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high-energy music was coming out of the door labeled Audry's. I could see a
number of people through the open door sitting at tables. It looked like a
bar or restaurant of some sort.
"Now what?" Glenda asked, studying the man in the street who was
picking up horse droppings.
"We're going to need information," Tanda said.
"And we just can't come out and ask for it," I said.
Everyone agreed.
"We're also going to need horses," Glenda said. "Unless you want to do
more walking in this heat."
I glanced down the street at the open countryside beyond the limits of
the small town. Walking back out into that for any distance would be a very
bad idea.
We all agreed that we didn't want to do that as well.
"Well, we need two things," I said. "Information about the golden cow,
and horses to get us to the treasure."
"Skeeve and I will try the place across the street," Glenda said. "You
two head for another one farther along."
"All right," Aahz said, surprising me by agreeing to Glenda's plan. "We
meet back in the cabin on Vortex #6 in one hour."
I made sure Glenda understood, since she was my ride out of here. Then
we stepped into the street, making a wide turn around one of the large piles
of horsepoop the guy was collecting.
He just smiled at us and said, "Howdy."
I tipped my hat at him and he seemed satisfied enough to go back to
work.
I was right in all fashions about Audry's Place. It was clear as we
went through the door that it was both a restaurant and a bar. The bar was
wooden and long, stretching the entire length of the left wall as we
entered. A hatless guy wearing a white apron stood behind the bar, a rag in
his hands.
Three of the tables were occupied with a total of ten patrons, all of
them eating what looked to be large plates of vegetables. The music was loud
and had a pretty good beat to it. It seemed like it was coming from a piano
in the back, only there was no one sitting at the piano.
Every person in the place glanced up at us as we entered, then went
back to eating and talking as if they saw strangers every day and just
didn't care. I considered that a good sign.
"Howdy, folks," the guy behind the bar said, wiping a spot off the wood
surface in front of him. "What's your pleasure?"
I had no idea what the guy meant. I sort of understood the words, but
standing in the middle of a bar, I sure didn't understand why he was asking
me about pleasure. Just a little too personal a question for someone I
didn't know.
I glanced at Glenda, who seemed confused for a moment as well. Then she
indicated I should follow her lead as she stepped toward the guy.
Glenda nodded her head at the bartender, sort of like tipping her hat
as we reached the wide bar.
"A little something to drink, a little food, and a decent way to work
off the debt." Clearly it had been the right thing to say, since the guy
smiled like he had just hit the jackpot.
"Strangers are always welcome in my place," he said, reaching behind
him and getting two glasses off the counter on the back wall. He put them on
the bar and looked at Glenda, then me. "What'll wet your whistle?"
At that moment I was really glad that Glenda was doing the talking. I
was fairly certain he was asking what we wanted to drink, but I wasn't
totally certain, and I had no idea what he had to offer that could do that
to a whistle.
"Oh," she said, "whatever you have will be fine with us."
The guy grabbed a large bottle of orange liquid and filled both glasses
to the top. Then he slid them to the edge of the bar in front of us.
"Thank you, kind sir," Glenda said.
Again the guy. beamed.
"Just grab a seat and I'll rustle you up some of my best grub."
At that moment I wanted to bang my translator pendant on the bar to
make it work right.
"Nothing special," she said, smiling at the guy and winking.
He beamed again, his face red as he turned and headed for a back room.
It seemed Glenda could charm just about any guy, no matter what dimension. I
wasn't sure how I felt about that.
She picked up her orange drink, indicated that I do the same, and then
headed for a table in the corner, a little ways away from the rest of the
patrons. I followed her, taking a chair with my back to the wall so I could
see everything going on.
After we were both seated I whispered to her, "You can understand him?"
She shrugged. "Mostly going with the flow."
"So we're going to have to eat grubs," I whispered, "to go with the
flow?"
I had never eaten a grub, and wasn't excited about having my first now.
She laughed and patted my hand. "I think 'grub' means food in this
dimension."
"Well, that's a relief."
"Yeah, isn't it."
I took a tentative sip of my drink and damn near spat it all over the
table. It wasn't orange juice at all. It tasted like pulped carrots.
Sour-tasting carrots.
"Interesting," Glenda said after taking a drink. Then she turned to me
and made a face that only I could see. She didn't much like it either.
I glanced around at the other patrons in the place. Everyone had a
glass of the carrot drink in front of them. It looked as if it was the only
drink the place served.
At that moment the guy came out of the back room carrying two plates.
With a smile and a flourish he slid them in front of us. Vegetables.
Asparagus, carrots, celery, a few sliced tomatoes, and part of a cucumber,
artfully arranged on a bed of what looked like grass.
"Wonderful," Glenda said, smiling at the man with her biggest and most
alluring smile. "I hope we can find a way to repay you for this feast."
The guy had the common decency to blush. "I'm sure we will work
something out." At that he beat a hasty retreat to the bar. Fingers seemed
to be the preferred method of getting the food from the plate to the mouth,
so I picked up one piece of celery and bit into it. It was soft, not fresh,
and had a faint taste of horsedung.
I hope I managed to swallow it without looking too insulting to anyone
who could see me.
Glenda tried a piece of cucumber. I could tell it wasn't good either
from how slowly she chewed and then forced herself to swallow.
"We're in a vegetarian dimension," I whispered as Glenda gave the
bartender an okay sign that the food was good. "What do they do with all the
cattle you claim are here?"
"I have no idea," Glenda whispered. "But if I have to eat or drink any
more of this garbage I think I'm going to be sick."
"Yeah, me too."
"Pretend to eat and I'll see if I can get some answers" she said.
She stood and moved over to where the man stood behind bar. I couldn't
tell what she was saying, but after a moment he laughed and looked at me as
if I were the brunt of a joke. I pretended to bite and chew on a asparagus
spear and just smiled back.
At that moment Aahz and Tanda came in. They glanced first at Glenda,
then saw me and came over and sat down in the other two chairs, their backs
to the main part of the room.
"Started without us, I see," Tanda said.
"Couldn't resist," I said loud enough for the bartender guy to hear.
Then I whispered, "This stuff is awful."
"What is she doing?" Aahz asked, his voice a barely audible whisper.
I pretended to eat a tiny bit of grass, covering my mouth as I answered
him.
"Getting information. And for heaven's sake, don't order the food. You
have any luck?"
"None," Tanda said.
A few seconds later the bartender pointed down the street in the
opposite direction from where we had entered the town. Glenda smiled and
came back over.
"Horses are sold down at a stable just outside the edge of town," she
said. "I told him we'd clean the kitchen for our food and drink."
"I wonder what we'll have to do for horses?" Aahz asked, shaking his
head.
Glenda shrugged and kept pretending to eat.
"Besides,", I said. "We don't know where we're going yet."
"True," she said.
"That's our biggest problem," Aahz said.
Suddenly it dawned on me that we should know where we were going. What
kind of magik map would simply lead to a dimension without giving directions
to the location of the treasure in the dimension? After all, a world was a
very large place to be looking for one cow.
I had taken the magik out of the map as far as getting to this crazy
dimension. But it hadn't occurred to us to check the map once we were here.
"Aahz," I whispered. "Check the map."
He frowned at me. "Why would I-"
He must have had the same thought I had. Maybe, just maybe, the magik
was back for local directions.
He reached into his pouch and pulled out the parchment Since his back
was to the bar, he kept the map in front of him so no one else in the place
could see it. Then, slowly, he opened it
It was instantly clear to me, as I pretended to love a hunk of
cucumber, that the map had again changed. It was no longer a dimension map,
but now a map of Kowtow.
The customers closest to us finished off their veggie plate and got up
to leave. That left only two other tables and the guy behind the bar. And at
the moment he wasn't looking.
"Open it all the way and see where we are," Glenda said. "It's clear."
Aahz, much to his credit, didn't turn around to check to see if she was
right. He simply opened the map and spread it out over our plates of bad
food.
No one paid any attention.
The golden cow palace was marked on the map. Well, at least we knew
where that was.
Evade, the town we were in now was also marked. The road between them
was marked as the lines between dimensions had been marked. There were a lot
of other towns along the way, and one thing was very, very clear. We were
still a long way from the golden cow.
Glenda studied the map hard, almost as if she were memorizing it.
"See anything that will help?" Tanda asked.
"If we go back to Vortex #6 I can get us a lot closer."
"Thank heavens," I said.
"Don't be thanking anyone yet," she said, staring at the map. "It's
still going to be too far to walk."
Aahz folded up the map, put it back in his pouch, and stood.
"Tanda and I will go find a secluded place to hop back," he whispered,
leaning forward so only the three of us could hear him. "Think you two can
get out of here without being noticed?"
"Easy," Glenda said.
"See you there," Tanda said, standing and moving toward the front door.
After we had pretended to eat more of our lunch, pushing the stuff into
a pile on one side of the plate like I used to do as a kid, Glenda got up
and went back over to the guy behind the bar.
I kept pretending, wishing the stuff tasted good, since the idea of
eating had made me hungry.
After a moment the guy in charge nodded to Glenda, smiling as if she
had promised him more than I wanted to think about.
She motioned that I should join her and I did, carrying our plates. The
guy led us through the door and into what might be called a kitchen. There
were barrels of the different veggies against one wall, and some dirty
plates and glasses stacked near a water barrel. No wonder everything tasted
so bad. I didn't want to even think about the fact that I had eaten a bite
of some of the stuff from this room.
