Страница:
wouldn't have to go, you know.
- That would never do, I'm sure, - said Alice: - the governess would
never think of excusing me lessons for that. If she couldn't remember my
name, she'd call me "Miss!" as the servants do.
- Well. if she said "Miss," and didn't say anything more, - the Gnat
remarked, - of course you'd miss your lessons. That's a joke. I wish YOU
had made it.
- Why do you wish _I_ had made it? - Alice asked. - It's a very bad
one.
But the Gnat only sighed deeply, while two large tears came rolling
down its cheeks.
- You shouldn't make jokes, - Alice said, - if it makes you so
unhappy.
Then came another of those melancholy little sighs, and this time the
poor Gnat really seemed to have sighed itself away, for, when Alice looked
up, there was nothing whatever to be seen on the twig, and, as she was
getting quite chilly with sitting still so, long she got up and walked on.
She very soon came to an open field, with a wood on the other side of
it: it looked much darker than the last wood, and Alice felt a LITTLE
timid about going into it. However, on second thoughts, she made up her
mind to go on: - for I certainly won't go BACK, - she thought to herself,
and this was the only way to the Eighth Square.
- This must be the wood, she said thoughtfully to herself, - where
things have no names. I wonder what'll become of MY name when I go in? I
shouldn't like to lose it at all - because they'd have to give me another,
and it would be almost certain to be an ugly one. But then the fun would
be, trying to find the creature that had got my old name! That's just like
the advertisements, you know, when people lose dogs - "ANSWERS TO THE NAME
OF - DASH: - HAD ON A BRASS COLLAR" - just fancy calling everything you
met "Alice," till one of them answered! Only they wouldn't answer at all,
if they were wise.
She was rambling on in this way when she reached the wood: it looked
very cool and shady. - Well, at any rate it's a great comfort, she said as
she stepped under the trees, - after being so hot, to get into the - into
WHAT? - she went on, rather surprised at not being able to think of the
word. - I mean to get under the - under the under THIS, you know! -
putting her hand on the trunk of the tree.
- What DOES it call itself, I wonder? I do believe it's got no name
why, to be sure it hasn't!
She stood silent for a minute, thinking: then she suddenly began
again. - Then it really HAS happened, after all! And how, who am I? I WILL
remember, if I can! I'm determined to do it! - But being determined didn't
help much, and all she could say, after a great deal of puzzling, was, -
L, I KNOW it begins with L!
Just then a Fawn came wandering by: it looked at Alice with its large
gentle eyes, but didn't seem at all frightened. - Here then! Here then! -
Alice said, as he held out her hand and tried to stroke it; but it only
started back a little, and then stood looking at her again.
- What do you call yourself? - the Fawn said at last. Such a soft
sweet voice it had!
- I wish I knew! - thought poor Alice. She answered, rather sadly, -
Nothing, just now.
- Think again, - it said: - that won't do. Alice thought, but nothing
came of it. - Please, would you tell me
what YOU call yourself? - she said timidly. - I think that might help a
little.
- I'll tell you, of you'll move a little further on, - the Fawn said.
- I can't remember here.
So they walked on together though the wood, Alice with her arms
clasped lovingly round the soft neck of the Fawn, till they came out into
another open field, and here the Fawn gave a sudden bound into the air,
and shook itself free from Alice's arms. - I'm a Fawn! - it cried out in a
voice of delight, - and, dear me! you're a human child! - A sudden look of
alarm came into its beautiful brown eyes, and in another moment it had
darted away a full speed.
Alice stood looking after it, almost ready to cry with vexation at
having lost her dear little fellow-traveller so suddenly. - However, I
know my name now. - she said, - that's SOME comfort. Alice - Alice I won't
forget it again. And now, which of these finger-posts ought I to follow, I
wonder?
It was not a very difficult question to answer, as there was only one
road through the wood, and the two finger-posts both pointed along it. -
I'll settle it, - Alice said to herself, - when the road divides and they
point different ways.
But this did not seem likely to happen. She went on and on, a long
way, but wherever the road divided there were sure to be two finger-posts
pointing the same way, one marked - TO TWEEDLEDUM'S HOUSE - and the other
- TO THE HOUSE OF TWEEDLEDEE.
- I do believe, - said Alice at last, - that they live in the same
house! I wonder I never thought of that before - But I can't stay there
long. I'll just call and say "how d'you do?" and ask them the way out of
the wood. If I could only get the Eighth Square before it gets dark! - So
she wandered on, talking to herself as she went, till, on turning a sharp
corner, she came upon two fat little men, so suddenly that she could not
help starting back, but in another moment she recovered herself, feeling
sure that they must be
They were standing under a tree, each with an arm round the other's
neck, and Alice knew which was which in a moment, because one of them had
- DUM - embroidered on his collar, and the other - DEE. - I suppose
they've each got "TWEEDLE" round at the back of the collar, - she said to
herself.
They stood so still that she quite forgot they were alive, and she
was just looking round to see if the word "TWEEDLE" was written at the
back of each collar, when she was startled by a voice coming from the one
marked - DUM.
- If you think we're wax-works, - he said, - you ought to pay, you
know. Wax-works weren't made to be looked at for nothing, Nohow!
- Contrariwise, - added the one marked - DEE, - if you think we're
alive, you ought to speak.
- I'm sure I'm very sorry, - was all Alice could say; for the words
of the old song kept ringing through her head like the ticking of a clock,
and she could hardly help saying them out loud:
- Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Agreed to have a battle;
For Tweedledum said Tweedledee
Had spoiled his nice new rattle.
Just then flew down a monstrous crow,
As black as a tar-barrel;
Which frightened both the heroes so,
They quite forgot their quarrel.
- I know what you're thinking about, - said Tweedledum: - but it
isn't so, nohow.
- Contrariwise, - continued Tweedledee, - if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- I was thinking, - Alice said very politely, - which is the best way
out of this wood: it's getting so dark. Would you tell me, please?
But the little men only looked at each other and grinned.
They looked so exactly like a couple of great schoolboys, that Alice
couldn't help pointing her finger at Tweedledum, and saying - First Boy!
- Nohow! - Tweedledum cried out briskly, and shut his mouth up again
with a snap.
- Next Boy! - said Alice, passing on to Tweedledee, though she felt
quite certain he would only shout out "Contrariwise! - and so he did.
- You've been wrong! - cried Tweedledum. - The first thing in a visit
is to say "How d'ye do?" and shake hands! - And here the two brothers gave
each other a hug, and then they held out the two hands that were free, to
shake hands with her.
Alice did not like shaking hands with either of them first, for fear
of hurting the other one's feelings; so, as the best way out of the
difficulty, she took hold of both hands at once: the next moment they were
dancing found in a ring. This seemed quite natural (she remembered
afterwards), and she was not even surprised to hear music playing: it
seemed to come from the tree under which they were dancing, and it was
done (as well as she could make it out) by the branches rubbing one across
the other, like fiddles and fiddle-sticks.
- But it certainly WAS funny, - (Alice said afterwards, when she was
telling her sister the history of all this,) - to find myself singing
"HERE WE GO ROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH." I don't know when I began it, but
somehow I felt as if I'd been singing it a long long time!
The other two dancers were fat, and very soon out of breath. - Four
times round is enough for one dance, - Tweedledum panted out, and they
left off dancing as suddenly as they had begun: the music stopped at the
same moment.
Then they let go of Alice's hands, and stood looking at her for a
minute: there was a rather awkward pause, as Alice didn't know how to
begin a conversation with people she had just been dancing with. - It
would never do to say "How d'ye do?" NOW, - she said to herself: - we seem
to have got beyond that, somehow!
- I hope you're not much tired? - she said at last.
- Nohow. And thank you VERY much for asking, - said Tweedledum.
- So much obliged! - added Tweedledee. - You like poetry?
- Ye-es. pretty well - SOME poetry, - Alice said doubtfully. - Would
you tell me which road leads out of the wood?
- What shall I repeat to her? - said Tweedledee, looking round at
Tweedledum with great solemn eyes, and not noticing Alice's question.
- "THE WALRUS AND THE CARPENTER" is the longest, - Tweedledum
replied, giving his brother an affectionate hug.
Tweedledee began instantly:
- The sun was shining
Here Alice ventured to interrupt him. - If it's VERY long, - she
said, as politely as she could, - would you please tell me first which
road
Tweedledee smiled gently, and began again:
- The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"
The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying over head
There were no birds to fly.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it WOULD be grand!"
"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year,
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.
"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."
The eldest Oyster looked at him.
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.
But four young oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.
Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes - and ships - and sealing-wax
Of cabbages - and kings
And why the sea is boiling hot
And whether pigs have wings."
"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.
"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed
Now if you're ready Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."
