entertaining the rabble every hour of the day; and that, if my
master had not thought my life in danger, her majesty would not
have got so cheap a bargain. But as I was out of all fear of being
ill-treated under the protection of so great and good an empress,
the ornament of nature, the darling of the world, the delight of her
subjects, the phoenix of the creation, so I hoped my late master's
apprehensions would appear to be groundless; for I already found
my spirits revive, by the influence of her most august presence."
This was the sum of my speech, delivered with great improprieties
and hesitation. The latter part was altogether framed in the style
peculiar to that people, whereof I learned some phrases from
Glumdalclitch, while she was carrying me to court.
The queen, giving great allowance for my defectiveness in
speaking, was, however, surprised at so much wit and good sense
in so diminutive an animal. She took me in her own hand, and
carried me to the king, who was then retired to his cabinet. His
majesty, a prince of much gravity and austere countenance, not
well observing my shape at first view, asked the queen after a cold
manner "how long it was since she grew fond of a
SPLACNUCK?" for such it seems he took me to be, as I lay upon
my breast in her majesty's right hand. But this princess, who has.
an infinite deal of wit and humour, set me gently on my feet upon
the scrutoire, and commanded me to give his majesty an account
of myself, which I did in a very few words: and Glumdalclitch
who attended at the cabinet door, and could not endure I should be
out of her sight, being admitted, confirmed all that had passed
from my arrival at her father's house.
The king, although he be as learned a person as any in his
dominions, had been educated in the study of philosophy, and
particularly mathematics; yet when he observed my shape exactly,
and saw me walk erect, before I began to speak, conceived I might
be a piece of clock-work (which is in that country arrived to a
very great perfection) contrived by some ingenious artist. But
when he heard my voice, and found what I delivered to be regular
and rational, he could not conceal his astonishment. He was by no
means satisfied with the relation I gave him of the manner I came
into his kingdom, but thought it a story concerted between
Glumdalclitch and her father, who had taught me a set of words to
make me sell at a better price. Upon this imagination, he put
several other questions to me, and still received rational answers:
no otherwise defective than by a foreign accent, and an imperfect
knowledge in the language, with some rustic phrases which I had
learned at the farmer's house, and did not suit the polite style of a
court.
His majesty sent for three great scholars, who were then in their
weekly waiting, according to the custom in that country. These
gentlemen, after they had a while examined my shape with much
nicety, were of different opinions concerning me. They all agreed.
that I could not be produced according to the regular laws of
nature, because I was not framed with a capacity of preserving my
life, either by swiftness, or climbing of trees, or digging holes in
the earth. They observed by my teeth, which they viewed with
great exactness, that I was a carnivorous animal; yet most
quadrupeds being an overmatch for me, and field mice, with some
others, too nimble, they could not imagine how I should be able to
support myself, unless I fed upon snails and other insects, which
they offered, by many learned arguments, to evince that I could
not possibly do. One of these virtuosi seemed to think that I might
be an embryo, or abortive birth. But this opinion was rejected by
the other two, who observed my limbs to be perfect and finished;
and that I had lived several years, as it was manifest from my
beard, the stumps whereof they plainly discovered through a
magnifying glass. They would not allow me to be a dwarf,
because my littleness was beyond all degrees of comparison; for
the queen's favourite dwarf, the smallest ever known in that
kingdom, was near thirty feet high. After much debate, they
concluded unanimously, that I was only RELPLUM SCALCATH,
which is interpreted literally LUSUS NATURAE; a determination
exactly agreeable to the modern philosophy of Europe, whose
professors, disdaining the old evasion of occult causes, whereby
the followers of Aristotle endeavoured in vain to disguise their
ignorance, have invented this wonderful solution of all
difficulties, to the unspeakable advancement of human
knowledge..
After this decisive conclusion, I entreated to be heard a word or
two. I applied myself to the king, and assured his majesty, "that I
came from a country which abounded with several millions of
both sexes, and of my own stature; where the animals, trees, and
houses, were all in proportion, and where, by consequence, I
might be as able to defend myself, and to find sustenance, as any
of his majesty's subjects could do here; which I took for a full
answer to those gentlemen's arguments." To this they only replied
with a smile of contempt, saying, "that the farmer had instructed
me very well in my lesson." The king, who had a much better
understanding, dismissing his learned men, sent for the farmer,
who by good fortune was not yet gone out of town. Having
therefore first examined him privately, and then confronted him
with me and the young girl, his majesty began to think that what
we told him might possibly be true. He desired the queen to order
that a particular care should be taken of me; and was of opinion
that Glumdalclitch should still continue in her office of tending
me, because he observed we had a great affection for each other.
A convenient apartment was provided for her at court: she had a
sort of governess appointed to take care of her education, a maid
to dress her, and two other servants for menial offices; but the care
of me was wholly appropriated to herself. The queen commanded
her own cabinet-maker to contrive a box, that might serve me for
a bedchamber, after the model that Glumdalclitch and I should
agree upon. This man was a most ingenious artist, and according
to my direction, in three weeks finished for me a wooden chamber
of sixteen feet square, and twelve high, with sash-windows, a
door, and two closets, like a London bed-chamber..
The board, that made the ceiling, was to be lifted up and down by
two hinges, to put in a bed ready furnished by her majesty's
upholsterer, which Glumdalclitch took out every day to air, made
it with her own hands, and letting it down at night, locked up the
roof over me. A nice workman, who was famous for little
curiosities, undertook to make me two chairs, with backs and
frames, of a substance not unlike ivory, and two tables, with a
cabinet to put my things in. The room was quilted on all sides, as
well as the floor and the ceiling, to prevent any accident from the
carelessness of those who carried me, and to break the force of a
jolt, when I went in a coach. I desired a lock for my door, to
prevent rats and mice from coming in. The smith, after several
attempts, made the smallest that ever was seen among them, for I
have known a larger at the gate of a gentleman's house in England.
I made a shift to keep the key in a pocket of my own, fearing
Glumdalclitch might lose it. The queen likewise ordered the
thinnest silks that could be gotten, to make me clothes, not much
thicker than an English blanket, very cumbersome till I was
accustomed to them. They were after the fashion of the kingdom,
partly resembling the Persian, and partly the Chinese, and are a
very grave and decent habit.
The queen became so fond of my company, that she could not
dine without me. I had a table placed upon the same at which her
majesty ate, just at her left elbow, and a chair to sit on.
Glumdalclitch stood on a stool on the floor near my table, to assist
and take care of me. I had an entire set of silver dishes and plates,
and other necessaries, which, in proportion to those of the queen,
were not much bigger than what I have seen in a London toy-shop.
for the furniture of a baby-house: these my little nurse kept in her
pocket in a silver box, and gave me at meals as I wanted them,
always cleaning them herself. No person dined with the queen but
the two princesses royal, the eldest sixteen years old, and the
younger at that time thirteen and a month. Her majesty used to put
a bit of meat upon one of my dishes, out of which I carved for
myself, and her diversion was to see me eat in miniature: for the
queen (who had indeed but a weak stomach) took up, at one
mouthful, as much as a dozen English farmers could eat at a meal,
which to me was for some time a very nauseous sight. She would
craunch the wing of a lark, bones and all, between her teeth,
although it were nine times as large as that of a full-grown turkey;
and put a bit of bread into her mouth as big as two twelve-penny
loaves. She drank out of a golden cup, above a hogshead at a
draught. Her knives were twice as long as a scythe, set straight
upon the handle. The spoons, forks, and other instruments, were
all in the same proportion. I remember when Glumdalclitch
carried me, out of curiosity, to see some of the tables at court,
where ten or a dozen of those enormous knives and forks were
lifted up together, I thought I had never till then beheld so terrible
a sight.
It is the custom, that every Wednesday (which, as I have observed,
is their Sabbath) the king and queen, with the royal issue of both
sexes, dine together in the apartment of his majesty, to whom I
was now become a great favourite; and at these times, my little
chair and table were placed at his left hand, before one of the salt-cellars.
This prince took a pleasure in conversing with me,
inquiring into the manners, religion, laws, government, and.
learning of Europe; wherein I gave him the best account I was
able. His apprehension was so clear, and his judgment so exact,
that he made very wise reflections and observations upon all I
said. But I confess, that, after I had been a little too copious in
talking of my own beloved country, of our trade and wars by sea
and land, of our schisms in religion, and parties in the state; the
prejudices of his education prevailed so far, that he could not
forbear taking me up in his right hand, and stroking me gently
with the other, after a hearty fit of laughing, asked me, "whether I
was a whig or tory?" Then turning to his first minister, who waited
behind him with a white staff, near as tall as the mainmast of the
Royal Sovereign, he observed "how contemptible a thing was
human grandeur, which could be mimicked by such diminutive
insects as I: and yet," says he, "I dare engage these creatures have
their titles and distinctions of honour; they contrive little nests and
burrows, that they call houses and cities; they make a figure in
dress and equipage; they love, they fight, they dispute, they cheat,
they betray!" And thus he continued on, while my colour came
and went several times, with indignation, to hear our noble
country, the mistress of arts and arms, the scourge of France, the
arbitress of Europe, the seat of virtue, piety, honour, and truth, the
pride and envy of the world, so contemptuously treated.