"Wash water is in the barrel," he said. He tossed me a dirty towel.
"Dry the dishes before wiping down everything else."
Glenda put her hand on his shoulder and eased him around toward the
door.
"Don't worry," she said. "We'll get everything all cleaned up."
"I know you will," he said. The guy was more putty in her hands than I
was, and for some reason that thought just annoyed me.
He went back out through the door and Glenda turned to face me.
"Well, handsome, my father was right. You are special." I could feel
myself blushing. "Thanks."
"No, thank you," she said, "for everything. In all the years of trying
to find the silly treasure on that map, I never thought I'd know exactly
where it was at."
"Well, now we do, and we can get there pretty soon," I said. "Jump us
back to Vortex #6."
She smiled and shook her head.
"Sorry, my prince in a white hat. Maybe next time."
With a slight wave and a kiss motion, she vanished in a slight POOF!
"That's not funny," I shouted, staring at where she had been.
The guy came in, looking puzzled.
"What's not funny? And where is your beautiful friend?"
I glanced around, then pointed at the back door.
"I told her I'd get started on the dishes. She'll be right back, I'm
sure."
"Good," he said. "Let me know when she returns. She said she had a
surprise for me."
He headed back out into the main room, leaving me standing there alone
in a strange kitchen.
In a strange dimension.
It seemed he wasn't the only one Glenda had planned a surprise for.
"Alone again...naturally."
R. CRUSOE
Now I have to admit that my first reaction after Glenda left me
standing there in that restaurant kitchen was to scream and shout and call
out her name, along with Aahz and Tanda's names.
Screaming would have covered up the panic I felt, but I knew for a fact
that screaming would have done no good. But I still wanted to, more than
anything.
I didn't.
My second reaction was to run like crazy out the back door, but then I
would be a wanted man for skipping out on the lunch bill, and considering I
might be stuck here for some time, I managed to not run either.
But I sure wanted to.
The third reaction I had was to go into automatic to give my poor mind
time to sort through what had just happened. That was as good as anything I
could do, so I turned and started washing off the dishes, dumping the
garbage in a big pail, and dipping the plates enough in the dirty barrel
water that they pretended to be clean.
I could imagine that on the outside I looked calm and collected, but on
the inside I was a mess.
"Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic," I kept saying to myself,
timing the phrase with deep breaths and the dipping of the dishes in the
water.
Finally I got myself under enough control to ask a few questions.
Why had she left me?
No easy answer. At least none that I wanted to really admit, yet there
was nothing else that made sense. She had left. That simple. She had seen
the location of the golden cow treasure and that was the last thing she
needed from me or Aahz or Tanda. On the first opportunity she had headed off
on her own.
Leaving me alone in a kitchen in a strange dimension. "Don't panic," I
said to myself, dipping more dishes. I dumped more half-eaten food into the
bucket, dipped another plate, and asked the next question. Had I been a
fool?
The answer to that one came clearly in Aahz's voice. Yes.
He would also say it was nothing new or unusual. She had played me, and
Aahz and Tanda, like a finely tuned musical instrument, using my heart and
my emotions as the strings.
"What a fool," I said aloud.
There was no one in there to agree with me, but I didn't need anyone to
agree. I knew I had been a fool.
I scraped, dipped, and went on to the next question.
What do I do now?
I had no idea.
Nothing. I was stuck here for the moment. Maybe forever if something
happened to Aahz and Tanda, or if they couldn't find me.
The thought made me panic, so I kept washing dishes.
After a few minutes the guy came back in with more dirty plates. He was
clearly disappointed that Glenda was not back yet, but he said nothing. He
put the plates down and then left.
I dumped the awful food and dipped the plates, doing my best to keep
calm. But pretty soon I was out of dishes to wash. I used the dirty rag to
wipe off all the plates and stack them, then I wiped off the counter as
well. After I was done I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I went
back out to the bar.
"My friend came in a few minutes ago," I said. He looked as if he might
cry, so I went quickly on with my lie.
"She said she will be back in about an hour with your surprise."
That brightened him right up again.
"You want to check what I have done back there?"
"Nope," he said, smiling. "Everything is even with you as far as I'm
concerned."
"Great grub you got here," I said, patting my stomach and then tipping
my hat.
"Thanks, partner," he said, smiling and showing me the same
ugly-looking teeth the woman had. "Anytime. You come back now, ya hear?"
"Sure will," I said, and headed out into the street.
The sun was still cooking the hard center of the street, so I stayed on
the sidewalk, tipping my hat and saying "Howdy" to anyone who passed me. The
guy with the shovel must have finished cleaning up the street, leaving only
the big piles of horse droppings as evidence of his work.
It hadn't been much longer than fifteen minutes since Glenda had left
me, even though it felt like an eternity. There was no sign of her or Aahz
or Tanda.
I kept moving, fighting down the desire to shout out Aahz's name. And
the desire to just run. I didn't know where I would run, but for some reason
running was a massive desire.
I reached the edge of town and stood on the last board of the covered
sidewalk looking up the road that wound toward the cliff where we had hopped
into this dimension. I was sure Tanda and Aahz would come back for me.
Unless, of course, Glenda had done something to them on
Vortex #6.
I didn't want to think about that. If that happened, I was going to be
stuck right here for a very long time.
There was no sign of anyone on the road coming down the hill. I turned
and headed back up the sidewalk, doing my "Howdy" bit to anyone who passed,
with the hit-tipping routine added in. When I reached the other end of town
and the end of the shaded sidewalk, I stared off into the distance to where
the road vanished into some low hills.
Then I turned around and started back.
At the moment there was nothing else left for me to do.
I managed to walk the entire length of the town six times before I
decided that my behavior might attract attention I didn't want. When I
reached the end of the sidewalk again, on the end of town where we had first
entered, I sat down with my back to the wall.
Overhead the sun was slowly dropping. It didn't look like it would be
more than a few hours before it set. Then what would I do?
I didn't have a clue.
The question as to why Aahz and Tanda hadn't come back for me yet
bothered me a lot. I figured that with my washing dishes and pacing the
length of the town, a good two hours had gone by. The pacing had helped me
some, allowing me to work off some of the panic and fear. For the moment it
felt as if my mind was working pretty clear again, and I was proud of myself
for how well I had done so far. I just hoped I would have a chance to tell
Aahz and Tanda and let them be proud of me.
I stared out at the empty road. The last thing I wanted was to be stuck
on a vegetarian planet with some weird, hat-tipping people who didn't
believe in money.
Down the street a couple people looked at me, seeming almost shocked
because I was sitting on the sidewalk. I stood, tipped my hat at them, and
leaned against the building instead. They smiled as if I were now suddenly
all right, and went about their business. For the next few minutes I stared
out at the empty road leading off toward the rock cliffs, trying to decide
what to do. Should I walk back up there or stay right where I was?
What would I do if I got to the cliff face and they weren't there,
which was likely? It would be almost dark by then and I would have to spend
the night out in the wild. And, for some reason, that idea didn't sit well.
And what would I do if they never came back here? Should I head for the
city with the golden cow in it? I remembered enough from the map that the
city's name was Dodge. I could work my way there, given time.
I'd make that decision if Aahz and Tanda didn't come back, Right now I
just needed to make sure Aahz and Tanda could find me when they did get
here. This little town was where they had left me; this was where I was
going to stay. At least for the immediate future, however long that might
be. If Glenda had managed to do something awful to Aahz and Tanda, I would
face that problem later. Much later. And somehow make sure Glenda paid for
her sins.
With one last look at the empty road, I turned and headed back to
Audry's. At least there I could sit in the window and watch the street
without being obvious.
The music was still coming from what looked like a piano, even though
the place was empty. The guy behind the bar smiled at me, then frowned when
Glenda didn't follow me in the door.
I decided I needed to have him on my side. I walked up to the bar.
"Has my friend been back here yet?"
"No," he said. "You ain't found her?" There was instant worry in his
question.
"Haven't seen her since I left here earlier," I said. "Been walking the
length of your fine town looking for her."
"I was a wonderin' what you were doin'," he said. "Can't imagine what
might have happened to her, though. The full moon is still a few days off,
so the round-up couldn't have taken her. At least not yet."
I desperately wanted to ask him what the full moon had to do with
anything, and what a round-up was, but he said both so matter-of-factly that
I knew I would blow my cover if I asked.
"Yeah, couldn't be that." I said instead.
"She was askin' about horses," he said. "Maybe she got one and headed
down the road?"
I shook my head. "I checked. She didn't. Mind if I just sit over there
and wait?"
"Not at all," he said, reaching down and grabbing a glass. Before I
could think of a reason to stop him that sounded good, he poured me another
glass of the carrot juice.
"On me," he said, sliding the glass toward me across the bar. "Just
tell your friend when you see her that she still owes me a surprise."
"Oh, trust me," I said. "When she promises a surprise, she always pays
off."
He didn't know how truthful that statement was.
He beamed at that and I took my glass of juiced carrots and went over
and sat down so I could see out the window. The shadows were growing long
and the heat was leaving the main street of Evade. It looked as if the
nights in this area were pretty chilly. I was glad I hadn't decided to go up
to the cliffs just for that reason.
