firm tone, like a person who was jealous lest his courage should
be called in question. However, my speech produced nothing else
beside a laud laughter, which all the respect due to his majesty
from those about him could not make them contain. This made
me reflect, how vain an attempt it is for a man to endeavour to do.
himself honour among those who are out of all degree of equality
or comparison with him. And yet I have seen the moral of my own
behaviour very frequent in England since my return; where a little
contemptible varlet, without the least title to birth, person, wit, or
common sense, shall presume to look with importance, and put
himself upon a foot with the greatest persons of the kingdom.
I was every day furnishing the court with some ridiculous story:
and Glumdalclitch, although she loved me to excess, yet was arch
enough to inform the queen, whenever I committed any folly that
she thought would be diverting to her majesty. The girl, who had
been out of order, was carried by her governess to take the air
about an hour's distance, or thirty miles from town. They alighted
out of the coach near a small foot-path in a field, and
Glumdalclitch setting down my travelling box, I went out of it to
walk. There was a cow-dung in the path, and I must need try my
activity by attempting to leap over it. I took a run, but
unfortunately jumped short, and found myself just in the middle
up to my knees. I waded through with some difficulty, and one of
the footmen wiped me as clean as he could with his handkerchief,
for I was filthily bemired; and my nurse confined me to my box,
till we returned home; where the queen was soon informed of
what had passed, and the footmen spread it about the court: so that
all the mirth for some days was at my expense..
[Several contrivances of the author to please the king and queen.
He shows his skill in music. The king inquires into the state of
England, which the author relates to him. The king's observations
thereon.]
I used to attend the king's levee once or twice a week, and had
often seen him under the barber's hand, which indeed was at first
very terrible to behold; for the razor was almost twice as long as
an ordinary scythe. His majesty, according to the custom of the
country, was only shaved twice a-week. I once prevailed on the
barber to give me some of the suds or lather, out of which I picked
forty or fifty of the strongest stumps of hair. I then took a piece of
fine wood, and cut it like the back of a comb, making several
holes in it at equal distances with as small a needle as I could get
from Glumdalclitch. I fixed in the stumps so artificially, scraping
and sloping them with my knife toward the points, that I made a
very tolerable comb; which was a seasonable supply, my own
being so much broken in the teeth, that it was almost useless:
neither did I know any artist in that country so nice and exact, as
would undertake to make me another..
And this puts me in mind of an amusement, wherein I spent many
of my leisure hours. I desired the queen's woman to save for me
the combings of her majesty's hair, whereof in time I got a good
quantity; and consulting with my friend the cabinet-maker, who
had received general orders to do little jobs for me, I directed him
to make two chair-frames, no larger than those I had in my box,
and to bore little holes with a fine awl, round those parts where I
designed the backs and seats; through these holes I wove the
strongest hairs I could pick out, just after the manner of cane
chairs in England. When they were finished, I made a present of
them to her majesty; who kept them in her cabinet, and used to
show them for curiosities, as indeed they were the wonder of
every one that beheld them. The queen would have me sit upon
one of these chairs, but I absolutely refused to obey her, protesting
I would rather die than place a dishonourable part of my body on
those precious hairs, that once adorned her majesty's head. Of
these hairs (as I had always a mechanical genius) I likewise made
a neat little purse, about five feet long, with her majesty's name
deciphered in gold letters, which I gave to Glumdalclitch, by the
queen's consent. To say the truth, it was more for show than use,
being not of strength to bear the weight of the larger coins, and
therefore she kept nothing in it but some little toys that girls are
fond of.
The king, who delighted in music, had frequent concerts at court,
to which I was sometimes carried, and set in my box on a table to
hear them: but the noise was so great that I could hardly
distinguish the tunes. I am confident that all the drums and
trumpets of a royal army, beating and sounding together just at.
your ears, could not equal it. My practice was to have my box
removed from the place where the performers sat, as far as I
could, then to shut the doors and windows of it, and draw the
window curtains; after which I found their music not disagreeable.
I had learned in my youth to play a little upon the spinet.
