right, hold on.»
She ran back into the room, while I leaned against the bannister and tried to catch my breath. Hezekiah gave my arm a genial pat, then said, «I'd better collect our gear.» He too ran off, his boots hitting the floor heavily enough to send tremors through the staircase. I lowered myself to the steps and sat for a moment, listening to my heart thud. Winded as I was, perhaps I should start downstairs immediately; the others were in better shape, and would easily catch up. However, my pride wouldn't let me run off – I had to wait for Yasmin.
And Hezekiah too, of course.
Yasmin hurried out of the room, her knapsack on her back and the portrait I'd drawn rolled up in one hand. «Be careful when you roll up a charcoal sketch,» I told her. «They smudge easily.»
«Pike it, berk,» she snapped, but her face wore the ghost of a smile. «They've already got the giant halfway through the doorway. Perfect time to hit it with a burning —»
A brilliant burst of light flashed through the window, followed a split-second later by a thunderous roar. The tenement rocked back sharply, sections of its roof blowing away like loose paper; then the full force of the explosion struck home, smashing the front wall of the building with fists of naked fire. Yasmin was thrown off her feet by the blast of hot air, and tossed sprawling across my lap where I sat on the stairs.
As for the stairs… with a single shriek of rusty nails, the staircase supports ripped out of the surrounding wood. Then we were falling free.
4. THREE DUSTY KILLERS
«Fine morning, isn't it?» she asked. She had managed to place her chair out of the direct line of any of the leaks, but her olive green bush-hat was still sodden with rain. «How are you two feeling?»
«Quite well, your honor,» I bowed.
«Bar that nonsense!» she snapped. «I'm on official leave from the court bench, so you can skip the flowery titles. My name is Oonah, got it? Oonah.»
«Hezekiah Virtue,» my companion said, scuttling forward and holding out his hand. Whatever Prime backwater the boy came from, they were certainly big on handshakes. But DeVail was happy to reciprocate, grabbing Hezekiah's hand and pumping it heartily.
«Heard you two saved a library yesterday,» she said. «Bully for you. Top marks.»
I tried to look suitably modest; Hezekiah just blushed.
«A thousand pardons, honored ones,» Wheezle interjected, «but I must return below to meet the other guests. Good deaths to you all.» He kowtowed and slipped away.
Since this might be our only moment alone with Judge DeVail, I had to ask the vital question. «Guvner,» I said, then corrected myself, «Oonah… have you figured out what the thieves took from your office?»
«Yes and no,» she replied in a low voice. «I believe they took a scroll written by my mother some forty years ago. People sometimes call me an explorer, but my mother Felice… she was ten times the traveler I ever hoped to be. In her lifetime she touched on all the Outer Planes – all the heavens, all the hells – as well as the Elemental Planes and more than a dozen Prime Material worlds. No one else ever rambled around the multiverse like Felice did.»
I might have countered that my father had easily matched Felice DeVail's achievements; but I refused to play the pathetic cast-off son, boasting on his dad's behalf. Sometime, I would have to find out if Niles had ever gone a'rambling with Oonah's mother.
«When she died last year,» DeVail continued, «Felice left me her diaries: a treasure trove of stories and multiverse lore. I was slowly working my way through each scroll, indexing, annotating, getting them ready for more extensive scholarly research… and the sad truth is, I hadn't gotten around to the scroll the thieves took. I have no idea what was in it.»
«The thieves said something about dust,» Hezekiah said.
DeVail shrugged. «If you know the right portal, you can get to an entire universe of the stuff – the Quasielemental Plane of Dust. It's a flat sea of grit stretching infinitely in all directions: no water, no truly solid ground… and no air in the atmosphere, so no wind to disturb the dusty surface. On top of that, the dust is hungry; leave your armor unattended for a day, and it'll disintegrate to dust too. I've never been there, but my mother visited once. She hated it.»
«And she didn't mention anything special about the plane?» I asked. «The thieves said she'd drawn a map. Maybe a treasure map?»
«I honestly don't know,» Oonah answered. «She was always reluctant to talk about her travels… to talk about anything, really. My mother would much rather ferry down the River Styx than make after-dinner conversation, even with close friends. Self-effacing to a fault when she wasn't roving around the wilds.»
Maybe Felice DeVail didn't talk to her daughter, I thought, but she must have talked to someone; otherwise, how did the thieves know there'd be something interesting in the scroll? Or perhaps Oonah herself had talked about her mother where the wrong ears could overhear. However, before I could ask Oonah who knew she had the diaries, the stairway shuddered with a flurry of rattles and creaks.
«More company,» the Guvner said.
Like a puppy, Hezekiah rushed to see who was coming. A moment later, he ran back to us. «There are two of them with Wheezle,» he whispered. «And one is a tiefling.»
I looked at Oonah. She gave a noncommittal shrug and turned her eyes toward the stairs. No doubt, both of us knew a few tieflings who weren't antisocial ruffians; but the vast majority of their kind went through life in a state of ill-controlled hostility, believing the world despised them and doing their best to despise it back.
Why? Just because they looked a bit different from normal humans. Nothing very obvious – maybe slightly feline eyes or a curling prehensile tail, maybe dark greenish hair or a small set of horns. Some blamed these deviations on demon blood in the family tree, but others said it was simply the price of life in the wide open multiverse; once humans left the placid safety of the Prime Material plane, their children occasionally developed unusual traits. I could see no shame in being a plane-touched child… but the tieflings turned their tiny slivers of difference into massive chips on their shoulders.
The tiefling coming up the stairs, for example – a young woman, and a strikingly attractive one, even if she did have spiky reptilian crests running up the flat of each forearm. They were nothing more than white bony ridges against the taffy brown of her skin, easily mistaken for ornamental bracers if your eyes weren't as sharp as mine; I'd happily hire a woman this lean and lithe to pose in my studio. However, the look on the tiefling's face clearly stated she would never consent to be my model. In fact, she'd probably run me through with her longsword just for suggesting it. She wore a tight-fitting black sheath of genuine dragon skin, and her hand rested lightly on the pommel of her sword, as if she were just waiting for one of us to disparage her race.
