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might get a squeeze or two at a woman while they can going out to be drowned
or blown up somewhere I went up windmill hill to the flats that Sunday
morning with Captain Rubios that was dead spyglass like the sentry had he
said hed have one or two from on board I wore that frock from the B Marche
Paris and the coral necklace the straits shining I could see over to Morocco
almost the bay of Tangierwhite and the At!as mountain with snow on it and
the straits like a river so clear Harry Molly Darling I was thinking of him
on the sea all the time after at mass when my petticoat began to slip down
at the elevation weeks and weeks I kept the handkerchief under my pillow for
the smell of him there was no decent perfume to be got in that Gibraltar
only that cheap peau despagne that faded and left a stink on you more than
anything else I wanted to give him a memento he gave me that clumsy Claddagh
ring for luck that I gave Gardner going to South Africa where those Boers
killed him with their war and fever but they were well beaten all the same
as if it brought its bad luck with it like an opal or pearl must have been
pure 16 carat gold because it was very heavy I can see his face clean shaven
Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong that train again weeping tone once in the dear
deaead days beyond recall close my eyes breath my lips forward kiss sad look
eyes open piano ere oer the world the mists began I hate that istsbeg comes
loves sweet ssooooooong Ill let that out full when I get in front of the
footlights again Kathleen Kearney and her lot of squealers Miss This Miss
That Miss Theother lot of sparrowfarts skitting around talking about
politics they know as much about as my backside anything in the world to
make themselves someway interesting Irish homemade beauties soldiers
daughter am ay and whose are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon
coach I thought you were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if
ever they got a chance of walking down the Alameda on an officers arm like
me on the bandnight my eyes flash my bust that they havent passion God help
their poor head I knew more about men and life when I was 15 than theyll all
know at 50 they dont know how to sing a song like that Gardner said no man
could look at my mouth and teeth smiling like that end not think of it I was
afraid he mightnt like my accent first he so English all father left me in
spite of his stamps Ive my mothers eyes and figure anyhow he always said
theyre so snotty about themselves some of those cads he wasnt a bit like
that he was dead gone on my lips let them get a husband first thats fit to
be looked at and a daughter like mine or see if they can excite a swell with
money that can pick and choose whoever he wants like Boylan to do it 4 or 5
times locked in each others arms or the voice either I could have been a
prima donna only I married him comes loooves old deep down chin back not too
much make it double My Ladys Bower is too long for an encore about the
moated grange at twilight and vaulted rooms yes Ill sing Winds that blow
from the south that he gave after the choirstairs performance Ill change
that lace on my black dress to show off my bubs and Ill yes by God Ill get
that big fan mended make them burst with envy my hole is itching me always
when I think of him I feel I want to I feel some wind in me better go easy
not wake him have him at it again slobbering after washing every bit of
myself back belly and sides if we had even a bath itself or my own room
anyway I wish hed sleep in some bed by himself with his cold feet on me give
us room even to let a fart God or do the least thing better yes hold them
like that a bit on my side piano quietly sweeeee theres that train far away
pianissimo eeeeeeee one more song that was a relief wherever you be let your
wind go free who knows if that pork chop I took with my cup of tea after was
quite good with the heat I couldnt smell anything off it Im sure that
queerlooking man in the porkbutchers is a great rogue I hope that lamp is
not smoking fill my nose up with smuts better than having him leaving the
gas on all night I couldnt rest easy in my bed in Gibraltar even getting up
to see why am I so damned nervous about that though I like it in the winter
its more company O Lord it was rotten cold too that winter when I was only
about ten was I yes I had the big doll with all the funny clothes dressing
her up and undressing that icy wind skeeting across from those mountains the
something Nevada sierra nevada standing at the fire with the little bit of a
short shift I had up to heat myself I loved dancing about in it then make a
race back into bed Im sure that fellow opposite used to be there the whole
time watching with the lights out in the summer and I in my skin hopping
around I used to love myself then stripped at the washstand dabbing and
creaming only when it came to the chamber performance I put out the light
too so then there were 2 of us Goodbye to my sleep for this night anyhow I
hope hes not going to get in with those medicals leading him astray to
imagine hes young again coming in at 4 in the morning it must be if not more
still he had the manners not to wake me what do they find to gabber about
all night squandering money and getting drunker and drunker couldnt they
drink water then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea Findon
haddy and hot buttered toast I suppose well have him sitting up like the
king of the country pumping the wrong end of the spoon up and down in his
egg wherever he learned that from and I love to hear him falling up the
stairs of a morning with the cups rattling on the tray and then play with
the cat she rubs up against you for her own sake I wonder has she fleas shes
as bad as a woman always licking and lecking but I hate their claws I wonder
do they see anything that we cant staring like that when she sits at the top
of the stairs so long and listening as I wait always what a robber too that
lovely fresh plaice I bought I think Ill get a bit of fish tomorrow or today
is it Friday yes I will with some blancmange with black currant jam like
long ago not those 2 lb pots of mixed plum and apple from the London and
Newcastle Williams and Woods goes twice as far only for the bones I hate
those eels cod yes Ill get a nice piece of cod Im always getting enough for
3 forgetting anyway Im sick of that everlasting butchers meat from Buckleys
loin chops and leg beef and rib steak and scrag of mutton and calfs pluck
the very name is enough or a picnic suppose we all gave 5/- each and or let
him pay and invite some other woman for him who Mrs Fleming and drive out to
the furry glen or the strawberry beds wed have him examining all the horses
toenails first like he does with the letters no not with Boylan there yes
with some cold veal and ham mixed sandwiches there are little houses down at
the bottom of the banks there on purpose but its as hot as blazes he says
not a bank holiday anyhow I hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for
the day Whit Monday is a cursed day too no wonder that bee bit him better
the seaside but Id never again in this life get into a boat with him after
him at Bray telling the boatmen he knew how to row if anyone asked could he
ride the steeplechase for the gold cup hed say yes then it came on to get
rough the old thing crookeding about and the weight all down my side telling
me to pull the right reins now pull the left and the tide all swamping in
floods in through through the bottom and his oar slipping out of the
stirrupits a mercy we werent all drowned he can swim of course me no theres
no danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his flannel trousers Id like to
have tattered them down off him before all the people and give him what that
one calls flagellate till he was black and blue do him all the good in the
world only for that longnosed chap I dont know who he is with that other
beauty Burke out of the City Arms hotel was there spying around as usual on
the slip always where he wasnt wanted if there was a row on you vomit a
better face there was no love lost between us thats I consolation I wonder
what kind is that book he brought me Sweets of Sin by a gentleman of fashion
some other Mr de Kock I suppose the people gave him that nickname going
about with his tube from one woman to another I couldnt even change my new
white shoes all ruined with the saltwater and the hat I had with that
feather all blowy and tossed on me how annoying and provoking because the
smell of the sea excited me of course the sardines and the bream in Catalan
bay round the back of the rock they were fine all silver in the fishermens
baskets old Luigi near a hundred they said came from Genoa and the tall old
chap with the earrings I dont like a man you have to climb up to go get at I
suppose theyre all dead and rotten long ago besides I dont like being alone
in this big barracks of a place at night I suppose Ill have to put up with
it I never brought a bit of salt in even when we moved in the confusion
musical academy he was going to make on the first floor drawingroom with a
brassplate or Blooms private hotel he suggested go and ruin himself
altogether the way his father did down in Ennis like all the things he told
father he was going to do and me but I saw through him telling me all the
lovely places we could go for the honeymoon Venice by moonlight with the
gondolas and the lake of Como he had a picture cut out of some paper of and
mandolines and lanterns O how nice I said whatever I liked he was going to
do immediately if not sooner will you be my man will you carry my can he
ought to get a leather medal with a putty rim for all the plans he invents
then leaving us here all day you never know what old beggar at the door for
a crust with his long story might be a tramp and put his foot in the way to
prevent me shutting it like that picture of that hardened criminal he was
called in Lloyds Weekly News 20 years in jail then he comes out and murders
an old woman for her mofley imagine his poor wife or mother or whoever she
is such a face youd run miles away from I couldnt rest easy till I bolted
all the doors and windows to make sure but its worse again being locked up
like in a prison or a madhouse they ought to be all shot or the cat of nine
tails a big brute like that that would attack a poor old woman to murder her
in her bed Id cut them off so I would not that hed be much use still better
than nothing the night I was sure I heard burglars in the kitchen and he
went down in his shirt with a candle and a poker as if he was looking for a
mouse as white as a sheet frightened out of his wits making as much noise as
he possibly could for the burglars benefit there isnt much to steal indeed
the Lord knows still its the feeling especially now with Milly away such an
idea for him to send the girl down there to learn to take photographs on
account of his grandfather instead of sending her to Skerrys academy where
shed have to learn not like me getting all at school only hed do a thing
like that all the same on account of me and Boylan thats why he did it Im
certain the way he plots and plans everything out I couldnt turn round with
her in the place lately unless I bolted the door first gave me the fidgets
coming in without knocking first when I put the chair against the door just
as I was washing myself there below with the glove get on your nerves then
doing the loglady all day put her in a glasscase with two at a time to look
at her if he knew she broke off the hand off that little gimcrack statue
with her roughness and carelessness before she left that I got that little
Italian boy to mend so that you cant see the join for 2 shillings wouldnt
even teem the potatoes for you of course shes right not to ruin her hands I
noticed he was always talking to her lately at the table explaining things
in the paper and she pretending to understand sly of course that comes from
his side of the house and helping her into her coat but if there was
anything wrong with her its me shed tell not him he Cant say I pretend
things can he Im too honest as a matter of fact I suppose he thinks Im
finished out and laid on the shelf well Im not no nor anything like it well
see well see now shes well on for flirting too with Tom Devans two sons
imitating me whistling with those romps of Murray girls calling for her can
Milly come out please shes in great demand to pick what they can out of her
round in Nelson street riding Harry Devans bicycle at night its as well he
sent her where she is she was just getting out of bounds wanting to go on
the skatingrink and smoking their cigarettes through their nose I smelt it
off her dress when I was biting off the thread of the button I sewed on to
the bottom of her jacket she couldnt hide much from me I tell you only I
oughtnt to have stitched it and it on her it brings a parting and the last
plumpudding too split in 2 halves see it comes out no matter what they say
her tongue is a bit too long for my taste your blouse is open too low she
says to me the pan calling the kettle blackbottom and I had to tell her no!