Glumdalclitch kept one in her chamber, and a master attended
twice a-week to teach her: I called it a spinet, because it somewhat
resembled that instrument, and was played upon in the same
manner. A fancy came into my head, that I would entertain the
king and queen with an English tune upon this instrument. But
this appeared extremely difficult: for the spinet was near sixty feet
long, each key being almost a foot wide, so that with my arms
extended I could not reach to above five keys, and to press them
down required a good smart stroke with my fist, which would be
too great a labour, and to no purpose. The method I contrived was
this: I prepared two round sticks, about the bigness of common
cudgels; they were thicker at one end than the other, and I covered
the thicker ends with pieces of a mouse's skin, that by rapping on
them I might neither damage the tops of the keys nor interrupt the
sound. Before the spinet a bench was placed, about four feet
below the keys, and I was put upon the bench. I ran sideling upon
it, that way and this, as fast as I could, banging the proper keys
with my two sticks, and made a shift to play a jig, to the great
satisfaction of both their majesties; but it was the most violent
exercise I ever underwent; and yet I could not strike above sixteen
keys, nor consequently play the bass and treble together, as other
artists do; which was a great disadvantage to my performance..
The king, who, as I before observed, was a prince of excellent
understanding, would frequently order that I should be brought in
my box, and set upon the table in his closet: he would then
command me to bring one of my chairs out of the box, and sit
down within three yards distance upon the top of the cabinet,
which brought me almost to a level with his face. In this manner I
had several conversations with him. I one day took the freedom to
tell his majesty, "that the contempt he discovered towards Europe,
and the rest of the world, did not seem answerable to those
excellent qualities of mind that he was master of; that reason did
not extend itself with the bulk of the body; on the contrary, we
observed in our country, that the tallest persons were usually the
least provided with it; that among other animals, bees and ants had
the reputation of more industry, art, and sagacity, than many of the
larger kinds; and that, as inconsiderable as he took me to be, I
hoped I might live to do his majesty some signal service." The
king heard me with attention, and began to conceive a much better
opinion of me than he had ever before. He desired "I would give
him as exact an account of the government of England as I
possibly could; because, as fond as princes commonly are of their
own customs (for so he conjectured of other monarchs, by my
former discourses), he should be glad to hear of any thing that
might deserve imitation."
Imagine with thyself, courteous reader, how often I then wished
for the tongue of Demosthenes or Cicero, that might have enabled
me to celebrate the praise of my own dear native country in a style
equal to its merits and felicity..
I began my discourse by informing his majesty, that our
dominions consisted of two islands, which composed three
mighty kingdoms, under one sovereign, beside our plantations in
America. I dwelt long upon the fertility of our soil, and the
temperature of our climate. I then spoke at large upon the
constitution of an English parliament; partly made up of an
illustrious body called the House of Peers; persons of the noblest
blood, and of the most ancient and ample patrimonies. I described
that extraordinary care always taken of their education in arts and
arms, to qualify them for being counsellors both to the king and
kingdom; to have a share in the legislature; to be members of the
highest court of judicature, whence there can be no appeal; and to
be champions always ready for the defence of their prince and
country, by their valour, conduct, and fidelity. That these were the
ornament and bulwark of the kingdom, worthy followers of their
most renowned ancestors, whose honour had been the reward of
their virtue, from which their posterity were never once known to
degenerate. To these were joined several holy persons, as part of
that assembly, under the title of bishops, whose peculiar business
is to take care of religion, and of those who instruct the people
therein. These were searched and sought out through the whole
nation, by the prince and his wisest counsellors, among such of
the priesthood as were most deservedly distinguished by the
sanctity of their lives, and the depth of their erudition; who were
indeed the spiritual fathers of the clergy and the people.
That the other part of the parliament consisted of an assembly
called the House of Commons, who were all principal gentlemen,
freely picked and culled out by the people themselves, for their.
great abilities and love of their country, to represent the wisdom of
the whole nation. And that these two bodies made up the most
august assembly in Europe; to whom, in conjunction with the
prince, the whole legislature is committed.
I then descended to the courts of justice; over which the judges,
those venerable sages and interpreters of the law, presided, for
determining the disputed rights and properties of men, as well as
for the punishment of vice and protection of innocence. I
mentioned the prudent management of our treasury; the valour
and achievements of our forces, by sea and land. I computed the
number of our people, by reckoning how many millions there
might be of each religious sect, or political party among us. I did
not omit even our sports and pastimes, or any other particular
which I thought might redound to the honour of my country. And I
finished all with a brief historical account of affairs and events in
England for about a hundred years past.
This conversation was not ended under five audiences, each of
several hours; and the king heard the whole with great attention,
frequently taking notes of what I spoke, as well as memorandums
of what questions he intended to ask me.
When I had put an end to these long discources, his majesty, in a
sixth audience, consulting his notes, proposed many doubts,
queries, and objections, upon every article. He asked, "What
methods were used to cultivate the minds and bodies of our young
nobility, and in what kind of business they commonly spent the
first and teachable parts of their lives? What course was taken to.
supply that assembly, when any noble family became extinct?