Embossed on the breast of the dragon skin was the horned skull symbol of the Doomguard – just the sort of faction that attracted tieflings. The Doomguard held a «leave things alone» attitude toward life; or more precisely, they had a dizzying passion for entropy and would love nothing more than watching the multiverse slowly grind to a halt. They took offense at any interference with the gradual dissolution of existence, whether you tried to slow the disintegration through gratuitous creativity or speed it up through aggressive destruction. With the Doomguard's «keep your hands off the world» philosophy, was it any wonder tieflings found the faction in tune with their own feelings?
«Greetings again, honored ones,» said Wheezle as he led the newcomers toward us. «May I introduce Yasmin Asparm of the Doomguard, and Initiate Brother Kiripao of the Transcendent Order?»
If tiefling Yasmin was a fireball waiting to explode, Brother Kiripao was an icy mountain quivering on the verge of avalanche. He was an elf, his age impossible to guess; and he moved with a graceful serenity unusual even for one of his race. With vibrant green eyes, hair shaved clean off, a composed smile on his face as he bowed to greet us… well, he intimidated me ten times more than Yasmin. There's something about a certain type of monk that promises he can pummel you to pudding with his bare hands, all the while discussing the delicate art of flower arrangement. Not that Brother Kiripao was completely unarmed – I noticed a shiny black set of nunchakus tucked into his belt sash, and that didn't put me at ease either.
Worst of all was his faction. The Transcendent Order, also called the Ciphers, subscribed to the belief that people thought too much. If we just stopped filling our heads with ideas, the Order preached, we would become attuned to the harmony of the multiverse.
In the abstract, I could sympathize with such a philosophy; but in the real world, it meant that Ciphers always leaped before they looked. Their training taught that if they could just act without thinking, they'd always do the right thing. It gave them chillingly fast reflexes, which made people like Brother Kiripao invaluable in sudden emergencies when there was no time to debate tactics. However, it also meant they had no faith in measured discussion or advance tactical planning – they believed exclusively in the spur of the moment.
A hotheaded tiefling and a placid elf monk who could change in a split-second to a fighting dervish… it was going to be a long three days.
* * *
Throughout the afternoon, funeral processions continued to arrive at the Mortuary. Wheezle and I posted ourselves at a window on the fourth floor to watch them – high enough to give us a good view of the street, low enough that we could still make out faces in the crowd. Brother Kiripao and Hezekiah volunteered for the drizzly watch up on the seventh floor; they were supposed to concentrate their observations on the rear entrance and leave the front to us.Our final pair of companions, Yasmin and Oonah, had retired to rest elsewhere in the building… probably in separate rooms. Guvners and the Doomguard tend to view each other with suspicion: Guvners spend their lives discovering new laws of the multiverse, gauging their success in life by the number of laws they can unearth; the Doomguard, on the other hand, only recognize the Law of Entropy, and are quick to label the Guvners misguided fools for believing anything else is important. One law versus an ocean of laws – a dispute that has come to blows on many occasions. It was just one example of the inter-faction tensions that continually plague the city.
However, inter-faction relations don't always need to be strained, even when the faction philosophies are diametrically opposed. Wheezle and I, Dustman and Sensate, had a splendid time watching funerals pass beneath us. As a Dustman, the little gnome had an encyclopaedic knowledge of burial customs throughout the multiverse, and he happily explained the actions of each group who filed up to the Mortuary. For example…
«What luck, honored Cavendish! The next group of mourners always brings special delight when one of their fellows dies. They are orcs hailing from a Prime world whose name I am regrettably unable to pronounce, and they have the charming tradition of building their coffins in shapes that have special meaning to the deceased. You will observe that these particular pallbearers carry a casket carved to look like a giant pink trout. Such a mischievous smile on its face… it must be quite a happy fish.»
«Do the orcs worship trout?» I asked.
«No,» Wheezle answered, «they simply like bright, eye-catching coffins. Existence is hard for orcs, even in Sigil where The Lady's law of live-and-let-live gives them a degree of protection. Even here, orcs seldom enjoy the smallest luxury during their lifetimes. Therefore they build their own coffins long before death approaches, choosing to make those coffins silly or wanton or extravagant – the embodiment of some personal fantasy that can soothe all grievance when their world is harsh. Perhaps this particular orc once saw a rich man eating trout and dreamed of being able to do the same; or perhaps the orc just longed for the freedom to sit quietly on a river bank and catch fish. Who can say? He chose a trout for his own reasons… and throughout his difficult life, he often must have sat beside his pink fish coffin and taken comfort that his death would wear a cheerful face.»
Talk like that gave me a greater appreciation of Wheezle, and Dustmen in general. Usually, one only thinks of them as a morbid crew who preach that death is a state of ultimate purity, something we should all work toward. Indeed, they claim that everyone in this world is dead already, that the entire multiverse is the afterlife of some joyous existence elsewhere; all of us must now undergo the agonizing transition from exuberant life to peaceful death, and rejection of death in any form simply makes our path more painful.
Needless to say, the Dustman philosophy doesn't sit well with Sensates. After all, we pride ourselves on being in love with life, the painful parts as well as the pleasurable ones. Most Sensates kill themselves once or twice just to see what death feels like… but we make piking sure we have a top-rate priest standing by to raise us again once we've reaped all we can from the experience.
Still, it was educational to hear Wheezle speak of death so affectionately. Much as I couldn't understand the attraction myself, I always think fondly of people who've found their true loves.