to cock her legs up like that on show on the windowsill before all the
people passing they all look at her like me when I was her age of course any
old rag looks well on you then a great touchmenot too in her own way at the
Only Way in the Theatre royal take your foot away out of that I hate people
touching me afraid of her life Id crush her skirt with the pleats a lot of
that touching must go on in theatres in the crush in the dark theyre always
trying to wiggle up to you that fellow in the pit at the pit at the Gaiety
for Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the last time Ill ever go there to be squashed
like that for any Trilby or her barebum every two minutes tipping me there
and looking away hes a bit daft I think I saw him after trying to get near
two stylish dressed ladies outside Switzers window at the same little game I
recognised him on the moment the face and everything but he didn't remember
me and she didnt even want me to kiss her at the Broadstone going away well
I hope shell get someone to dance attendance on her the way I did when she
was down with the mumps her glands swollen wheres this and wheres that of
course she cant feel anything deep yet I never came properly till I was what
22 or so it went into the wrong place always only the usual girls nonsense
and giggling that Conny Connolly writing to her in white ink on black paper
sealed with sealingwax though she clapped when the curtain came down because
he looked so handsome then we had Martin Harvey for breakfast dinner and
supper I thought to myself afterwards it must be real love if a man gives up
his life for her that way for nothing I suppose there are few men like that
left its hard to believe in it though unless it really happened to me the
majority of them with not a particle of love in their natures to find two
people like that nowadays full up of each other that would feel the same way
as you do theyre usually a bit foolish in the head his father must have been
a bit queer to go and poison himself after her still poor old man I suppose
he felt lost always making love to my things too the few old rags I have
wanting to put her hair up at 15 my powder too only ruin her skin on her
shes time enough for that all her life after of course shes restless knowing
shes pretty with her lips so red a pity they wont stay that way I was too
but theres no use going to the fair with the thing answering me like a
fishwoman when I asked to go for a half a stone of potatoes the day we met
Mrs Joe Gallaher at the trottingmatches and she pretended not to see us in
her trap with Friery the solicitor we werent grand enough till I gave her 2
damn fine cracks across the ear for herself take that now for answering me
like that and that for your impudence she had me that exasperated of course
contradicting I was badtempered too because how was it there was a weed in
the tea or I didnt sleep the night before cheese I ate was it and I told her
over and over again not to leave knives crossed like that because she has
nobody to command her as she said herself well if he doesnt correct her
faith I will that was the last time she turned on the teartap I was just
like that myself they darent order me about the place its his fault of
course having the two of us slaving here instead of getting in a woman long
ago am I ever going to have a proper servant again of course then shed see
him coming Id have to let her know or shed revenge it arent they a nuisance
that old Mrs Fleming you have to be walking round after her putting the
things into her hands sneezing and farting into the pots well of course shes
old she cant help it a good job I found that rotten old smelly dishcloth
that got lost behind the dresser I knew there was something and opened the
window to let out the smell bringing in his friends to entertain them like
the night he walked home with a dog if you please that might have been mad
especially Simon Dedalus son his father such a criticiser with his glasses
up with his tall hat on him at the cricket match and a great big hole in his
sock one thing laughing at the other and his son that got all those prizes
for whatever he won them in the intermediate imagine climbing over the
railings if anybody saw him that knew us wonder he didnt tear a big hole in
his grand funeral trousers as if the one nature gave wasnt enough for
anybody hawking him down into the dirty old kitchen now is he right in his
head I ask pity it wasn't washing day my old pair of drawers might have been
hanging up too on the line on exhibition for all hed ever care with the
ironmould mark the stupid old bundle burned on them he might think was
something else and she never even rendered down the fat I told her and now
shes going such as she was on account of her paralysed husband getting worse
theres always something wrong with them disease or they have to go under an
operation or if its not that its drink and he beats her Ill have to hunt
around again for someone every day I get up theres some new thing on sweet
God sweet God well when Im stretched out dead in my grave I suppose Ill have
some peace I want to get up a minute if Im let wait O Jesus wait yes that
thing has come on me yes now wouldnt that afflict you of course all the
poking and rooting and ploughing he had up in me now what am I to do Friday
Saturday Sunday wouldnt that pester the soul out of a body unless he likes
it some men do God knows theres always something wrong with us 5 days every
3 or 4 weeks usual monthly auction isnt it simply sickening that night it
came on me like that the one and only time we were in a box that Michael
Gunn gave him to see Mrs Kendal and her husband at the Gaiety something he
did about insurance for him Drimmies I was fit to be tied though I wouldnt
give in with that gentleman of fashion staring down at me with his glasses
and him the other side of me talking about Spinoza and his soul thats dead I
suppose millions of years ago I smiled the best I could all in a swamp
leaning forward as if I was interested having to sit it out then to the last
tag I wont forget that wife of Scarli in a hurry supposed to be a fast play
about adultery that idiot in the gallery hissing the woman adulteress he
shouted I suppose he went and had a woman in the next lane running round all
the back ways after to make up for it I wish he had what I had then hed boo
I bet the cat itself is better off than us have we too much blood up in us
or what O patience above its pouring out of me like the sea anyhow he didnt
make me pregnant as big as he is I dont want to ruin the clean sheets the
clean linen I wore brought it on too damn it damn it and they always want to
see a stain on the bed to know youre a virgin for them all thats troubling
them theyre such fools too you could be a widow or divorced 40 times over a
daub of red ink would do or blackberry juice no thats too purply O Jamesy
let me up out of this pooh sweets of sin whoever suggested that business for
women what between clothes and cooking and children this damned old bed too
jingling like the dickens I suppose they could hear us away over the other
side of the park till I suggested to put the quilt on the floor with the
pillow under my bottom I wonder is it nicer in the day I think it is easy I
think Ill cut all this hair off me there scalding me I might look like a
young girl wouldnt he get the great suckin the next time he turned up my
clothes on me Id give anything to see his face wheres the chamber gone easy
Ive a holy horror of its breaking under me after that old commode I wonder
was I too heavy sitting on his knee I made him sit on the easychair
purposely when I took off only my blouse and skirt first in the other room
he was so busy where he oughtnt to be he never felt me I hope my breath was
sweet after those kissing comfits easy God I remember one time I could scout
it out straight whistling like a man almost easy O Lord how noisy I hope
theyre bubbles on it for a wad of money from some fellow Ill have to perfume
it in the morning dont forget I bet he never saw a better pair of thighs
than that look how white they are the smoothest place is right there between
this bit here how soft like a peach easy God I wouldnt mind being a man and
get up on a lovely woman O Lord what a row youre making like the jersey lily
easy O how the waters come down at Lahore
who knows is there anything the matter with my insides or have I
something growing in me getting that thing like that every week when was it
last I Whit Monday yes its only about 3 weeks I ought to go to the doctor
only it would be like before I married him when I had that white thing
coming from me and Floey made me go to that dry old stick Dr Collins for
womens diseases on Pembroke road your vagina he called it I suppose thats
how he got all the gilt mirrors and carpets getting round those rich ones
off Stephens green running up to him for every little fiddlefaddle her
vagina and her cochinchina theyve money of course so theyre all right I
wouldnt marry him not if he was the last man in the world besides there
something queer about their children always smelling around those filthy
bitches all sides asking me if what I did had an offensive odour what did he
want me to do but the one thing gold maybe what a question if I smathered it
all over his wrinkly old face for him with all my compriment I suppose hed
know then and could you pass it easily pass what I thought he was talking
about the rock of Gibraltar the way he puts it thats a very nice invention
too by the way only I like letting myself down after in the hole as far as I
can squeeze and pull the chain then to flush it nice cool pins and needles
still theres something in it I suppose I always used to know by Millys when
she was a child whether she had worms or not still all the same paying him
for that how much is that doctor one guinea please and asking me had I
frequent omissions where do those old fellows get all the words they have
omissions with his shortsighted eyes on me cocked sideways I wouldnt trust
him too far to give me chloroform or God knows what else still I liked him
when he sat down to write the thing out frowning so severe his nose
intelligent like that you be damned you lying strap O anything no matter who
except an idiot he was clever enough to spot that of course that was all
thinking of him and his mad crazy letters my Precious one everything
connected with your glorious Body everything underlined that comes from it
is a thing of beauty and of joy for ever something he got out of some
nonsensical book that he had me always at myself 4 or 5 times a day
sometimes and I said I hadnt are you sure O yes I said I am quite sure in a
way that shut him up I knew what was coming next only natural weakness it
was he excited me I dont know how the first night ever we met when I was
living in Rehoboth terrace we stood staring at one another for about 10
minutes as if we met somewhere I suppose on account of my being jewess
looking after my mother he used to amuse me the things he said with the half
sloothering smile on him and all the Doyles said he was going to stand for a