What qualifications were necessary in those who are to be created
new lords: whether the humour of the prince, a sum of money to a
court lady, or a design of strengthening a party opposite to the
public interest, ever happened to be the motive in those
advancements? What share of knowledge these lords had in the
laws of their country, and how they came by it, so as to enable
them to decide the properties of their fellow-subjects in the last
resort? Whether they were always so free from avarice,
partialities, or want, that a bribe, or some other sinister view,
could have no place among them? Whether those holy lords I
spoke of were always promoted to that rank upon account of their
knowledge in religious matters, and the sanctity of their lives; had
never been compliers with the times, while they were common
priests; or slavish prostitute chaplains to some nobleman, whose
opinions they continued servilely to follow, after they were
admitted into that assembly?"
He then desired to know, "What arts were practised in electing
those whom I called commoners: whether a stranger, with a strong
purse, might not influence the vulgar voters to choose him before
their own landlord, or the most considerable gentleman in the
neighbourhood? How it came to pass, that people were so
violently bent upon getting into this assembly, which I allowed to
be a great trouble and expense, often to the ruin of their families,
without any salary or pension? because this appeared such an
exalted strain of virtue and public spirit, that his majesty seemed
to doubt it might possibly not be always sincere.".
And he desired to know, "Whether such zealous gentlemen could
have any views of refunding themselves for the charges and
trouble they were at by sacrificing the public good to the designs
of a weak and vicious prince, in conjunction with a corrupted
ministry?" He multiplied his questions, and sifted me thoroughly
upon every part of this head, proposing numberless inquiries and
objections, which I think it not prudent or convenient to repeat.
Upon what I said in relation to our courts of justice, his majesty
desired to be satisfied in several points: and this I was the better
able to do, having been formerly almost ruined by a long suit in
chancery, which was decreed for me with costs. He asked, "What
time was usually spent in determining between right and wrong,
and what degree of expense? Whether advocates and orators had
liberty to plead in causes manifestly known to be unjust,
vexatious, or oppressive? Whether party, in religion or politics,
were observed to be of any weight in the scale of justice? Whether
those pleading orators were persons educated in the general
knowledge of equity, or only in provincial, national, and other
local customs? Whether they or their judges had any part in
penning those laws, which they assumed the liberty of
interpreting, and glossing upon at their pleasure? Whether they
had ever, at different times, pleaded for and against the same
cause, and cited precedents to prove contrary opinions? Whether
they were a rich or a poor corporation? Whether they received any
pecuniary reward for pleading, or delivering their opinions? And
particularly, whether they were ever admitted as members in the
lower senate?".
He fell next upon the management of our treasury; and said, "he
thought my memory had failed me, because I computed our taxes
at about five or six millions a-year, and when I came to mention
the issues, he found they sometimes amounted to more than
double; for the notes he had taken were very particular in this
point, because he hoped, as he told me, that the knowledge of our
conduct might be useful to him, and he could not be deceived in
his calculations. But, if what I told him were true, he was still at a
loss how a kingdom could run out of its estate, like a private
person." He asked me, "who were our creditors; and where we
found money to pay them?" He wondered to hear me talk of such
chargeable and expensive wars; "that certainly we must be a
quarrelsome people, or live among very bad neighbours, and that
our generals must needs be richer than our kings." He asked, what
business we had out of our own islands, unless upon the score of
trade, or treaty, or to defend the coasts with our fleet?" Above all,
he was amazed to hear me talk of a mercenary standing army, in
the midst of peace, and among a free people. He said, "if we were
governed by our own consent, in the persons of our
representatives, he could not imagine of whom we were afraid, or
against whom we were to fight; and would hear my opinion,
whether a private man's house might not be better defended by
himself, his children, and family, than by half-a-dozen rascals,
picked up at a venture in the streets for small wages, who might
get a hundred times more by cutting their throats?"
He laughed at my "odd kind of arithmetic," as he was pleased to
call it, "in reckoning the numbers of our people, by a computation
drawn from the several sects among us, in religion and politics.".
He said, "he knew no reason why those, who entertain opinions
prejudicial to the public, should be obliged to change, or should
not be obliged to conceal them. And as it was tyranny in any
government to require the first, so it was weakness not to enforce
the second: for a man may be allowed to keep poisons in his
closet, but not to vend them about for cordials."
He observed, "that among the diversions of our nobility and
gentry, I had mentioned gaming: he desired to know at what age
this entertainment was usually taken up, and when it was laid
down; how much of their time it employed; whether it ever went
so high as to affect their fortunes; whether mean, vicious people,
by their dexterity in that art, might not arrive at great riches, and
sometimes keep our very nobles in dependence, as well as
habituate them to vile companions, wholly take them from the
improvement of their minds, and force them, by the losses they
received, to learn and practise that infamous dexterity upon
others?"