* * *
The rain tapered off toward nightfall. The last of the mourners vanished into the building, then hurried out again a few minutes later – the Mortuary stands just inside the Hive slum district, and it's not a safe place to tarry after dark. When night comes, thieves emerge from the shadows to work the old cross-trade; and things blacker still stalk the thieves, for Sigil is a city with many shades of darkness.A figure emerged from the front doors of the Mortuary: humanoid, but with eyes that burned like dull red embers. It carried a heavy burlap sack in one hand, but let its other hand swing free, displaying a set of razor-sharp claws. Even at this distance, I could smell the stench of decaying flesh.
«Looks like a barrow wight,» I whispered to Wheezle, as I quietly drew my rapier. «Nasty things – they can drain the life right out of you. How much do you want to bet the bad guys carried the wight in earlier, pretending it was a corpse? Then the wight got out of its coffin when no one was looking and filled that sack with treasures from your faction.»
«It would be unethical to take your bet, honored Cavendish.» Wheezle gently laid his hand on my sword and lowering the blade. «The wight's bag does not hold stolen treasure; it holds our supper.» He went to the window and waved. «Over here, Eustace,» he called softly to the wight. «I trust it is still hot?»
Eustace the Wight curled his lip and uttered a bone-chilling hiss. Wheezle went down to meet him at the door.
* * *
The six of us ate our dinner in darkness – lighting the smallest candle might give away our position. Hezekiah and I sat by the window, keeping an eye on the Mortuary throughout the meal.«Brother Kiripao has been teaching me how to fight,» Hezekiah whispered to me. He demonstrated a few jerky punches that came perilously close to my nose. «See?»
«Keep your wrists straight,» I murmured. A friend of my father's had believed every well-bred gentleman needed skill in the «manly» arts, so he'd spent several months training me in sportsman-like boxing… not that Brother Kiripao was apt to fight like a sportsman.
«And he's also been telling me about the Transcendent Order,» Hezekiah went on. «It's all about emptying your mind.»
«You must have great potential,» I said.
«Naw,» the boy replied. «I got all kinds of stuff in my head. Special tricks and all. From Uncle Toby.»
«Good old Uncle Toby.»
«You know,» Hezekiah whispered, «until I came to Sigil, I thought maybe Uncle Toby and I were the only people in the world who could do special things. Everybody back home was so boring. But here… well, look at us all. Oonah has her staff, Wheezle's an illusionist, Yasmin and Brother Kiripao both have priestly magic…»
«How do you know all that?» I interrupted.
He stared at me as if he didn't understand the question. «I just asked them,» he said.
Disquieted, I glanced back at the other four in the room, silently eating their suppers. All four had magic at their fingertips? But then, they'd been hand-picked by their factols for an important assignment; of course, they'd be the best their factions had to offer. And why had Lady Erin chosen me? I wasn't a wizard or a priest. Yes, I could use a rapier, but mostly I happened to be a witness, assigned to this team solely because I might recognize the thieves.
Maybe I should just sketch the faces of the thieves, give the pictures to my fellow team members, then head for home. They didn't need me; even Hezekiah had more tricks up his sleeve than I did. Mind you, I had one advantage the rest of them lacked: I was completely sane. Scowling Yasmin, placid Kiripao, clueless Hezekiah, death-loving little Wheezle… even Guvner Oonah had her barmy side, the way she rushed off for that showdown with three homicidal fireballers. If I left them all alone, who knew what kind of catastrophes they'd cause without my moderating influence?
Still, the idea of poor mundane Britlin surrounded by five magic-wielding addle-coves… it rattled me. Stepping away from the window, I announced, «It's my turn to sleep. Wake me at the next shift change.» Without waiting for objections, I went down the creaky stairs, laid my bedroll in the back of a fifth floor room, and hoped I wouldn't lie awake too long.
* * *
Yasmin woke me as first light was dawning. She loomed above me, prodding my ribs repeatedly with her toe, and she didn't stop until I snapped, «All right, all right. I'm conscious.»«You're watching with me on the top floor,» she said. «I'll see you up there.» As she went out the door, she paused and turned back to me. «You look innocent in your sleep. And you make little sounds.»
Without another word she dashed away, and when she hit the staircase, it clattered into a furore of squeaking. I think she was running up the stairs two at a time.
* * *
Needless to say, I wondered what I was getting into as I stepped through the doorway of the upstairs room. Yasmin's face was slightly flushed, but whether that was exertion or a blush, I couldn't tell. She glanced at me only for a second, then turned her eyes to the street outside the window.«Anything happening out there?» I asked.
She shook her head, without shifting her gaze; for a street with nothing going on, it certainly seemed to rivet her attention.
Shrugging, I went to the corner of the room that held the biggest puddle of rainwater… at least an inch deep in some places, thanks to exaggerated warps in the wood of the floor. Carefully, I wet my hands and patted them on my face for a morning wash. The water smelled of dirt and dust; little fibers floated in it, either threads left behind by some carpet that had once lain on this floor or hairs from rats nesting in the building.
I crouched down and lapped up a bit of the puddle, just to see if it tasted like rats, carpet, or something else. The flavor was mostly bland dust, with a slightly smoky tang to it. Did that come from Sigil's normal smog of chimney soot? Or was I tasting the residue of the fire that had burned through the Hive earlier in the week?
«Did you just put your tongue on this filthy floor?» Yasmin asked from her place by the window.
«Actually I just slurped up some rainwater,» I replied. «However, I'll happily lick the floor if you think the flavor's worth it.»
«Sensates!» she growled, and went back to looking out the window.
Since she'd mentioned it, I did try licking the floor but it didn't impress me. Ordinary varnished cedar – I'd tasted much better in my time.