member of Parliament O wasnt I the born fool to believe all his blather
about home rule and the land league sending me that long strool of a song
out of the Huguenots to sing in French to be more classy O beau pays de la
Touraine that I never even sang once explaining and rigmaroling about
religion and persecution he wont let you enjoy anything naturally then might
he as a great favour the very 1st opportunity he got a chance in Brighton
square running into my bedroom pretending the ink got on his hands to wash
it off with the Albion milk and sulphur soap I used to use and the gelatine
still round it O I laughed myself sick at him that day Id better not make an
all night sitting on this affair they ought to make chambers a natural size
so that a woman could sit on it properly he kneels down to do it I suppose
there isnt in all creation another man with the habits he has look at the
way hes sleeping at the foot of the bed how can he without a hard bolster
its well he doesnt kick or he might knock out all my teeth breathing with
his hand on his nose like that Indian god he took me to show one wet Sunday
in the museum in Kildare street all yellow in a pinafore lying on his side
on his hand with his ten toes sticking out that he said was a bigger
religion than the jews and Our Lords both put together all over Asia
imitating him ashes always imitating everybody I suppose he used to sleep at
the foot of the bed too with his big square feet up in his wifes mouth damn
this stinking thing anyway wheres this those napkins are ah yes I know I
hope the old press doesnt creak ah I knew it would hes sleeping hard had a
good time somewhere still she must have given him great value for his money
of course he has to pay for it from her O this nuisance of a thing I hope
theyll have something better for us in the other world tying ourselves up
God help us thats all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always
reminds me of old Cohen I suppose he scratched himself in it often enough
and he thinks father bought it from Lord Napier that I used to admire when I
was a little girl because I told him easy piano O I like my bed God here we
are as bad as ever after 16 years how many houses were we in at all Raymond
Terrace and Ontario terrace and Lombard street and Holles street and he goes
about whistling every time were on the run again his huguenots or the frogs
march pretending to help the men with our 4 sticks of furniture and then the
City Arms hotel worse and worse says Warden Daly that charming place on the
landing always somebody inside praying then leaving all their stinks after
them always know who was in there last every time were just getting on right
something happens or he puts his big foot in it Thoms and Helys and Mr
Cuffes and Drimmies either hes going to be run into prison over his old
lottery tickets that was to be all our salvations or he goes and gives
impudence well have him coming home with the sack soon out of the Freeman
too like the rest on account of those Sinner Fein or the Freemasons then
well see if the little man he showed me dribbling along in the wet all by
himself round by Coadys lane will give him much consolation that he says is
so capable and sincerely Irish he is indeed judging by the sincerity of the
trousers I saw on him wait theres Georges church bells wait 3 quarters the
hour wait 2 oclock well thats a nice hour of the night for him to be coming
home at to anybody climbing down into the area if anybody saw him Ill knock
him off that little habit tomorrow first Ill look at his shirt to see or Ill
see if he has that French letter still in his pocketbook I suppose he thinks
I dont know deceitful men all their 20 pockets arent enough for their lies
then why should we tell them even if its the truth they dont believe you
then tucked up in bed like those babies in the Aristocrats Masterpiece he
brought me another time as if we hadnt enough of that in real life without
some old Aristocrat or whatever his name is disgusting you more with those
rotten pictures children with two heads and no legs thats the kind of
villainy theyre always dreaming about with not another thing in their empty
heads they ought to get slow poison the half of them then tea and toast for
him buttered on both sides and newlaid eggs I suppose Im nothing any more
when I wouldnt let him lick me in Holles street one night man man tyrant as
ever for the one thing he slept on the floor half the night naked the way
the jews used when somebody dies belonged to them and wouldnt eat any
breakfast or speak a word wanting to be petted so I thought I stood out
enough for one time and let him he does it all wrong too thinking only of
his own pleasure his tongue is too flat or I dont know what he forgets that
we then I dont Ill make him do it again if he doesnt mind himself and lock
him down to sleep in the coalcellar with the blackbeetles I wonder was it
her Josie off her head with my castoffs hes such a born liar too no hed
never have the courage with a married woman thats why he wants me and Boylan
though as for her Denis as she calls him that forlornlooking spectacle you
couldn't call him a husband yes its some little bitch hes got in with even
when I was with him with Milly at the College races that Hornblower with the
childs bonnet on the top on his nob let us into by the back way he was
throwing his sheeps eyes at those two doing skirt duty up and down I tried
to wink at him first no use of course and thats the way his money goes this
is the fruits of Mr Paddy Dignam yes they were all in great style at the
grand funeral in the paper Boylan brought in if they saw a real officers
funeral thatd be something reversed arms muffled drums the poor horse
walking behind in black L Bloom and Tom Kernan that drunken little barrelly
man that bit his tongue off falling down the mens W C drunk in some place or
other and Martin Cunningham and the two Dedaluses and Fanny MCoys husband
white head of cabbage skinny thing with a turn in her eye trying to sing my
songs shed want to be born all over again and her old green dress with the
lowneck as she cant attract them any other way like dabbling on a rainy day
I see it all now plainly and they call that friendship killing and then
burying one another and they all with their wives and families at home more
especially Jack Power keeping that barmaid he does of course his wife always
sick or going to be sick or just getting better of it and hes a good-looking
man still though hes getting a bit grey over the ears theyre a nice lot all
of them well theyre not going to get my husband again into their clutches if
I can help it making fun of him then behind his back I know well when he
goes on with his idiotics because he has sense enough not to squander every
penny piece he earns down their gullets and looks after his wife and family
goodfornothings poor Paddy Dignam all the same Im sorry in a way for him
what are his wife and 5 children going to do unless he was insured comical
little teetotum always stuck up in some pub corner and her or her son
waiting Bill Bailey wont you please come home her widows weeds wont improve
her appearance theyre awfully becoming though if youre goodlooking what men
wasn't he yes he was at the Glencree dinner and Ben Dollard base barreltone
the night he borrowed the swallowtail to sing out of in Holles street
squeezed and squashed into them and grinning all over his big Dolly face
like a wellwhipped childs botty didnt he look a balmy ballocks sure enough
that must have been a spectacle on the stage imagine paying 5/- in the
preserved seats for that to see him and Simon Dedalus too he was always
turning up half screwed singing the second verse first the old love is the
new was one of his so sweetly sang the maiden on the hawthorn bough he was
always on for flirtyfying too when I sang Maritana with him at Freddy Mayers
private opera he had a delicious glorious voice Phbe dearest goodbye
sweetheart he always sang it not like Bartell dArcy sweet tart goodbye of
course he had the gift of the voice so there was no art in it all over you
like a warm showerbath O Maritana wildwood flower we sang splendidly though
it was a bit too high for my register even transposed and he was married at
the time to May Goulding but then hed say or do something to knock the good
out of it hes a widower now I wonder what sort is his son he says hes an
author and going to be a university professor of Italian and Im to take
lessons what is he driving at now showing him my photo its not good of me I
ought to have got it taken in drapery that never looks out of fashion still
I look young in it I wonder he didnt make him a present of it altogether and
me too after all why not I saw him driving down to the Kingsbridge station
with his father and mother I was in mourning thats 11 years ago now yes hed
be 11 though what was the good in going into mourning for what was neither
one thing nor the other of course he insisted hed go into mourning for the
cat I suppose hes a man now by this time he was an innocent boy then and a
darling little fellow in his lord Fauntleroy suit and curly hair like a
prince on the stage when I saw him at Mat Dillons he liked me too I remember
they all do wait by God yes wait yes hold on he was on the cards this
morning when I laid out the deck union with a young stranger neither dark
nor fair you met before I thought it meant him but hes no chicken nor a
stranger either besides my face was turned the other way what was the 7th
card after that the 10 of spaces for a Journey by land then there was a
letter on its way and scandals too the 3 queens and the 8 of diamonds for a
rise in society yes wait it all came out and 2 red 8s for new garments look
at that and didnt I dream something too yes there was something about poetry
in it I hope he hasnt long greasy hair hanging into his eyes or standing up
like a red Indian what do they go about like that for only getting
themselves and their poetry laughed at I always liked poetry when I was a
girl first I thought he was a poet like Byron and not an ounce of it in his
composition I thought he was quite different I wonder is he too young hes
about wait 88 I was married 88 Milly is 15 yesterday 89 what age was he then
at Dillons 5 or 6 about 88 I suppose hes 20 or more Im not too old for him
if hes 23 or 24 I hope hes not that stuck up university student sort no
otherwise he wouldnt go sitting down in the old kitchen with him taking
Eppss cocoa and taking of course he pretended to understand it all probably
he told him he was out of Trinity college hes very young to be a professor I
hope hes not a professor like Goodwin was he was a patent professor of John
Jameson they all write about some woman in their poetry well I suppose he
wont find many like me where softly sighs of love the light guitar where
poetry is in the air the blue sea and the moon shining so beautifully coming
back on the nightboat from Tarifa the lighthouse at Europa point the guitar
that fellow played was so expressive will I never go back there again all
new faces two glancing eyes a lattice hid Ill sing that for him theyre my