"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue,
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said
"Do you admire the view?
"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf
I've had to ask you twice!"
"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"
"I weep for you," the Walrus said.
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size.
Holding his pocket handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
"O Oysters," said the Carpenter.
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?"
But answer came there none
And that was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.
- I like the Walrus best, - said Alice: - because you see he was a
LITTLE sorry for the poor oysters.
- He ate more than the Carpenter, though, - said Tweedledee. - You
see he held his handkerchief in front, so that the Carpenter couldn't
count how many he took: contrariwise.
- That was mean! - Alice said indignantly. - Then I like the
Carpenter best - if he didn't eat so many as the Walrus.
- But he ate as many as he could get, - said Tweedledum. This was a
puzzler. After a pause, Alice began, - Well! They were
BOTH very unpleasant characters - Here she checked herself in some alarm,
at hearing something that sounded to her like the puffing of a large
steam-engine in the wood near them, thought she feared it was more likely
to be a wild beast. - Are there any lions or tigers about here? - she
asked timidly.
- It's only the Red King snoring, - said Tweedledee.
- Come and look at him! - the brothers cried, and they each took one
of Alice's hands, and led her up to where the King was sleeping.
- Isn't he a LOVELY sight?" said Tweedledum. Alice couldn't say
honestly that he was. He had a tall red night-cap
on, with a tassel, and he was lying crumpled up into a sort of untidy
heap, and snoring loud - fit to snore his head off! - as Tweedledum
remarked.
- I'm afraid he'll catch cold with lying on the damp grass, - said
Alice, who was a very thoughtful little girl.
- He's dreaming now, - said Tweedledee: - and what do you think he's
dreaming about?
Alice said - Nobody can guess that. - Why, about YOU! - Tweedledee
exclaimed, clapping his hands
triumphantly. - And if he left off dreaming about you, where do you
suppose you'd be?
- Where I am now, of course, - said Alice.
- Not you! - Tweedledee retorted contemptuously. - You'd be nowhere.
Why, you're only a sort of thing in his dream!
- If that there King was to wake, - added Tweedledum, - you'd go out
- bang! - just like a candle!
- I shouldn't! - Alice exclaimed indignantly. - Besides, if I'M only
a sort of thing in his dream, what are YOU, I should like to know?
- Ditto - said Tweedledum.
- Ditto, ditto - cried Tweedledee. He shouted this so loud that Alice
couldn't help saying, - Hush!
You'll be waking him, I'm afraid, if you make so much noise.
- Well, it no use YOUR talking about waking him, - said Tweedledum, -
when you're only one of the things in his dream. You know very well you're
not real.
- I AM real! - said Alice and began to cry.
- You won't make yourself a bit realler by crying, - Tweedledee
remarked: - there's nothing to cry about.
- If I wasn't real, - Alice said - half-laughing though her tears, it
all seemed so ridiculous - I shouldn't be able to cry.
- I hope you don't suppose those are real tears? - Tweedledum
interrupted in a tone of great contempt.
- I know they're talking nonsense, - Alice thought to herself: - and
it's foolish to cry about it. - So she brushed away her tears, and went on
as cheerfully as she could. - At any rate I'd better be getting out of the
wood, for really it's coming on very dark. Do you think it's going to
rain?
Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over himself and his brother, and
looked up into it. - No, I don't think it is, - he said: - at least - not
under HERE. Nohow.
- But it may rain OUTSIDE?
- It may - if it chooses, - said Tweedledee: - we've no objection.
Contrariwise.
- Selfish things! - thought Alice, and she was just going to say -
Good-night - and leave them, when Tweedledum sprang out from under the
umbrella and seized her by the wrist.
- Do you see THAT? - he said, in a voice choking with passion, and
his eyes grew large and yellow all in a moment, as he pointed with a
trembling finger at a small white thing lying under the tree.
- It's only a rattle, - Alice said, after a careful examination of
the little white thing. - Not a rattleSNAKE, you know, - she added
hastily, thinking that he was frightened: only an old rattle - quite old
and broken.
- I knew it was! - cried Tweedledum, beginning to stamp about wildly
and tear his hair. - It's spoilt, of course! - Here he looked at
Tweedledee, who immediately sat down on the ground, and tried to hide
himself under the umbrella.
Alice laid her hand upon his arm, and said in a soothing tone, - You
needn't be so angry about an old rattle.
- But it isn't old! - Tweedledum cried, in a greater fury than ever.
- It's new, I tell you - I bought it yesterday - my nice New RATTLE! - and
his voice rose to a perfect scream.
All this time Tweedledee was trying his best to fold up the umbrella,
with himself in it: which was such an extraordinary thing to do, that it
quite took off Alice's attention from the angry brother. But he couldn't
quite succeed, and it ended in his rolling over, bundled up in the
umbrella, with only his head out: and there he lay, opening and shutting
his mouth and his large eyes - 'looking more like a fish than anything
else, - Alice thought.
- Of course you agree to have a battle? - Tweedledum said in a calmer
tone.
- I suppose so, - the other sulkily replied, as he crawled out of the
umbrella: - only SHE must help us to dress up, you know.
So the two brothers went off hand-in-hand into the wood, and returned
in a minute with their arms full of things - such as bolsters, blankets,
hearth-rugs, table-cloths, dish-covers and coal-scuttles. - I hope you're
a good hand a pinning and tying strings? - Tweedledum remarked. - Every
one of these things has got to go on, somehow or other.
Alice said afterwards she had never seen such a fuss made about
anything in all her life - the way those two bustled about -and the
quantity of things they put on - and the trouble they gave her in tying
strings and fastening buttons - Really they'll be more like bundles of old
clothes that anything else, by the time they're ready! - she said to
herself, as he arranged a bolster round the neck of Tweedledee, - to keep
his head from being cut off, - as he said.
- You know, - he added very gravely, - it's one of the most serious
things that can possibly happen to one in a battle - to get one's head cut
off.
Alice laughed loud: but she managed to turn it into a cough, for fear
of hurting his feelings.
- Do I look very pale? - said Tweedledum, coming up to have his
helmet tied on. (He CALLED it a helmet, though it certainly looked much
more like a saucepan.)
- Well - yes - a LITTLE, - Alice replied gently.
- I'm very brave generally, - he went on in a low voice: - only
to-day I happen to have a headache.
- And I'VE got a toothache! - said Tweedledee, who had overheard the
remark. - I'm far worse off than you!
- Then you'd better not fight to-day, - said Alice, thinking it a
good opportunity to make peace.
- We MUST have a bit of a fight, but I don't care about going on
long, - said Tweedledum. - What's the time now?
Tweedledee looked at his watch, and said - Half-past four. - Let's
fight till six, and then have dinner, - said Tweedledum. - Very well, -
the other said, rather sadly: - and SHE can watch us
only you'd better not come VERY close, - he added: - I generally hit
everything I can see - when I get really excited.
- And _I_ hit everything within reach, - cried Tweedledum, - whether
I can see it or not!
Alice laughed. - You must hit the TREES pretty often, I should think,
- she said.
Tweedledum looked round him with a satisfied smile. I don't suppose,
- he said, - there'll be a tree left standing, for ever so far round, by
the time we've finished!
- And all about a rattle! - said Alice, still hoping to make them a
LITTLE ashamed of fighting for such a trifle.
- I shouldn't have minded it so much, - said Tweedledum, - if it
hadn't been a new one.
- I wish the monstrous crow would come! - though Alice.
- There's only one sword, you know, - Tweedledum said to his brother:
- but you can have the umbrella - it's quite as sharp. Only we must begin
quick. It's getting as dark as it can.
- And darker. - said Tweedledee. It was getting dark so suddenly that
Alice thought there must be a
thunderstorm coming on. - What a thick black cloud that is! - she said. -
And how fast it comes! Why, I do believe it's got wings!
- It's the crow! - Tweedledum cried out in a shrill voice of alarm:
and the two brothers took to their heels and were out of sight in a
moment.
Alice ran a little way into the wood, and stopped under a large tree.
- It can never get at me HERE, - she thought: - it's far too large to
squeeze itself in among the trees. But I wish it wouldn't flap its wings
so - it make quite a hurricane in the wood - here's somebody's shawl being
blown away!
She caught the shawl as she spoke, and looked about for the owner: in
another moment the White Queen came running wildly through the wood, with
both arms stretched out wide, as if she were flying, and Alice very
civilly went to meet her with the shawl.
- I'm very glad I happened to be in the way, - Alice said, as she
helped her to put on her shawl again.
The While Queen only looked at her in a helpless frightened sort of
way, and kept repeating something in a whisper to herself that sounded
like - bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter, - and Alice felt that if there
was to be any conversation at all, she must manage it herself. So she
began rather timidly: - Am I addressing the White Queen?
- Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing, - The Queen said. - It
isn't MY notion of the thing, at all."
Alice thought it would never do to have an argument at the very
beginning of their conversation, so she smiled and said, - If your Majesty
will only tell me the right way to begin, I'll do it as well as I can.
- But I don't want it done at all! - groaned the poor Queen. - I've
been a-dressing myself for the last two hours.
It would have been all the better, as it seemed to Alice, if she had
got some one else to dress her, she was so dreadfully untidy. - Every
single thing's crooked, - Alice thought to herself, - and she's all over
pins! - may I put your shawl straight for you? - she added aloud.
- I don't know what's the matter with it! - the Queen said, in a
melancholy voice. - It's out of temper, I think. I've pinned it here, and
I've pinned it there, but there's no pleasing it!
- It CAN'T go straight, you know, if you pin it all on one side,
Alice said, as she gently put it right for her; - and, dear me, what a
state your hair is in!
- The brush has got entangled in it! - the Queen said with a sigh. -
And I lost the comb yesterday.
Alice carefully released the brush, and did her best to get the hair
into order. - Come, you look rather better now! - she said, after altering
most of the pins. - But really you should have a lady's maid!
- I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure! - the Queen said. - Twopence
a week, and jam every other day.
Alice couldn't help laughing, as she said, - I don't want you to hire
ME - and I don't care for jam.
- It's very good jam, - said the Queen.
- Well, I don't want any TO-DAY, at any rate.
- You couldn't have it if you DID want it, - the Queen said. - The
rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday - but never jam to-day.
- It MUST come sometimes to "jam do-day," - Alice objected.
- No, it can't, - said the Queen. - It's jam every OTHER day: to-day
isn't any OTHER day, you know.
- I don't understand you, - said Alice. - It's dreadfully confusing!
- That's the effect of living backwards, - the Queen said kindly: -
it always makes one a little giddy at first
- Living backwards! - Alice repeated in great astonishment. - I never
heard of such a thing!
- but there's one great advantage in it, that one's memory works both
ways.
- I'm sure MINE only works one way. - Alice remarked. - I can't
remember things before they happen.
- It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards, - the Queen
remarked.
- What sort of things do YOU remember best? - Alice ventured to ask.
- Oh, things that happened the week after next, - the Queen replied
in a careless tone. - For instance, now, - she went on, sticking a large
piece of plaster [band-aid] on her finger as she spoke, - there's the
King's Messenger. He's in prison now, being punished: and the trial
doesn't even begin till next Wednesday: and of course the crime comes last
of all.
- Suppose he never commits the crime? - said Alice.
- That would be all the better wouldn't it? - the Queen said, as she
bound the plaster round her finger with a bit of ribbon.
Alice felt there was no denying THAT. - Of course it would be all the
better, - she said: - but it wouldn't be all the better his being
punished.
- You're wrong THERE, at any rate, - said the Queen: - were YOU ever
punished?
- Only for faults, - said Alice.
- And you were all the better for it, I know! - the Queen said
triumphantly.
- Yes, but then I HAD done the things I was punished for, - said
Alice: - that makes all the difference.
- But if you HADN'T done them, - the Queen said, - that would have
been better still; better, and better, and better! - Her voice went higher
with each - better, - till it got quite to a squeak at last.
Alice was just beginning to say - There's a mistake somewhere-, - **
when the Queen began screaming so loud that she had to leave the sentence
unfinished. - Oh, oh, oh! - shouted the Queen, shaking her hand about as
if she wanted to shake it off. - My finger's bleeding! Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Her screams were so exactly like the whistle of a steam-engine, that
Alice had to hold both her hands over her ears.
- What IS the matter? - she said, as soon as there was a chance of
making herself heard. - Have you pricked your finger?
- I haven't pricked it YET, - the Queen said, - but I soon shall oh,
oh, oh!
- When do you expect to do it? - Alice asked, feeling very much
inclined to laugh.
- When I fasten my shawl again, - the poor Queen groaned out: - the
brooch will come undone directly. Oh, oh! - As she said the words the
brooch flew open, and the Queen clutched wildly at it, and tried to clasp
it again.
- Take care! - cried Alice. - You're holding it all crooked! - And
she caught at the brooch; but it was too late: the pin had slipped, and
the Queen had pricked her finger.
- That accounts for the bleeding, you see, - she said to Alice with a
smile. - Now you understand the way things happen here.
- But why don't you scream now? - Alice asked, holding her hands
ready to put over her ears again.
- Why, I've done all the screaming already, - said the Queen. - What
would be the good of having it all over again?
By this time it was getting light. - The crow must have flown away, I
think, - said Alice: - I'm so glad it's gone. I thought it was the night
coming on.
- I wish _I_ could manage to be glad! - the Queen said. - Only I
never can remember the rule. You must be very happy, living in this wood,
and being glad whenever you like!
- Only it is so VERY lonely here! - Alice said in a melancholy voice;
and at the thought of her loneliness two large tears came rolling down her
cheeks.
- Oh, don't go on like that! - cried the poor Queen, wringing her
hands in despair. - Consider what a great girl you are. Consider what a
long way you've come to-day. Consider what o'clock it is. Consider
anything, only don't cry!
Alice could not help laughing at this, even in the midst of her
tears. - Can YOU keep from crying by considering things? - she asked.
- That's the way it's done, - the Queen said with great decision: -
nobody can do two things at once, you know. Let's consider you age to
begin with - how old are you?
- I - m seven and a half exactly.
- You needn't say "exactually," - the Queen remarked: - I can believe
it without that. Now I'll give YOU something to believe. I'm just one
hundred and one, five months and a day.
- I can't believe THAT! - said Alice.
- Can't you? - the Queen said in a pitying tone. - Try again: draw a
long breath, and shut your eyes.
Alice laughed. - There's not use trying, - she said: - one CAN'T
believe impossible things.
- I daresay you haven't had much practice, - said the Queen. - When I
was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've
believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. There goes the
shawl again!
The brooch had come undone as she spoke, and a sudden gust of wind
blew the Queen's shawl across a little brook. The Queen spread out her
arms again, and went flying after it, and this time she succeeded in
catching it for herself. - I've got! - she cried in a triumphant tone. -
Now you shall see me pin it on again, all by myself!
- Then I hope your finger is better now? - Alice said very politely,
as she crossed the little brook after the Queen.
* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * *
- Oh, much better! - cried the Queen, her voice rising to a squeak as
she went on. - Much be-etter! Be-etter! Be-e-e-etter! Be-e-ehh! - The last
word ended in a long bleat, so like a sheep that Alice quite started.
She looked at the Queen, who seemed to have suddenly wrapped herself
up in wool. Alice rubbed her eyes, and looked again. She couldn't make out
what had happened at all. Was she in a shop? And was that really - was it
really a SHEEP that was sitting on the other side of the counter? Rub as
she could, she could make nothing more of it: she was in a little dark
shop, leaning with her elbows on the counter, and opposite to her was a
old Sheep, sitting in an arm-chair knitting, and every now and then
leaving off to look at her through a great pair of spectacles.
- What is it you want to buy? - the Sheep said at last, looking up
for a moment from her knitting.
- I don't QUITE know yet, - Alice said, very gently. I should like to
look all round me first, if I might.
- You may look in front of you, and on both sides, if you like, said
the Sheep: - but you can't look ALL round you - unless you've got eyes at
the back of your head.
But these, as it happened, Alice had NOT got: so she contented
herself with turning round, looking at the shelves as she came to them.
The shop seemed to be full of all manner of curious things - but the
oddest part of it all was, that whenever she looked hard at any shelf, to
make out exactly what it had on it, that particular shelf was always quite
empty: though the others round it were crowded as full as they could hold.
- Things flow about so here! - she said at last in a plaintive tone, after
she had spent a minute or so in vainly pursuing a large bright thing, that
looked sometimes like a doll and sometimes like a work-box, and was always
in the shelf next above the one she was looking at. - And this one is the
most provoking of all - but I'll tell you what - she added, as a sudden
thought struck her, - I'll follow it up to the very top shelf of all.
It'll puzzle it to go through the ceiling, I expect!
But even this plan failed: the - thing - went through the ceiling as
quietly as possible, as if it were quite used to it.
- Are you a child or a teetotum? - the Sheep said, as she took up
another pair of needles. - You'll make me giddy soon, if you go on turning
round like that. - She was now working with fourteen pairs at once, and
Alice couldn't help looking at her in great astonishment.
- How CAN she knit with so many? - the puzzled child thought to
herself. - She gets more and more like a porcupine every minute!
- Can you row? - the Sheep asked, handing her a pair of knitting
needles as she spoke.