* * *
As the day brightened, traffic picked up on the streets below us. Since Yasmin and I were on the top floor, our job was to look beyond the dome of the Mortuary (four storeys shorter than our tenement perch) and scan the rear entrance for signs of mischief. Not that we could actually see the rear entrance – the dome blocked our view – but we had a clear line of sight to the street passing the backdoor. Down there, members of the unclean underclass called the Collectors were bringing in corpses who got themselves put in the dead-book overnight: old bubbers who'd choked on their own vomit, young ones who liked to pick tavern fights, Clueless newcomers who wandered down the wrong alley. Welcome to Sigil, you leatherheads.Idly, I picked up my sketchbook, made a few sweeps with my stick of charcoal, then put it down again.
«What's that you just drew?» Yasmin asked.
«Nothing,» I answered, holding up the page so she could see. «For a moment I considered drawing a stark little streetscape – the Mortuary, with wretched bands of Collectors sneaking in corpses at the backdoor. But I decided against it.»
«Why?»
«Because people don't like depressing pictures.»
«I do,» Yasmin said.
«Yes, you probably do,» I admitted. «You and the whole Doomguard. And the Dustmen, and the Bleak Cabal, and maybe some other factions too. But my regular customers don't like depressing pictures. They'd hate seeing such pictures in my studio, and they'd hate hearing that I'd sold such pictures to… people who weren't like themselves.»
«In other words,» she sneered, «you're not going to draw something that interests you, because some jink-jigging nobs would disapprove.»
«Disapproval's not the point,» I replied. «It's just that whenever I pick up charcoal or paintbrush, I have two choices: create something that earns money or waste my time on something that doesn't. A man has to be practical.» For my mother's sake, I might have added – keeping up Cavendish Case was not cheap, but it would kill her if we ever had to move out of the house. Of course, I wasn't prepared to talk about family with a complete stranger like Yasmin; why should I care if she thought I was a greedy self-centered berk?
Yasmin turned away to glare out the window, then reached into a pocket of her dragon skin leotard and tossed me a worn gold coin. «There,» she said. «Special commission. Draw what you want, any way you want. And I promise I won't tell your precious customers you worked for a Doomguard tiefling.»
I held the coin in my hand for several seconds, feeling the warmth of the gold – a warmth that had come from Yasmin's body. Then I lifted my sketchbook, flipped to a blank page, and started sketching the clean lines of her face. High forehead, strong jaw, good cheekbones… an excellent artist's model, just as I thought.
It was about the time I started trying to capture her eyes that she finally recognized the picture on the paper.
«What do you think you're doing?» she snapped.
«Drawing something I want. Now stop jerking your head like that, so I can get on with the work. I take commissions seriously.»
Like many first-time models, she started out self-conscious and artificial, went through an irritable stage when she threatened to quit every other minute, progressed to a state of sullen resignation, and finally came to ignore me when she became tired of forcing her face into «artistic» expressions. That's when I turned to a new page and began the real drawing.
And so the day passed.
* * *
Early on the third morning, an army of Collectors paraded down the street with the stiffening corpse of a giant.At the time, Oonah and Wheezle had the fourth floor watch, while Yasmin and Hezekiah took the seventh floor. It was just as well Yasmin and I weren't together again – when she saw my final drawing the day before, it had taken her aback, possibly because it showed how strikingly lovely she was. I had drawn her with her chin resting thoughtfully on her fist, and the bony ridge of her forearm was an integral part of the picture's composition. She had never posed in that position, certainly not during the day we'd been together, and possibly never in her life; but even I was surprised how strongly it captured who she was. For several long minutes after I had finished it, I didn't want to let it out of my hands. I wanted to hold it, memorize what I had done… or maybe throw it in the faces of critics who derided my portraits as shallow.
Still, a commission was a commission, and Britlin Cavendish never peeled his clients. Carefully, bashfully, I handed it to Yasmin. She never said a word; she simply stared at it a long long time.
After that, we both shied away from each other's company for a while – it felt too awkward. I decided to ask Hezekiah to take the next day's watch with Yasmin; his Clueless questions would irritate her, but she might be more at ease being annoyed than handling whatever emotions she felt the day before.
With the other four team members on watch, Brother Kiripao and I had little to do. After two days in the tenement, I had endured enough of its quaking stairs and musty smell; so I found myself on the ground floor, staring out at the street and wondering how risky it would be to go for a walk in Sigil's version of fresh air. Brother Kiripao may have been thinking the same thing, for he wandered down to join me, gazing out the glassless window.
We could hear the giant's approach several minutes before the corpse actually came into view: the sound of overloaded carts groaning along the cobblestones, mingled with the grunts of people lugging a heavy burden. Then, around the corner came a haycart supporting the giant's head and shoulders, his long wild hair tumbling over the sides of the cart and trailing along the street. The hair was green, and his skin sulphur yellow – a jungle giant, if I correctly remembered Kreepatch's Guide to the Multiverse. Sigil didn't have a large population of giants, but a few happened into the city from time to time, and they naturally stood out in the crowd. Jungle giants were one of the more civilized species, smart and self-disciplined enough to stay out of trouble.
The giant in front of us, however, had not been quite smart enough. His throat sported a long red gash, still dribbling blood onto the pavement… enough blood to satisfy a string of dogs who trotted along beside the corpse to lick up the spillage. For a moment, I thought the deceased must have been killed by one of his fellow giants – who else is tall enough to slit a giant's throat? But then, a random breeze blew in through the window and filled my nostrils with an overpowering stink of cheap whiskey.
Whiskey had soaked into the giant's hair… whiskey clung to his beard and his meagre clothing… whiskey formed a visibly sticky coat on his bare skin. The giant must have bathed in the stuff, or poured a dozen bottles over his head. The obvious conclusion was that he'd been celebrating something; a marriage perhaps, or one of his people's religious festivals. I could picture him drenching himself liberally with whiskey, externally and internally, then bumbling off into the city and passing out in some alley. If a robber wandered by, the thief might well do a slice-job on the giant's throat before picking his pockets – you wouldn't want a drunken giant to wake up while you were bobbing his money pouch.