But as I was not in a condition to resent injuries, so upon mature
thoughts I began to doubt whether I was injured or no. For, after
having been accustomed several months to the sight and converse
of this people, and observed every object upon which I cast mine
eyes to be of proportionable magnitude, the horror I had at first
conceived from their bulk and aspect was so far worn off, that if I.
had then beheld a company of English lords and ladies in their
finery and birth-day clothes, acting their several parts in the most
courtly manner of strutting, and bowing, and prating, to say the
truth, I should have been strongly tempted to laugh as much at
them as the king and his grandees did at me. Neither, indeed,
could I forbear smiling at myself, when the queen used to place
me upon her hand towards a looking-glass, by which both our
persons appeared before me in full view together; and there could
be nothing more ridiculous than the comparison; so that I really
began to imagine myself dwindled many degrees below my usual
size.
Nothing angered and mortified me so much as the queen's dwarf;
who being of the lowest stature that was ever in that country (for I
verily think he was not full thirty feet high), became so insolent at
seeing a creature so much beneath him, that he would always
affect to swagger and look big as he passed by me in the queen's
antechamber, while I was standing on some table talking with the
lords or ladies of the court, and he seldom failed of a smart word
or two upon my littleness; against which I could only revenge
myself by calling him brother, challenging him to wrestle, and
such repartees as are usually in the mouths of court pages. One
day, at dinner, this malicious little cub was so nettled with
something I had said to him, that, raising himself upon the frame
of her majesty's chair, he took me up by the middle, as I was
sitting down, not thinking any harm, and let me drop into a large
silver bowl of cream, and then ran away as fast as he could. I fell
over head and ears, and, if I had not been a good swimmer, it
might have gone very hard with me; for Glumdalclitch in that.
instant happened to be at the other end of the room, and the queen
was in such a fright, that she wanted presence of mind to assist
me. But my little nurse ran to my relief, and took me out, after I
had swallowed above a quart of cream. I was put to bed: however,
I received no other damage than the loss of a suit of clothes, which
was utterly spoiled. The dwarf was soundly whipt, and as a
farther punishment, forced to drink up the bowl of cream into
which he had thrown me: neither was he ever restored to favour;
for soon after the queen bestowed him on a lady of high quality, so
that I saw him no more, to my very great satisfaction; for I could
not tell to what extremities such a malicious urchin might have
carried his resentment.
He had before served me a scurvy trick, which set the queen a-laughing,
although at the same time she was heartily vexed, and
would have immediately cashiered him, if I had not been so
generous as to intercede. Her majesty had taken a marrow-bone
upon her plate, and, after knocking out the marrow, placed the
bone again in the dish erect, as it stood before; the dwarf,
watching his opportunity, while Glumdalclitch was gone to the
side-board, mounted the stool that she stood on to take care of me
at meals, took me up in both hands, and squeezing my legs
together, wedged them into the marrow bone above my waist,
where I stuck for some time, and made a very ridiculous figure. I
believe it was near a minute before any one knew what was
become of me; for I thought it below me to cry out. But, as princes
seldom get their meat hot, my legs were not scalded, only my
stockings and breeches in a sad condition. The dwarf, at my
entreaty, had no other punishment than a sound whipping..
I was frequently rallied by the queen upon account of my
fearfulness; and she used to ask me whether the people of my
country were as great cowards as myself? The occasion was this:
the kingdom is much pestered with flies in summer; and these
odious insects, each of them as big as a Dunstable lark, hardly
gave me any rest while I sat at dinner, with their continual
humming and buzzing about mine ears. They would sometimes
alight upon my victuals, and leave their loathsome excrement, or
spawn behind, which to me was very visible, though not to the
natives of that country, whose large optics were not so acute as
mine, in viewing smaller objects. Sometimes they would fix upon
my nose, or forehead, where they stung me to the quick, smelling
very offensively; and I could easily trace that viscous matter,
which, our naturalists tell us, enables those creatures to walk with
their feet upwards upon a ceiling. I had much ado to defend
myself against these detestable animals, and could not forbear
starting when they came on my face. It was the common practice
of the dwarf, to catch a number of these insects in his hand, as
schoolboys do among us, and let them out suddenly under my
nose, on purpose to frighten me, and divert the queen. My remedy
was to cut them in pieces with my knife, as they flew in the air,
wherein my dexterity was much admired.
I remember, one morning, when Glumdalclitch had set me in a
box upon a window, as she usually did in fair days to give me air
(for I durst not venture to let the box be hung on a nail out of the
window, as we do with cages in England), after I had lifted up one
of my sashes, and sat down at my table to eat a piece of sweet.
cake for my breakfast, above twenty wasps, allured by the smell,
came flying into the room, humming louder than the drones of as
many bagpipes. Some of them seized my cake, and carried it
piecemeal away; others flew about my head and face,
confounding me with the noise, and putting me in the utmost
terror of their stings. However, I had the courage to rise and draw
my hanger, and attack them in the air. I dispatched four of them,
but the rest got away, and I presently shut my window. These
insects were as large as partridges: I took out their stings, found
them an inch and a half long, and as sharp as needles. I carefully
preserved them all; and having since shown them, with some
other curiosities, in several parts of Europe, upon my return to
England I gave three of them to Gresham College, and kept the
fourth for myself..
[The country described. A proposal for correcting modern maps.
The king's palace; and some account of the metropolis. The
author's way of travelling. The chief temple described.]
I now intend to give the reader a short description of this country,
as far as I travelled in it, which was not above two thousand miles
round Lorbrulgrud, the metropolis. For the queen, whom I always
attended, never went farther when she accompanied the king in
his progresses, and there staid till his majesty returned from
viewing his frontiers. The whole extent of this prince's dominions
reaches about six thousand miles in length, and from three to five
in breadth: whence I cannot but conclude, that our geographers of
Europe are in a great error, by supposing nothing but sea between
Japan and California; for it was ever my opinion, that there must
be a balance of earth to counterpoise the great continent of
Tartary; and therefore they ought to correct their maps and charts,
by joining this vast tract of land to the north-west parts of
America, wherein I shall be ready to lend them my assistance.
The kingdom is a peninsula, terminated to the north-east by a
ridge of mountains thirty miles high, which are altogether
impassable, by reason of the volcanoes upon the tops: neither do
the most learned know what sort of mortals inhabit beyond those.
mountains, or whether they be inhabited at all. On the three other
sides, it is bounded by the ocean. There is not one sea-port in the
whole kingdom: and those parts of the coasts into which the rivers
issue, are so full of pointed rocks, and the sea generally so rough,
that there is no venturing with the smallest of their boats; so that
these people are wholly excluded from any commerce with the
rest of the world. But the large rivers are full of vessels, and
abound with excellent fish; for they seldom get any from the sea,
because the sea fish are of the same size with those in Europe, and
consequently not worth catching; whereby it is manifest, that
nature, in the production of plants and animals of so extraordinary
a bulk, is wholly confined to this continent, of which I leave the
reasons to be determined by philosophers. However, now and then
they take a whale that happens to be dashed against the rocks,
which the common people feed on heartily. These whales I have
known so large, that a man could hardly carry one upon his
shoulders; and sometimes, for curiosity, they are brought in
hampers to Lorbrulgrud; I saw one of them in a dish at the king's
table, which passed for a rarity, but I did not observe he was fond
of it; for I think, indeed, the bigness disgusted him, although I
have seen one somewhat larger in Greenland.
The country is well inhabited, for it contains fifty-one cities, near
a hundred walled towns, and a great number of villages. To satisfy
my curious reader, it may be sufficient to describe Lorbrulgrud.
This city stands upon almost two equal parts, on each side the
river that passes through. It contains above eighty thousand
houses, and about six hundred thousand inhabitants. It is in length
three GLOMGLUNGS (which make about fifty-four English.
miles,) and two and a half in breadth; as I measured it myself in
the royal map made by the king's order, which was laid on the
ground on purpose for me, and extended a hundred feet: I paced
the diameter and circumference several times barefoot, and,
computing by the scale, measured it pretty exactly.
The king's palace is no regular edifice, but a heap of buildings,
about seven miles round: the chief rooms are generally two
hundred and forty feet high, and broad and long in proportion. A
coach was allowed to Glumdalclitch and me, wherein her
governess frequently took her out to see the town, or go among
the shops; and I was always of the party, carried in my box;
although the girl, at my own desire, would often take me out, and
hold me in her hand, that I might more conveniently view the
houses and the people, as we passed along the streets. I reckoned
our coach to be about a square of Westminster-hall, but not
altogether so high: however, I cannot be very exact. One day the
governess ordered our coachman to stop at several shops, where
the beggars, watching their opportunity, crowded to the sides of
the coach, and gave me the most horrible spectacle that ever a
European eye beheld. There was a woman with a cancer in her
breast, swelled to a monstrous size, full of holes, in two or three of
which I could have easily crept, and covered my whole body.
There was a fellow with a wen in his neck, larger than five wool-packs;
and another, with a couple of wooden legs, each about
twenty feet high. But the most hateful sight of all, was the lice
crawling on their clothes. I could see distinctly the limbs of these
vermin with my naked eye, much better than those of a European
louse through a microscope, and their snouts with which they.
rooted like swine. They were the first I had ever beheld, and I
should have been curious enough to dissect one of them, if I had
had proper instruments, which I unluckily left behind me in the
ship, although, indeed, the sight was so nauseous, that it perfectly
turned my stomach.