- Yes, a little - but not on land - and not with needles Alice was
beginning to say, when suddenly the needles turned into oars in her hands,
and she found they were in a little boat, gliding along between banks: so
there was nothing for it but to do her best.
- Feather! - cried the Sheep, as she took up another pair of needles.
This didn't sound like a remark that needed any answer, so Alice said
nothing, but pulled away. There was something very queer about the water,
she thought, as every now and then the oars got fast in it, and would
hardly come out again.
- Feather! Feather! - the Sheep cried again, taking more needles. -
You'll be catching a crab directly.
- A dear little crab! - thought Alice. - I should like that.
- Didn't you hear me say "Feather"? - the Sheep cried angrily, taking
up quite a bunch of needles.
- Indeed I did, - said Alice: - you've said it very often - and very
loud. Please, where ARE the crabs?
- In the water, of course! - said the Sheep, sticking some of the
needles into her hair, as her hands were full. - Feather, I say!
- WHY do you say "feather" so often? - Alice asked at last, rather
vexed. 'I'm not a bird!
- You are, - said the Sheet: - you're a little goose. This offended
Alice a little, so there was no more conversation for a
minute or two, while the boat glided gently on, sometimes among beds of
weeds (which made the oars stick fast in the water, worse then ever), and
sometimes under trees, but always with the same tall river-banks frowning
over their heads.
- Oh, please! There are some scented rushes! - Alice cried in a
sudden transport of delight. - There really are - and SUCH beauties!
- You needn't say "please" to ME about - em - the Sheep said, without
looking up from her knitting: - I didn't put - em there, and I'm not going
to take - em away.
- No, but I meant - please, may we wait and pick some? - Alice
pleaded. - If you don't mind stopping the boat for a minute.
- How am _I_ to stop it? - said the Sheep. - If you leave off rowing,
it'll stop of itself.
So the boat was left to drift down the stream as it would, till it
glided gently in among the waving rushes. And then the little sleeves were
carefully rolled up, and the little arms were plunged in elbow-deep to get
the rushes a good long way down before breaking them off - and for a while
Alice forgot all about the Sheep and the knitting, as she bent over the
side of the boat, with just the ends of her tangled hair dipping into the
water - while with bright eager eyes she caught at one bunch after another
of the darling scented rushes.
- I only hope the boat won't tipple over! - she said to herself. Oh,
WHAT a lovely one! Only I couldn't quite reach it. - And it certainly DID
seem a little provoking ( - almost as if it happened on purpose, she
thought) that, though she managed to pick plenty of beautiful rushes as
the boat glided by, there was always a more lovely one that she couldn't
reach.
- The prettiest are always further! - she said at last, with a sigh
at the obstinacy of the rushes in growing so far off, as, with flushed
cheeks and dripping hair and hands, she scrambled back into her place, and
began to arrange her new-found treasures.
What mattered it to her just than that the rushes had begun to fade,
and to lose all their scent and beauty, from the very moment that she
picked them? Even real scented rushes, you know, last only a very little
while - and these, being dream-rushes, melted away almost like snow, as
they lay in heaps at her feet -but Alice hardly noticed this, there were
so many other curious things to think about.
They hadn't gone much farther before the blade of one of the oars got
fast in the water and WOULDN'T come out again (so Alice explained it
afterwards), and the consequence was that the handle of it caught her
under the chin, and, in spite of a series of little shrieks of - Oh, oh,
oh! - from poor Alice, it swept her straight off the seat, and down among
the heap of rushes.
However, she wasn't hurt, and was soon up again: the Sheep went on
with her knitting all the while, just as if nothing had happened.
- That was a nice crab you caught! - she remarked, as Alice got back
into her place, very much relieved to find herself still in the boat.
- Was it? I didn't see it, - Said Alice, peeping cautiously over the
side of the boat into the dark water. - I wish it hadn't let go - I should
so like to see a little crab to take home with me! - But the Sheep only
laughed scornfully, and went on with her knitting.
- Are there many crabs here? - said Alice.
- Crabs, and all sorts of things, - said the Sheep: - plenty of
choice, only make up your mind. Now, what DO you want to buy?
- To buy! - Alice echoes in a tone that was half astonished and half
frightened - for the oars, and the boat, and the river, had vanished all
in a moment, and she was back again in the little dark shop.
- I should like to buy an egg, please, - she said timidly. - How do
you sell them?
- Fivepence farthing for one - Twopence for two, - the Sheep replied.
- Then two are cheaper than one? - Alice said in a surprised tone,
taking out her purse.
- Only you MUST eat them both, if you buy two, - said the Sheep.
- Then I'll have ONE, please, - said Alice, as she put the money down
on the counter. For she thought to herself, - They mightn't be at all
nice, you know.
The Sheep took the money, and put it away in a box: then she said - I
never put things into people's hands - that would never do - you must get
it for yourself. - And so saying, she went off to the other end of the
shop, and set the egg upright on a shelf.
- I wonder WHY it wouldn't do? - thought Alice, as she groped her way
among the tables and chairs, for the shop was very dark towards the end. -
The egg seems to get further away the more I walk towards it. Let me see,
is this a chair? Why, it's got branches, I declare! How very odd to find
trees growing here! And actually here's a little brook! Well, this is the
very queerest shop I ever saw!
* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * *
So she went on, wondering more and more at every step, as everything
turned into a tree the moment she came up to it, and she quite expected
the egg to do the same.
However, the egg only got larger and larger, and more and more human:
when she had come within a few yards of it, she saw that it had eyes and a
nose and mouth; and when she had come close to it, she saw clearly that it
was HUMPTY DUMPTY himself. - It can't be anybody else! - she said to
herself. - I'm as certain of it, as if his name were written all over his
face.
It might have been written a hundred times, easily, on that enormous
face. Humpty Dumpty was sitting with his legs crossed, like a Turk, on the
top of a high wall - such a narrow one that Alice quite wondered how he
could keep his balance - and, as his eyes were steadily fixed in the
opposite direction, and he didn't take the least notice of her, she
thought he must be a stuffed figure after all.
- And how exactly like an egg he is! - she said aloud, standing with
her hands ready to catch him, for she was every moment expecting him to
fall.
- It's VERY provoking, - Humpty Dumpty said after a long silence,
looking away from Alice as he spoke, - to be called an egg -VERY!
- I said you LOOKED like an egg, Sir, - Alice gently explained. - And
some eggs are very pretty, you know, she added, hoping to turn her remark
into a sort of a compliment.
- Some people, - said Humpty Dumpty, looking away from her as usual,
- have no more sense than a baby!
Alice didn't know what to say to this: it wasn't at all like
conversation, she thought, as he never said anything to HER; in fact, his
last remark was evidently addressed to a tree - so she stood and softly
repeated to herself:
- Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall:
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again.
- That last line is much too long for the poetry, - she added, almost
out loud, forgetting that Humpty Dumpty would hear her.
- Don't stand there chattering to yourself like that, - Humpty Dumpty
said, looking at her for the first time, - but tell me your name and your
business.
- My NAME is Alice, but
- It's a stupid name enough! - Humpty Dumpty interrupted impatiently.
- What does it mean?
- MUST a name mean something? - Alice asked doubtfully.
- Of course it must, - Humpty Dumpty said with a sort laugh: - MY
name means the shape I am - and a good handsome shape it is, too. With a
name like your, you might be any shape, almost.
- Why do you sit out here all alone? - said Alice, not wishing to
begin an argument.
- Why, because there's nobody with me! - cried Humpty Dumpty. - Did
you think I didn't know the answer to THAT? Ask another.
- Don't you think you'd be safer down on the ground? - Alice went on,
not with any idea of making another riddle, but simply in her good-natured
anxiety for the queer creature. - That wall is so VERY narrow!
- What tremendously easy riddles you ask! - Humpty Dumpty growled
out. - Of course I don't think so! Why, if ever I DID fall off which
there's no chance of - but IF I did - Here he pursed his lips and looked
so solemn and grand that Alice could hardly help laughing. - IF I did
fall, - he went on, - THE KING HAS PROMISED ME WITH HIS VERY OWN MOUTH -
to - to
- To send all his horses and all his men, - Alice interrupted, rather
unwisely.
- Now I declare that's too bad! - Humpty Dumpty cried, breaking into
a sudden passion. - You've been listening at doors - and behind trees -
and sown chimneys - or you couldn't have known it!
- I haven't, indeed! - Alice said very gently. - It's in a book.
- Ah, well! They may write such things in a BOOK, - Humpty Dumpty
said in a calmer tone. - That's what you call a History of England, that
is. Now, take a good look at me! I'm one that has spoken to a King, _I_
am: mayhap you'll never see such another: and to show you I'm not proud,
- That would never do, I'm sure, - said Alice: - the governess would
never think of excusing me lessons for that. If she couldn't remember my
name, she'd call me "Miss!" as the servants do.