The breeze blew in at me again. Stale rotgut whiskey: I knew the aroma well, just as I knew the bouquets of the finest wines. And yet, there was something slightly odd…
«Warn the others to stay on their toes,» I told Brother Kiripao. «I have to check something out.»
Tossing off my jacket, I rumpled my hair and pulled out my shirt tails to bring my appearance more into line with street fashion in the Hive. Then with a drunken swagger, I stumbled out the door and up to the passing giant. «Sure is a big piking basher!» I called out to the nearest Collector.
«He's a heavy sod, all right,» the Collector replied. Sweat poured down her face as she helped push her cart, but the woman seemed cheerful enough. «I like the heavy ones,» she went on. «When the Dustmen hand out jink for collecting stiffs, they pay by the pound.»
«You'll be rich, you rotten berk!» She and I both laughed loudly. I let the laugh break into a cough and staggered up against the corpse to steady myself. With a little squirming, I managed to change position so my nose was flush against the giant's skin. One good whiff, and I backed away a few paces.
«Where'd you find this big old jumbo?» I asked the Collector.
«Lying in an alley,» she said. «Where else? He got drunk, he got sliced… simple as that.»
Yes, someone wants us to believe that story, I thought to myself – someone who hadn't taken into account a Sensate's sensitive nose. On the giant's skin, beneath the stink of cheap whiskey, lurked the more subtle fragrance of Phlegistol: an ultrahigh-grade fuel oil, said to be mined by gray dwarves in the caverns of Carceri. Nobles in The Lady's Ward liked to burn Phlegistol to heat water for baths; they claimed it burned cleaner than coal and very very hot.
«Sure is a big basher,» I said again and whacked the corpse's side heartily. A load of liquid in the giant's gut sloshed loudly in response to my blow; and I had no doubts what that liquid was. Our fire-loving enemies had somehow killed this giant and used the slit in his throat to top him full of flammable oil. Afterward, they had soaked him in a few gallons of whiskey to hide the Phlegistol smell. Now the corpse was an eighteen-foot-long bomb, left in an alley for unsuspecting Collectors who'd deliver it straight to the Mortuary.
I wondered how the arsonists intended to set this off. A single fire-arrow would do the trick. You'd want to shoot from a long distance away, but the giant was a huge target. A hit anywhere should be good enough to touch off the payload – whiskey fumes were flammable enough, but the Phlegistol was positively explosive. For maximum effect, the enemy would probably wait till most of the body was inside the doors of the Mortuary; then boom.
As quickly as I could while maintaining my drunken act, I waved cheery-bye to the Collectors and wobbled my way back to the tenement. Brother Kiripao was waiting inside the door. «The corpse is a bomb,» I said in a low voice, as I slipped back into my jacket.
«A large bomb?» he asked.
«I'd guess more than a ton of Phlegistol.»
He glanced at the giant, now being heaved off the carts and hauled slowly up the Mortuary's front steps. «We must leave this building,» he said. «It cannot withstand a sizable explosion at such close range.»
«Then you get around to the rear of the dome,» I told him, «and keep an eye on people escaping that way. I'll warn the others.»
He nodded in agreement and dashed out at once. Three seconds later, it occurred to me that he really didn't know what to look for – only a few of us had the proper dark about the githyanki and githzerai thieves. I should have been the one to watch the back, and let Brother Kiripao clear the building; but something inside of me wanted to save Yasmin personally.
The moment I finished putting on my jacket, I ran for the stairs. They squealed and wavered under my feet, but I kept my balance and made my way upward as fast as possible. Oonah was looking over the stair railing at the fourth floor level, and called down to me, «What's going on? I saw you in the street.»
«The giant's filled with Phlegistol,» I gasped, panting from running up the steps. «If it goes boom, this building will too.»
«Damned right it will,» she nodded. «I've seen Phlegistol explosions before. Gray dwarves love the stuff – they fill up wine bottles, jam in cloth fuses, and toss them at people they don't like. Good way to burn a whole sodding village.»
«You and Wheezle clear out of here,» I told her. «I'll get the others.»
«Just shout,» she said. «They'll hear you.»
«So will the enemy,» I replied. «Best not give ourselves away.» And I hurried up the stairs again before she could argue.
My heart was pounding loudly in my ears when I finally reached the top. Of course, Hezekiah had heard the racket of the creaking stairs and come to investigate. «We have…» I wheezed, «…we have… to get out. Bomb.»
«What's a bomb?» he asked, perky as ever.
Piking stupid Prime-worlders! To them, the height of military ingenuity was sharpening both edges of your sword.
«What's this about a bomb?» Yasmin said, coming out of the surveillance room.
«The giant…» I told her. «Phlegistol… we have to…»
«All right, hold on.»
She ran back into the room, while I leaned against the bannister and tried to catch my breath. Hezekiah gave my arm a genial pat, then said, «I'd better collect our gear.» He too ran off, his boots hitting the floor heavily enough to send tremors through the staircase. I lowered myself to the steps and sat for a moment, listening to my heart thud. Winded as I was, perhaps I should start downstairs immediately; the others were in better shape, and would easily catch up. However, my pride wouldn't let me run off – I had to wait for Yasmin.
And Hezekiah too, of course.
Yasmin hurried out of the room, her knapsack on her back and the portrait I'd drawn rolled up in one hand. «Be careful when you roll up a charcoal sketch,» I told her. «They smudge easily.»
«Pike it, berk,» she snapped, but her face wore the ghost of a smile. «They've already got the giant halfway through the doorway. Perfect time to hit it with a burning —»
A brilliant burst of light flashed through the window, followed a split-second later by a thunderous roar. The tenement rocked back sharply, sections of its roof blowing away like loose paper; then the full force of the explosion struck home, smashing the front wall of the building with fists of naked fire. Yasmin was thrown off her feet by the blast of hot air, and tossed sprawling across my lap where I sat on the stairs.