Besides the large box in which I was usually carried, the queen
ordered a smaller one to be made for me, of about twelve feet
square, and ten high, for the convenience of travelling; because
the other was somewhat too large for Glumdalclitch's lap, and
cumbersome in the coach; it was made by the same artist, whom I
directed in the whole contrivance. This travelling-closet was an
exact square, with a window in the middle of three of the squares,
and each window was latticed with iron wire on the outside, to
prevent accidents in long journeys. On the fourth side, which had
no window, two strong staples were fixed, through which the
person that carried me, when I had a mind to be on horseback, put
a leathern belt, and buckled it about his waist. This was always
the office of some grave trusty servant, in whom I could confide,
whether I attended the king and queen in their progresses, or were
disposed to see the gardens, or pay a visit to some great lady or
minister of state in the court, when Glumdalclitch happened to be
out of order; for I soon began to be known and esteemed among
the greatest officers, I suppose more upon account of their
majesties' favour, than any merit of my own. In journeys, when I
was weary of the coach, a servant on horseback would buckle on
my box, and place it upon a cushion before him; and there I had a
full prospect of the country on three sides, from my three
windows. I had, in this closet, a field-bed and a hammock, hung.
from the ceiling, two chairs and a table, neatly screwed to the
floor, to prevent being tossed about by the agitation of the horse or
the coach. And having been long used to sea-voyages, those
motions, although sometimes very violent, did not much
discompose me.
Whenever I had a mind to see the town, it was always in my
travelling-closet; which Glumdalclitch held in her lap in a kind of
open sedan, after the fashion of the country, borne by four men,
and attended by two others in the queen's livery. The people, who
had often heard of me, were very curious to crowd about the
sedan, and the girl was complaisant enough to make the bearers
stop, and to take me in her hand, that I might be more
conveniently seen.
I was very desirous to see the chief temple, and particularly the
tower belonging to it, which is reckoned the highest in the
kingdom. Accordingly one day my nurse carried me thither, but I
may truly say I came back disappointed; for the height is not
above three thousand feet, reckoning from the ground to the
highest pinnacle top; which, allowing for the difference between
the size of those people and us in Europe, is no great matter for
admiration, nor at all equal in proportion (if I rightly remember) to
Salisbury steeple. But, not to detract from a nation, to which,
during my life, I shall acknowledge myself extremely obliged, it
must be allowed, that whatever this famous tower wants in height,
is amply made up in beauty and strength: for the walls are near a
hundred feet thick, built of hewn stone, whereof each is about
forty feet square, and adorned on all sides with statues of gods and.
emperors, cut in marble, larger than the life, placed in their several
niches. I measured a little finger which had fallen down from one
of these statues, and lay unperceived among some rubbish, and
found it exactly four feet and an inch in length. Glumdalclitch
wrapped it up in her handkerchief, and carried it home in her
pocket, to keep among other trinkets, of which the girl was very
fond, as children at her age usually are.
The king's kitchen is indeed a noble building, vaulted at top, and
about six hundred feet high. The great oven is not so wide, by ten
paces, as the cupola at St. Paul's: for I measured the latter on
purpose, after my return. But if I should describe the kitchen
grate, the prodigious pots and kettles, the joints of meat turning on
the spits, with many other particulars, perhaps I should be hardly
believed; at least a severe critic would be apt to think I enlarged a
little, as travellers are often suspected to do. To avoid which
censure I fear I have run too much into the other extreme; and that
if this treatise should happen to be translated into the language of
Brobdingnag (which is the general name of that kingdom,) and
transmitted thither, the king and his people would have reason to
complain that I had done them an injury, by a false and diminutive
representation.
His majesty seldom keeps above six hundred horses in his stables:
they are generally from fifty-four to sixty feet high. But, when he
goes abroad on solemn days, he is attended, for state, by a military
guard of five hundred horse, which, indeed, I thought was the
most splendid sight that could be ever beheld, till I saw part of his
army in battalia, whereof I shall find another occasion to speak...
[Several adventurers that happened to the author. The execution of
a criminal. The author shows his skill in navigation.]
I should have lived happy enough in that country, if my littleness
had not exposed me to several ridiculous and troublesome
accidents; some of which I shall venture to relate. Glumdalclitch
often carried me into the gardens of the court in my smaller box,
and would sometimes take me out of it, and hold me in her hand,
or set me down to walk. I remember, before the dwarf left the
queen, he followed us one day into those gardens, and my nurse
having set me down, he and I being close together, near some
dwarf apple trees, I must needs show my wit, by a silly allusion
between him and the trees, which happens to hold in their
language as it does in ours. Whereupon, the malicious rogue,
watching his opportunity, when I was walking under one of them,
shook it directly over my head, by which a dozen apples, each of
them near as large as a Bristol barrel, came tumbling about my
ears; one of them hit me on the back as I chanced to stoop, and
knocked me down flat on my face; but I received no other hurt,
and the dwarf was pardoned at my desire, because I had given the
provocation..
Another day, Glumdalclitch left me on a smooth grass-plot to
divert myself, while she walked at some distance with her
governess. In the meantime, there suddenly fell such a violent
shower of hail, that I was immediately by the force of it, struck to
the ground: and when I was down, the hailstones gave me such
cruel bangs all over the body, as if I had been pelted with tennis-balls;
however, I made a shift to creep on all fours, and shelter
myself, by lying flat on my face, on the lee-side of a border of
lemon-thyme, but so bruised from head to foot, that I could not go
abroad in ten days. Neither is this at all to be wondered at, because
nature, in that country, observing the same proportion through all
her operations, a hailstone is near eighteen hundred times as large
as one in Europe; which I can assert upon experience, having been
so curious as to weigh and measure them.
But a more dangerous accident happened to me in the same
garden, when my little nurse, believing she had put me in a secure
place (which I often entreated her to do, that I might enjoy my
own thoughts,) and having left my box at home, to avoid the
trouble of carrying it, went to another part of the garden with her
governess and some ladies of her acquaintance. While she was
absent, and out of hearing, a small white spaniel that belonged to
one of the chief gardeners, having got by accident into the garden,
happened to range near the place where I lay: the dog, following
the scent, came directly up, and taking me in his mouth, ran
straight to his master wagging his tail, and set me gently on the
ground. By good fortune he had been so well taught, that I was
carried between his teeth without the least hurt, or even tearing
my clothes. But the poor gardener, who knew me well, and had a.
great kindness for me, was in a terrible fright: he gently took me
up in both his hands, and asked me how I did? but I was so
amazed and out of breath, that I could not speak a word. In a few
minutes I came to myself, and he carried me safe to my little
nurse, who, by this time, had returned to the place where she left
me, and was in cruel agonies when I did not appear, nor answer
when she called. She severely reprimanded the gardener on
account of his dog. But the thing was hushed up, and never known
at court, for the girl was afraid of the queen's anger; and truly, as
to myself, I thought it would not be for my reputation, that such a
story should go about.
This accident absolutely determined Glumdalclitch never to trust
me abroad for the future out of her sight. I had been long afraid of
this resolution, and therefore concealed from her some little
unlucky adventures, that happened in those times when I was left
by myself. Once a kite, hovering over the garden, made a stoop at
me, and if I had not resolutely drawn my hanger, and run under a
thick espalier, he would have certainly carried me away in his
talons. Another time, walking to the top of a fresh mole-hill, I fell
to my neck in the hole, through which that animal had cast up the
earth, and coined some lie, not worth remembering, to excuse
myself for spoiling my clothes. I likewise broke my right shin
against the shell of a snail, which I happened to stumble over, as I
was walking alone and thinking on poor England.
I cannot tell whether I were more pleased or mortified to observe,
in those solitary walks, that the smaller birds did not appear to be
at all afraid of me, but would hop about within a yard's distance,.
looking for worms and other food, with as much indifference and
security as if no creature at all were near them. I remember, a
thrush had the confidence to snatch out of my hand, with his bill, a
of cake that Glumdalclitch had just given me for my breakfast.
When I attempted to catch any of these birds, they would boldly
turn against me, endeavouring to peck my fingers, which I durst
not venture within their reach; and then they would hop back
unconcerned, to hunt for worms or snails, as they did before. But
one day, I took a thick cudgel, and threw it with all my strength so
luckily, at a linnet, that I knocked him down, and seizing him by
the neck with both my hands, ran with him in triumph to my
nurse. However, the bird, who had only been stunned, recovering
himself gave me so many boxes with his wings, on both sides of
my head and body, though I held him at arm's-length, and was out
of the reach of his claws, that I was twenty times thinking to let
him go. But I was soon relieved by one of our servants, who
wrung off the bird's neck, and I had him next day for dinner, by
the queen's command. This linnet, as near as I can remember,
seemed to be somewhat larger than an English swan.
The maids of honour often invited Glumdalclitch to their
apartments, and desired she would bring me along with her, on
purpose to have the pleasure of seeing and touching me. They
would often strip me naked from top to toe, and lay me at full
length in their bosoms; wherewith I was much disgusted because,
to say the truth, a very offensive smell came from their skins;
which I do not mention, or intend, to the disadvantage of those
excellent ladies, for whom I have all manner of respect; but I
conceive that my sense was more acute in proportion to my.
littleness, and that those illustrious persons were no more
disagreeable to their lovers, or to each other, than people of the
same quality are with us in England. And, after all, I found their
natural smell was much more supportable, than when they used
perfumes, under which I immediately swooned away. I cannot
forget, that an intimate friend of mine in Lilliput, took the freedom
in a warm day, when I had used a good deal of exercise, to
complain of a strong smell about me, although I am as little faulty
that way, as most of my sex: but I suppose his faculty of smelling
was as nice with regard to me, as mine was to that of this people.