Let alone whatever a round-up was.
I took a sip of the carrot juice just to quench my thirst, than sat
back and watched the few people still out on the street. They all seemed to
have tasks and walked purposefully, tipping their hats to each other.
An hour later I had managed to sip down almost half a glass of the
juice.
My bartender friend was looking a little worried, and the shadows were
almost completely across the street. I figured there wasn't much more than a
half-hour until sunset.
"I'm afraid I got to close up, you know," he said finally after pacing
back and forth a few times near the bar. "You got a place to bunk for the
night?"
I assumed bunk meant sleep, so I said, "No, haven't given it much
thought."
He looked shocked. It was as if I'd told him I'd killed his mother. His
mouth opened, then closed, then opened again, but no words came out.
One of the main buildings right in the center of town had a sign on it
that said Hotel Evade, so I tried to cover.
"Just figuring on stopping in the hotel. Sure hope they got rooms, now
that you mention it."
He looked relieved. "I'm sure they do," he said. "That's the law."
He laughed and I laughed with him, even though I had no idea what he
was talking about.
"Thanks for the drink," I said, sliding the glass across the table to
him and standing. "I guess it is getting dark enough for me to get going."
The promise of me leaving had him back to his old happy self.
"I'm sure your friend will get inside all right," he said, "Maybe she's
already at the hotel. When you see her tomorrow, bring her by here for
breakfast."
"It'll be my pleasure," I said. "And your surprise." He laughed. I
laughed.
Then I stepped out onto the sidewalk. He slammed and latched the door
behind me, bolting it as if a thousand thugs were going to try to break it
down. Then the shutters on the inside of the window closed.
The shadows were long on the street and there wasn't a person in sight
anywhere. Every window was shuttered, every door closed. The sound of music
that had come from a few different establishments was now replaced by the
silence of the coming darkness. My stomach started to clamp up, not from the
little bit of carrot juice, but from worry. Something very major happened at
night on this dimension. I didn't know what it might be, but it was
something that made this town bolt its doors and get off the street before
the sun went down. And if I was smart, I would do the same thing.
I walked to the end of town and looked up the road toward the rock
cliffs. In the fading light there wasn't a soul on the road. Finding Aahz
and Tanda would have to wait until tomorrow.
But I had a feeling that, with every hour, finding them was going to
become less and less likely.
I turned and headed down the sidewalk toward the hotel. The door was
closed and shutters were covering the windows, but when I pounded a very
nice woman behind the desk let me in. She didn't ask for anything, or even
suggest something I could do to pay for my room. She just said it was lucky
I got it when I did, then showed me a comfortable room on the second floor
with a window that was bolted dosed and the shutters drawn tight.
There was a bed, a small water basin on a dresser, and an indoor toilet
down the hall.
I thanked her and she went away.
I checked to see if I could open the shutters, but they were secured
solidly. Whatever was going to happen tonight, I wasn't going to be able to
see it from this window.
I lay down on the fairly comfortable bed, not even bothering to take
off my clothes.
Images of Tanda and Aahz floated through my mind. If Glenda had done
something to them on Vortex #6 there wasn't a darn thing I could do to help.
I was stuck here, without the ability to hop dimensions, in a world where
everyone ate vegetables and was afraid to go out at night.
Even though there wasn't a sound from outside, it was a very long and
sleepless night in that little room.
"You can't go home again."
PRINCESS LEIA
At the first sign of light through the shutters, I went downstairs. The
sun was barely up, the shadows still long in the street, yet the front door
to the hotel was wide open and all the shutters on the windows had been
retracted. These people didn't like the night, that was for sure. I
desperately wanted to ask them what they were afraid of, but there just
wasn't a way to ask the question without giving away the fact that I didn't
belong here, in this dimension. And at the moment I had enough problems to
face without bringing more down on my head. Aahz had always told me to solve
one thing at a time.
The problem I had right now was that I wasn't sure I could solve any of
my problems.
I went down the street to Audry's, tipping my hat to the guy with the
shovel who was back in the street picking up after the horses. My old
bartender friend and employer from yesterday had the door to Audry's open
and the shutters retracted. I was the first customer.
"Didn't find her, huh?" he asked as I entered.
"She must have got sidetracked and stayed with a friend," I said.
"She'll show up pretty soon, I bet."
He winked. "Yeah, pretty women can lose track of time."
I didn't want to think about how he came up with that.
I had decided about halfway through the night that I was so hungry, I
could even eat old veggies.
"Mind if I have a small breakfast and a glass of your wonderful
beverage?"
"You bet," he said, pouring me some of the carrot juice.
I looked at the glass of orange liquid. Given enough time I might
actually only loathe the stuff.
"You're lucky this morning," he said. "Just got a fresh wagon-load of
the best from the fields."
"Terrific," I said.
He vanished back into the kitchen and I took up my seat at the window,
taking a sip of the juice. It wasn't as bad as I remembered it from
yesterday, but I was sure that was because I was another day hungry. From my
seat at the table I could see the entire street and all the activity along a
part of it. If Aahz and Tanda came down the Main Street, I'd know it.
The bartender brought me a small plate of veggies that were actually
hard and fresh. I was shocked and managed to eat them all over the next
three hours, plus finish the entire glass of carrot juice. Surprisingly
enough, after that I was no longer hungry.
But I was a lot more worried about ever seeing Aahz and Tanda again.
After another hour I decided that I was going to head back up to the
cliffs. I offered to wash the plates and clean up the kitchen to pay for my
breakfast, but my bartender friend told me to come back later, have some
dinner, and do it then. I agreed, hoping I'd never see him or his kitchen
again.
It took just over an hour in the mid-day heat to walk up the road to
where we had first arrived in this dimension. I didn't meet anyone on the
road, and the air was so hot and silent near the cliffs, it felt as if I was
walking through my own tomb.
I shook myself off and tried not to let my thoughts go to the dark side
of this.
I moved over to the rocks where we had hidden to watch the two guys go
by. My head was sweating under my hat so that when I reached the shade near
the cliff I took it off.
I was setting my hat on a rock when I saw the glint of metal tucked
down in a crack in the rock. I glanced around, but no one was watching, so I
leaned down and looked closer, not believing my eyes. There, tucked into an
opening in one rock, was a short metal cylinder, like nothing I had seen in
this dimension so far. It was the D-Hopper.
I carefully pulled it out, noticing that a folded piece of paper came
with it. The map!
For some reason Aahz and Tanda had left me the D-Hopper and the map.
More than likely they had suspected Glenda, while I had been too blind with
lust or love to see anything.
I looked at the D-Hopper to make sure I wasn't hallucinating in the
heat. It was real. I held it up like an idol and did a little dance of joy
right there behind the rock. For the first time I had some options. I could
do something instead of just waiting and hoping. The relief was almost more
than I could take.
"Slow down and think," I said to myself, hearing Aahz's voice in my
head as clearly as if he were standing beside me.
I took a few deep breaths of the hot air and looked out over the valley
toward the town below. If Aahz and Tanda had walked up here to hide this for
me, Glenda had beat them back to Vortex #6. And more than likely she had
gotten the jump on them, which was what had kept them from coming back for
me.
That thought took all the excitement out of the moment. I just hoped
they were still alive. Glenda didn't strike me as being bloodthirsty, but I
had been wrong about her before. More than likely if she considered Aahz and
Tanda competition in getting the treasure, she would do something to stop
them. She hadn't considered me a problem.
But something had stopped them from coming back, that much was clear.
They were the ones that now needed rescuing, not me. The tables had turned
and I needed to make sure I did this right. The life of my friends might
depend on it.
I tucked the map in my pouch and sat on the rock with the D-Hopper on
my lap, trying to make myself think what I needed to do next. The D-Hopper
was set for Vortex #6. That was good, but if I went there, and couldn't find
Aahz and Tanda, could I get back here? At least here I could live on carrot
juice and bad veggies. I didn't give myself much of a chance on Vortex #6,
even with increased magik powers in that dimension.
I had a slight working knowledge of the D-Hopper from carrying one on
the shopping trip with Tanda. There was a place on the D-Hopper that set the
current dimension as a return point. I carefully looked over the cylinder,
then without changing the setting for Vortex #6, I set the current dimension
as a return point.
I double, then triple-checked myself. If I triggered the D-Hopper I
would jump to Vortex #6. If I triggered it again, I would jump back to this
spot.
Okay, that problem was solved.
I stood and was about to hop when I remembered what I might be going
into.
"Stop and think," I said aloud, again with Aahz's voice echoing through
my head.
With luck, the D-Hopper would put me back into the cabin, but in case
it didn't, I needed to be ready.
What happened if Glenda was still there with them? I needed something
to fight her with. I picked up a good-sized rock that fit nicely in my hand.
It wasn't much, but it might be enough if it came to a fight.
"Okay," I said aloud. "Anything else?"
I couldn't think of anything. And in the heavy coat I was starting to
sweat more than I had before.
"Think, then act," I said, repeating what Aahz had said a hundred
times. "It's time to act."
With one last look at the town of Evade down in the valley, I took a
deep breath and triggered the D-Hopper.
The storm slammed into me like a hammer. I tucked the D-Hopper into my
shirt and focused on how Tanda had led us the other three times to the
cabin. The dust didn't let me see anything around me, but I knew there were
some scattered trees. We had passed them the last two times.