As for the stairs… with a single shriek of rusty nails, the staircase supports ripped out of the surrounding wood. Then we were falling free.
4. THREE DUSTY KILLERS
Seven storeys with two flights of stairs per storey – once we started falling, we didn't stop. Bam, our steps smashed down on the steps beneath and banged them free of their supports; then both flights were falling together, down to the next floor, and so on. One floor after another, every jarring crash followed by another one-storey drop, like a house of cards collapsing in on itself. Bam, bam, bam, with flaming boards falling around us and sparks sputtering through the air. During the split-second we stopped at each floor, plaster from that floor's ceiling smacked down on us in brittle sheets. Then the next flight of stairs would give way, and another fall, another jolt, another shower of plaster breaking over my head and Yasmin's back.
Each time we landed, Yasmin gave a painful whoof of breath. She had fallen with her stomach across my lap, and each impact drove my knees into her diaphragm. Halfway down, her body slumped limply, stunned by having the wind knocked out of her over and over again. Desperately, I held onto her with all my strength so she wouldn't tumble away – riding the stairs like a bucking bronco might bruise us black and blue, but getting thrown off into a burning building would put us in the dead-book for sure.
At long last we stopped, perched high atop a stack of piled-up stairflights. That put us almost even with the first floor above ground level; so with scant seconds before the tenement came thundering down around our ears, I heaved up Yasmin's body and ran straight for the front of the building. There was a hole in the wall there, a ragged breach where the explosion had punched out a sweep of rotten boards. The boards now littered the floor, too punky to burn, even in the Phlegistol heat; but the sides of the hole had caught and now blazed hungrily with bright fire, sucking in a gale of fresh air from outside. I didn't stop. I simply cradled Yasmin to my chest, and jumped straight through the opening.
The distance to the ground was only ten feet – a painful drop but scarcely a killer, provided you land properly. Once in the air, however, I realized there was no way to land properly with a full-grown woman in my arms. Protecting her head from the cobblestones was the best I could do… and then we struck down on something much softer than expected, softer than pavement, softer than burning wood.
It was a hand: the giant's left hand, blown clean off at the wrist. We landed as gently as nestling birds, snuggling down into the palm. Now, however, the giant's skin was not its original sulfur yellow, but an ugly charred black; and the whiskey smell had been replaced by the odor of roast pork.
Dappling the pavement around us were other hunks of smoking flesh: some from the giant, some from the Collectors who had been carrying the corpse into the Mortuary. Surprisingly, this carnage was easier for me to stomach than the massacre at the City Courts – except for the giant's hand, nothing was intact enough to recognize as fleshly remains.
Yasmin drew in a ragged breath and rolled back against the giant's scorched thumb. Somehow she had managed to keep hold of my charcoal sketch through everything, though the paper had crumpled where it was squeezed in her fist. She looked down at it and blearily tried to straighten the creases.
«Never mind that,» I said. «How are you?»
«Alive, by the grace of Entropy,» she groaned. «Did the others…»
I turned to look at the tenement. It chose that moment to cave in on itself, the whole structure slumping neatly downward into a smoking pile. The buildings on either side, also battered by the explosion, leaned inward to fill the gap left by the collapse. One by one, they all toppled onto the smoldering heap.
The whole process took less than five seconds.
«Britlin…» Yasmin whispered.
«Oonah and Wheezle had time to get out,» I answered, without looking at her. «But poor Hezekiah was still on the seventh —»
«Hi,» said Hezekiah, from behind our backs. «What are you doing in that hand?»
Grimacing, I turned to face him. «You teleported out?»
«Sure. If you two had just waited, I would have brought you with me.»
«Too easy,» I muttered. «We preferred taking the more exciting way down.»
«You Sensates!» He laughed and punched me playfully in the shoulder. «Come on and I'll take you to the others.»
Yasmin tried to knife him in the back, but I stopped her in time.
«My condolences on all this mess,» I said to Wheezle.
«Why?» he asked, his small gnome eyes blinking in surprise. «To a Dustman, this is a day of high celebration. So many souls ushered into the Ultimate Peace.»
«It's a thrill for the Doomguard too,» Yasmin assured him. «Too noisy and presumptuous, of course – we'd rather let things fall down on their own. Still…» She looked around at the fractured monument, the collapsed row of tenements, the scattered gobbets of baked flesh. «It was a really good boom.»
I too scanned the destruction and devastation. A tragic waste of life… but as a Sensate, I rather enjoyed the boom myself. Who says opposing factions have nothing in common?
«If we've finished applauding this wholesale slaughter,» Oonah said angrily, «can we remember we have a job to do?»
«Of course, honored Guvner,» Wheezle replied, kowtowing politely. «What would you like to do?»
«Did anyone see how the sodding berks set off the bomb?» Oonah asked.
«The easiest method would be a flame arrow shot from a distance,» I told her, «although these people like fireballs so much, maybe they used one of those wands from the court rotunda.»
«Some of us should search for the shooter,» Oonah said. «Look anyplace that had a clear line of fire on the Mortuary's front door. Wheezle? Hezekiah?»
Wheezle kowtowed. Hezekiah tried to kowtow too, but just looked ridiculous. Together, the two of them trotted off toward the front of the building. I was glad to see that even Hezekiah had the sense to stay close to cover and keep his eyes open.
«The rest of us should head for the back door,» Oonah continued, «and hope the enemy hasn't already escaped.»
«I sent Brother Kiripao to watch the back before the explosion,» I said.
«Good,» she nodded. «Let's find him.»
We set a quick pace around the perimeter of the Mortuary, keeping to the protection of the outbuildings as much as possible. Yasmin matched stride beside me; she still held the crumpled sketch in her hand. After a while, she asked in a low voice, «Why are we so interested in the rear entrance? I thought we just had to watch for an attack, then trail the culprits.»
«The attack on the courts was actually a diversion to cover a theft,» I told her. «The factols suspect that all the attacks were diversions; so we're going to check the rear entrance to see if thieves come running out.»