Upon this point, I cannot forbear doing justice to the queen my
mistress, and Glumdalclitch my nurse, whose persons were as
sweet as those of any lady in England.
That which gave me most uneasiness among these maids of
honour (when my nurse carried me to visit then) was, to see them
use me without any manner of ceremony, like a creature who had
no sort of consequence: for they would strip themselves to the
skin, and put on their smocks in my presence, while I was placed
on their toilet, directly before their naked bodies, which I am sure
to me was very far from being a tempting sight, or from giving me
any other emotions than those of horror and disgust: their skins
appeared so coarse and uneven, so variously coloured, when I saw
them near, with a mole here and there as broad as a trencher, and
hairs hanging from it thicker than packthreads, to say nothing
farther concerning the rest of their persons. Neither did they at all
scruple, while I was by, to discharge what they had drank, to the
quantity of at least two hogsheads, in a vessel that held above
three tuns. The handsomest among these maids of honour, a.
pleasant, frolicsome girl of sixteen, would sometimes set me
astride upon one of her nipples, with many other tricks, wherein
the reader will excuse me for not being over particular. But I was
so much displeased, that I entreated Glumdalclitch to contrive
some excuse for not seeing that young lady any more.
One day, a young gentleman, who was nephew to my nurse's
governess, came and pressed them both to see an execution. It was
of a man, who had murdered one of that gentleman's intimate
acquaintance. Glumdalclitch was prevailed on to be of the
company, very much against her inclination, for she was naturally
tender-hearted: and, as for myself, although I abhorred such kind
of spectacles, yet my curiosity tempted me to see something that I
thought must be extraordinary. The malefactor was fixed in a
chair upon a scaffold erected for that purpose, and his head cut off
at one blow, with a sword of about forty feet long. The veins and
arteries spouted up such a prodigious quantity of blood, and so
high in the air, that the great JET D'EAU at Versailles was not
equal to it for the time it lasted: and the head, when it fell on the
scaffold floor, gave such a bounce as made me start, although I
was at least half an English mile distant.
The queen, who often used to hear me talk of my sea-voyages,
and took all occasions to divert me when I was melancholy, asked
me whether I understood how to handle a sail or an oar, and
whether a little exercise of rowing might not be convenient for my
health? I answered, that I understood both very well: for although
my proper employment had been to be surgeon or doctor to the
ship, yet often, upon a pinch, I was forced to work like a common.
mariner. But I could not see how this could be done in their
country, where the smallest wherry was equal to a first-rate man
of war among us; and such a boat as I could manage would never
live in any of their rivers. Her majesty said, if I would contrive a
boat, her own joiner should make it, and she would provide a
place for me to sail in. The fellow was an ingenious workman, and
by my instructions, in ten days, finished a pleasure-boat with all
its tackling, able conveniently to hold eight Europeans. When it
was finished, the queen was so delighted, that she ran with it in
her lap to the king, who ordered it to be put into a cistern full of
water, with me in it, by way of trial, where I could not manage my
two sculls, or little oars, for want of room. But the queen had
before contrived another project. She ordered the joiner to make a
wooden trough of three hundred feet long, fifty broad, and eight
deep; which, being well pitched, to prevent leaking, was placed on
the floor, along the wall, in an outer room of the palace. It had a
cock near the bottom to let out the water, when it began to grow
stale; and two servants could easily fill it in half an hour. Here I
often used to row for my own diversion, as well as that of the
queen and her ladies, who thought themselves well entertained
with my skill and agility. Sometimes I would put up my sail, and
then my business was only to steer, while the ladies gave me a
gale with their fans; and, when they were weary, some of their
pages would blow my sail forward with their breath, while I
showed my art by steering starboard or larboard as I pleased.
When I had done, Glumdalclitch always carried back my boat into
her closet, and hung it on a nail to dry..
In this exercise I once met an accident, which had like to have cost
me my life; for, one of the pages having put my boat into the
trough, the governess who attended Glumdalclitch very
officiously lifted me up, to place me in the boat: but I happened to
slip through her fingers, and should infallibly have fallen down
forty feet upon the floor, if, by the luckiest chance in the world, I
had not been stopped by a corking-pin that stuck in the good
gentlewoman's stomacher; the head of the pin passing between
my shirt and the waistband of my breeches, and thus I was held by
the middle in the air, till Glumdalclitch ran to my relief.
Another time, one of the servants, whose office it was to fill my
trough every third day with fresh water, was so careless as to let a
huge frog (not perceiving it) slip out of his pail. The frog lay
concealed till I was put into my boat, but then, seeing a resting-place,
climbed up, and made it lean so much on one side, that I
was forced to balance it with all my weight on the other, to
prevent overturning. When the frog was got in, it hopped at once
half the length of the boat, and then over my head, backward and
forward, daubing my face and clothes with its odious slime. The
largeness of its features made it appear the most deformed animal
that can be conceived. However, I desired Glumdalclitch to let me
deal with it alone. I banged it a good while with one of my sculls,
and at last forced it to leap out of the boat.
But the greatest danger I ever underwent in that kingdom, was
from a monkey, who belonged to one of the clerks of the kitchen.
Glumdalclitch had locked me up in her closet, while she went
somewhere upon business, or a visit. The weather being very.
warm, the closet-window was left open, as well as the windows
and the door of my bigger box, in which I usually lived, because
of its largeness and conveniency. As I sat quietly meditating at my
table, I heard something bounce in at the closet-window, and skip
about from one side to the other: whereat, although I was much
alarmed, yet I ventured to look out, but not stirring from my seat;
and then I saw this frolicsome animal frisking and leaping up and
down, till at last he came to my box, which he seemed to view
with great pleasure and curiosity, peeping in at the door and every
window. I retreated to the farther corner of my room; or box; but
the monkey looking in at every side, put me in such a fright, that I
wanted presence of mind to conceal myself under the bed, as I
might easily have done. After some time spent in peeping,
grinning, and chattering, he at last espied me; and reaching one of
his paws in at the door, as a cat does when she plays with a mouse,
although I often shifted place to avoid him, he at length seized the
lappet of my coat (which being made of that country silk, was
very thick and strong), and dragged me out. He took me up in his
right fore-foot and held me as a nurse does a child she is going to
suckle, just as I have seen the same sort of creature do with a
kitten in Europe; and when I offered to struggle he squeezed me
so hard, that I thought it more prudent to submit. I have good
reason to believe, that he took me for a young one of his own
species, by his often stroking my face very gently with his other
paw. In these diversions he was interrupted by a noise at the closet
door, as if somebody were opening it: whereupon he suddenly
leaped up to the window at which he had come in, and thence
upon the leads and gutters, walking upon three legs, and holding
me in the fourth, till he clambered up to a roof that was next to.
ours. I heard Glumdalclitch give a shriek at the moment he was
carrying me out. The poor girl was almost distracted: that quarter
of the palace was all in an uproar; the servants ran for ladders; the
monkey was seen by hundreds in the court, sitting upon the ridge
of a building, holding me like a baby in one of his forepaws, and
feeding me with the other, by cramming into my mouth some
victuals he had squeezed out of the bag on one side of his chaps,
and patting me when I would not eat; whereat many of the rabble
below could not forbear laughing; neither do I think they justly
ought to be blamed, for, without question, the sight was ridiculous
enough to every body but myself. Some of the people threw up
stones, hoping to drive the monkey down; but this was strictly
forbidden, or else, very probably, my brains had been dashed out.
The ladders were now applied, and mounted by several men;
which the monkey observing, and finding himself almost
encompassed, not being able to make speed enough with his three
legs, let me drop on a ridge tile, and made his escape. Here I sat
for some time, five hundred yards from the ground, expecting
every moment to be blown down by the wind, or to fall by my
own giddiness, and come tumbling over and over from the ridge
to the eaves; but an honest lad, one of my nurse's footmen,
climbed up, and putting me into his breeches pocket, brought me
down safe.
I was almost choked with the filthy stuff the monkey had
crammed down my throat: but my dear little nurse picked it out of
my mouth with a small needle, and then I fell a-vomiting, which
gave me great relief. Yet I was so weak and bruised in the sides.
with the squeezes given me by this odious animal, that I was
forced to keep my bed a fortnight. The king, queen, and all the
court, sent every day to inquire after my health; and her majesty
made me several visits during my sickness. The monkey was
killed, and an order made, that no such animal should be kept
about the palace.
When I attended the king after my recovery, to return him thanks
for his favours, he was pleased to rally me a good deal upon this
adventure. He asked me, "what my thoughts and speculations
were, while I lay in the monkey's paw; how I liked the victuals he
gave me; his manner of feeding; and whether the fresh air on the
roof had sharpened my stomach." He desired to know, "what I
would have done upon such an occasion in my own country." I
told his majesty, "that in Europe we had no monkeys, except such
as were brought for curiosity from other places, and so small, that
I could deal with a dozen of them together, if they presumed to
attack me. And as for that monstrous animal with whom I was so
lately engaged (it was indeed as large as an elephant), if my fears
had suffered me to think so far as to make use of my hanger,"
(looking fiercely, and clapping my hand on the hilt, as I spoke)
"when he poked his paw into my chamber, perhaps I should have
given him such a wound, as would have made him glad to
withdraw it with more haste than he put it in." This I delivered in a
master had not thought my life in danger, her majesty would not
have got so cheap a bargain. But as I was out of all fear of being
ill-treated under the protection of so great and good an empress,
the ornament of nature, the darling of the world, the delight of her
subjects, the phoenix of the creation, so I hoped my late master's
apprehensions would appear to be groundless; for I already found
my spirits revive, by the influence of her most august presence."