He was perfectly astonished with the historical account gave him
of our affairs during the last century; protesting "it was only a
heap of conspiracies, rebellions, murders, massacres, revolutions,
banishments, the very worst effects that avarice, faction,
hypocrisy, perfidiousness, cruelty, rage, madness, hatred, envy,
lust, malice, and ambition, could produce."
His majesty, in another audience, was at the pains to recapitulate
the sum of all I had spoken; compared the questions he made with
the answers I had given; then taking me into his hands, and.
stroking me gently, delivered himself in these words, which I shall
never forget, nor the manner he spoke them in: "My little friend
Grildrig, you have made a most admirable panegyric upon your
country; you have clearly proved, that ignorance, idleness, and
vice, are the proper ingredients for qualifying a legislator; that
laws are best explained, interpreted, and applied, by those whose
interest and abilities lie in perverting, confounding, and eluding
them. I observe among you some lines of an institution, which, in
its original, might have been tolerable, but these half erased, and
the rest wholly blurred and blotted by corruptions. It does not
appear, from all you have said, how any one perfection is required
toward the procurement of any one station among you; much less,
that men are ennobled on account of their virtue; that priests are
advanced for their piety or learning; soldiers, for their conduct or
valour; judges, for their integrity; senators, for the love of their
country; or counsellors for their wisdom. As for yourself,"
continued the king, "who have spent the greatest part of your life
in travelling, I am well disposed to hope you may hitherto have
escaped many vices of your country. But by what I have gathered
from your own relation, and the answers I have with much pains
wrung and extorted from you, I cannot but conclude the bulk of
your natives to be the most pernicious race of little odious vermin
that nature ever suffered to crawl upon the surface of the earth.".
[The author's love of his country. He makes a proposal of much
advantage to the king, which is rejected. The king's great
ignorance in politics. The learning of that country very imperfect
and confined. The laws, and military affairs, and parties in the
state.]
Nothing but an extreme love of truth could have hindered me
from concealing this part of my story. It was in vain to discover
my resentments, which were always turned into ridicule; and I
was forced to rest with patience, while my noble and beloved
country was so injuriously treated. I am as heartily sorry as any of
my readers can possibly be, that such an occasion was given: but
this prince happened to be so curious and inquisitive upon every
particular, that it could not consist either with gratitude or good
manners, to refuse giving him what satisfaction I was able. Yet
thus much I may be allowed to say in my own vindication, that I
artfully eluded many of his questions, and gave to every point a
more favourable turn, by many degrees, than the strictness of truth
would allow. For I have always borne that laudable partiality to
my own country, which Dionysius Halicarnassensis, with so much
justice, recommends to an historian: I would hide the frailties and
deformities of my political mother, and place her virtues and.
beauties in the most advantageous light. This was my sincere
endeavour in those many discourses I had with that monarch,
although it unfortunately failed of success.
But great allowances should be given to a king, who lives wholly
secluded from the rest of the world, and must therefore be
altogether unacquainted with the manners and customs that most
prevail in other nations: the want of which knowledge will ever
produce many prejudices, and a certain narrowness of thinking,
from which we, and the politer countries of Europe, are wholly
exempted. And it would be hard indeed, if so remote a prince's
notions of virtue and vice were to be offered as a standard for all
mankind.
To confirm what I have now said, and further to show the
miserable effects of a confined education, I shall here insert a
passage, which will hardly obtain belief. In hopes to ingratiate
myself further into his majesty's favour, I told him of "an
invention, discovered between three and four hundred years ago,
to make a certain powder, into a heap of which, the smallest spark
of fire falling, would kindle the whole in a moment, although it
were as big as a mountain, and make it all fly up in the air
together, with a noise and agitation greater than thunder. That a
proper quantity of this powder rammed into a hollow tube of brass
or iron, according to its bigness, would drive a ball of iron or lead,
with such violence and speed, as nothing was able to sustain its
force. That the largest balls thus discharged, would not only
destroy whole ranks of an army at once, but batter the strongest
walls to the ground, sink down ships, with a thousand men in.
each, to the bottom of the sea, and when linked together by a
chain, would cut through masts and rigging, divide hundreds of
bodies in the middle, and lay all waste before them. That we often
put this powder into large hollow balls of iron, and discharged
them by an engine into some city we were besieging, which would
rip up the pavements, tear the houses to pieces, burst and throw
splinters on every side, dashing out the brains of all who came
near. That I knew the ingredients very well, which were cheap and
common; I understood the manner of compounding them, and
could direct his workmen how to make those tubes, of a size
proportionable to all other things in his majesty's kingdom, and
the largest need not be above a hundred feet long; twenty or thirty
of which tubes, charged with the proper quantity of powder and
balls, would batter down the walls of the strongest town in his
dominions in a few hours, or destroy the whole metropolis, if ever
it should pretend to dispute his absolute commands." This I
humbly offered to his majesty, as a small tribute of
acknowledgment, in turn for so many marks that I had received,
of his royal favour and protection.