Tanda had gone slightly downhill and to the right, so I figured out
what I thought was directly downhill, then angled a little to the right,
counting my steps to make sure that if I was on the wrong path, I could get
back. After twenty steps could see the faint shape of a tree. I was sure
that had been there the last time, so I kept going.
Another thirty slogging steps and another tree loomed out of the
blowing dust. I thought that had been there as well. So far so good.
I kept moving for fifty more steps before I saw the faint light in the
window of the cabin below me. I had almost missed it, walking too high-along
the hillside.
I eased my way down to the cabin and tried to look in the window, but
the dirt and shades made it so that I couldn't see anything.
It looked as if I was going to have to go in, hard and fast, like a
soldier going after a dangerous outlaw.
I got to the door, braced myself, and eased open the door latch then
shoved hard, the rock from Kowtow ready in my hand as I stumbled in.
My momentum pushed me three steps into the room before I caught my
balance and stopped. I had the rock raised to hit at Glenda, who I expected
to be standing there, ready to fight me.
She wasn't there.
The cabin was warm and comfortable, just like the last time I had seen
it.
Tananda and Aahz were sitting at the table, eating what smelled like
beef stew with slices of homemade bread.
"Nice entrance," Tanda said, smiling at me. "What took you so long?"
Aahz just shook his head.
"Shut the door, would you?"
I stood there with the rock in the air over my head, not really
believing what I was seeing. I had so convinced myself that Aahz and Tanda
were in trouble that I couldn't believe that they were simply having lunch
and waiting for me. Why had they let me stay the entire day and night in
Kowtow?
Why had they chanced that I would even find the D-Hopper where they had
left it?
"Door!" Aahz said. "You born in a barn or something?"
Behind me the storm was raging, blowing dust into the cabin. I lowered
the rock, tossed it out into the dust, and then closed the door.
Tanda stood and came up to me, smiling. "Aahz, I told you he'd make it
just fine," she said, giving me a hug that convinced me that she was just
fine, and I wasn't dreaming all this.
Aahz snorted. "After all the mooning over our friend Glenda, I didn't
think his brain would ever work again."
I asked the one question I wanted to know most of all.
"Why didn't you come back?"
"We couldn't," Tanda said, patting me on the back and leading me to the
table, where she slid some bread toward me as I sat down.
I stared at my mentor, who was just eating and not paying much
attention to me at the moment. He did that when he was very angry or very
happy, and at the moment I honestly didn't know which it was.
"Stew?" she asked, holding up a pot of what was making the room smell
so good. "Glenda left us enough food to last for a few weeks at least."
"Nice of her," Aahz said, the anger clearly there.
"When you didn't come back for me I thought you were both dead."
"We would have been dead in four or five weeks," Aahz said. "When the
food ran out."
Tanda served me up a dish of the stew and then sat down next to me
after patting my shoulder.
"So why couldn't you come back?" I asked, not wanting to eat until I
had some answers. "What happened?"
"Well," Aahz said, still not looking at me, "we both knew Glenda was up
to something, and was going to try to double-cross us."
"And we expected her to leave you on Kowtow," Tanda said.
"You expected that?" I was stunned and suddenly angry. "Why didn't you
at least warn me?"
Aahz looked me directly in the eye. "Would you have listened,
apprentice?"
"Yes," I said defensively.
Now they both laughed.
Clearly they thought I had been too much under Glenda's spell. And the
more I thought about it, the more I saw that they were right, at least to a
point. When Glenda started her act on the bartender, I started to get
suspicious, but not enough to think it through.
"You were the closest to her, apprentice," Aahz said, his voice stern
and in lecture mode. "You should have been warning us about her, not the
other way around."
As normal, Aahz was right.
"So what happened here?" I asked, trying to not admit I had been wrong,
even though we all knew I had been.
"We headed up to the rocks and left the D-Hopper and the map," Tanda
said, "then I jumped us here."
"And right into Glenda's waiting arms," Aahz said. "Just as she had
been planning."
"She used a dimension-blocking spell on me," Tanda said. "She searched
us for the D-Hopper, wished us both luck when she couldn't find it or the
map, and hopped out."
"I assume she's going after the treasure," Aahz said. "And now she's
got a full day's start on us." So what I had been feeling from Aahz was
anger, both at me and at the fact that we might lose the treasure, after
getting so close.
"So what's a dimension block?"
"A spell that keeps another person from jumping out of a dimension,"
Aahz said. "Some cultures use it to imprison people. It's a pretty basic
spell."
"That you haven't taught me yet," I said.
He shrugged. "There's a lot I haven't taught you. And after falling so
easily for this Glenda's charms and smooth talk, I'm not sure if I ever
will."
Tanda patted Aahz's green hand across the table.
"Easy on your apprentice. He's young and full of hormones. He did get
back here, didn't he?"
I wanted to ask what a hormone was, but figured I'd get that
information from Tanda later, when Aahz wasn't around to make fun of my
stupidity. He was disgusted enough with me as it was. And this time around I
agreed with him. I shouldn't have been so easily taken with Glenda. She'd
given me a couple of compliments and I'd been putty in her hands.
I looked at Tanda. "So once you jump out of here with the D-Hopper, the
spell is broken?"
"Exactly," she said.
"Finish up," Aahz said. "We've given her enough of a head start as it
is."
"So how do we get the treasure home once we find it?" I asked, then
instantly realized just how stupid my question was. It had been Glenda who
had told us we were too far from any of our known worlds to dimension-hop
safely. That had been another of Glenda's lies.
Tanda shook her head. "I think that's where Glenda got me. She blocked
my sense of dimensions when we got near her. When we jumped back here from
Kowtow, into the storm, I could sense Vortex #4 and Vortex #2. We can get
home any time we want."
My relief at that, combined with my relief at finding Aahz and Tanda
all right, was more than I could handle. I stared at my stew, trying to make
myself eat as much of it as I could. Doing anything else and I just might
fall apart completely.
"So what did you do when she left you?" Tanda asked.
I shrugged, making myself focus on what I had managed to do right.
"Paid our bill by doing the dishes so no one would be chasing me, then
explored the town to see what I could see, then sat and waited, staying in
the open so that you could find me."
"And slept?" Aahz said, his voice sounding disgusted.
"Not really," I said. "I got a hotel room because those people are
deathly afraid of being outside at night. And of something called a
round-up."
"Really?" Tanda asked.
I glanced up from my stew. Even Aahz was now showing interest.
"Yeah, they bolt their doors and shutter every window, every night," I
said. "I couldn't think of a way to ask them what they were afraid of
without tipping my hand that I was a demon. And at that point I had other
problems to figure out, like what to do next if you two didn't come back."
Aahz nodded. "So we need to be careful at night."
"The bartender guy said the round-up was still a few days off, since it
wasn't the full moon yet."
"I wonder what they're rounding up?" Tanda asked.
"Or who's doing the rounding?" Aahz added. "There's a lot to Kowtow we
don't know. You have the map?"
"I sure do," I said, taking it out of my pocket and handing it to him.
As I did I had another realization. The map was magik. It hadn't shown
us the right path to Kowtow until I took the magik out of it, but back on
Kowtow the magik had returned to the map.
"Aahz," I said, smiling at my mentor, "you know, don't you, that the
magik returned to the map when we reached Kowtow?"
"Yeah," he said, almost sneering at me. "So? Glenda saw it as well."
"Exactly," I said, smiling at my green mentor, "Glenda looked at the
map while we were in Evade. Right?"
Suddenly Tanda burst out laughing, long and hard and so loud I thought
she might hurt herself.
I smiled at the puzzled expression on my mentor's face. Considering how
stupid I had been lately, getting back on top and giving him some good news
felt good.
"The map is a puzzle," I said. "That basic nature of the map won't
change just because we reached Kowtow."
Suddenly the light in Aahz's eyes brightened and slowly a smile crept
over his green-scaled face.
"Glenda has the wrong location."
"Exactly," I said. "The map changes every time we get closer, just as
it did with dimensions. I'm betting it will do that on Kowtow as well."
Aahz put the folded map back in his belt pouch and stood, suddenly in a
hurry.
"Great thinking, Skeeve," he said. "Let's get back to Kowtow. Glenda is
going to come looking for us to get the map when she discovers she has wrong
information. And when she does, I want to be ready for her this time."
I liked that idea a lot.
"Flying. It's the only way to travel!"
B. HOLLY
We arrived back at the cliff face on Kowtow with less than two hours of
daylight left. The day was still hot and dry, and nothing had changed in the
general area since I had left a few hours before. I quickly disguised all
three of us again in the standard wear of the people of this dimension.
We had packed some food and containers of water. Aahz didn't much like
the idea of eating vegetables. Pervects were mostly meat-eaters. Aahz
checked over the D-Hopper and then reset the dimension and hid it in his
shirt.
"Ahh, that feels good," Tanda said, stretching toward the sun, her
white hat tipped back, her large belt buckle glistening in the sun.
"The heat?" I asked.
"Nope. The dimension block being lifted. Amazing how much you miss the
ability to hop after you've had it and then it's taken away."
"Yeah, I know," Aahz said.
"Oh, sorry, big guy," she said.
"Gotten used to it," he said.