This was the sum of my speech, delivered with great improprieties
and hesitation. The latter part was altogether framed in the style
peculiar to that people, whereof I learned some phrases from
Glumdalclitch, while she was carrying me to court.
The queen, giving great allowance for my defectiveness in
speaking, was, however, surprised at so much wit and good sense
in so diminutive an animal. She took me in her own hand, and
carried me to the king, who was then retired to his cabinet. His
majesty, a prince of much gravity and austere countenance, not
well observing my shape at first view, asked the queen after a cold
manner "how long it was since she grew fond of a
SPLACNUCK?" for such it seems he took me to be, as I lay upon
my breast in her majesty's right hand. But this princess, who has.
an infinite deal of wit and humour, set me gently on my feet upon
the scrutoire, and commanded me to give his majesty an account
of myself, which I did in a very few words: and Glumdalclitch
who attended at the cabinet door, and could not endure I should be
out of her sight, being admitted, confirmed all that had passed
from my arrival at her father's house.
The king, although he be as learned a person as any in his
dominions, had been educated in the study of philosophy, and
particularly mathematics; yet when he observed my shape exactly,
and saw me walk erect, before I began to speak, conceived I might
be a piece of clock-work (which is in that country arrived to a
very great perfection) contrived by some ingenious artist. But
when he heard my voice, and found what I delivered to be regular
and rational, he could not conceal his astonishment. He was by no
means satisfied with the relation I gave him of the manner I came
into his kingdom, but thought it a story concerted between
Glumdalclitch and her father, who had taught me a set of words to
make me sell at a better price. Upon this imagination, he put
several other questions to me, and still received rational answers:
no otherwise defective than by a foreign accent, and an imperfect
knowledge in the language, with some rustic phrases which I had
learned at the farmer's house, and did not suit the polite style of a
court.
His majesty sent for three great scholars, who were then in their
weekly waiting, according to the custom in that country. These
gentlemen, after they had a while examined my shape with much
nicety, were of different opinions concerning me. They all agreed.
that I could not be produced according to the regular laws of
nature, because I was not framed with a capacity of preserving my
life, either by swiftness, or climbing of trees, or digging holes in
the earth. They observed by my teeth, which they viewed with
great exactness, that I was a carnivorous animal; yet most
quadrupeds being an overmatch for me, and field mice, with some
others, too nimble, they could not imagine how I should be able to
support myself, unless I fed upon snails and other insects, which
they offered, by many learned arguments, to evince that I could
not possibly do. One of these virtuosi seemed to think that I might
be an embryo, or abortive birth. But this opinion was rejected by
the other two, who observed my limbs to be perfect and finished;
and that I had lived several years, as it was manifest from my
beard, the stumps whereof they plainly discovered through a
magnifying glass. They would not allow me to be a dwarf,
because my littleness was beyond all degrees of comparison; for
the queen's favourite dwarf, the smallest ever known in that
kingdom, was near thirty feet high. After much debate, they
concluded unanimously, that I was only RELPLUM SCALCATH,
which is interpreted literally LUSUS NATURAE; a determination
exactly agreeable to the modern philosophy of Europe, whose
professors, disdaining the old evasion of occult causes, whereby
the followers of Aristotle endeavoured in vain to disguise their
ignorance, have invented this wonderful solution of all
difficulties, to the unspeakable advancement of human
knowledge..
After this decisive conclusion, I entreated to be heard a word or
two. I applied myself to the king, and assured his majesty, "that I
came from a country which abounded with several millions of
both sexes, and of my own stature; where the animals, trees, and
houses, were all in proportion, and where, by consequence, I
might be as able to defend myself, and to find sustenance, as any
of his majesty's subjects could do here; which I took for a full
answer to those gentlemen's arguments." To this they only replied
with a smile of contempt, saying, "that the farmer had instructed
me very well in my lesson." The king, who had a much better
understanding, dismissing his learned men, sent for the farmer,
who by good fortune was not yet gone out of town. Having
therefore first examined him privately, and then confronted him
with me and the young girl, his majesty began to think that what
we told him might possibly be true. He desired the queen to order
that a particular care should be taken of me; and was of opinion
that Glumdalclitch should still continue in her office of tending
me, because he observed we had a great affection for each other.
A convenient apartment was provided for her at court: she had a
sort of governess appointed to take care of her education, a maid
to dress her, and two other servants for menial offices; but the care
of me was wholly appropriated to herself. The queen commanded
her own cabinet-maker to contrive a box, that might serve me for
a bedchamber, after the model that Glumdalclitch and I should
agree upon. This man was a most ingenious artist, and according
to my direction, in three weeks finished for me a wooden chamber
of sixteen feet square, and twelve high, with sash-windows, a
door, and two closets, like a London bed-chamber..
The board, that made the ceiling, was to be lifted up and down by
two hinges, to put in a bed ready furnished by her majesty's
upholsterer, which Glumdalclitch took out every day to air, made
it with her own hands, and letting it down at night, locked up the
roof over me. A nice workman, who was famous for little
curiosities, undertook to make me two chairs, with backs and
frames, of a substance not unlike ivory, and two tables, with a
cabinet to put my things in. The room was quilted on all sides, as
well as the floor and the ceiling, to prevent any accident from the
carelessness of those who carried me, and to break the force of a
jolt, when I went in a coach. I desired a lock for my door, to
prevent rats and mice from coming in. The smith, after several
attempts, made the smallest that ever was seen among them, for I
have known a larger at the gate of a gentleman's house in England.
I made a shift to keep the key in a pocket of my own, fearing
Glumdalclitch might lose it. The queen likewise ordered the
thinnest silks that could be gotten, to make me clothes, not much
thicker than an English blanket, very cumbersome till I was
accustomed to them. They were after the fashion of the kingdom,
partly resembling the Persian, and partly the Chinese, and are a
very grave and decent habit.
The queen became so fond of my company, that she could not
dine without me. I had a table placed upon the same at which her
majesty ate, just at her left elbow, and a chair to sit on.
Glumdalclitch stood on a stool on the floor near my table, to assist
and take care of me. I had an entire set of silver dishes and plates,
and other necessaries, which, in proportion to those of the queen,
were not much bigger than what I have seen in a London toy-shop.
for the furniture of a baby-house: these my little nurse kept in her
pocket in a silver box, and gave me at meals as I wanted them,
always cleaning them herself. No person dined with the queen but
the two princesses royal, the eldest sixteen years old, and the
younger at that time thirteen and a month. Her majesty used to put
a bit of meat upon one of my dishes, out of which I carved for
myself, and her diversion was to see me eat in miniature: for the
queen (who had indeed but a weak stomach) took up, at one
mouthful, as much as a dozen English farmers could eat at a meal,
which to me was for some time a very nauseous sight. She would
craunch the wing of a lark, bones and all, between her teeth,
although it were nine times as large as that of a full-grown turkey;
and put a bit of bread into her mouth as big as two twelve-penny
loaves. She drank out of a golden cup, above a hogshead at a
draught. Her knives were twice as long as a scythe, set straight
upon the handle. The spoons, forks, and other instruments, were
all in the same proportion. I remember when Glumdalclitch
carried me, out of curiosity, to see some of the tables at court,
where ten or a dozen of those enormous knives and forks were
lifted up together, I thought I had never till then beheld so terrible
a sight.
It is the custom, that every Wednesday (which, as I have observed,
is their Sabbath) the king and queen, with the royal issue of both
sexes, dine together in the apartment of his majesty, to whom I
was now become a great favourite; and at these times, my little
chair and table were placed at his left hand, before one of the salt-cellars.
This prince took a pleasure in conversing with me,
inquiring into the manners, religion, laws, government, and.
learning of Europe; wherein I gave him the best account I was
able. His apprehension was so clear, and his judgment so exact,
that he made very wise reflections and observations upon all I
said. But I confess, that, after I had been a little too copious in
talking of my own beloved country, of our trade and wars by sea
and land, of our schisms in religion, and parties in the state; the
prejudices of his education prevailed so far, that he could not
forbear taking me up in his right hand, and stroking me gently
with the other, after a hearty fit of laughing, asked me, "whether I
was a whig or tory?" Then turning to his first minister, who waited
behind him with a white staff, near as tall as the mainmast of the
Royal Sovereign, he observed "how contemptible a thing was
human grandeur, which could be mimicked by such diminutive
insects as I: and yet," says he, "I dare engage these creatures have
their titles and distinctions of honour; they contrive little nests and
burrows, that they call houses and cities; they make a figure in
dress and equipage; they love, they fight, they dispute, they cheat,
they betray!" And thus he continued on, while my colour came
and went several times, with indignation, to hear our noble
country, the mistress of arts and arms, the scourge of France, the
arbitress of Europe, the seat of virtue, piety, honour, and truth, the
pride and envy of the world, so contemptuously treated.