eyes if hes anything of a poet two eyes as darkly bright as loves own star
arent those beautiful words as loves young star itll be a change the Lord
knows to have an intelligent person to talk to about yourself not always
listening to him and Billy Prescotts ad and Keyess ad and Tom the Devils ad
then, if anything goes wrong in their business we have to suffer Im sure hes
very distinguished Id like to meet a man like that God not those other ruck
besides hes young those fine young men I could see down in Margate strand
bathing place from the side of the rock standing up in the sun naked like a
God or something and then plunging into the sea with them why arent all men
like that thered be some consolation for a woman like that lovely little
statue he bought I could look at him all-day long curly head and his
shoulders his finger up for you to listen theres real beauty and poetry for
you I often felt I wanted to kiss him all over also his lovely young cock
there so simply I wouldnt mind taking him in my mouth if nobody was looking
as if it was asking you to suck it so clean and white he looked with his
boyish face I would too in 1/2 a minute even if some of it went down what
its only like gruel or the dew theres no danger besides hed be so clean
compared with those pigs of men I suppose never dream of washing it from 1
years end to the other the most of them only thats what gives the women the
moustaches Im sure itll be grand if I can only get in with a handsome young
poet at my age Ill throw them the 1st thing in the morning till I see if the
wishcard comes out or Ill try pairing the lady herself and see if he comes
out Ill read and study all I can find or learn a bit off by heart if I knew
who he likes so he wont think me stupid if he thinks all women are the same
and I can teach him the other part Ill make him feel all over him till he
half faints under me then hell write about me lover and mistress publicly
too with our 2 photographs in all the papers when he becomes famous O but
then what am I going to do about him though
no thats no way for him has he no manners nor no refinement nor no
nothing in his nature slapping us behind like that on my bottom because I
didn't call him Hugh the ignoramus that doesnt know poetry from a cabbage
thats what you get for notkeeping them in their proper place pulling off his
shoes and trousers there on the chair before me so barefaced without even
asking permission and standing out that vulgar way in the half of a shirt
they wear to be admired like a priest or a butcher or those old hypocrites
in the time of Julius Caesar of course hes right enough in his way to pass
the time as a joke sure you might as well be in bed with what with a lion
God Im sure hed have something better to say for himself an old Lion would O
well I suppose its because they were so plump and tempting in my short
petticoat he couldnt resist they excite myself sometimes its well for men
all the amount of pleasure they get off a womans body were so round and
white for them always I wished I was one myself for a change just to try
with that thing they have swelling upon you so hard and at the same time so
soft when you touch it my uncle John has a thing long I heard those
cornerboys saying passing the corner of Marrowbone lane my aunt Mary has a
thing hairy because it was dark and they knew a girl was passing it didnt
make me blush why should it either its only nature and he puts his thing
long into my aunt Marys hairy etcetera and turns out to be you put the
handle in a sweepingbrush men again all over they can pick and choose what
they please a married woman or a fast widow or a girl for their different
tastes like those houses round behind Irish street no but were to be always
chained up theyre not going to be chaining me up no damn fear once I start I
tell you for stupid husbands jealousy why cant we all remain friends over it
instead of quarrelling her husband found it out what they did together well
naturally and if he did can he undo it hes coronado anyway whatever he does
and then he going to the other mad extreme about the wife in Fair Tyrants of
course the man never even casts a 2nd thought on the husband or wife either
its the woman he wants and he gets her what else were we given all those
desires for Id like to know I cant help it if Im young still can I its a
wonder Im not an old shrivelled hag before my time living with him so cold
never embracing me except sometimes when hes asleep the wrong end of me not
knowing I suppose who he has any man thatd kiss a womans bottom Id throw my
hat at him after that hed kiss anything unnatural where we havent 1 atom of
any kind of expression in us all of us the same 2 lumps of lard before ever
I do that to a man pfooh the dirty brutes the mere thought is enough I kiss
the feet of you senorita theres some sense in that didnt he kiss our
halldoor yes he did what a madman nobody understands his cracked ideas but
me still of course a woman wants to be embraced 20 times a day almost to
make her look young no matter by who so long as to be in love or loved by
somebody if the fellow you want isnt there sometimes by the Lord God I was
thinking would I go around by the quays there some dark evening where
nobodyd know me and pick up a sailor off the sea thatd be hot on for it and
not care a pin whose I was only to do it off up in a gate somewhere or one
of those wildlooking gipsies in Rathfarnham had their camp pitched near the
Bloomfield laundry to try and steal our things if they could I only sent
mine there a few times for the name model laundry sending me back over and
over some old ones old stockings that blackguardlooking fellow with the fine
eyes peeling a switch attack me in the dark and ride me up against the wall
without a word or a murderer anybody what they do themselves the fine
gentlemen in their silk hats that K C lives up somewhere this way coming out
of Hardwicke lane the night he gave us the fish supper on account of winning
over the boxing match of course it was for me he gave it I knew him by his
gaiters and the walk and when I turned round a minute after just to see
there was a woman after coming out of it too some filthy prostitute then he
goes home to his wife after that only I suppose the half of those sailors
are rotten again with disease O move over your big carcass out of that for
the love of Mike listen to him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well
he may sleep and sigh the great Suggester Don Poldo de la Flora if he knew
how he came out on the cards this morning hed have something to sigh for a
dark man in some perplexity between 2 7s too in prison for Lord knows what
he does that I dont know and Im to be slooching around down in the kitchen
to get his lordship his breakfast while hes rolled up like a mummy will I
indeed did you ever see me running Id just like to see myself at it show
them attention and they treat you like dirt I dont care what anybody says
itd be much better for the world to be governed by the women in it you
wouldnt see women going and killing one another and slaughtering when do you
ever see women rolling around drunk like they do or gambling every penny
they have and losing it on horses yes because a woman whatever she does she
knows where to stop sure they wouldn't be in the world at all only for us
they dont know what it is to be a woman and a mother how could they where
would they all of them be if they hadnt all a mother to look after them what
I never had thats why I suppose hes running wild now out at night away from
his books and studies and not living at home on account of the usual rowdy
house I suppose well its a poor case that those that have a fine son like
that theyre not satisfied and I none was he not able to make one it wasnt my
fault we came together when I was watching the two dogs up in her behind in
the middle of the naked street that disheartened me altogether I suppose I
oughtnt to have buried him in that little woolly jacket I knitted crying as
was but give it to some poor child but I knew well Id never have another our
1st death too it was we were never the same since O Im not going to think
myself into the glooms about that any more I wonder why he wouldnt stay the
night I felt all the time it was somebody strange he brought in instead of
roving around the city meeting God knows who nightwalkers and pickpockets
his poor mother wouldnt like that if she was alive ruining himself for life
perhaps still its a lovely hour so silent I used to love coming home after
dances the air of the night they have friends they can talk to weve none
either he wants what he wont get or its some woman ready to stick her knife
in you I hate that in women no wonder they treat us the way they do we are a
dreadful lot of bitches I suppose its all the troubles we have makes us so
snappy Im not like that he could easy have slept in there on the sofa in the
other room suppose he was as shy as a boy he being so young hardly 20 of me
in the next room hed have heard me on the chamber arrah what harm Dedalus I
wonder its like those names in Gibraltar Delapaz Delagracia they had the
or blown up somewhere I went up windmill hill to the flats that Sunday
morning with Captain Rubios that was dead spyglass like the sentry had he
said hed have one or two from on board I wore that frock from the B Marche
Paris and the coral necklace the straits shining I could see over to Morocco
almost the bay of Tangierwhite and the At!as mountain with snow on it and
the straits like a river so clear Harry Molly Darling I was thinking of him
on the sea all the time after at mass when my petticoat began to slip down
at the elevation weeks and weeks I kept the handkerchief under my pillow for
the smell of him there was no decent perfume to be got in that Gibraltar
only that cheap peau despagne that faded and left a stink on you more than
anything else I wanted to give him a memento he gave me that clumsy Claddagh
ring for luck that I gave Gardner going to South Africa where those Boers
killed him with their war and fever but they were well beaten all the same
as if it brought its bad luck with it like an opal or pearl must have been
pure 16 carat gold because it was very heavy I can see his face clean shaven
Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong that train again weeping tone once in the dear
deaead days beyond recall close my eyes breath my lips forward kiss sad look
eyes open piano ere oer the world the mists began I hate that istsbeg comes
loves sweet ssooooooong Ill let that out full when I get in front of the
footlights again Kathleen Kearney and her lot of squealers Miss This Miss
That Miss Theother lot of sparrowfarts skitting around talking about
politics they know as much about as my backside anything in the world to
make themselves someway interesting Irish homemade beauties soldiers
daughter am ay and whose are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon
coach I thought you were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if
ever they got a chance of walking down the Alameda on an officers arm like