I couldn't even imagine how Aahz felt, once being a powerful magician
number of people through the open door sitting at tables. It looked like a
bar or restaurant of some sort.
"Now what?" Glenda asked, studying the man in the street who was
picking up horse droppings.
"We're going to need information," Tanda said.
"And we just can't come out and ask for it," I said.
Everyone agreed.
"We're also going to need horses," Glenda said. "Unless you want to do
more walking in this heat."
I glanced down the street at the open countryside beyond the limits of
the small town. Walking back out into that for any distance would be a very
bad idea.
We all agreed that we didn't want to do that as well.
"Well, we need two things," I said. "Information about the golden cow,
and horses to get us to the treasure."
"Skeeve and I will try the place across the street," Glenda said. "You
two head for another one farther along."
"All right," Aahz said, surprising me by agreeing to Glenda's plan. "We
meet back in the cabin on Vortex #6 in one hour."
I made sure Glenda understood, since she was my ride out of here. Then
we stepped into the street, making a wide turn around one of the large piles
of horsepoop the guy was collecting.
He just smiled at us and said, "Howdy."
I tipped my hat at him and he seemed satisfied enough to go back to
work.
I was right in all fashions about Audry's Place. It was clear as we
went through the door that it was both a restaurant and a bar. The bar was
wooden and long, stretching the entire length of the left wall as we
entered. A hatless guy wearing a white apron stood behind the bar, a rag in
his hands.
Three of the tables were occupied with a total of ten patrons, all of
them eating what looked to be large plates of vegetables. The music was loud
and had a pretty good beat to it. It seemed like it was coming from a piano
in the back, only there was no one sitting at the piano.
Every person in the place glanced up at us as we entered, then went
back to eating and talking as if they saw strangers every day and just
didn't care. I considered that a good sign.
"Howdy, folks," the guy behind the bar said, wiping a spot off the wood
surface in front of him. "What's your pleasure?"
I had no idea what the guy meant. I sort of understood the words, but
standing in the middle of a bar, I sure didn't understand why he was asking
me about pleasure. Just a little too personal a question for someone I
didn't know.
I glanced at Glenda, who seemed confused for a moment as well. Then she
indicated I should follow her lead as she stepped toward the guy.
Glenda nodded her head at the bartender, sort of like tipping her hat
as we reached the wide bar.
"A little something to drink, a little food, and a decent way to work
off the debt." Clearly it had been the right thing to say, since the guy
smiled like he had just hit the jackpot.
"Strangers are always welcome in my place," he said, reaching behind
him and getting two glasses off the counter on the back wall. He put them on
the bar and looked at Glenda, then me. "What'll wet your whistle?"
At that moment I was really glad that Glenda was doing the talking. I
was fairly certain he was asking what we wanted to drink, but I wasn't
totally certain, and I had no idea what he had to offer that could do that
to a whistle.
"Oh," she said, "whatever you have will be fine with us."
The guy grabbed a large bottle of orange liquid and filled both glasses
to the top. Then he slid them to the edge of the bar in front of us.
"Thank you, kind sir," Glenda said.
Again the guy. beamed.
"Just grab a seat and I'll rustle you up some of my best grub."
At that moment I wanted to bang my translator pendant on the bar to
make it work right.
"Nothing special," she said, smiling at the guy and winking.
He beamed again, his face red as he turned and headed for a back room.
It seemed Glenda could charm just about any guy, no matter what dimension. I
wasn't sure how I felt about that.
She picked up her orange drink, indicated that I do the same, and then
headed for a table in the corner, a little ways away from the rest of the
patrons. I followed her, taking a chair with my back to the wall so I could
see everything going on.
After we were both seated I whispered to her, "You can understand him?"
She shrugged. "Mostly going with the flow."
"So we're going to have to eat grubs," I whispered, "to go with the
flow?"
I had never eaten a grub, and wasn't excited about having my first now.
She laughed and patted my hand. "I think 'grub' means food in this
dimension."
"Well, that's a relief."
"Yeah, isn't it."
I took a tentative sip of my drink and damn near spat it all over the
table. It wasn't orange juice at all. It tasted like pulped carrots.
Sour-tasting carrots.
"Interesting," Glenda said after taking a drink. Then she turned to me
and made a face that only I could see. She didn't much like it either.
I glanced around at the other patrons in the place. Everyone had a
glass of the carrot drink in front of them. It looked as if it was the only
drink the place served.
At that moment the guy came out of the back room carrying two plates.
With a smile and a flourish he slid them in front of us. Vegetables.
Asparagus, carrots, celery, a few sliced tomatoes, and part of a cucumber,
artfully arranged on a bed of what looked like grass.
"Wonderful," Glenda said, smiling at the man with her biggest and most
alluring smile. "I hope we can find a way to repay you for this feast."
The guy had the common decency to blush. "I'm sure we will work
something out." At that he beat a hasty retreat to the bar. Fingers seemed
to be the preferred method of getting the food from the plate to the mouth,
so I picked up one piece of celery and bit into it. It was soft, not fresh,
and had a faint taste of horsedung.
I hope I managed to swallow it without looking too insulting to anyone
who could see me.
Glenda tried a piece of cucumber. I could tell it wasn't good either
from how slowly she chewed and then forced herself to swallow.
"We're in a vegetarian dimension," I whispered as Glenda gave the
bartender an okay sign that the food was good. "What do they do with all the
cattle you claim are here?"
"I have no idea," Glenda whispered. "But if I have to eat or drink any
more of this garbage I think I'm going to be sick."
"Yeah, me too."
"Pretend to eat and I'll see if I can get some answers" she said.
She stood and moved over to where the man stood behind bar. I couldn't
tell what she was saying, but after a moment he laughed and looked at me as
if I were the brunt of a joke. I pretended to bite and chew on a asparagus
spear and just smiled back.
At that moment Aahz and Tanda came in. They glanced first at Glenda,
then saw me and came over and sat down in the other two chairs, their backs
to the main part of the room.
"Started without us, I see," Tanda said.
"Couldn't resist," I said loud enough for the bartender guy to hear.
Then I whispered, "This stuff is awful."
"What is she doing?" Aahz asked, his voice a barely audible whisper.
I pretended to eat a tiny bit of grass, covering my mouth as I answered
him.
"Getting information. And for heaven's sake, don't order the food. You
have any luck?"
"None," Tanda said.
A few seconds later the bartender pointed down the street in the
opposite direction from where we had entered the town. Glenda smiled and
came back over.
"Horses are sold down at a stable just outside the edge of town," she
said. "I told him we'd clean the kitchen for our food and drink."
"I wonder what we'll have to do for horses?" Aahz asked, shaking his
head.
Glenda shrugged and kept pretending to eat.
"Besides,", I said. "We don't know where we're going yet."
"True," she said.
"That's our biggest problem," Aahz said.
Suddenly it dawned on me that we should know where we were going. What
kind of magik map would simply lead to a dimension without giving directions
to the location of the treasure in the dimension? After all, a world was a
very large place to be looking for one cow.
I had taken the magik out of the map as far as getting to this crazy
dimension. But it hadn't occurred to us to check the map once we were here.
"Aahz," I whispered. "Check the map."
He frowned at me. "Why would I-"
He must have had the same thought I had. Maybe, just maybe, the magik
was back for local directions.
He reached into his pouch and pulled out the parchment Since his back
was to the bar, he kept the map in front of him so no one else in the place
could see it. Then, slowly, he opened it
It was instantly clear to me, as I pretended to love a hunk of
cucumber, that the map had again changed. It was no longer a dimension map,
but now a map of Kowtow.
The customers closest to us finished off their veggie plate and got up
to leave. That left only two other tables and the guy behind the bar. And at
the moment he wasn't looking.
"Open it all the way and see where we are," Glenda said. "It's clear."
Aahz, much to his credit, didn't turn around to check to see if she was
right. He simply opened the map and spread it out over our plates of bad
food.
No one paid any attention.
The golden cow palace was marked on the map. Well, at least we knew
where that was.
Evade, the town we were in now was also marked. The road between them
was marked as the lines between dimensions had been marked. There were a lot
of other towns along the way, and one thing was very, very clear. We were
still a long way from the golden cow.
Glenda studied the map hard, almost as if she were memorizing it.
"See anything that will help?" Tanda asked.
"If we go back to Vortex #6 I can get us a lot closer."
"Thank heavens," I said.
"Don't be thanking anyone yet," she said, staring at the map. "It's
still going to be too far to walk."
Aahz folded up the map, put it back in his pouch, and stood.
"Tanda and I will go find a secluded place to hop back," he whispered,
leaning forward so only the three of us could hear him. "Think you two can
get out of here without being noticed?"
"Easy," Glenda said.
"See you there," Tanda said, standing and moving toward the front door.
After we had pretended to eat more of our lunch, pushing the stuff into
a pile on one side of the plate like I used to do as a kid, Glenda got up
and went back over to the guy behind the bar.
I kept pretending, wishing the stuff tasted good, since the idea of
eating had made me hungry.
After a moment the guy in charge nodded to Glenda, smiling as if she
had promised him more than I wanted to think about.
She motioned that I should join her and I did, carrying our plates. The
guy led us through the door and into what might be called a kitchen. There
were barrels of the different veggies against one wall, and some dirty
plates and glasses stacked near a water barrel. No wonder everything tasted
so bad. I didn't want to even think about the fact that I had eaten a bite
of some of the stuff from this room.