But as I was not in a condition to resent injuries, so upon mature
thoughts I began to doubt whether I was injured or no. For, after
having been accustomed several months to the sight and converse
of this people, and observed every object upon which I cast mine
eyes to be of proportionable magnitude, the horror I had at first
conceived from their bulk and aspect was so far worn off, that if I.
had then beheld a company of English lords and ladies in their
finery and birth-day clothes, acting their several parts in the most
courtly manner of strutting, and bowing, and prating, to say the
truth, I should have been strongly tempted to laugh as much at
them as the king and his grandees did at me. Neither, indeed,
could I forbear smiling at myself, when the queen used to place
me upon her hand towards a looking-glass, by which both our
persons appeared before me in full view together; and there could
be nothing more ridiculous than the comparison; so that I really
began to imagine myself dwindled many degrees below my usual
size.
Nothing angered and mortified me so much as the queen's dwarf;
who being of the lowest stature that was ever in that country (for I
verily think he was not full thirty feet high), became so insolent at
seeing a creature so much beneath him, that he would always
affect to swagger and look big as he passed by me in the queen's
antechamber, while I was standing on some table talking with the
lords or ladies of the court, and he seldom failed of a smart word
or two upon my littleness; against which I could only revenge
myself by calling him brother, challenging him to wrestle, and
such repartees as are usually in the mouths of court pages. One
day, at dinner, this malicious little cub was so nettled with
something I had said to him, that, raising himself upon the frame
of her majesty's chair, he took me up by the middle, as I was
sitting down, not thinking any harm, and let me drop into a large
silver bowl of cream, and then ran away as fast as he could. I fell
over head and ears, and, if I had not been a good swimmer, it
might have gone very hard with me; for Glumdalclitch in that.
instant happened to be at the other end of the room, and the queen
was in such a fright, that she wanted presence of mind to assist
me. But my little nurse ran to my relief, and took me out, after I
had swallowed above a quart of cream. I was put to bed: however,
I received no other damage than the loss of a suit of clothes, which
was utterly spoiled. The dwarf was soundly whipt, and as a
farther punishment, forced to drink up the bowl of cream into
which he had thrown me: neither was he ever restored to favour;
for soon after the queen bestowed him on a lady of high quality, so
that I saw him no more, to my very great satisfaction; for I could
not tell to what extremities such a malicious urchin might have
carried his resentment.
He had before served me a scurvy trick, which set the queen a-laughing,
although at the same time she was heartily vexed, and
would have immediately cashiered him, if I had not been so
generous as to intercede. Her majesty had taken a marrow-bone
upon her plate, and, after knocking out the marrow, placed the
bone again in the dish erect, as it stood before; the dwarf,
watching his opportunity, while Glumdalclitch was gone to the
side-board, mounted the stool that she stood on to take care of me
at meals, took me up in both hands, and squeezing my legs
together, wedged them into the marrow bone above my waist,
where I stuck for some time, and made a very ridiculous figure. I
believe it was near a minute before any one knew what was
become of me; for I thought it below me to cry out. But, as princes
seldom get their meat hot, my legs were not scalded, only my
stockings and breeches in a sad condition. The dwarf, at my
entreaty, had no other punishment than a sound whipping..
I was frequently rallied by the queen upon account of my
fearfulness; and she used to ask me whether the people of my
country were as great cowards as myself? The occasion was this:
the kingdom is much pestered with flies in summer; and these
odious insects, each of them as big as a Dunstable lark, hardly
gave me any rest while I sat at dinner, with their continual
humming and buzzing about mine ears. They would sometimes
alight upon my victuals, and leave their loathsome excrement, or
spawn behind, which to me was very visible, though not to the
natives of that country, whose large optics were not so acute as
mine, in viewing smaller objects. Sometimes they would fix upon
my nose, or forehead, where they stung me to the quick, smelling
very offensively; and I could easily trace that viscous matter,
which, our naturalists tell us, enables those creatures to walk with
their feet upwards upon a ceiling. I had much ado to defend
myself against these detestable animals, and could not forbear
starting when they came on my face. It was the common practice
of the dwarf, to catch a number of these insects in his hand, as
schoolboys do among us, and let them out suddenly under my
nose, on purpose to frighten me, and divert the queen. My remedy
was to cut them in pieces with my knife, as they flew in the air,
wherein my dexterity was much admired.
I remember, one morning, when Glumdalclitch had set me in a
box upon a window, as she usually did in fair days to give me air
(for I durst not venture to let the box be hung on a nail out of the
window, as we do with cages in England), after I had lifted up one
of my sashes, and sat down at my table to eat a piece of sweet.
cake for my breakfast, above twenty wasps, allured by the smell,
came flying into the room, humming louder than the drones of as
many bagpipes. Some of them seized my cake, and carried it
piecemeal away; others flew about my head and face,
confounding me with the noise, and putting me in the utmost
terror of their stings. However, I had the courage to rise and draw
my hanger, and attack them in the air. I dispatched four of them,
but the rest got away, and I presently shut my window. These
insects were as large as partridges: I took out their stings, found
them an inch and a half long, and as sharp as needles. I carefully
preserved them all; and having since shown them, with some
other curiosities, in several parts of Europe, upon my return to
England I gave three of them to Gresham College, and kept the
fourth for myself..
[The country described. A proposal for correcting modern maps.
The king's palace; and some account of the metropolis. The
author's way of travelling. The chief temple described.]
I now intend to give the reader a short description of this country,
as far as I travelled in it, which was not above two thousand miles
round Lorbrulgrud, the metropolis. For the queen, whom I always
attended, never went farther when she accompanied the king in
his progresses, and there staid till his majesty returned from
viewing his frontiers. The whole extent of this prince's dominions
reaches about six thousand miles in length, and from three to five
in breadth: whence I cannot but conclude, that our geographers of
Europe are in a great error, by supposing nothing but sea between
Japan and California; for it was ever my opinion, that there must
be a balance of earth to counterpoise the great continent of
Tartary; and therefore they ought to correct their maps and charts,
by joining this vast tract of land to the north-west parts of
America, wherein I shall be ready to lend them my assistance.
The kingdom is a peninsula, terminated to the north-east by a
ridge of mountains thirty miles high, which are altogether
impassable, by reason of the volcanoes upon the tops: neither do
the most learned know what sort of mortals inhabit beyond those.
mountains, or whether they be inhabited at all. On the three other
sides, it is bounded by the ocean. There is not one sea-port in the
whole kingdom: and those parts of the coasts into which the rivers
issue, are so full of pointed rocks, and the sea generally so rough,
that there is no venturing with the smallest of their boats; so that
these people are wholly excluded from any commerce with the
rest of the world. But the large rivers are full of vessels, and
abound with excellent fish; for they seldom get any from the sea,
because the sea fish are of the same size with those in Europe, and
consequently not worth catching; whereby it is manifest, that
nature, in the production of plants and animals of so extraordinary
a bulk, is wholly confined to this continent, of which I leave the
reasons to be determined by philosophers. However, now and then
they take a whale that happens to be dashed against the rocks,
which the common people feed on heartily. These whales I have
known so large, that a man could hardly carry one upon his
shoulders; and sometimes, for curiosity, they are brought in
hampers to Lorbrulgrud; I saw one of them in a dish at the king's
table, which passed for a rarity, but I did not observe he was fond
of it; for I think, indeed, the bigness disgusted him, although I
have seen one somewhat larger in Greenland.
The country is well inhabited, for it contains fifty-one cities, near
a hundred walled towns, and a great number of villages. To satisfy
my curious reader, it may be sufficient to describe Lorbrulgrud.
This city stands upon almost two equal parts, on each side the
river that passes through. It contains above eighty thousand
houses, and about six hundred thousand inhabitants. It is in length
three GLOMGLUNGS (which make about fifty-four English.
miles,) and two and a half in breadth; as I measured it myself in
the royal map made by the king's order, which was laid on the
ground on purpose for me, and extended a hundred feet: I paced
the diameter and circumference several times barefoot, and,
computing by the scale, measured it pretty exactly.
The king's palace is no regular edifice, but a heap of buildings,
about seven miles round: the chief rooms are generally two
hundred and forty feet high, and broad and long in proportion. A
coach was allowed to Glumdalclitch and me, wherein her
governess frequently took her out to see the town, or go among
the shops; and I was always of the party, carried in my box;
although the girl, at my own desire, would often take me out, and
hold me in her hand, that I might more conveniently view the
houses and the people, as we passed along the streets. I reckoned
our coach to be about a square of Westminster-hall, but not
altogether so high: however, I cannot be very exact. One day the
governess ordered our coachman to stop at several shops, where
the beggars, watching their opportunity, crowded to the sides of
the coach, and gave me the most horrible spectacle that ever a
European eye beheld. There was a woman with a cancer in her
breast, swelled to a monstrous size, full of holes, in two or three of
which I could have easily crept, and covered my whole body.
There was a fellow with a wen in his neck, larger than five wool-packs;
and another, with a couple of wooden legs, each about
twenty feet high. But the most hateful sight of all, was the lice
crawling on their clothes. I could see distinctly the limbs of these
vermin with my naked eye, much better than those of a European
louse through a microscope, and their snouts with which they.
rooted like swine. They were the first I had ever beheld, and I
should have been curious enough to dissect one of them, if I had
had proper instruments, which I unluckily left behind me in the
ship, although, indeed, the sight was so nauseous, that it perfectly
turned my stomach.