me on the bandnight my eyes flash my bust that they havent passion God help
their poor head I knew more about men and life when I was 15 than theyll all
know at 50 they dont know how to sing a song like that Gardner said no man
could look at my mouth and teeth smiling like that end not think of it I was
afraid he mightnt like my accent first he so English all father left me in
spite of his stamps Ive my mothers eyes and figure anyhow he always said
theyre so snotty about themselves some of those cads he wasnt a bit like
that he was dead gone on my lips let them get a husband first thats fit to
be looked at and a daughter like mine or see if they can excite a swell with
money that can pick and choose whoever he wants like Boylan to do it 4 or 5
times locked in each others arms or the voice either I could have been a
prima donna only I married him comes loooves old deep down chin back not too
much make it double My Ladys Bower is too long for an encore about the
moated grange at twilight and vaulted rooms yes Ill sing Winds that blow
from the south that he gave after the choirstairs performance Ill change
that lace on my black dress to show off my bubs and Ill yes by God Ill get
that big fan mended make them burst with envy my hole is itching me always
when I think of him I feel I want to I feel some wind in me better go easy
not wake him have him at it again slobbering after washing every bit of
myself back belly and sides if we had even a bath itself or my own room
anyway I wish hed sleep in some bed by himself with his cold feet on me give
us room even to let a fart God or do the least thing better yes hold them
like that a bit on my side piano quietly sweeeee theres that train far away
pianissimo eeeeeeee one more song that was a relief wherever you be let your
wind go free who knows if that pork chop I took with my cup of tea after was
quite good with the heat I couldnt smell anything off it Im sure that
queerlooking man in the porkbutchers is a great rogue I hope that lamp is
not smoking fill my nose up with smuts better than having him leaving the
gas on all night I couldnt rest easy in my bed in Gibraltar even getting up
to see why am I so damned nervous about that though I like it in the winter
its more company O Lord it was rotten cold too that winter when I was only
about ten was I yes I had the big doll with all the funny clothes dressing
her up and undressing that icy wind skeeting across from those mountains the
something Nevada sierra nevada standing at the fire with the little bit of a
short shift I had up to heat myself I loved dancing about in it then make a
race back into bed Im sure that fellow opposite used to be there the whole
time watching with the lights out in the summer and I in my skin hopping
around I used to love myself then stripped at the washstand dabbing and
creaming only when it came to the chamber performance I put out the light
too so then there were 2 of us Goodbye to my sleep for this night anyhow I
hope hes not going to get in with those medicals leading him astray to
imagine hes young again coming in at 4 in the morning it must be if not more
still he had the manners not to wake me what do they find to gabber about
all night squandering money and getting drunker and drunker couldnt they
drink water then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea Findon
haddy and hot buttered toast I suppose well have him sitting up like the
king of the country pumping the wrong end of the spoon up and down in his
egg wherever he learned that from and I love to hear him falling up the
stairs of a morning with the cups rattling on the tray and then play with
the cat she rubs up against you for her own sake I wonder has she fleas shes
as bad as a woman always licking and lecking but I hate their claws I wonder
do they see anything that we cant staring like that when she sits at the top
of the stairs so long and listening as I wait always what a robber too that
lovely fresh plaice I bought I think Ill get a bit of fish tomorrow or today
is it Friday yes I will with some blancmange with black currant jam like
long ago not those 2 lb pots of mixed plum and apple from the London and
Newcastle Williams and Woods goes twice as far only for the bones I hate
those eels cod yes Ill get a nice piece of cod Im always getting enough for
3 forgetting anyway Im sick of that everlasting butchers meat from Buckleys
loin chops and leg beef and rib steak and scrag of mutton and calfs pluck
the very name is enough or a picnic suppose we all gave 5/- each and or let
him pay and invite some other woman for him who Mrs Fleming and drive out to
the furry glen or the strawberry beds wed have him examining all the horses
toenails first like he does with the letters no not with Boylan there yes
with some cold veal and ham mixed sandwiches there are little houses down at
the bottom of the banks there on purpose but its as hot as blazes he says
not a bank holiday anyhow I hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for
the day Whit Monday is a cursed day too no wonder that bee bit him better
the seaside but Id never again in this life get into a boat with him after
him at Bray telling the boatmen he knew how to row if anyone asked could he
ride the steeplechase for the gold cup hed say yes then it came on to get
rough the old thing crookeding about and the weight all down my side telling
me to pull the right reins now pull the left and the tide all swamping in
floods in through through the bottom and his oar slipping out of the
stirrupits a mercy we werent all drowned he can swim of course me no theres
no danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his flannel trousers Id like to
have tattered them down off him before all the people and give him what that
one calls flagellate till he was black and blue do him all the good in the
world only for that longnosed chap I dont know who he is with that other
beauty Burke out of the City Arms hotel was there spying around as usual on
the slip always where he wasnt wanted if there was a row on you vomit a
better face there was no love lost between us thats I consolation I wonder
what kind is that book he brought me Sweets of Sin by a gentleman of fashion
some other Mr de Kock I suppose the people gave him that nickname going
about with his tube from one woman to another I couldnt even change my new
white shoes all ruined with the saltwater and the hat I had with that
feather all blowy and tossed on me how annoying and provoking because the
smell of the sea excited me of course the sardines and the bream in Catalan
bay round the back of the rock they were fine all silver in the fishermens
baskets old Luigi near a hundred they said came from Genoa and the tall old
chap with the earrings I dont like a man you have to climb up to go get at I
suppose theyre all dead and rotten long ago besides I dont like being alone
in this big barracks of a place at night I suppose Ill have to put up with
it I never brought a bit of salt in even when we moved in the confusion
musical academy he was going to make on the first floor drawingroom with a
brassplate or Blooms private hotel he suggested go and ruin himself
altogether the way his father did down in Ennis like all the things he told
father he was going to do and me but I saw through him telling me all the
lovely places we could go for the honeymoon Venice by moonlight with the
gondolas and the lake of Como he had a picture cut out of some paper of and
mandolines and lanterns O how nice I said whatever I liked he was going to
do immediately if not sooner will you be my man will you carry my can he
ought to get a leather medal with a putty rim for all the plans he invents
then leaving us here all day you never know what old beggar at the door for
a crust with his long story might be a tramp and put his foot in the way to
prevent me shutting it like that picture of that hardened criminal he was
called in Lloyds Weekly News 20 years in jail then he comes out and murders
an old woman for her mofley imagine his poor wife or mother or whoever she
is such a face youd run miles away from I couldnt rest easy till I bolted
all the doors and windows to make sure but its worse again being locked up
like in a prison or a madhouse they ought to be all shot or the cat of nine
tails a big brute like that that would attack a poor old woman to murder her
in her bed Id cut them off so I would not that hed be much use still better
than nothing the night I was sure I heard burglars in the kitchen and he
went down in his shirt with a candle and a poker as if he was looking for a
mouse as white as a sheet frightened out of his wits making as much noise as
he possibly could for the burglars benefit there isnt much to steal indeed
the Lord knows still its the feeling especially now with Milly away such an
idea for him to send the girl down there to learn to take photographs on
account of his grandfather instead of sending her to Skerrys academy where
shed have to learn not like me getting all at school only hed do a thing
like that all the same on account of me and Boylan thats why he did it Im
certain the way he plots and plans everything out I couldnt turn round with
her in the place lately unless I bolted the door first gave me the fidgets
coming in without knocking first when I put the chair against the door just
as I was washing myself there below with the glove get on your nerves then
doing the loglady all day put her in a glasscase with two at a time to look
at her if he knew she broke off the hand off that little gimcrack statue
with her roughness and carelessness before she left that I got that little
Italian boy to mend so that you cant see the join for 2 shillings wouldnt
even teem the potatoes for you of course shes right not to ruin her hands I
noticed he was always talking to her lately at the table explaining things
in the paper and she pretending to understand sly of course that comes from
his side of the house and helping her into her coat but if there was
anything wrong with her its me shed tell not him he Cant say I pretend
things can he Im too honest as a matter of fact I suppose he thinks Im
finished out and laid on the shelf well Im not no nor anything like it well
see well see now shes well on for flirting too with Tom Devans two sons
imitating me whistling with those romps of Murray girls calling for her can
Milly come out please shes in great demand to pick what they can out of her
round in Nelson street riding Harry Devans bicycle at night its as well he
sent her where she is she was just getting out of bounds wanting to go on
the skatingrink and smoking their cigarettes through their nose I smelt it
off her dress when I was biting off the thread of the button I sewed on to
the bottom of her jacket she couldnt hide much from me I tell you only I
oughtnt to have stitched it and it on her it brings a parting and the last
plumpudding too split in 2 halves see it comes out no matter what they say
her tongue is a bit too long for my taste your blouse is open too low she
says to me the pan calling the kettle blackbottom and I had to tell her no!