"Wash water is in the barrel," he said. He tossed me a dirty towel.
"Dry the dishes before wiping down everything else."
Glenda put her hand on his shoulder and eased him around toward the
door.
"Don't worry," she said. "We'll get everything all cleaned up."
"I know you will," he said. The guy was more putty in her hands than I
was, and for some reason that thought just annoyed me.
He went back out through the door and Glenda turned to face me.
"Well, handsome, my father was right. You are special." I could feel
myself blushing. "Thanks."
"No, thank you," she said, "for everything. In all the years of trying
to find the silly treasure on that map, I never thought I'd know exactly
where it was at."
"Well, now we do, and we can get there pretty soon," I said. "Jump us
back to Vortex #6."
She smiled and shook her head.
"Sorry, my prince in a white hat. Maybe next time."
With a slight wave and a kiss motion, she vanished in a slight POOF!
"That's not funny," I shouted, staring at where she had been.
The guy came in, looking puzzled.
"What's not funny? And where is your beautiful friend?"
I glanced around, then pointed at the back door.
"I told her I'd get started on the dishes. She'll be right back, I'm
sure."
"Good," he said. "Let me know when she returns. She said she had a
surprise for me."
He headed back out into the main room, leaving me standing there alone
in a strange kitchen.
In a strange dimension.
It seemed he wasn't the only one Glenda had planned a surprise for.
"Alone again...naturally."
R. CRUSOE
Now I have to admit that my first reaction after Glenda left me
standing there in that restaurant kitchen was to scream and shout and call
out her name, along with Aahz and Tanda's names.
Screaming would have covered up the panic I felt, but I knew for a fact
that screaming would have done no good. But I still wanted to, more than
anything.
I didn't.
My second reaction was to run like crazy out the back door, but then I
would be a wanted man for skipping out on the lunch bill, and considering I
might be stuck here for some time, I managed to not run either.
But I sure wanted to.
The third reaction I had was to go into automatic to give my poor mind
time to sort through what had just happened. That was as good as anything I
could do, so I turned and started washing off the dishes, dumping the
garbage in a big pail, and dipping the plates enough in the dirty barrel
water that they pretended to be clean.
I could imagine that on the outside I looked calm and collected, but on
the inside I was a mess.
"Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic," I kept saying to myself,
timing the phrase with deep breaths and the dipping of the dishes in the
water.
Finally I got myself under enough control to ask a few questions.
Why had she left me?
No easy answer. At least none that I wanted to really admit, yet there
was nothing else that made sense. She had left. That simple. She had seen
the location of the golden cow treasure and that was the last thing she
needed from me or Aahz or Tanda. On the first opportunity she had headed off
on her own.
Leaving me alone in a kitchen in a strange dimension. "Don't panic," I
said to myself, dipping more dishes. I dumped more half-eaten food into the
bucket, dipped another plate, and asked the next question. Had I been a
fool?
The answer to that one came clearly in Aahz's voice. Yes.
He would also say it was nothing new or unusual. She had played me, and
Aahz and Tanda, like a finely tuned musical instrument, using my heart and
my emotions as the strings.
"What a fool," I said aloud.
There was no one in there to agree with me, but I didn't need anyone to
agree. I knew I had been a fool.
I scraped, dipped, and went on to the next question.
What do I do now?
I had no idea.
Nothing. I was stuck here for the moment. Maybe forever if something
happened to Aahz and Tanda, or if they couldn't find me.
The thought made me panic, so I kept washing dishes.
After a few minutes the guy came back in with more dirty plates. He was
clearly disappointed that Glenda was not back yet, but he said nothing. He
put the plates down and then left.
I dumped the awful food and dipped the plates, doing my best to keep
calm. But pretty soon I was out of dishes to wash. I used the dirty rag to
wipe off all the plates and stack them, then I wiped off the counter as
well. After I was done I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I went
back out to the bar.
"My friend came in a few minutes ago," I said. He looked as if he might
cry, so I went quickly on with my lie.
"She said she will be back in about an hour with your surprise."
That brightened him right up again.
"You want to check what I have done back there?"
"Nope," he said, smiling. "Everything is even with you as far as I'm
concerned."
"Great grub you got here," I said, patting my stomach and then tipping
my hat.
"Thanks, partner," he said, smiling and showing me the same
ugly-looking teeth the woman had. "Anytime. You come back now, ya hear?"
"Sure will," I said, and headed out into the street.
The sun was still cooking the hard center of the street, so I stayed on
the sidewalk, tipping my hat and saying "Howdy" to anyone who passed me. The
guy with the shovel must have finished cleaning up the street, leaving only
the big piles of horse droppings as evidence of his work.
It hadn't been much longer than fifteen minutes since Glenda had left
me, even though it felt like an eternity. There was no sign of her or Aahz
or Tanda.
I kept moving, fighting down the desire to shout out Aahz's name. And
the desire to just run. I didn't know where I would run, but for some reason
running was a massive desire.
I reached the edge of town and stood on the last board of the covered
sidewalk looking up the road that wound toward the cliff where we had hopped
into this dimension. I was sure Tanda and Aahz would come back for me.
Unless, of course, Glenda had done something to them on
Vortex #6.
I didn't want to think about that. If that happened, I was going to be
stuck right here for a very long time.
There was no sign of anyone on the road coming down the hill. I turned
and headed back up the sidewalk, doing my "Howdy" bit to anyone who passed,
with the hit-tipping routine added in. When I reached the other end of town
and the end of the shaded sidewalk, I stared off into the distance to where
the road vanished into some low hills.
Then I turned around and started back.
At the moment there was nothing else left for me to do.
I managed to walk the entire length of the town six times before I
decided that my behavior might attract attention I didn't want. When I
reached the end of the sidewalk again, on the end of town where we had first
entered, I sat down with my back to the wall.
Overhead the sun was slowly dropping. It didn't look like it would be
more than a few hours before it set. Then what would I do?
I didn't have a clue.
The question as to why Aahz and Tanda hadn't come back for me yet
bothered me a lot. I figured that with my washing dishes and pacing the
length of the town, a good two hours had gone by. The pacing had helped me
some, allowing me to work off some of the panic and fear. For the moment it
felt as if my mind was working pretty clear again, and I was proud of myself
for how well I had done so far. I just hoped I would have a chance to tell
Aahz and Tanda and let them be proud of me.
I stared out at the empty road. The last thing I wanted was to be stuck
on a vegetarian planet with some weird, hat-tipping people who didn't
believe in money.
Down the street a couple people looked at me, seeming almost shocked
because I was sitting on the sidewalk. I stood, tipped my hat at them, and
leaned against the building instead. They smiled as if I were now suddenly
all right, and went about their business. For the next few minutes I stared
out at the empty road leading off toward the rock cliffs, trying to decide
what to do. Should I walk back up there or stay right where I was?
What would I do if I got to the cliff face and they weren't there,
which was likely? It would be almost dark by then and I would have to spend
the night out in the wild. And, for some reason, that idea didn't sit well.
And what would I do if they never came back here? Should I head for the
city with the golden cow in it? I remembered enough from the map that the
city's name was Dodge. I could work my way there, given time.
I'd make that decision if Aahz and Tanda didn't come back, Right now I
just needed to make sure Aahz and Tanda could find me when they did get
here. This little town was where they had left me; this was where I was
going to stay. At least for the immediate future, however long that might
be. If Glenda had managed to do something awful to Aahz and Tanda, I would
face that problem later. Much later. And somehow make sure Glenda paid for
her sins.
With one last look at the empty road, I turned and headed back to
Audry's. At least there I could sit in the window and watch the street
without being obvious.
The music was still coming from what looked like a piano, even though
the place was empty. The guy behind the bar smiled at me, then frowned when
Glenda didn't follow me in the door.
I decided I needed to have him on my side. I walked up to the bar.
"Has my friend been back here yet?"
"No," he said. "You ain't found her?" There was instant worry in his
question.
"Haven't seen her since I left here earlier," I said. "Been walking the
length of your fine town looking for her."
"I was a wonderin' what you were doin'," he said. "Can't imagine what
might have happened to her, though. The full moon is still a few days off,
so the round-up couldn't have taken her. At least not yet."
I desperately wanted to ask him what the full moon had to do with
anything, and what a round-up was, but he said both so matter-of-factly that
I knew I would blow my cover if I asked.
"Yeah, couldn't be that." I said instead.
"She was askin' about horses," he said. "Maybe she got one and headed
down the road?"
I shook my head. "I checked. She didn't. Mind if I just sit over there
and wait?"
"Not at all," he said, reaching down and grabbing a glass. Before I
could think of a reason to stop him that sounded good, he poured me another
glass of the carrot juice.
"On me," he said, sliding the glass toward me across the bar. "Just
tell your friend when you see her that she still owes me a surprise."
"Oh, trust me," I said. "When she promises a surprise, she always pays
off."
He didn't know how truthful that statement was.
He beamed at that and I took my glass of juiced carrots and went over
and sat down so I could see out the window. The shadows were growing long
and the heat was leaving the main street of Evade. It looked as if the
nights in this area were pretty chilly. I was glad I hadn't decided to go up
to the cliffs just for that reason.