Besides the large box in which I was usually carried, the queen
ordered a smaller one to be made for me, of about twelve feet
square, and ten high, for the convenience of travelling; because
the other was somewhat too large for Glumdalclitch's lap, and
cumbersome in the coach; it was made by the same artist, whom I
directed in the whole contrivance. This travelling-closet was an
exact square, with a window in the middle of three of the squares,
and each window was latticed with iron wire on the outside, to
prevent accidents in long journeys. On the fourth side, which had
no window, two strong staples were fixed, through which the
person that carried me, when I had a mind to be on horseback, put
a leathern belt, and buckled it about his waist. This was always
the office of some grave trusty servant, in whom I could confide,
whether I attended the king and queen in their progresses, or were
disposed to see the gardens, or pay a visit to some great lady or
minister of state in the court, when Glumdalclitch happened to be
out of order; for I soon began to be known and esteemed among
the greatest officers, I suppose more upon account of their
majesties' favour, than any merit of my own. In journeys, when I
was weary of the coach, a servant on horseback would buckle on
my box, and place it upon a cushion before him; and there I had a
full prospect of the country on three sides, from my three
windows. I had, in this closet, a field-bed and a hammock, hung.
from the ceiling, two chairs and a table, neatly screwed to the
floor, to prevent being tossed about by the agitation of the horse or
the coach. And having been long used to sea-voyages, those
motions, although sometimes very violent, did not much
discompose me.
Whenever I had a mind to see the town, it was always in my
travelling-closet; which Glumdalclitch held in her lap in a kind of
open sedan, after the fashion of the country, borne by four men,
and attended by two others in the queen's livery. The people, who
had often heard of me, were very curious to crowd about the
sedan, and the girl was complaisant enough to make the bearers
stop, and to take me in her hand, that I might be more
conveniently seen.
I was very desirous to see the chief temple, and particularly the
tower belonging to it, which is reckoned the highest in the
kingdom. Accordingly one day my nurse carried me thither, but I
may truly say I came back disappointed; for the height is not
above three thousand feet, reckoning from the ground to the
highest pinnacle top; which, allowing for the difference between
the size of those people and us in Europe, is no great matter for
admiration, nor at all equal in proportion (if I rightly remember) to
Salisbury steeple. But, not to detract from a nation, to which,
during my life, I shall acknowledge myself extremely obliged, it
must be allowed, that whatever this famous tower wants in height,
is amply made up in beauty and strength: for the walls are near a
hundred feet thick, built of hewn stone, whereof each is about
forty feet square, and adorned on all sides with statues of gods and.
emperors, cut in marble, larger than the life, placed in their several
niches. I measured a little finger which had fallen down from one
of these statues, and lay unperceived among some rubbish, and
found it exactly four feet and an inch in length. Glumdalclitch
wrapped it up in her handkerchief, and carried it home in her
pocket, to keep among other trinkets, of which the girl was very
fond, as children at her age usually are.
The king's kitchen is indeed a noble building, vaulted at top, and
about six hundred feet high. The great oven is not so wide, by ten
paces, as the cupola at St. Paul's: for I measured the latter on
purpose, after my return. But if I should describe the kitchen
grate, the prodigious pots and kettles, the joints of meat turning on
the spits, with many other particulars, perhaps I should be hardly
believed; at least a severe critic would be apt to think I enlarged a
little, as travellers are often suspected to do. To avoid which
censure I fear I have run too much into the other extreme; and that
if this treatise should happen to be translated into the language of
Brobdingnag (which is the general name of that kingdom,) and
transmitted thither, the king and his people would have reason to
complain that I had done them an injury, by a false and diminutive
representation.
His majesty seldom keeps above six hundred horses in his stables:
they are generally from fifty-four to sixty feet high. But, when he
goes abroad on solemn days, he is attended, for state, by a military
guard of five hundred horse, which, indeed, I thought was the
most splendid sight that could be ever beheld, till I saw part of his
army in battalia, whereof I shall find another occasion to speak...
[Several adventurers that happened to the author. The execution of
a criminal. The author shows his skill in navigation.]
I should have lived happy enough in that country, if my littleness
had not exposed me to several ridiculous and troublesome
accidents; some of which I shall venture to relate. Glumdalclitch
often carried me into the gardens of the court in my smaller box,
and would sometimes take me out of it, and hold me in her hand,
or set me down to walk. I remember, before the dwarf left the
queen, he followed us one day into those gardens, and my nurse
having set me down, he and I being close together, near some
dwarf apple trees, I must needs show my wit, by a silly allusion
between him and the trees, which happens to hold in their
language as it does in ours. Whereupon, the malicious rogue,
watching his opportunity, when I was walking under one of them,
shook it directly over my head, by which a dozen apples, each of
them near as large as a Bristol barrel, came tumbling about my
ears; one of them hit me on the back as I chanced to stoop, and
knocked me down flat on my face; but I received no other hurt,
and the dwarf was pardoned at my desire, because I had given the
provocation..
Another day, Glumdalclitch left me on a smooth grass-plot to
divert myself, while she walked at some distance with her
governess. In the meantime, there suddenly fell such a violent
shower of hail, that I was immediately by the force of it, struck to
the ground: and when I was down, the hailstones gave me such
cruel bangs all over the body, as if I had been pelted with tennis-balls;
however, I made a shift to creep on all fours, and shelter
myself, by lying flat on my face, on the lee-side of a border of
lemon-thyme, but so bruised from head to foot, that I could not go
abroad in ten days. Neither is this at all to be wondered at, because
nature, in that country, observing the same proportion through all
her operations, a hailstone is near eighteen hundred times as large
as one in Europe; which I can assert upon experience, having been
so curious as to weigh and measure them.
But a more dangerous accident happened to me in the same
garden, when my little nurse, believing she had put me in a secure
place (which I often entreated her to do, that I might enjoy my
own thoughts,) and having left my box at home, to avoid the
trouble of carrying it, went to another part of the garden with her
governess and some ladies of her acquaintance. While she was
absent, and out of hearing, a small white spaniel that belonged to
one of the chief gardeners, having got by accident into the garden,
happened to range near the place where I lay: the dog, following
the scent, came directly up, and taking me in his mouth, ran
straight to his master wagging his tail, and set me gently on the
ground. By good fortune he had been so well taught, that I was
carried between his teeth without the least hurt, or even tearing
my clothes. But the poor gardener, who knew me well, and had a.
great kindness for me, was in a terrible fright: he gently took me
up in both his hands, and asked me how I did? but I was so
amazed and out of breath, that I could not speak a word. In a few
minutes I came to myself, and he carried me safe to my little
nurse, who, by this time, had returned to the place where she left
me, and was in cruel agonies when I did not appear, nor answer
when she called. She severely reprimanded the gardener on
account of his dog. But the thing was hushed up, and never known
at court, for the girl was afraid of the queen's anger; and truly, as
to myself, I thought it would not be for my reputation, that such a
story should go about.
This accident absolutely determined Glumdalclitch never to trust
me abroad for the future out of her sight. I had been long afraid of
this resolution, and therefore concealed from her some little
unlucky adventures, that happened in those times when I was left
by myself. Once a kite, hovering over the garden, made a stoop at
me, and if I had not resolutely drawn my hanger, and run under a
thick espalier, he would have certainly carried me away in his
talons. Another time, walking to the top of a fresh mole-hill, I fell
to my neck in the hole, through which that animal had cast up the
earth, and coined some lie, not worth remembering, to excuse
myself for spoiling my clothes. I likewise broke my right shin
against the shell of a snail, which I happened to stumble over, as I
was walking alone and thinking on poor England.
I cannot tell whether I were more pleased or mortified to observe,
in those solitary walks, that the smaller birds did not appear to be
at all afraid of me, but would hop about within a yard's distance,.
looking for worms and other food, with as much indifference and
security as if no creature at all were near them. I remember, a
thrush had the confidence to snatch out of my hand, with his bill, a
of cake that Glumdalclitch had just given me for my breakfast.
When I attempted to catch any of these birds, they would boldly
turn against me, endeavouring to peck my fingers, which I durst
not venture within their reach; and then they would hop back
unconcerned, to hunt for worms or snails, as they did before. But
one day, I took a thick cudgel, and threw it with all my strength so
luckily, at a linnet, that I knocked him down, and seizing him by
the neck with both my hands, ran with him in triumph to my
nurse. However, the bird, who had only been stunned, recovering
himself gave me so many boxes with his wings, on both sides of
my head and body, though I held him at arm's-length, and was out
of the reach of his claws, that I was twenty times thinking to let
him go. But I was soon relieved by one of our servants, who
wrung off the bird's neck, and I had him next day for dinner, by
the queen's command. This linnet, as near as I can remember,
seemed to be somewhat larger than an English swan.
The maids of honour often invited Glumdalclitch to their
apartments, and desired she would bring me along with her, on
purpose to have the pleasure of seeing and touching me. They
would often strip me naked from top to toe, and lay me at full
length in their bosoms; wherewith I was much disgusted because,
to say the truth, a very offensive smell came from their skins;
which I do not mention, or intend, to the disadvantage of those
excellent ladies, for whom I have all manner of respect; but I
conceive that my sense was more acute in proportion to my.
littleness, and that those illustrious persons were no more
disagreeable to their lovers, or to each other, than people of the
same quality are with us in England. And, after all, I found their
natural smell was much more supportable, than when they used
perfumes, under which I immediately swooned away. I cannot
forget, that an intimate friend of mine in Lilliput, took the freedom
in a warm day, when I had used a good deal of exercise, to
complain of a strong smell about me, although I am as little faulty
that way, as most of my sex: but I suppose his faculty of smelling
was as nice with regard to me, as mine was to that of this people.