- Well. if she said "Miss," and didn't say anything more, - the Gnat
remarked, - of course you'd miss your lessons. That's a joke. I wish YOU
had made it.
- Why do you wish _I_ had made it? - Alice asked. - It's a very bad
one.
But the Gnat only sighed deeply, while two large tears came rolling
down its cheeks.
- You shouldn't make jokes, - Alice said, - if it makes you so
unhappy.
Then came another of those melancholy little sighs, and this time the
poor Gnat really seemed to have sighed itself away, for, when Alice looked
up, there was nothing whatever to be seen on the twig, and, as she was
getting quite chilly with sitting still so, long she got up and walked on.
She very soon came to an open field, with a wood on the other side of
it: it looked much darker than the last wood, and Alice felt a LITTLE
timid about going into it. However, on second thoughts, she made up her
mind to go on: - for I certainly won't go BACK, - she thought to herself,
and this was the only way to the Eighth Square.
- This must be the wood, she said thoughtfully to herself, - where
things have no names. I wonder what'll become of MY name when I go in? I
shouldn't like to lose it at all - because they'd have to give me another,
and it would be almost certain to be an ugly one. But then the fun would
be, trying to find the creature that had got my old name! That's just like
the advertisements, you know, when people lose dogs - "ANSWERS TO THE NAME
OF - DASH: - HAD ON A BRASS COLLAR" - just fancy calling everything you
met "Alice," till one of them answered! Only they wouldn't answer at all,
if they were wise.
She was rambling on in this way when she reached the wood: it looked
very cool and shady. - Well, at any rate it's a great comfort, she said as
she stepped under the trees, - after being so hot, to get into the - into
WHAT? - she went on, rather surprised at not being able to think of the
word. - I mean to get under the - under the under THIS, you know! -
putting her hand on the trunk of the tree.
- What DOES it call itself, I wonder? I do believe it's got no name
why, to be sure it hasn't!
She stood silent for a minute, thinking: then she suddenly began
again. - Then it really HAS happened, after all! And how, who am I? I WILL
remember, if I can! I'm determined to do it! - But being determined didn't
help much, and all she could say, after a great deal of puzzling, was, -
L, I KNOW it begins with L!
Just then a Fawn came wandering by: it looked at Alice with its large
gentle eyes, but didn't seem at all frightened. - Here then! Here then! -
Alice said, as he held out her hand and tried to stroke it; but it only
started back a little, and then stood looking at her again.
- What do you call yourself? - the Fawn said at last. Such a soft
sweet voice it had!
- I wish I knew! - thought poor Alice. She answered, rather sadly, -
Nothing, just now.
- Think again, - it said: - that won't do. Alice thought, but nothing
came of it. - Please, would you tell me
what YOU call yourself? - she said timidly. - I think that might help a
little.
- I'll tell you, of you'll move a little further on, - the Fawn said.
- I can't remember here.
So they walked on together though the wood, Alice with her arms
clasped lovingly round the soft neck of the Fawn, till they came out into
another open field, and here the Fawn gave a sudden bound into the air,
and shook itself free from Alice's arms. - I'm a Fawn! - it cried out in a
voice of delight, - and, dear me! you're a human child! - A sudden look of
alarm came into its beautiful brown eyes, and in another moment it had
darted away a full speed.
Alice stood looking after it, almost ready to cry with vexation at
having lost her dear little fellow-traveller so suddenly. - However, I
know my name now. - she said, - that's SOME comfort. Alice - Alice I won't
forget it again. And now, which of these finger-posts ought I to follow, I
wonder?
It was not a very difficult question to answer, as there was only one
road through the wood, and the two finger-posts both pointed along it. -
I'll settle it, - Alice said to herself, - when the road divides and they
point different ways.
But this did not seem likely to happen. She went on and on, a long
way, but wherever the road divided there were sure to be two finger-posts
pointing the same way, one marked - TO TWEEDLEDUM'S HOUSE - and the other
- TO THE HOUSE OF TWEEDLEDEE.
- I do believe, - said Alice at last, - that they live in the same
house! I wonder I never thought of that before - But I can't stay there
long. I'll just call and say "how d'you do?" and ask them the way out of
the wood. If I could only get the Eighth Square before it gets dark! - So
she wandered on, talking to herself as she went, till, on turning a sharp
corner, she came upon two fat little men, so suddenly that she could not
help starting back, but in another moment she recovered herself, feeling
sure that they must be
They were standing under a tree, each with an arm round the other's
neck, and Alice knew which was which in a moment, because one of them had
- DUM - embroidered on his collar, and the other - DEE. - I suppose
they've each got "TWEEDLE" round at the back of the collar, - she said to
herself.
They stood so still that she quite forgot they were alive, and she
was just looking round to see if the word "TWEEDLE" was written at the
back of each collar, when she was startled by a voice coming from the one
marked - DUM.
- If you think we're wax-works, - he said, - you ought to pay, you
know. Wax-works weren't made to be looked at for nothing, Nohow!
- Contrariwise, - added the one marked - DEE, - if you think we're
alive, you ought to speak.
- I'm sure I'm very sorry, - was all Alice could say; for the words
of the old song kept ringing through her head like the ticking of a clock,
and she could hardly help saying them out loud:
- Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Agreed to have a battle;
For Tweedledum said Tweedledee
Had spoiled his nice new rattle.
Just then flew down a monstrous crow,
As black as a tar-barrel;
Which frightened both the heroes so,
They quite forgot their quarrel.
- I know what you're thinking about, - said Tweedledum: - but it
isn't so, nohow.
- Contrariwise, - continued Tweedledee, - if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- I was thinking, - Alice said very politely, - which is the best way
out of this wood: it's getting so dark. Would you tell me, please?
But the little men only looked at each other and grinned.
They looked so exactly like a couple of great schoolboys, that Alice
couldn't help pointing her finger at Tweedledum, and saying - First Boy!
- Nohow! - Tweedledum cried out briskly, and shut his mouth up again
with a snap.
- Next Boy! - said Alice, passing on to Tweedledee, though she felt
quite certain he would only shout out "Contrariwise! - and so he did.
- You've been wrong! - cried Tweedledum. - The first thing in a visit
is to say "How d'ye do?" and shake hands! - And here the two brothers gave
each other a hug, and then they held out the two hands that were free, to
shake hands with her.
Alice did not like shaking hands with either of them first, for fear
of hurting the other one's feelings; so, as the best way out of the
difficulty, she took hold of both hands at once: the next moment they were
dancing found in a ring. This seemed quite natural (she remembered
afterwards), and she was not even surprised to hear music playing: it
seemed to come from the tree under which they were dancing, and it was
done (as well as she could make it out) by the branches rubbing one across
the other, like fiddles and fiddle-sticks.
- But it certainly WAS funny, - (Alice said afterwards, when she was
telling her sister the history of all this,) - to find myself singing
"HERE WE GO ROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH." I don't know when I began it, but
somehow I felt as if I'd been singing it a long long time!
The other two dancers were fat, and very soon out of breath. - Four
times round is enough for one dance, - Tweedledum panted out, and they
left off dancing as suddenly as they had begun: the music stopped at the
same moment.
Then they let go of Alice's hands, and stood looking at her for a
minute: there was a rather awkward pause, as Alice didn't know how to
begin a conversation with people she had just been dancing with. - It
would never do to say "How d'ye do?" NOW, - she said to herself: - we seem
to have got beyond that, somehow!
- I hope you're not much tired? - she said at last.
- Nohow. And thank you VERY much for asking, - said Tweedledum.
- So much obliged! - added Tweedledee. - You like poetry?
- Ye-es. pretty well - SOME poetry, - Alice said doubtfully. - Would
you tell me which road leads out of the wood?
- What shall I repeat to her? - said Tweedledee, looking round at
Tweedledum with great solemn eyes, and not noticing Alice's question.
- "THE WALRUS AND THE CARPENTER" is the longest, - Tweedledum
replied, giving his brother an affectionate hug.
Tweedledee began instantly:
- The sun was shining
Here Alice ventured to interrupt him. - If it's VERY long, - she
said, as politely as she could, - would you please tell me first which
road
Tweedledee smiled gently, and began again:
- The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"
The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying over head
There were no birds to fly.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it WOULD be grand!"
"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year,
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.
"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."
The eldest Oyster looked at him.
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.
But four young oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.
Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes - and ships - and sealing-wax
Of cabbages - and kings
And why the sea is boiling hot
And whether pigs have wings."
"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.
"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed
Now if you're ready Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."