Let alone whatever a round-up was.
I took a sip of the carrot juice just to quench my thirst, than sat
back and watched the few people still out on the street. They all seemed to
have tasks and walked purposefully, tipping their hats to each other.
An hour later I had managed to sip down almost half a glass of the
juice.
My bartender friend was looking a little worried, and the shadows were
almost completely across the street. I figured there wasn't much more than a
half-hour until sunset.
"I'm afraid I got to close up, you know," he said finally after pacing
back and forth a few times near the bar. "You got a place to bunk for the
night?"
I assumed bunk meant sleep, so I said, "No, haven't given it much
thought."
He looked shocked. It was as if I'd told him I'd killed his mother. His
mouth opened, then closed, then opened again, but no words came out.
One of the main buildings right in the center of town had a sign on it
that said Hotel Evade, so I tried to cover.
"Just figuring on stopping in the hotel. Sure hope they got rooms, now
that you mention it."
He looked relieved. "I'm sure they do," he said. "That's the law."
He laughed and I laughed with him, even though I had no idea what he
was talking about.
"Thanks for the drink," I said, sliding the glass across the table to
him and standing. "I guess it is getting dark enough for me to get going."
The promise of me leaving had him back to his old happy self.
"I'm sure your friend will get inside all right," he said, "Maybe she's
already at the hotel. When you see her tomorrow, bring her by here for
breakfast."
"It'll be my pleasure," I said. "And your surprise." He laughed. I
laughed.
Then I stepped out onto the sidewalk. He slammed and latched the door
behind me, bolting it as if a thousand thugs were going to try to break it
down. Then the shutters on the inside of the window closed.
The shadows were long on the street and there wasn't a person in sight
anywhere. Every window was shuttered, every door closed. The sound of music
that had come from a few different establishments was now replaced by the
silence of the coming darkness. My stomach started to clamp up, not from the
little bit of carrot juice, but from worry. Something very major happened at
night on this dimension. I didn't know what it might be, but it was
something that made this town bolt its doors and get off the street before
the sun went down. And if I was smart, I would do the same thing.
I walked to the end of town and looked up the road toward the rock
cliffs. In the fading light there wasn't a soul on the road. Finding Aahz
and Tanda would have to wait until tomorrow.
But I had a feeling that, with every hour, finding them was going to
become less and less likely.
I turned and headed down the sidewalk toward the hotel. The door was
closed and shutters were covering the windows, but when I pounded a very
nice woman behind the desk let me in. She didn't ask for anything, or even
suggest something I could do to pay for my room. She just said it was lucky
I got it when I did, then showed me a comfortable room on the second floor
with a window that was bolted dosed and the shutters drawn tight.
There was a bed, a small water basin on a dresser, and an indoor toilet
down the hall.
I thanked her and she went away.
I checked to see if I could open the shutters, but they were secured
solidly. Whatever was going to happen tonight, I wasn't going to be able to
see it from this window.
I lay down on the fairly comfortable bed, not even bothering to take
off my clothes.
Images of Tanda and Aahz floated through my mind. If Glenda had done
something to them on Vortex #6 there wasn't a darn thing I could do to help.
I was stuck here, without the ability to hop dimensions, in a world where
everyone ate vegetables and was afraid to go out at night.
Even though there wasn't a sound from outside, it was a very long and
sleepless night in that little room.
"You can't go home again."
PRINCESS LEIA
At the first sign of light through the shutters, I went downstairs. The
sun was barely up, the shadows still long in the street, yet the front door
to the hotel was wide open and all the shutters on the windows had been
retracted. These people didn't like the night, that was for sure. I
desperately wanted to ask them what they were afraid of, but there just
wasn't a way to ask the question without giving away the fact that I didn't
belong here, in this dimension. And at the moment I had enough problems to
face without bringing more down on my head. Aahz had always told me to solve
one thing at a time.
The problem I had right now was that I wasn't sure I could solve any of
my problems.
I went down the street to Audry's, tipping my hat to the guy with the
shovel who was back in the street picking up after the horses. My old
bartender friend and employer from yesterday had the door to Audry's open
and the shutters retracted. I was the first customer.
"Didn't find her, huh?" he asked as I entered.
"She must have got sidetracked and stayed with a friend," I said.
"She'll show up pretty soon, I bet."
He winked. "Yeah, pretty women can lose track of time."
I didn't want to think about how he came up with that.
I had decided about halfway through the night that I was so hungry, I
could even eat old veggies.
"Mind if I have a small breakfast and a glass of your wonderful
beverage?"
"You bet," he said, pouring me some of the carrot juice.
I looked at the glass of orange liquid. Given enough time I might
actually only loathe the stuff.
"You're lucky this morning," he said. "Just got a fresh wagon-load of
the best from the fields."
"Terrific," I said.
He vanished back into the kitchen and I took up my seat at the window,
taking a sip of the juice. It wasn't as bad as I remembered it from
yesterday, but I was sure that was because I was another day hungry. From my
seat at the table I could see the entire street and all the activity along a
part of it. If Aahz and Tanda came down the Main Street, I'd know it.
The bartender brought me a small plate of veggies that were actually
hard and fresh. I was shocked and managed to eat them all over the next
three hours, plus finish the entire glass of carrot juice. Surprisingly
enough, after that I was no longer hungry.
But I was a lot more worried about ever seeing Aahz and Tanda again.
After another hour I decided that I was going to head back up to the
cliffs. I offered to wash the plates and clean up the kitchen to pay for my
breakfast, but my bartender friend told me to come back later, have some
dinner, and do it then. I agreed, hoping I'd never see him or his kitchen
again.
It took just over an hour in the mid-day heat to walk up the road to
where we had first arrived in this dimension. I didn't meet anyone on the
road, and the air was so hot and silent near the cliffs, it felt as if I was
walking through my own tomb.
I shook myself off and tried not to let my thoughts go to the dark side
of this.
I moved over to the rocks where we had hidden to watch the two guys go
by. My head was sweating under my hat so that when I reached the shade near
the cliff I took it off.
I was setting my hat on a rock when I saw the glint of metal tucked
down in a crack in the rock. I glanced around, but no one was watching, so I
leaned down and looked closer, not believing my eyes. There, tucked into an
opening in one rock, was a short metal cylinder, like nothing I had seen in
this dimension so far. It was the D-Hopper.
I carefully pulled it out, noticing that a folded piece of paper came
with it. The map!
For some reason Aahz and Tanda had left me the D-Hopper and the map.
More than likely they had suspected Glenda, while I had been too blind with
lust or love to see anything.
I looked at the D-Hopper to make sure I wasn't hallucinating in the
heat. It was real. I held it up like an idol and did a little dance of joy
right there behind the rock. For the first time I had some options. I could
do something instead of just waiting and hoping. The relief was almost more
than I could take.
"Slow down and think," I said to myself, hearing Aahz's voice in my
head as clearly as if he were standing beside me.
I took a few deep breaths of the hot air and looked out over the valley
toward the town below. If Aahz and Tanda had walked up here to hide this for
me, Glenda had beat them back to Vortex #6. And more than likely she had
gotten the jump on them, which was what had kept them from coming back for
me.
That thought took all the excitement out of the moment. I just hoped
they were still alive. Glenda didn't strike me as being bloodthirsty, but I
had been wrong about her before. More than likely if she considered Aahz and
Tanda competition in getting the treasure, she would do something to stop
them. She hadn't considered me a problem.
But something had stopped them from coming back, that much was clear.
They were the ones that now needed rescuing, not me. The tables had turned
and I needed to make sure I did this right. The life of my friends might
depend on it.
I tucked the map in my pouch and sat on the rock with the D-Hopper on
my lap, trying to make myself think what I needed to do next. The D-Hopper
was set for Vortex #6. That was good, but if I went there, and couldn't find
Aahz and Tanda, could I get back here? At least here I could live on carrot
juice and bad veggies. I didn't give myself much of a chance on Vortex #6,
even with increased magik powers in that dimension.
I had a slight working knowledge of the D-Hopper from carrying one on
the shopping trip with Tanda. There was a place on the D-Hopper that set the
current dimension as a return point. I carefully looked over the cylinder,
then without changing the setting for Vortex #6, I set the current dimension
as a return point.
I double, then triple-checked myself. If I triggered the D-Hopper I
would jump to Vortex #6. If I triggered it again, I would jump back to this
spot.
Okay, that problem was solved.
I stood and was about to hop when I remembered what I might be going
into.
"Stop and think," I said aloud, again with Aahz's voice echoing through
my head.
With luck, the D-Hopper would put me back into the cabin, but in case
it didn't, I needed to be ready.
What happened if Glenda was still there with them? I needed something
to fight her with. I picked up a good-sized rock that fit nicely in my hand.
It wasn't much, but it might be enough if it came to a fight.
"Okay," I said aloud. "Anything else?"
I couldn't think of anything. And in the heavy coat I was starting to
sweat more than I had before.
"Think, then act," I said, repeating what Aahz had said a hundred
times. "It's time to act."
With one last look at the town of Evade down in the valley, I took a
deep breath and triggered the D-Hopper.
The storm slammed into me like a hammer. I tucked the D-Hopper into my
shirt and focused on how Tanda had led us the other three times to the
cabin. The dust didn't let me see anything around me, but I knew there were
some scattered trees. We had passed them the last two times.