Upon this point, I cannot forbear doing justice to the queen my
mistress, and Glumdalclitch my nurse, whose persons were as
sweet as those of any lady in England.
That which gave me most uneasiness among these maids of
honour (when my nurse carried me to visit then) was, to see them
use me without any manner of ceremony, like a creature who had
no sort of consequence: for they would strip themselves to the
skin, and put on their smocks in my presence, while I was placed
on their toilet, directly before their naked bodies, which I am sure
to me was very far from being a tempting sight, or from giving me
any other emotions than those of horror and disgust: their skins
appeared so coarse and uneven, so variously coloured, when I saw
them near, with a mole here and there as broad as a trencher, and
hairs hanging from it thicker than packthreads, to say nothing
farther concerning the rest of their persons. Neither did they at all
scruple, while I was by, to discharge what they had drank, to the
quantity of at least two hogsheads, in a vessel that held above
three tuns. The handsomest among these maids of honour, a.
pleasant, frolicsome girl of sixteen, would sometimes set me
astride upon one of her nipples, with many other tricks, wherein
the reader will excuse me for not being over particular. But I was
so much displeased, that I entreated Glumdalclitch to contrive
some excuse for not seeing that young lady any more.
One day, a young gentleman, who was nephew to my nurse's
governess, came and pressed them both to see an execution. It was
of a man, who had murdered one of that gentleman's intimate
acquaintance. Glumdalclitch was prevailed on to be of the
company, very much against her inclination, for she was naturally
tender-hearted: and, as for myself, although I abhorred such kind
of spectacles, yet my curiosity tempted me to see something that I
thought must be extraordinary. The malefactor was fixed in a
chair upon a scaffold erected for that purpose, and his head cut off
at one blow, with a sword of about forty feet long. The veins and
arteries spouted up such a prodigious quantity of blood, and so
high in the air, that the great JET D'EAU at Versailles was not
equal to it for the time it lasted: and the head, when it fell on the
scaffold floor, gave such a bounce as made me start, although I
was at least half an English mile distant.
The queen, who often used to hear me talk of my sea-voyages,
and took all occasions to divert me when I was melancholy, asked
me whether I understood how to handle a sail or an oar, and
whether a little exercise of rowing might not be convenient for my
health? I answered, that I understood both very well: for although
my proper employment had been to be surgeon or doctor to the
ship, yet often, upon a pinch, I was forced to work like a common.
mariner. But I could not see how this could be done in their
country, where the smallest wherry was equal to a first-rate man
of war among us; and such a boat as I could manage would never
live in any of their rivers. Her majesty said, if I would contrive a
boat, her own joiner should make it, and she would provide a
place for me to sail in. The fellow was an ingenious workman, and
by my instructions, in ten days, finished a pleasure-boat with all
its tackling, able conveniently to hold eight Europeans. When it
was finished, the queen was so delighted, that she ran with it in
her lap to the king, who ordered it to be put into a cistern full of
water, with me in it, by way of trial, where I could not manage my
two sculls, or little oars, for want of room. But the queen had
before contrived another project. She ordered the joiner to make a
wooden trough of three hundred feet long, fifty broad, and eight
deep; which, being well pitched, to prevent leaking, was placed on
the floor, along the wall, in an outer room of the palace. It had a
cock near the bottom to let out the water, when it began to grow
stale; and two servants could easily fill it in half an hour. Here I
often used to row for my own diversion, as well as that of the
queen and her ladies, who thought themselves well entertained
with my skill and agility. Sometimes I would put up my sail, and
then my business was only to steer, while the ladies gave me a
gale with their fans; and, when they were weary, some of their
pages would blow my sail forward with their breath, while I
showed my art by steering starboard or larboard as I pleased.
When I had done, Glumdalclitch always carried back my boat into
her closet, and hung it on a nail to dry..
In this exercise I once met an accident, which had like to have cost
me my life; for, one of the pages having put my boat into the
trough, the governess who attended Glumdalclitch very
officiously lifted me up, to place me in the boat: but I happened to
slip through her fingers, and should infallibly have fallen down
forty feet upon the floor, if, by the luckiest chance in the world, I
had not been stopped by a corking-pin that stuck in the good
gentlewoman's stomacher; the head of the pin passing between
my shirt and the waistband of my breeches, and thus I was held by
the middle in the air, till Glumdalclitch ran to my relief.
Another time, one of the servants, whose office it was to fill my
trough every third day with fresh water, was so careless as to let a
huge frog (not perceiving it) slip out of his pail. The frog lay
concealed till I was put into my boat, but then, seeing a resting-place,
climbed up, and made it lean so much on one side, that I
was forced to balance it with all my weight on the other, to
prevent overturning. When the frog was got in, it hopped at once
half the length of the boat, and then over my head, backward and
forward, daubing my face and clothes with its odious slime. The
largeness of its features made it appear the most deformed animal
that can be conceived. However, I desired Glumdalclitch to let me
deal with it alone. I banged it a good while with one of my sculls,
and at last forced it to leap out of the boat.
But the greatest danger I ever underwent in that kingdom, was
from a monkey, who belonged to one of the clerks of the kitchen.
Glumdalclitch had locked me up in her closet, while she went
somewhere upon business, or a visit. The weather being very.
warm, the closet-window was left open, as well as the windows
and the door of my bigger box, in which I usually lived, because
of its largeness and conveniency. As I sat quietly meditating at my
table, I heard something bounce in at the closet-window, and skip
about from one side to the other: whereat, although I was much
alarmed, yet I ventured to look out, but not stirring from my seat;
and then I saw this frolicsome animal frisking and leaping up and
down, till at last he came to my box, which he seemed to view
with great pleasure and curiosity, peeping in at the door and every
window. I retreated to the farther corner of my room; or box; but
the monkey looking in at every side, put me in such a fright, that I
wanted presence of mind to conceal myself under the bed, as I
might easily have done. After some time spent in peeping,
grinning, and chattering, he at last espied me; and reaching one of
his paws in at the door, as a cat does when she plays with a mouse,
although I often shifted place to avoid him, he at length seized the
lappet of my coat (which being made of that country silk, was
very thick and strong), and dragged me out. He took me up in his
right fore-foot and held me as a nurse does a child she is going to
suckle, just as I have seen the same sort of creature do with a
kitten in Europe; and when I offered to struggle he squeezed me
so hard, that I thought it more prudent to submit. I have good
reason to believe, that he took me for a young one of his own
species, by his often stroking my face very gently with his other
paw. In these diversions he was interrupted by a noise at the closet
door, as if somebody were opening it: whereupon he suddenly
leaped up to the window at which he had come in, and thence
upon the leads and gutters, walking upon three legs, and holding
me in the fourth, till he clambered up to a roof that was next to.
ours. I heard Glumdalclitch give a shriek at the moment he was
carrying me out. The poor girl was almost distracted: that quarter
of the palace was all in an uproar; the servants ran for ladders; the
monkey was seen by hundreds in the court, sitting upon the ridge
of a building, holding me like a baby in one of his forepaws, and
feeding me with the other, by cramming into my mouth some
victuals he had squeezed out of the bag on one side of his chaps,
and patting me when I would not eat; whereat many of the rabble
below could not forbear laughing; neither do I think they justly
ought to be blamed, for, without question, the sight was ridiculous
enough to every body but myself. Some of the people threw up
stones, hoping to drive the monkey down; but this was strictly
forbidden, or else, very probably, my brains had been dashed out.
The ladders were now applied, and mounted by several men;
which the monkey observing, and finding himself almost
encompassed, not being able to make speed enough with his three
legs, let me drop on a ridge tile, and made his escape. Here I sat
for some time, five hundred yards from the ground, expecting
every moment to be blown down by the wind, or to fall by my
own giddiness, and come tumbling over and over from the ridge
to the eaves; but an honest lad, one of my nurse's footmen,
climbed up, and putting me into his breeches pocket, brought me
down safe.
I was almost choked with the filthy stuff the monkey had
crammed down my throat: but my dear little nurse picked it out of
my mouth with a small needle, and then I fell a-vomiting, which
gave me great relief. Yet I was so weak and bruised in the sides.
with the squeezes given me by this odious animal, that I was
forced to keep my bed a fortnight. The king, queen, and all the
court, sent every day to inquire after my health; and her majesty
made me several visits during my sickness. The monkey was
killed, and an order made, that no such animal should be kept
about the palace.
When I attended the king after my recovery, to return him thanks
for his favours, he was pleased to rally me a good deal upon this
adventure. He asked me, "what my thoughts and speculations
were, while I lay in the monkey's paw; how I liked the victuals he
gave me; his manner of feeding; and whether the fresh air on the
roof had sharpened my stomach." He desired to know, "what I
would have done upon such an occasion in my own country." I
told his majesty, "that in Europe we had no monkeys, except such
as were brought for curiosity from other places, and so small, that
I could deal with a dozen of them together, if they presumed to
attack me. And as for that monstrous animal with whom I was so
lately engaged (it was indeed as large as an elephant), if my fears
had suffered me to think so far as to make use of my hanger,"
(looking fiercely, and clapping my hand on the hilt, as I spoke)
"when he poked his paw into my chamber, perhaps I should have
given him such a wound, as would have made him glad to
withdraw it with more haste than he put it in." This I delivered in a