to cock her legs up like that on show on the windowsill before all the
people passing they all look at her like me when I was her age of course any
old rag looks well on you then a great touchmenot too in her own way at the
Only Way in the Theatre royal take your foot away out of that I hate people
touching me afraid of her life Id crush her skirt with the pleats a lot of
that touching must go on in theatres in the crush in the dark theyre always
trying to wiggle up to you that fellow in the pit at the pit at the Gaiety
for Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the last time Ill ever go there to be squashed
like that for any Trilby or her barebum every two minutes tipping me there
and looking away hes a bit daft I think I saw him after trying to get near
two stylish dressed ladies outside Switzers window at the same little game I
recognised him on the moment the face and everything but he didn't remember
me and she didnt even want me to kiss her at the Broadstone going away well
I hope shell get someone to dance attendance on her the way I did when she
was down with the mumps her glands swollen wheres this and wheres that of
course she cant feel anything deep yet I never came properly till I was what
22 or so it went into the wrong place always only the usual girls nonsense
and giggling that Conny Connolly writing to her in white ink on black paper
sealed with sealingwax though she clapped when the curtain came down because
he looked so handsome then we had Martin Harvey for breakfast dinner and
supper I thought to myself afterwards it must be real love if a man gives up
his life for her that way for nothing I suppose there are few men like that
left its hard to believe in it though unless it really happened to me the
majority of them with not a particle of love in their natures to find two
people like that nowadays full up of each other that would feel the same way
as you do theyre usually a bit foolish in the head his father must have been
a bit queer to go and poison himself after her still poor old man I suppose
he felt lost always making love to my things too the few old rags I have
wanting to put her hair up at 15 my powder too only ruin her skin on her
shes time enough for that all her life after of course shes restless knowing
shes pretty with her lips so red a pity they wont stay that way I was too
but theres no use going to the fair with the thing answering me like a
fishwoman when I asked to go for a half a stone of potatoes the day we met
Mrs Joe Gallaher at the trottingmatches and she pretended not to see us in
her trap with Friery the solicitor we werent grand enough till I gave her 2
damn fine cracks across the ear for herself take that now for answering me
like that and that for your impudence she had me that exasperated of course
contradicting I was badtempered too because how was it there was a weed in
the tea or I didnt sleep the night before cheese I ate was it and I told her
over and over again not to leave knives crossed like that because she has
nobody to command her as she said herself well if he doesnt correct her
faith I will that was the last time she turned on the teartap I was just
like that myself they darent order me about the place its his fault of
course having the two of us slaving here instead of getting in a woman long
ago am I ever going to have a proper servant again of course then shed see
him coming Id have to let her know or shed revenge it arent they a nuisance
that old Mrs Fleming you have to be walking round after her putting the
things into her hands sneezing and farting into the pots well of course shes
old she cant help it a good job I found that rotten old smelly dishcloth
that got lost behind the dresser I knew there was something and opened the
window to let out the smell bringing in his friends to entertain them like
the night he walked home with a dog if you please that might have been mad
especially Simon Dedalus son his father such a criticiser with his glasses
up with his tall hat on him at the cricket match and a great big hole in his
sock one thing laughing at the other and his son that got all those prizes
for whatever he won them in the intermediate imagine climbing over the
railings if anybody saw him that knew us wonder he didnt tear a big hole in
his grand funeral trousers as if the one nature gave wasnt enough for
anybody hawking him down into the dirty old kitchen now is he right in his
head I ask pity it wasn't washing day my old pair of drawers might have been
hanging up too on the line on exhibition for all hed ever care with the
ironmould mark the stupid old bundle burned on them he might think was
something else and she never even rendered down the fat I told her and now
shes going such as she was on account of her paralysed husband getting worse
theres always something wrong with them disease or they have to go under an
operation or if its not that its drink and he beats her Ill have to hunt
around again for someone every day I get up theres some new thing on sweet
God sweet God well when Im stretched out dead in my grave I suppose Ill have
some peace I want to get up a minute if Im let wait O Jesus wait yes that
thing has come on me yes now wouldnt that afflict you of course all the
poking and rooting and ploughing he had up in me now what am I to do Friday
Saturday Sunday wouldnt that pester the soul out of a body unless he likes
it some men do God knows theres always something wrong with us 5 days every
3 or 4 weeks usual monthly auction isnt it simply sickening that night it
came on me like that the one and only time we were in a box that Michael
Gunn gave him to see Mrs Kendal and her husband at the Gaiety something he
did about insurance for him Drimmies I was fit to be tied though I wouldnt
give in with that gentleman of fashion staring down at me with his glasses
and him the other side of me talking about Spinoza and his soul thats dead I
suppose millions of years ago I smiled the best I could all in a swamp
leaning forward as if I was interested having to sit it out then to the last
tag I wont forget that wife of Scarli in a hurry supposed to be a fast play
about adultery that idiot in the gallery hissing the woman adulteress he
shouted I suppose he went and had a woman in the next lane running round all
the back ways after to make up for it I wish he had what I had then hed boo
I bet the cat itself is better off than us have we too much blood up in us
or what O patience above its pouring out of me like the sea anyhow he didnt
make me pregnant as big as he is I dont want to ruin the clean sheets the
clean linen I wore brought it on too damn it damn it and they always want to
see a stain on the bed to know youre a virgin for them all thats troubling
them theyre such fools too you could be a widow or divorced 40 times over a
daub of red ink would do or blackberry juice no thats too purply O Jamesy
let me up out of this pooh sweets of sin whoever suggested that business for
women what between clothes and cooking and children this damned old bed too
jingling like the dickens I suppose they could hear us away over the other
side of the park till I suggested to put the quilt on the floor with the
pillow under my bottom I wonder is it nicer in the day I think it is easy I
think Ill cut all this hair off me there scalding me I might look like a
young girl wouldnt he get the great suckin the next time he turned up my
clothes on me Id give anything to see his face wheres the chamber gone easy
Ive a holy horror of its breaking under me after that old commode I wonder
was I too heavy sitting on his knee I made him sit on the easychair
purposely when I took off only my blouse and skirt first in the other room
he was so busy where he oughtnt to be he never felt me I hope my breath was
sweet after those kissing comfits easy God I remember one time I could scout
it out straight whistling like a man almost easy O Lord how noisy I hope
theyre bubbles on it for a wad of money from some fellow Ill have to perfume
it in the morning dont forget I bet he never saw a better pair of thighs
than that look how white they are the smoothest place is right there between
this bit here how soft like a peach easy God I wouldnt mind being a man and
get up on a lovely woman O Lord what a row youre making like the jersey lily
easy O how the waters come down at Lahore
who knows is there anything the matter with my insides or have I
something growing in me getting that thing like that every week when was it
last I Whit Monday yes its only about 3 weeks I ought to go to the doctor
only it would be like before I married him when I had that white thing
coming from me and Floey made me go to that dry old stick Dr Collins for
womens diseases on Pembroke road your vagina he called it I suppose thats
how he got all the gilt mirrors and carpets getting round those rich ones
off Stephens green running up to him for every little fiddlefaddle her
vagina and her cochinchina theyve money of course so theyre all right I
wouldnt marry him not if he was the last man in the world besides there
something queer about their children always smelling around those filthy
bitches all sides asking me if what I did had an offensive odour what did he
want me to do but the one thing gold maybe what a question if I smathered it
all over his wrinkly old face for him with all my compriment I suppose hed
know then and could you pass it easily pass what I thought he was talking
about the rock of Gibraltar the way he puts it thats a very nice invention
too by the way only I like letting myself down after in the hole as far as I
can squeeze and pull the chain then to flush it nice cool pins and needles
still theres something in it I suppose I always used to know by Millys when
she was a child whether she had worms or not still all the same paying him
for that how much is that doctor one guinea please and asking me had I
frequent omissions where do those old fellows get all the words they have
omissions with his shortsighted eyes on me cocked sideways I wouldnt trust
him too far to give me chloroform or God knows what else still I liked him
when he sat down to write the thing out frowning so severe his nose
intelligent like that you be damned you lying strap O anything no matter who
except an idiot he was clever enough to spot that of course that was all
thinking of him and his mad crazy letters my Precious one everything
connected with your glorious Body everything underlined that comes from it