Tanda had gone slightly downhill and to the right, so I figured out
what I thought was directly downhill, then angled a little to the right,
counting my steps to make sure that if I was on the wrong path, I could get
back. After twenty steps could see the faint shape of a tree. I was sure
that had been there the last time, so I kept going.
Another thirty slogging steps and another tree loomed out of the
blowing dust. I thought that had been there as well. So far so good.
I kept moving for fifty more steps before I saw the faint light in the
window of the cabin below me. I had almost missed it, walking too high-along
the hillside.
I eased my way down to the cabin and tried to look in the window, but
the dirt and shades made it so that I couldn't see anything.
It looked as if I was going to have to go in, hard and fast, like a
soldier going after a dangerous outlaw.
I got to the door, braced myself, and eased open the door latch then
shoved hard, the rock from Kowtow ready in my hand as I stumbled in.
My momentum pushed me three steps into the room before I caught my
balance and stopped. I had the rock raised to hit at Glenda, who I expected
to be standing there, ready to fight me.
She wasn't there.
The cabin was warm and comfortable, just like the last time I had seen
it.
Tananda and Aahz were sitting at the table, eating what smelled like
beef stew with slices of homemade bread.
"Nice entrance," Tanda said, smiling at me. "What took you so long?"
Aahz just shook his head.
"Shut the door, would you?"
I stood there with the rock in the air over my head, not really
believing what I was seeing. I had so convinced myself that Aahz and Tanda
were in trouble that I couldn't believe that they were simply having lunch
and waiting for me. Why had they let me stay the entire day and night in
Kowtow?
Why had they chanced that I would even find the D-Hopper where they had
left it?
"Door!" Aahz said. "You born in a barn or something?"
Behind me the storm was raging, blowing dust into the cabin. I lowered
the rock, tossed it out into the dust, and then closed the door.
Tanda stood and came up to me, smiling. "Aahz, I told you he'd make it
just fine," she said, giving me a hug that convinced me that she was just
fine, and I wasn't dreaming all this.
Aahz snorted. "After all the mooning over our friend Glenda, I didn't
think his brain would ever work again."
I asked the one question I wanted to know most of all.
"Why didn't you come back?"
"We couldn't," Tanda said, patting me on the back and leading me to the
table, where she slid some bread toward me as I sat down.
I stared at my mentor, who was just eating and not paying much
attention to me at the moment. He did that when he was very angry or very
happy, and at the moment I honestly didn't know which it was.
"Stew?" she asked, holding up a pot of what was making the room smell
so good. "Glenda left us enough food to last for a few weeks at least."
"Nice of her," Aahz said, the anger clearly there.
"When you didn't come back for me I thought you were both dead."
"We would have been dead in four or five weeks," Aahz said. "When the
food ran out."
Tanda served me up a dish of the stew and then sat down next to me
after patting my shoulder.
"So why couldn't you come back?" I asked, not wanting to eat until I
had some answers. "What happened?"
"Well," Aahz said, still not looking at me, "we both knew Glenda was up
to something, and was going to try to double-cross us."
"And we expected her to leave you on Kowtow," Tanda said.
"You expected that?" I was stunned and suddenly angry. "Why didn't you
at least warn me?"
Aahz looked me directly in the eye. "Would you have listened,
apprentice?"
"Yes," I said defensively.
Now they both laughed.
Clearly they thought I had been too much under Glenda's spell. And the
more I thought about it, the more I saw that they were right, at least to a
point. When Glenda started her act on the bartender, I started to get
suspicious, but not enough to think it through.
"You were the closest to her, apprentice," Aahz said, his voice stern
and in lecture mode. "You should have been warning us about her, not the
other way around."
As normal, Aahz was right.
"So what happened here?" I asked, trying to not admit I had been wrong,
even though we all knew I had been.
"We headed up to the rocks and left the D-Hopper and the map," Tanda
said, "then I jumped us here."
"And right into Glenda's waiting arms," Aahz said. "Just as she had
been planning."
"She used a dimension-blocking spell on me," Tanda said. "She searched
us for the D-Hopper, wished us both luck when she couldn't find it or the
map, and hopped out."
"I assume she's going after the treasure," Aahz said. "And now she's
got a full day's start on us." So what I had been feeling from Aahz was
anger, both at me and at the fact that we might lose the treasure, after
getting so close.
"So what's a dimension block?"
"A spell that keeps another person from jumping out of a dimension,"
Aahz said. "Some cultures use it to imprison people. It's a pretty basic
spell."
"That you haven't taught me yet," I said.
He shrugged. "There's a lot I haven't taught you. And after falling so
easily for this Glenda's charms and smooth talk, I'm not sure if I ever
will."
Tanda patted Aahz's green hand across the table.
"Easy on your apprentice. He's young and full of hormones. He did get
back here, didn't he?"
I wanted to ask what a hormone was, but figured I'd get that
information from Tanda later, when Aahz wasn't around to make fun of my
stupidity. He was disgusted enough with me as it was. And this time around I
agreed with him. I shouldn't have been so easily taken with Glenda. She'd
given me a couple of compliments and I'd been putty in her hands.
I looked at Tanda. "So once you jump out of here with the D-Hopper, the
spell is broken?"
"Exactly," she said.
"Finish up," Aahz said. "We've given her enough of a head start as it
is."
"So how do we get the treasure home once we find it?" I asked, then
instantly realized just how stupid my question was. It had been Glenda who
had told us we were too far from any of our known worlds to dimension-hop
safely. That had been another of Glenda's lies.
Tanda shook her head. "I think that's where Glenda got me. She blocked
my sense of dimensions when we got near her. When we jumped back here from
Kowtow, into the storm, I could sense Vortex #4 and Vortex #2. We can get
home any time we want."
My relief at that, combined with my relief at finding Aahz and Tanda
all right, was more than I could handle. I stared at my stew, trying to make
myself eat as much of it as I could. Doing anything else and I just might
fall apart completely.
"So what did you do when she left you?" Tanda asked.
I shrugged, making myself focus on what I had managed to do right.
"Paid our bill by doing the dishes so no one would be chasing me, then
explored the town to see what I could see, then sat and waited, staying in
the open so that you could find me."
"And slept?" Aahz said, his voice sounding disgusted.
"Not really," I said. "I got a hotel room because those people are
deathly afraid of being outside at night. And of something called a
round-up."
"Really?" Tanda asked.
I glanced up from my stew. Even Aahz was now showing interest.
"Yeah, they bolt their doors and shutter every window, every night," I
said. "I couldn't think of a way to ask them what they were afraid of
without tipping my hand that I was a demon. And at that point I had other
problems to figure out, like what to do next if you two didn't come back."
Aahz nodded. "So we need to be careful at night."
"The bartender guy said the round-up was still a few days off, since it
wasn't the full moon yet."
"I wonder what they're rounding up?" Tanda asked.
"Or who's doing the rounding?" Aahz added. "There's a lot to Kowtow we
don't know. You have the map?"
"I sure do," I said, taking it out of my pocket and handing it to him.
As I did I had another realization. The map was magik. It hadn't shown
us the right path to Kowtow until I took the magik out of it, but back on
Kowtow the magik had returned to the map.
"Aahz," I said, smiling at my mentor, "you know, don't you, that the
magik returned to the map when we reached Kowtow?"
"Yeah," he said, almost sneering at me. "So? Glenda saw it as well."
"Exactly," I said, smiling at my green mentor, "Glenda looked at the
map while we were in Evade. Right?"
Suddenly Tanda burst out laughing, long and hard and so loud I thought
she might hurt herself.
I smiled at the puzzled expression on my mentor's face. Considering how
stupid I had been lately, getting back on top and giving him some good news
felt good.
"The map is a puzzle," I said. "That basic nature of the map won't
change just because we reached Kowtow."
Suddenly the light in Aahz's eyes brightened and slowly a smile crept
over his green-scaled face.
"Glenda has the wrong location."
"Exactly," I said. "The map changes every time we get closer, just as
it did with dimensions. I'm betting it will do that on Kowtow as well."
Aahz put the folded map back in his belt pouch and stood, suddenly in a
hurry.
"Great thinking, Skeeve," he said. "Let's get back to Kowtow. Glenda is
going to come looking for us to get the map when she discovers she has wrong
information. And when she does, I want to be ready for her this time."
I liked that idea a lot.
"Flying. It's the only way to travel!"
B. HOLLY
We arrived back at the cliff face on Kowtow with less than two hours of
daylight left. The day was still hot and dry, and nothing had changed in the
general area since I had left a few hours before. I quickly disguised all
three of us again in the standard wear of the people of this dimension.
We had packed some food and containers of water. Aahz didn't much like
the idea of eating vegetables. Pervects were mostly meat-eaters. Aahz
checked over the D-Hopper and then reset the dimension and hid it in his
shirt.
"Ahh, that feels good," Tanda said, stretching toward the sun, her
white hat tipped back, her large belt buckle glistening in the sun.
"The heat?" I asked.
"Nope. The dimension block being lifted. Amazing how much you miss the
ability to hop after you've had it and then it's taken away."
"Yeah, I know," Aahz said.
"Oh, sorry, big guy," she said.
"Gotten used to it," he said.
I couldn't even imagine how Aahz felt, once being a powerful magician