"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue,
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said
"Do you admire the view?
"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf
I've had to ask you twice!"
"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"
"I weep for you," the Walrus said.
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size.
Holding his pocket handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
"O Oysters," said the Carpenter.
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?"
But answer came there none
And that was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.
- I like the Walrus best, - said Alice: - because you see he was a
LITTLE sorry for the poor oysters.
- He ate more than the Carpenter, though, - said Tweedledee. - You
see he held his handkerchief in front, so that the Carpenter couldn't
count how many he took: contrariwise.
- That was mean! - Alice said indignantly. - Then I like the
Carpenter best - if he didn't eat so many as the Walrus.
- But he ate as many as he could get, - said Tweedledum. This was a
puzzler. After a pause, Alice began, - Well! They were
BOTH very unpleasant characters - Here she checked herself in some alarm,
at hearing something that sounded to her like the puffing of a large
steam-engine in the wood near them, thought she feared it was more likely
to be a wild beast. - Are there any lions or tigers about here? - she
asked timidly.
- It's only the Red King snoring, - said Tweedledee.
- Come and look at him! - the brothers cried, and they each took one
of Alice's hands, and led her up to where the King was sleeping.
- Isn't he a LOVELY sight?" said Tweedledum. Alice couldn't say
honestly that he was. He had a tall red night-cap
on, with a tassel, and he was lying crumpled up into a sort of untidy
heap, and snoring loud - fit to snore his head off! - as Tweedledum
remarked.
- I'm afraid he'll catch cold with lying on the damp grass, - said
Alice, who was a very thoughtful little girl.
- He's dreaming now, - said Tweedledee: - and what do you think he's
dreaming about?
Alice said - Nobody can guess that. - Why, about YOU! - Tweedledee
exclaimed, clapping his hands
triumphantly. - And if he left off dreaming about you, where do you
suppose you'd be?
- Where I am now, of course, - said Alice.
- Not you! - Tweedledee retorted contemptuously. - You'd be nowhere.
Why, you're only a sort of thing in his dream!
- If that there King was to wake, - added Tweedledum, - you'd go out
- bang! - just like a candle!
- I shouldn't! - Alice exclaimed indignantly. - Besides, if I'M only
a sort of thing in his dream, what are YOU, I should like to know?
- Ditto - said Tweedledum.
- Ditto, ditto - cried Tweedledee. He shouted this so loud that Alice
couldn't help saying, - Hush!
You'll be waking him, I'm afraid, if you make so much noise.
- Well, it no use YOUR talking about waking him, - said Tweedledum, -
when you're only one of the things in his dream. You know very well you're
not real.
- I AM real! - said Alice and began to cry.
- You won't make yourself a bit realler by crying, - Tweedledee
remarked: - there's nothing to cry about.
- If I wasn't real, - Alice said - half-laughing though her tears, it
all seemed so ridiculous - I shouldn't be able to cry.
- I hope you don't suppose those are real tears? - Tweedledum
interrupted in a tone of great contempt.
- I know they're talking nonsense, - Alice thought to herself: - and
it's foolish to cry about it. - So she brushed away her tears, and went on
as cheerfully as she could. - At any rate I'd better be getting out of the
wood, for really it's coming on very dark. Do you think it's going to
rain?
Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over himself and his brother, and
looked up into it. - No, I don't think it is, - he said: - at least - not
under HERE. Nohow.
- But it may rain OUTSIDE?
- It may - if it chooses, - said Tweedledee: - we've no objection.
Contrariwise.
- Selfish things! - thought Alice, and she was just going to say -
Good-night - and leave them, when Tweedledum sprang out from under the
umbrella and seized her by the wrist.
- Do you see THAT? - he said, in a voice choking with passion, and
his eyes grew large and yellow all in a moment, as he pointed with a
trembling finger at a small white thing lying under the tree.
- It's only a rattle, - Alice said, after a careful examination of
the little white thing. - Not a rattleSNAKE, you know, - she added
hastily, thinking that he was frightened: only an old rattle - quite old
and broken.
- I knew it was! - cried Tweedledum, beginning to stamp about wildly
and tear his hair. - It's spoilt, of course! - Here he looked at
Tweedledee, who immediately sat down on the ground, and tried to hide
himself under the umbrella.
Alice laid her hand upon his arm, and said in a soothing tone, - You
needn't be so angry about an old rattle.
- But it isn't old! - Tweedledum cried, in a greater fury than ever.
- It's new, I tell you - I bought it yesterday - my nice New RATTLE! - and
his voice rose to a perfect scream.
All this time Tweedledee was trying his best to fold up the umbrella,
with himself in it: which was such an extraordinary thing to do, that it
quite took off Alice's attention from the angry brother. But he couldn't
quite succeed, and it ended in his rolling over, bundled up in the
umbrella, with only his head out: and there he lay, opening and shutting
his mouth and his large eyes - 'looking more like a fish than anything
else, - Alice thought.
- Of course you agree to have a battle? - Tweedledum said in a calmer
tone.
- I suppose so, - the other sulkily replied, as he crawled out of the
umbrella: - only SHE must help us to dress up, you know.
So the two brothers went off hand-in-hand into the wood, and returned
in a minute with their arms full of things - such as bolsters, blankets,
hearth-rugs, table-cloths, dish-covers and coal-scuttles. - I hope you're
a good hand a pinning and tying strings? - Tweedledum remarked. - Every
one of these things has got to go on, somehow or other.
Alice said afterwards she had never seen such a fuss made about
anything in all her life - the way those two bustled about -and the
quantity of things they put on - and the trouble they gave her in tying
strings and fastening buttons - Really they'll be more like bundles of old
clothes that anything else, by the time they're ready! - she said to
herself, as he arranged a bolster round the neck of Tweedledee, - to keep
his head from being cut off, - as he said.
- You know, - he added very gravely, - it's one of the most serious
things that can possibly happen to one in a battle - to get one's head cut
off.
Alice laughed loud: but she managed to turn it into a cough, for fear
of hurting his feelings.
- Do I look very pale? - said Tweedledum, coming up to have his
helmet tied on. (He CALLED it a helmet, though it certainly looked much
more like a saucepan.)
- Well - yes - a LITTLE, - Alice replied gently.
- I'm very brave generally, - he went on in a low voice: - only
to-day I happen to have a headache.
- And I'VE got a toothache! - said Tweedledee, who had overheard the
remark. - I'm far worse off than you!
- Then you'd better not fight to-day, - said Alice, thinking it a
good opportunity to make peace.
- We MUST have a bit of a fight, but I don't care about going on
long, - said Tweedledum. - What's the time now?
Tweedledee looked at his watch, and said - Half-past four. - Let's
fight till six, and then have dinner, - said Tweedledum. - Very well, -
the other said, rather sadly: - and SHE can watch us
only you'd better not come VERY close, - he added: - I generally hit
everything I can see - when I get really excited.
- And _I_ hit everything within reach, - cried Tweedledum, - whether
I can see it or not!
Alice laughed. - You must hit the TREES pretty often, I should think,
- she said.
Tweedledum looked round him with a satisfied smile. I don't suppose,
- he said, - there'll be a tree left standing, for ever so far round, by
the time we've finished!
- And all about a rattle! - said Alice, still hoping to make them a
LITTLE ashamed of fighting for such a trifle.
- I shouldn't have minded it so much, - said Tweedledum, - if it
hadn't been a new one.
- I wish the monstrous crow would come! - though Alice.
- There's only one sword, you know, - Tweedledum said to his brother:
- but you can have the umbrella - it's quite as sharp. Only we must begin
quick. It's getting as dark as it can.
- And darker. - said Tweedledee. It was getting dark so suddenly that
Alice thought there must be a
thunderstorm coming on. - What a thick black cloud that is! - she said. -
And how fast it comes! Why, I do believe it's got wings!
- It's the crow! - Tweedledum cried out in a shrill voice of alarm:
and the two brothers took to their heels and were out of sight in a
moment.
Alice ran a little way into the wood, and stopped under a large tree.
- It can never get at me HERE, - she thought: - it's far too large to
squeeze itself in among the trees. But I wish it wouldn't flap its wings
so - it make quite a hurricane in the wood - here's somebody's shawl being
blown away!
She caught the shawl as she spoke, and looked about for the owner: in
another moment the White Queen came running wildly through the wood, with
both arms stretched out wide, as if she were flying, and Alice very
civilly went to meet her with the shawl.
- I'm very glad I happened to be in the way, - Alice said, as she
helped her to put on her shawl again.
The While Queen only looked at her in a helpless frightened sort of
way, and kept repeating something in a whisper to herself that sounded
like - bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter, - and Alice felt that if there
was to be any conversation at all, she must manage it herself. So she
began rather timidly: - Am I addressing the White Queen?
- Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing, - The Queen said. - It
isn't MY notion of the thing, at all."
Alice thought it would never do to have an argument at the very
beginning of their conversation, so she smiled and said, - If your Majesty
will only tell me the right way to begin, I'll do it as well as I can.
- But I don't want it done at all! - groaned the poor Queen. - I've
been a-dressing myself for the last two hours.
It would have been all the better, as it seemed to Alice, if she had
got some one else to dress her, she was so dreadfully untidy. - Every
single thing's crooked, - Alice thought to herself, - and she's all over
pins! - may I put your shawl straight for you? - she added aloud.
- I don't know what's the matter with it! - the Queen said, in a
melancholy voice. - It's out of temper, I think. I've pinned it here, and
I've pinned it there, but there's no pleasing it!
- It CAN'T go straight, you know, if you pin it all on one side,
Alice said, as she gently put it right for her; - and, dear me, what a
state your hair is in!
- The brush has got entangled in it! - the Queen said with a sigh. -
And I lost the comb yesterday.
Alice carefully released the brush, and did her best to get the hair
into order. - Come, you look rather better now! - she said, after altering
most of the pins. - But really you should have a lady's maid!
- I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure! - the Queen said. - Twopence
a week, and jam every other day.
Alice couldn't help laughing, as she said, - I don't want you to hire
ME - and I don't care for jam.
- It's very good jam, - said the Queen.
- Well, I don't want any TO-DAY, at any rate.
- You couldn't have it if you DID want it, - the Queen said. - The
rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday - but never jam to-day.
- It MUST come sometimes to "jam do-day," - Alice objected.
- No, it can't, - said the Queen. - It's jam every OTHER day: to-day
isn't any OTHER day, you know.
- I don't understand you, - said Alice. - It's dreadfully confusing!
- That's the effect of living backwards, - the Queen said kindly: -
it always makes one a little giddy at first
- Living backwards! - Alice repeated in great astonishment. - I never
heard of such a thing!
- but there's one great advantage in it, that one's memory works both
ways.
- I'm sure MINE only works one way. - Alice remarked. - I can't
remember things before they happen.
- It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards, - the Queen
remarked.
- What sort of things do YOU remember best? - Alice ventured to ask.
- Oh, things that happened the week after next, - the Queen replied
in a careless tone. - For instance, now, - she went on, sticking a large
piece of plaster [band-aid] on her finger as she spoke, - there's the
King's Messenger. He's in prison now, being punished: and the trial
doesn't even begin till next Wednesday: and of course the crime comes last
of all.
- Suppose he never commits the crime? - said Alice.
- That would be all the better wouldn't it? - the Queen said, as she
bound the plaster round her finger with a bit of ribbon.
Alice felt there was no denying THAT. - Of course it would be all the
better, - she said: - but it wouldn't be all the better his being
punished.
- You're wrong THERE, at any rate, - said the Queen: - were YOU ever
punished?
- Only for faults, - said Alice.
- And you were all the better for it, I know! - the Queen said
triumphantly.
- Yes, but then I HAD done the things I was punished for, - said
Alice: - that makes all the difference.
- But if you HADN'T done them, - the Queen said, - that would have
been better still; better, and better, and better! - Her voice went higher
with each - better, - till it got quite to a squeak at last.
Alice was just beginning to say - There's a mistake somewhere-, - **
when the Queen began screaming so loud that she had to leave the sentence
unfinished. - Oh, oh, oh! - shouted the Queen, shaking her hand about as
if she wanted to shake it off. - My finger's bleeding! Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Her screams were so exactly like the whistle of a steam-engine, that
Alice had to hold both her hands over her ears.
- What IS the matter? - she said, as soon as there was a chance of
making herself heard. - Have you pricked your finger?
- I haven't pricked it YET, - the Queen said, - but I soon shall oh,
oh, oh!
- When do you expect to do it? - Alice asked, feeling very much
inclined to laugh.
- When I fasten my shawl again, - the poor Queen groaned out: - the
brooch will come undone directly. Oh, oh! - As she said the words the
brooch flew open, and the Queen clutched wildly at it, and tried to clasp
it again.
- Take care! - cried Alice. - You're holding it all crooked! - And
she caught at the brooch; but it was too late: the pin had slipped, and
the Queen had pricked her finger.
- That accounts for the bleeding, you see, - she said to Alice with a
smile. - Now you understand the way things happen here.
- But why don't you scream now? - Alice asked, holding her hands
ready to put over her ears again.
- Why, I've done all the screaming already, - said the Queen. - What
would be the good of having it all over again?
By this time it was getting light. - The crow must have flown away, I
think, - said Alice: - I'm so glad it's gone. I thought it was the night
coming on.
- I wish _I_ could manage to be glad! - the Queen said. - Only I
never can remember the rule. You must be very happy, living in this wood,
and being glad whenever you like!
- Only it is so VERY lonely here! - Alice said in a melancholy voice;
and at the thought of her loneliness two large tears came rolling down her
cheeks.
- Oh, don't go on like that! - cried the poor Queen, wringing her
hands in despair. - Consider what a great girl you are. Consider what a
long way you've come to-day. Consider what o'clock it is. Consider
anything, only don't cry!
Alice could not help laughing at this, even in the midst of her
tears. - Can YOU keep from crying by considering things? - she asked.
- That's the way it's done, - the Queen said with great decision: -
nobody can do two things at once, you know. Let's consider you age to
begin with - how old are you?
- I - m seven and a half exactly.
- You needn't say "exactually," - the Queen remarked: - I can believe
it without that. Now I'll give YOU something to believe. I'm just one
hundred and one, five months and a day.
- I can't believe THAT! - said Alice.
- Can't you? - the Queen said in a pitying tone. - Try again: draw a
long breath, and shut your eyes.
Alice laughed. - There's not use trying, - she said: - one CAN'T
believe impossible things.
- I daresay you haven't had much practice, - said the Queen. - When I
was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've
believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. There goes the
shawl again!
The brooch had come undone as she spoke, and a sudden gust of wind
blew the Queen's shawl across a little brook. The Queen spread out her
arms again, and went flying after it, and this time she succeeded in
catching it for herself. - I've got! - she cried in a triumphant tone. -
Now you shall see me pin it on again, all by myself!
- Then I hope your finger is better now? - Alice said very politely,
as she crossed the little brook after the Queen.
* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * *
- Oh, much better! - cried the Queen, her voice rising to a squeak as
she went on. - Much be-etter! Be-etter! Be-e-e-etter! Be-e-ehh! - The last
word ended in a long bleat, so like a sheep that Alice quite started.
She looked at the Queen, who seemed to have suddenly wrapped herself
up in wool. Alice rubbed her eyes, and looked again. She couldn't make out
what had happened at all. Was she in a shop? And was that really - was it
really a SHEEP that was sitting on the other side of the counter? Rub as
she could, she could make nothing more of it: she was in a little dark
shop, leaning with her elbows on the counter, and opposite to her was a
old Sheep, sitting in an arm-chair knitting, and every now and then
leaving off to look at her through a great pair of spectacles.
- What is it you want to buy? - the Sheep said at last, looking up
for a moment from her knitting.
- I don't QUITE know yet, - Alice said, very gently. I should like to
look all round me first, if I might.
- You may look in front of you, and on both sides, if you like, said
the Sheep: - but you can't look ALL round you - unless you've got eyes at
the back of your head.
But these, as it happened, Alice had NOT got: so she contented
herself with turning round, looking at the shelves as she came to them.
The shop seemed to be full of all manner of curious things - but the
oddest part of it all was, that whenever she looked hard at any shelf, to
make out exactly what it had on it, that particular shelf was always quite
empty: though the others round it were crowded as full as they could hold.
- Things flow about so here! - she said at last in a plaintive tone, after
she had spent a minute or so in vainly pursuing a large bright thing, that
looked sometimes like a doll and sometimes like a work-box, and was always
in the shelf next above the one she was looking at. - And this one is the
most provoking of all - but I'll tell you what - she added, as a sudden
thought struck her, - I'll follow it up to the very top shelf of all.
It'll puzzle it to go through the ceiling, I expect!
But even this plan failed: the - thing - went through the ceiling as
quietly as possible, as if it were quite used to it.
- Are you a child or a teetotum? - the Sheep said, as she took up
another pair of needles. - You'll make me giddy soon, if you go on turning
round like that. - She was now working with fourteen pairs at once, and
Alice couldn't help looking at her in great astonishment.
- How CAN she knit with so many? - the puzzled child thought to
herself. - She gets more and more like a porcupine every minute!
- Can you row? - the Sheep asked, handing her a pair of knitting
needles as she spoke.