is a thing of beauty and of joy for ever something he got out of some
nonsensical book that he had me always at myself 4 or 5 times a day
sometimes and I said I hadnt are you sure O yes I said I am quite sure in a
way that shut him up I knew what was coming next only natural weakness it
was he excited me I dont know how the first night ever we met when I was
living in Rehoboth terrace we stood staring at one another for about 10
minutes as if we met somewhere I suppose on account of my being jewess
looking after my mother he used to amuse me the things he said with the half
sloothering smile on him and all the Doyles said he was going to stand for a
member of Parliament O wasnt I the born fool to believe all his blather
about home rule and the land league sending me that long strool of a song
out of the Huguenots to sing in French to be more classy O beau pays de la
Touraine that I never even sang once explaining and rigmaroling about
religion and persecution he wont let you enjoy anything naturally then might
he as a great favour the very 1st opportunity he got a chance in Brighton
square running into my bedroom pretending the ink got on his hands to wash
it off with the Albion milk and sulphur soap I used to use and the gelatine
still round it O I laughed myself sick at him that day Id better not make an
all night sitting on this affair they ought to make chambers a natural size
so that a woman could sit on it properly he kneels down to do it I suppose
there isnt in all creation another man with the habits he has look at the
way hes sleeping at the foot of the bed how can he without a hard bolster
its well he doesnt kick or he might knock out all my teeth breathing with
his hand on his nose like that Indian god he took me to show one wet Sunday
in the museum in Kildare street all yellow in a pinafore lying on his side
on his hand with his ten toes sticking out that he said was a bigger
religion than the jews and Our Lords both put together all over Asia
imitating him ashes always imitating everybody I suppose he used to sleep at
the foot of the bed too with his big square feet up in his wifes mouth damn
this stinking thing anyway wheres this those napkins are ah yes I know I
hope the old press doesnt creak ah I knew it would hes sleeping hard had a
good time somewhere still she must have given him great value for his money
of course he has to pay for it from her O this nuisance of a thing I hope
theyll have something better for us in the other world tying ourselves up
God help us thats all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always
reminds me of old Cohen I suppose he scratched himself in it often enough
and he thinks father bought it from Lord Napier that I used to admire when I
was a little girl because I told him easy piano O I like my bed God here we
are as bad as ever after 16 years how many houses were we in at all Raymond
Terrace and Ontario terrace and Lombard street and Holles street and he goes
about whistling every time were on the run again his huguenots or the frogs
march pretending to help the men with our 4 sticks of furniture and then the
City Arms hotel worse and worse says Warden Daly that charming place on the
landing always somebody inside praying then leaving all their stinks after
them always know who was in there last every time were just getting on right
something happens or he puts his big foot in it Thoms and Helys and Mr
Cuffes and Drimmies either hes going to be run into prison over his old
lottery tickets that was to be all our salvations or he goes and gives
impudence well have him coming home with the sack soon out of the Freeman
too like the rest on account of those Sinner Fein or the Freemasons then
well see if the little man he showed me dribbling along in the wet all by
himself round by Coadys lane will give him much consolation that he says is
so capable and sincerely Irish he is indeed judging by the sincerity of the
trousers I saw on him wait theres Georges church bells wait 3 quarters the
hour wait 2 oclock well thats a nice hour of the night for him to be coming
home at to anybody climbing down into the area if anybody saw him Ill knock
him off that little habit tomorrow first Ill look at his shirt to see or Ill
see if he has that French letter still in his pocketbook I suppose he thinks
I dont know deceitful men all their 20 pockets arent enough for their lies
then why should we tell them even if its the truth they dont believe you
then tucked up in bed like those babies in the Aristocrats Masterpiece he
brought me another time as if we hadnt enough of that in real life without
some old Aristocrat or whatever his name is disgusting you more with those
rotten pictures children with two heads and no legs thats the kind of
villainy theyre always dreaming about with not another thing in their empty
heads they ought to get slow poison the half of them then tea and toast for
him buttered on both sides and newlaid eggs I suppose Im nothing any more
when I wouldnt let him lick me in Holles street one night man man tyrant as
ever for the one thing he slept on the floor half the night naked the way
the jews used when somebody dies belonged to them and wouldnt eat any
breakfast or speak a word wanting to be petted so I thought I stood out
enough for one time and let him he does it all wrong too thinking only of
his own pleasure his tongue is too flat or I dont know what he forgets that
we then I dont Ill make him do it again if he doesnt mind himself and lock
him down to sleep in the coalcellar with the blackbeetles I wonder was it
her Josie off her head with my castoffs hes such a born liar too no hed
never have the courage with a married woman thats why he wants me and Boylan
though as for her Denis as she calls him that forlornlooking spectacle you
couldn't call him a husband yes its some little bitch hes got in with even
when I was with him with Milly at the College races that Hornblower with the
childs bonnet on the top on his nob let us into by the back way he was
throwing his sheeps eyes at those two doing skirt duty up and down I tried
to wink at him first no use of course and thats the way his money goes this
is the fruits of Mr Paddy Dignam yes they were all in great style at the
grand funeral in the paper Boylan brought in if they saw a real officers
funeral thatd be something reversed arms muffled drums the poor horse
walking behind in black L Bloom and Tom Kernan that drunken little barrelly
man that bit his tongue off falling down the mens W C drunk in some place or
other and Martin Cunningham and the two Dedaluses and Fanny MCoys husband
white head of cabbage skinny thing with a turn in her eye trying to sing my
songs shed want to be born all over again and her old green dress with the
lowneck as she cant attract them any other way like dabbling on a rainy day
I see it all now plainly and they call that friendship killing and then
burying one another and they all with their wives and families at home more
especially Jack Power keeping that barmaid he does of course his wife always
sick or going to be sick or just getting better of it and hes a good-looking
man still though hes getting a bit grey over the ears theyre a nice lot all
of them well theyre not going to get my husband again into their clutches if
I can help it making fun of him then behind his back I know well when he
goes on with his idiotics because he has sense enough not to squander every
penny piece he earns down their gullets and looks after his wife and family
goodfornothings poor Paddy Dignam all the same Im sorry in a way for him
what are his wife and 5 children going to do unless he was insured comical
little teetotum always stuck up in some pub corner and her or her son
waiting Bill Bailey wont you please come home her widows weeds wont improve
her appearance theyre awfully becoming though if youre goodlooking what men
wasn't he yes he was at the Glencree dinner and Ben Dollard base barreltone
the night he borrowed the swallowtail to sing out of in Holles street
squeezed and squashed into them and grinning all over his big Dolly face
like a wellwhipped childs botty didnt he look a balmy ballocks sure enough
that must have been a spectacle on the stage imagine paying 5/- in the
preserved seats for that to see him and Simon Dedalus too he was always
turning up half screwed singing the second verse first the old love is the
new was one of his so sweetly sang the maiden on the hawthorn bough he was
always on for flirtyfying too when I sang Maritana with him at Freddy Mayers
private opera he had a delicious glorious voice Ph
sweetheart he always sang it not like Bartell dArcy sweet tart goodbye of
course he had the gift of the voice so there was no art in it all over you
like a warm showerbath O Maritana wildwood flower we sang splendidly though
it was a bit too high for my register even transposed and he was married at
the time to May Goulding but then hed say or do something to knock the good
out of it hes a widower now I wonder what sort is his son he says hes an
author and going to be a university professor of Italian and Im to take
lessons what is he driving at now showing him my photo its not good of me I
ought to have got it taken in drapery that never looks out of fashion still
I look young in it I wonder he didnt make him a present of it altogether and
me too after all why not I saw him driving down to the Kingsbridge station
with his father and mother I was in mourning thats 11 years ago now yes hed
be 11 though what was the good in going into mourning for what was neither
one thing nor the other of course he insisted hed go into mourning for the
cat I suppose hes a man now by this time he was an innocent boy then and a
darling little fellow in his lord Fauntleroy suit and curly hair like a
prince on the stage when I saw him at Mat Dillons he liked me too I remember
they all do wait by God yes wait yes hold on he was on the cards this
morning when I laid out the deck union with a young stranger neither dark
nor fair you met before I thought it meant him but hes no chicken nor a
stranger either besides my face was turned the other way what was the 7th
card after that the 10 of spaces for a Journey by land then there was a
letter on its way and scandals too the 3 queens and the 8 of diamonds for a
rise in society yes wait it all came out and 2 red 8s for new garments look
at that and didnt I dream something too yes there was something about poetry