«How will you tell the thieves from everyone else?» she asked. «At least three funerals have gone into the building already this morning. If those people hear a big sodding explosion at the front door, they're all going to run out the back.»
«We'll just have to keep our eyes open and hope for the best,» Oonah answered, throwing a pointed glance at me. She obviously wanted to keep the githyanki and githzerai a secret, though I couldn't see why. Maybe Guvners just liked knowing things other people didn't.
I wondered what kind of magical radiations he perceived from the rest of us. Oonah's staff must put out a powerful shine, and Yasmin's dragon leotard would give off its own healthy glow. As for me, I had the lantern-stone in my pocket, not to mention my father's rapier; considering the amount of money he paid to have it enchanted, the sword must blaze as bright as a phoenix's fundament.
«Cavendish!» Oonah growled in my ear. «Stop wool-gathering. Check for familiar faces in the crowd.»
I looked around the corner of the building, and saw about twenty people milling in the street. Most had been attending funerals inside the Mortuary, so they wore clothes of whatever color their cultures associated with grief: black and white predominated, with the occasional dash of blood red. In among the mourners, a handful of gray-robed Dustmen tried to calm the crowd. «There's no cause for alarm,» I heard one call, as smoke from burning tenements drifted over the Mortuary dome.
The people in the street were the usual mix of races you find in Sigil: humans, bariaur, tieflings, even one githzerai. The githzerai was a woman, and short for her species – nothing like the male I had seen in the Courts.
«Ahh,» Brother Kiripao murmured. «This is more interesting.» He pointed to a group of five figures, just emerging from the Mortuary. All of them wore Dustman robes, with the hoods pulled down over their faces.
«Magic?» I whispered. Kiripao nodded.
«Five of them, four of us,» Oonah muttered beside my shoulder. «If they split up, we're in trouble. Still… I'll follow the first to leave, Kiripao the second, and Yasmin the third. If the last two go in different directions, Cavendish, use your best judgment.»
The front two paused just before they reached the bottom of the Mortuary steps; warily, they looked both directions along the street. In that moment, I could see their faces clearly, despite the shadows cast by their hoods – they were the same githyanki and githzerai who peeled Oonah's office.
«That's them,» I murmured. As I spoke, the two thieves descended the last step into the street and hurried off in the opposite direction from us.
«Come along, Brother Cipher,» Oonah said to Kiripao. Without waiting, she slipped around the edge of the building and into the street, quickly crossing to the closest clump of mourners and blending in with them. Kiripao trailed behind Oonah, while Yasmin and I kept our eyes on the three figures still on the steps.
The shrouded trio stood where they were for several seconds, watching the githyanki and githzerai head up the street; then they descended to ground level, straight into the crowd. There was something odd about the way they walked, the way they stayed inside the shadows of the Mortuary dome, the aggressive way they swung their arms – like apes, or like…
Each time we landed, Yasmin gave a painful whoof of breath. She had fallen with her stomach across my lap, and each impact drove my knees into her diaphragm. Halfway down, her body slumped limply, stunned by having the wind knocked out of her over and over again. Desperately, I held onto her with all my strength so she wouldn't tumble away – riding the stairs like a bucking bronco might bruise us black and blue, but getting thrown off into a burning building would put us in the dead-book for sure.
At long last we stopped, perched high atop a stack of piled-up stairflights. That put us almost even with the first floor above ground level; so with scant seconds before the tenement came thundering down around our ears, I heaved up Yasmin's body and ran straight for the front of the building. There was a hole in the wall there, a ragged breach where the explosion had punched out a sweep of rotten boards. The boards now littered the floor, too punky to burn, even in the Phlegistol heat; but the sides of the hole had caught and now blazed hungrily with bright fire, sucking in a gale of fresh air from outside. I didn't stop. I simply cradled Yasmin to my chest, and jumped straight through the opening.
The distance to the ground was only ten feet – a painful drop but scarcely a killer, provided you land properly. Once in the air, however, I realized there was no way to land properly with a full-grown woman in my arms. Protecting her head from the cobblestones was the best I could do… and then we struck down on something much softer than expected, softer than pavement, softer than burning wood.
It was a hand: the giant's left hand, blown clean off at the wrist. We landed as gently as nestling birds, snuggling down into the palm. Now, however, the giant's skin was not its original sulfur yellow, but an ugly charred black; and the whiskey smell had been replaced by the odor of roast pork.
Dappling the pavement around us were other hunks of smoking flesh: some from the giant, some from the Collectors who had been carrying the corpse into the Mortuary. Surprisingly, this carnage was easier for me to stomach than the massacre at the City Courts – except for the giant's hand, nothing was intact enough to recognize as fleshly remains.
Yasmin drew in a ragged breath and rolled back against the giant's scorched thumb. Somehow she had managed to keep hold of my charcoal sketch through everything, though the paper had crumpled where it was squeezed in her fist. She looked down at it and blearily tried to straighten the creases.
«Never mind that,» I said. «How are you?»
«Alive, by the grace of Entropy,» she groaned. «Did the others…»
I turned to look at the tenement. It chose that moment to cave in on itself, the whole structure slumping neatly downward into a smoking pile. The buildings on either side, also battered by the explosion, leaned inward to fill the gap left by the collapse. One by one, they all toppled onto the smoldering heap.
The whole process took less than five seconds.
«Britlin…» Yasmin whispered.
«Oonah and Wheezle had time to get out,» I answered, without looking at her. «But poor Hezekiah was still on the seventh —»
«Hi,» said Hezekiah, from behind our backs. «What are you doing in that hand?»
Grimacing, I turned to face him. «You teleported out?»
«Sure. If you two had just waited, I would have brought you with me.»
«Too easy,» I muttered. «We preferred taking the more exciting way down.»