- Yes, a little - but not on land - and not with needles Alice was
beginning to say, when suddenly the needles turned into oars in her hands,
and she found they were in a little boat, gliding along between banks: so
there was nothing for it but to do her best.
- Feather! - cried the Sheep, as she took up another pair of needles.
This didn't sound like a remark that needed any answer, so Alice said
nothing, but pulled away. There was something very queer about the water,
she thought, as every now and then the oars got fast in it, and would
hardly come out again.
- Feather! Feather! - the Sheep cried again, taking more needles. -
You'll be catching a crab directly.
- A dear little crab! - thought Alice. - I should like that.
- Didn't you hear me say "Feather"? - the Sheep cried angrily, taking
up quite a bunch of needles.
- Indeed I did, - said Alice: - you've said it very often - and very
loud. Please, where ARE the crabs?
- In the water, of course! - said the Sheep, sticking some of the
needles into her hair, as her hands were full. - Feather, I say!
- WHY do you say "feather" so often? - Alice asked at last, rather
vexed. 'I'm not a bird!
- You are, - said the Sheet: - you're a little goose. This offended
Alice a little, so there was no more conversation for a
minute or two, while the boat glided gently on, sometimes among beds of
weeds (which made the oars stick fast in the water, worse then ever), and
sometimes under trees, but always with the same tall river-banks frowning
over their heads.
- Oh, please! There are some scented rushes! - Alice cried in a
sudden transport of delight. - There really are - and SUCH beauties!
- You needn't say "please" to ME about - em - the Sheep said, without
looking up from her knitting: - I didn't put - em there, and I'm not going
to take - em away.
- No, but I meant - please, may we wait and pick some? - Alice
pleaded. - If you don't mind stopping the boat for a minute.
- How am _I_ to stop it? - said the Sheep. - If you leave off rowing,
it'll stop of itself.
So the boat was left to drift down the stream as it would, till it
glided gently in among the waving rushes. And then the little sleeves were
carefully rolled up, and the little arms were plunged in elbow-deep to get
the rushes a good long way down before breaking them off - and for a while
Alice forgot all about the Sheep and the knitting, as she bent over the
side of the boat, with just the ends of her tangled hair dipping into the
water - while with bright eager eyes she caught at one bunch after another
of the darling scented rushes.
- I only hope the boat won't tipple over! - she said to herself. Oh,
WHAT a lovely one! Only I couldn't quite reach it. - And it certainly DID
seem a little provoking ( - almost as if it happened on purpose, she
thought) that, though she managed to pick plenty of beautiful rushes as
the boat glided by, there was always a more lovely one that she couldn't
reach.
- The prettiest are always further! - she said at last, with a sigh
at the obstinacy of the rushes in growing so far off, as, with flushed
cheeks and dripping hair and hands, she scrambled back into her place, and
began to arrange her new-found treasures.
What mattered it to her just than that the rushes had begun to fade,
and to lose all their scent and beauty, from the very moment that she
picked them? Even real scented rushes, you know, last only a very little
while - and these, being dream-rushes, melted away almost like snow, as
they lay in heaps at her feet -but Alice hardly noticed this, there were
so many other curious things to think about.
They hadn't gone much farther before the blade of one of the oars got
fast in the water and WOULDN'T come out again (so Alice explained it
afterwards), and the consequence was that the handle of it caught her
under the chin, and, in spite of a series of little shrieks of - Oh, oh,
oh! - from poor Alice, it swept her straight off the seat, and down among
the heap of rushes.
However, she wasn't hurt, and was soon up again: the Sheep went on
with her knitting all the while, just as if nothing had happened.
- That was a nice crab you caught! - she remarked, as Alice got back
into her place, very much relieved to find herself still in the boat.
- Was it? I didn't see it, - Said Alice, peeping cautiously over the
side of the boat into the dark water. - I wish it hadn't let go - I should
so like to see a little crab to take home with me! - But the Sheep only
laughed scornfully, and went on with her knitting.
- Are there many crabs here? - said Alice.
- Crabs, and all sorts of things, - said the Sheep: - plenty of
choice, only make up your mind. Now, what DO you want to buy?
- To buy! - Alice echoes in a tone that was half astonished and half
frightened - for the oars, and the boat, and the river, had vanished all
in a moment, and she was back again in the little dark shop.
- I should like to buy an egg, please, - she said timidly. - How do
you sell them?
- Fivepence farthing for one - Twopence for two, - the Sheep replied.
- Then two are cheaper than one? - Alice said in a surprised tone,
taking out her purse.
- Only you MUST eat them both, if you buy two, - said the Sheep.
- Then I'll have ONE, please, - said Alice, as she put the money down
on the counter. For she thought to herself, - They mightn't be at all
nice, you know.
The Sheep took the money, and put it away in a box: then she said - I
never put things into people's hands - that would never do - you must get
it for yourself. - And so saying, she went off to the other end of the
shop, and set the egg upright on a shelf.
- I wonder WHY it wouldn't do? - thought Alice, as she groped her way
among the tables and chairs, for the shop was very dark towards the end. -
The egg seems to get further away the more I walk towards it. Let me see,
is this a chair? Why, it's got branches, I declare! How very odd to find
trees growing here! And actually here's a little brook! Well, this is the
very queerest shop I ever saw!
* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * *
So she went on, wondering more and more at every step, as everything
turned into a tree the moment she came up to it, and she quite expected
the egg to do the same.
However, the egg only got larger and larger, and more and more human:
when she had come within a few yards of it, she saw that it had eyes and a
nose and mouth; and when she had come close to it, she saw clearly that it
was HUMPTY DUMPTY himself. - It can't be anybody else! - she said to
herself. - I'm as certain of it, as if his name were written all over his
face.
It might have been written a hundred times, easily, on that enormous
face. Humpty Dumpty was sitting with his legs crossed, like a Turk, on the
top of a high wall - such a narrow one that Alice quite wondered how he
could keep his balance - and, as his eyes were steadily fixed in the
opposite direction, and he didn't take the least notice of her, she
thought he must be a stuffed figure after all.
- And how exactly like an egg he is! - she said aloud, standing with
her hands ready to catch him, for she was every moment expecting him to
fall.
- It's VERY provoking, - Humpty Dumpty said after a long silence,
looking away from Alice as he spoke, - to be called an egg -VERY!
- I said you LOOKED like an egg, Sir, - Alice gently explained. - And
some eggs are very pretty, you know, she added, hoping to turn her remark
into a sort of a compliment.
- Some people, - said Humpty Dumpty, looking away from her as usual,
- have no more sense than a baby!
Alice didn't know what to say to this: it wasn't at all like
conversation, she thought, as he never said anything to HER; in fact, his
last remark was evidently addressed to a tree - so she stood and softly
repeated to herself:
- Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall:
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again.
- That last line is much too long for the poetry, - she added, almost
out loud, forgetting that Humpty Dumpty would hear her.
- Don't stand there chattering to yourself like that, - Humpty Dumpty
said, looking at her for the first time, - but tell me your name and your
business.
- My NAME is Alice, but
- It's a stupid name enough! - Humpty Dumpty interrupted impatiently.
- What does it mean?
- MUST a name mean something? - Alice asked doubtfully.
- Of course it must, - Humpty Dumpty said with a sort laugh: - MY
name means the shape I am - and a good handsome shape it is, too. With a
name like your, you might be any shape, almost.
- Why do you sit out here all alone? - said Alice, not wishing to
begin an argument.
- Why, because there's nobody with me! - cried Humpty Dumpty. - Did
you think I didn't know the answer to THAT? Ask another.
- Don't you think you'd be safer down on the ground? - Alice went on,
not with any idea of making another riddle, but simply in her good-natured
anxiety for the queer creature. - That wall is so VERY narrow!
- What tremendously easy riddles you ask! - Humpty Dumpty growled
out. - Of course I don't think so! Why, if ever I DID fall off which
there's no chance of - but IF I did - Here he pursed his lips and looked
so solemn and grand that Alice could hardly help laughing. - IF I did
fall, - he went on, - THE KING HAS PROMISED ME WITH HIS VERY OWN MOUTH -
to - to
- To send all his horses and all his men, - Alice interrupted, rather
unwisely.
- Now I declare that's too bad! - Humpty Dumpty cried, breaking into
a sudden passion. - You've been listening at doors - and behind trees -
and sown chimneys - or you couldn't have known it!
- I haven't, indeed! - Alice said very gently. - It's in a book.
- Ah, well! They may write such things in a BOOK, - Humpty Dumpty
said in a calmer tone. - That's what you call a History of England, that
is. Now, take a good look at me! I'm one that has spoken to a King, _I_
am: mayhap you'll never see such another: and to show you I'm not proud,