in it I hope he hasnt long greasy hair hanging into his eyes or standing up
like a red Indian what do they go about like that for only getting
themselves and their poetry laughed at I always liked poetry when I was a
girl first I thought he was a poet like Byron and not an ounce of it in his
composition I thought he was quite different I wonder is he too young hes
about wait 88 I was married 88 Milly is 15 yesterday 89 what age was he then
at Dillons 5 or 6 about 88 I suppose hes 20 or more Im not too old for him
if hes 23 or 24 I hope hes not that stuck up university student sort no
otherwise he wouldnt go sitting down in the old kitchen with him taking
Eppss cocoa and taking of course he pretended to understand it all probably
he told him he was out of Trinity college hes very young to be a professor I
hope hes not a professor like Goodwin was he was a patent professor of John
Jameson they all write about some woman in their poetry well I suppose he
wont find many like me where softly sighs of love the light guitar where
poetry is in the air the blue sea and the moon shining so beautifully coming
back on the nightboat from Tarifa the lighthouse at Europa point the guitar
that fellow played was so expressive will I never go back there again all
new faces two glancing eyes a lattice hid Ill sing that for him theyre my
eyes if hes anything of a poet two eyes as darkly bright as loves own star
arent those beautiful words as loves young star itll be a change the Lord
knows to have an intelligent person to talk to about yourself not always
listening to him and Billy Prescotts ad and Keyess ad and Tom the Devils ad
then, if anything goes wrong in their business we have to suffer Im sure hes
very distinguished Id like to meet a man like that God not those other ruck
besides hes young those fine young men I could see down in Margate strand
bathing place from the side of the rock standing up in the sun naked like a
God or something and then plunging into the sea with them why arent all men
like that thered be some consolation for a woman like that lovely little
statue he bought I could look at him all-day long curly head and his
shoulders his finger up for you to listen theres real beauty and poetry for
you I often felt I wanted to kiss him all over also his lovely young cock
there so simply I wouldnt mind taking him in my mouth if nobody was looking
as if it was asking you to suck it so clean and white he looked with his
boyish face I would too in 1/2 a minute even if some of it went down what
its only like gruel or the dew theres no danger besides hed be so clean
compared with those pigs of men I suppose never dream of washing it from 1
years end to the other the most of them only thats what gives the women the
moustaches Im sure itll be grand if I can only get in with a handsome young
poet at my age Ill throw them the 1st thing in the morning till I see if the
wishcard comes out or Ill try pairing the lady herself and see if he comes
out Ill read and study all I can find or learn a bit off by heart if I knew
who he likes so he wont think me stupid if he thinks all women are the same
and I can teach him the other part Ill make him feel all over him till he
half faints under me then hell write about me lover and mistress publicly
too with our 2 photographs in all the papers when he becomes famous O but
then what am I going to do about him though
no thats no way for him has he no manners nor no refinement nor no
nothing in his nature slapping us behind like that on my bottom because I
didn't call him Hugh the ignoramus that doesnt know poetry from a cabbage
thats what you get for notkeeping them in their proper place pulling off his
shoes and trousers there on the chair before me so barefaced without even
asking permission and standing out that vulgar way in the half of a shirt
they wear to be admired like a priest or a butcher or those old hypocrites
in the time of Julius Caesar of course hes right enough in his way to pass
the time as a joke sure you might as well be in bed with what with a lion
God Im sure hed have something better to say for himself an old Lion would O
well I suppose its because they were so plump and tempting in my short
petticoat he couldnt resist they excite myself sometimes its well for men
all the amount of pleasure they get off a womans body were so round and
white for them always I wished I was one myself for a change just to try
with that thing they have swelling upon you so hard and at the same time so
soft when you touch it my uncle John has a thing long I heard those
cornerboys saying passing the corner of Marrowbone lane my aunt Mary has a
thing hairy because it was dark and they knew a girl was passing it didnt
make me blush why should it either its only nature and he puts his thing
long into my aunt Marys hairy etcetera and turns out to be you put the
handle in a sweepingbrush men again all over they can pick and choose what
they please a married woman or a fast widow or a girl for their different
tastes like those houses round behind Irish street no but were to be always
chained up theyre not going to be chaining me up no damn fear once I start I
tell you for stupid husbands jealousy why cant we all remain friends over it
instead of quarrelling her husband found it out what they did together well
naturally and if he did can he undo it hes coronado anyway whatever he does
and then he going to the other mad extreme about the wife in Fair Tyrants of
course the man never even casts a 2nd thought on the husband or wife either
its the woman he wants and he gets her what else were we given all those
desires for Id like to know I cant help it if Im young still can I its a
wonder Im not an old shrivelled hag before my time living with him so cold
never embracing me except sometimes when hes asleep the wrong end of me not
knowing I suppose who he has any man thatd kiss a womans bottom Id throw my
hat at him after that hed kiss anything unnatural where we havent 1 atom of
any kind of expression in us all of us the same 2 lumps of lard before ever
I do that to a man pfooh the dirty brutes the mere thought is enough I kiss
the feet of you senorita theres some sense in that didnt he kiss our
halldoor yes he did what a madman nobody understands his cracked ideas but
me still of course a woman wants to be embraced 20 times a day almost to
make her look young no matter by who so long as to be in love or loved by
somebody if the fellow you want isnt there sometimes by the Lord God I was
thinking would I go around by the quays there some dark evening where
nobodyd know me and pick up a sailor off the sea thatd be hot on for it and
not care a pin whose I was only to do it off up in a gate somewhere or one
of those wildlooking gipsies in Rathfarnham had their camp pitched near the
Bloomfield laundry to try and steal our things if they could I only sent
mine there a few times for the name model laundry sending me back over and
over some old ones old stockings that blackguardlooking fellow with the fine
eyes peeling a switch attack me in the dark and ride me up against the wall
without a word or a murderer anybody what they do themselves the fine
gentlemen in their silk hats that K C lives up somewhere this way coming out
of Hardwicke lane the night he gave us the fish supper on account of winning
over the boxing match of course it was for me he gave it I knew him by his
gaiters and the walk and when I turned round a minute after just to see
there was a woman after coming out of it too some filthy prostitute then he
goes home to his wife after that only I suppose the half of those sailors
are rotten again with disease O move over your big carcass out of that for
the love of Mike listen to him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well
he may sleep and sigh the great Suggester Don Poldo de la Flora if he knew
how he came out on the cards this morning hed have something to sigh for a
dark man in some perplexity between 2 7s too in prison for Lord knows what
he does that I dont know and Im to be slooching around down in the kitchen
to get his lordship his breakfast while hes rolled up like a mummy will I
indeed did you ever see me running Id just like to see myself at it show
them attention and they treat you like dirt I dont care what anybody says
itd be much better for the world to be governed by the women in it you
wouldnt see women going and killing one another and slaughtering when do you
ever see women rolling around drunk like they do or gambling every penny
they have and losing it on horses yes because a woman whatever she does she
knows where to stop sure they wouldn't be in the world at all only for us
they dont know what it is to be a woman and a mother how could they where
would they all of them be if they hadnt all a mother to look after them what
I never had thats why I suppose hes running wild now out at night away from
his books and studies and not living at home on account of the usual rowdy
house I suppose well its a poor case that those that have a fine son like
that theyre not satisfied and I none was he not able to make one it wasnt my
fault we came together when I was watching the two dogs up in her behind in
the middle of the naked street that disheartened me altogether I suppose I
oughtnt to have buried him in that little woolly jacket I knitted crying as
was but give it to some poor child but I knew well Id never have another our
1st death too it was we were never the same since O Im not going to think
myself into the glooms about that any more I wonder why he wouldnt stay the
night I felt all the time it was somebody strange he brought in instead of
roving around the city meeting God knows who nightwalkers and pickpockets
his poor mother wouldnt like that if she was alive ruining himself for life
perhaps still its a lovely hour so silent I used to love coming home after
dances the air of the night they have friends they can talk to weve none
either he wants what he wont get or its some woman ready to stick her knife
in you I hate that in women no wonder they treat us the way they do we are a
dreadful lot of bitches I suppose its all the troubles we have makes us so
snappy Im not like that he could easy have slept in there on the sofa in the
other room suppose he was as shy as a boy he being so young hardly 20 of me
in the next room hed have heard me on the chamber arrah what harm Dedalus I
wonder its like those names in Gibraltar Delapaz Delagracia they had the