«You Sensates!» He laughed and punched me playfully in the shoulder. «Come on and I'll take you to the others.»
Yasmin tried to knife him in the back, but I stopped her in time.
* * *
Oonah and Wheezle had taken refuge behind one of the Mortuary's most solid outbuildings: the marble sanctuary that housed Sigil's Monument of the Ages. Factol Skall of the Dustmen had created this monument to peel a little more gold from the pockets of rich leatherheads, letting them pay for the privilege of inscribing their names on a great stone obelisk that would «preserve their fame for all time». Looking through an archway into the monument building, I saw that the obelisk had been toppled by the shockwave of the explosion; it now lay on the ground, broken into three pieces.«My condolences on all this mess,» I said to Wheezle.
«Why?» he asked, his small gnome eyes blinking in surprise. «To a Dustman, this is a day of high celebration. So many souls ushered into the Ultimate Peace.»
«It's a thrill for the Doomguard too,» Yasmin assured him. «Too noisy and presumptuous, of course – we'd rather let things fall down on their own. Still…» She looked around at the fractured monument, the collapsed row of tenements, the scattered gobbets of baked flesh. «It was a really good boom.»
I too scanned the destruction and devastation. A tragic waste of life… but as a Sensate, I rather enjoyed the boom myself. Who says opposing factions have nothing in common?
«If we've finished applauding this wholesale slaughter,» Oonah said angrily, «can we remember we have a job to do?»
«Of course, honored Guvner,» Wheezle replied, kowtowing politely. «What would you like to do?»
«Did anyone see how the sodding berks set off the bomb?» Oonah asked.
«The easiest method would be a flame arrow shot from a distance,» I told her, «although these people like fireballs so much, maybe they used one of those wands from the court rotunda.»
«Some of us should search for the shooter,» Oonah said. «Look anyplace that had a clear line of fire on the Mortuary's front door. Wheezle? Hezekiah?»
Wheezle kowtowed. Hezekiah tried to kowtow too, but just looked ridiculous. Together, the two of them trotted off toward the front of the building. I was glad to see that even Hezekiah had the sense to stay close to cover and keep his eyes open.
«The rest of us should head for the back door,» Oonah continued, «and hope the enemy hasn't already escaped.»
«I sent Brother Kiripao to watch the back before the explosion,» I said.
«Good,» she nodded. «Let's find him.»
We set a quick pace around the perimeter of the Mortuary, keeping to the protection of the outbuildings as much as possible. Yasmin matched stride beside me; she still held the crumpled sketch in her hand. After a while, she asked in a low voice, «Why are we so interested in the rear entrance? I thought we just had to watch for an attack, then trail the culprits.»
«The attack on the courts was actually a diversion to cover a theft,» I told her. «The factols suspect that all the attacks were diversions; so we're going to check the rear entrance to see if thieves come running out.»
«How will you tell the thieves from everyone else?» she asked. «At least three funerals have gone into the building already this morning. If those people hear a big sodding explosion at the front door, they're all going to run out the back.»
«We'll just have to keep our eyes open and hope for the best,» Oonah answered, throwing a pointed glance at me. She obviously wanted to keep the githyanki and githzerai a secret, though I couldn't see why. Maybe Guvners just liked knowing things other people didn't.
* * *
Kiripao had positioned himself at the corner of the last outbuilding. He bowed to us as we came up beside him, and whispered, «A great many people have run from the door, but no one out of the ordinary. I have taken the liberty of casting a spell to detect the presence of magic; the escapees possess nothing notable.»I wondered what kind of magical radiations he perceived from the rest of us. Oonah's staff must put out a powerful shine, and Yasmin's dragon leotard would give off its own healthy glow. As for me, I had the lantern-stone in my pocket, not to mention my father's rapier; considering the amount of money he paid to have it enchanted, the sword must blaze as bright as a phoenix's fundament.
«Cavendish!» Oonah growled in my ear. «Stop wool-gathering. Check for familiar faces in the crowd.»
I looked around the corner of the building, and saw about twenty people milling in the street. Most had been attending funerals inside the Mortuary, so they wore clothes of whatever color their cultures associated with grief: black and white predominated, with the occasional dash of blood red. In among the mourners, a handful of gray-robed Dustmen tried to calm the crowd. «There's no cause for alarm,» I heard one call, as smoke from burning tenements drifted over the Mortuary dome.
The people in the street were the usual mix of races you find in Sigil: humans, bariaur, tieflings, even one githzerai. The githzerai was a woman, and short for her species – nothing like the male I had seen in the Courts.
«Ahh,» Brother Kiripao murmured. «This is more interesting.» He pointed to a group of five figures, just emerging from the Mortuary. All of them wore Dustman robes, with the hoods pulled down over their faces.
«Magic?» I whispered. Kiripao nodded.
«Five of them, four of us,» Oonah muttered beside my shoulder. «If they split up, we're in trouble. Still… I'll follow the first to leave, Kiripao the second, and Yasmin the third. If the last two go in different directions, Cavendish, use your best judgment.»
The front two paused just before they reached the bottom of the Mortuary steps; warily, they looked both directions along the street. In that moment, I could see their faces clearly, despite the shadows cast by their hoods – they were the same githyanki and githzerai who peeled Oonah's office.
«That's them,» I murmured. As I spoke, the two thieves descended the last step into the street and hurried off in the opposite direction from us.
«Come along, Brother Cipher,» Oonah said to Kiripao. Without waiting, she slipped around the edge of the building and into the street, quickly crossing to the closest clump of mourners and blending in with them. Kiripao trailed behind Oonah, while Yasmin and I kept our eyes on the three figures still on the steps.
The shrouded trio stood where they were for several seconds, watching the githyanki and githzerai head up the street; then they descended to ground level, straight into the crowd. There was something odd about the way they walked, the way they stayed inside the shadows of the Mortuary dome, the aggressive way they swung their arms – like apes, or like…