The king was struck with horror at the description I had given of
those terrible engines, and the proposal I had made. "He was
amazed, how so impotent and grovelling an insect as I" (these
were his expressions) "could entertain such inhuman ideas, and in
so familiar a manner, as to appear wholly unmoved at all the
scenes of blood and desolation which I had painted as the
common effects of those destructive machines; whereof," he said,
"some evil genius, enemy to mankind, must have been the first
contriver. As for himself, he protested, that although few things.
delighted him so much as new discoveries in art or in nature, yet
he would rather lose half his kingdom, than be privy to such a
secret; which he commanded me, as I valued any life, never to
mention any more."
A strange effect of narrow principles and views! that a prince
possessed of every quality which procures veneration, love, and
esteem; of strong parts, great wisdom, and profound learning,
endowed with admirable talents, and almost adored by his
subjects, should, from a nice, unnecessary scruple, whereof in
Europe we can have no conception, let slip an opportunity put into
his hands that would have made him absolute master of the lives,
the liberties, and the fortunes of his people! Neither do I say this,
with the least intention to detract from the many virtues of that
excellent king, whose character, I am sensible, will, on this
account, be very much lessened in the opinion of an English
reader: but I take this defect among them to have risen from their
ignorance, by not having hitherto reduced politics into a science,
as the more acute wits of Europe have done. For, I remember very
well, in a discourse one day with the king, when I happened to
say, "there were several thousand books among us written upon
the art of government," it gave him (directly contrary to my
intention) a very mean opinion of our understandings. He
professed both to abominate and despise all mystery, refinement,
and intrigue, either in a prince or a minister. He could not tell what
I meant by secrets of state, where an enemy, or some rival nation,
were not in the case. He confined the knowledge of governing
within very narrow bounds, to common sense and reason, to
justice and lenity, to the speedy determination of civil and.
criminal causes; with some other obvious topics, which are not
worth considering. And he gave it for his opinion, "that whoever
could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, to grow upon
a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve
better of mankind, and do more essential service to his country,
than the whole race of politicians put together."
The learning of this people is very defective, consisting only in
morality, history, poetry, and mathematics, wherein they must be
allowed to excel. But the last of these is wholly applied to what
may be useful in life, to the improvement of agriculture, and all
mechanical arts; so that among us, it would be little esteemed.
And as to ideas, entities, abstractions, and transcendentals, I could
never drive the least conception into their heads.
No law in that country must exceed in words the number of letters
in their alphabet, which consists only of two and twenty. But
indeed few of them extend even to that length. They are expressed
in the most plain and simple terms, wherein those people are not
mercurial enough to discover above one interpretation: and to
write a comment upon any law, is a capital crime. As to the
decision of civil causes, or proceedings against criminals, their
precedents are so few, that they have little reason to boast of any
extraordinary skill in either.
They have had the art of printing, as well as the Chinese, time out
of mind: but their libraries are not very large; for that of the king,
which is reckoned the largest, does not amount to above a
thousand volumes, placed in a gallery of twelve hundred feet.
long, whence I had liberty to borrow what books I pleased. The
queen's joiner had contrived in one of Glumdalclitch's rooms, a
kind of wooden machine five-and-twenty feet high, formed like a
standing ladder; the steps were each fifty feet long. It was indeed a
moveable pair of stairs, the lowest end placed at ten feet distance
from the wall of the chamber. The book I had a mind to read, was
put up leaning against the wall: I first mounted to the upper step of
the ladder, and turning my face towards the book, began at the top
of the page, and so walking to the right and left about eight or ten
paces, according to the length of the lines, till I had gotten a little
below the level of mine eyes, and then descending gradually till I
came to the bottom: after which I mounted again, and began the
other page in the same manner, and so turned over the leaf, which
I could easily do with both my hands, for it was as thick and stiff
as a pasteboard, and in the largest folios not above eighteen or
twenty feet long.
Their style is clear, masculine, and smooth, but not florid; for they
avoid nothing more than multiplying unnecessary words, or using
various expressions. I have perused many of their books,
especially those in history and morality. Among the rest, I was
much diverted with a little old treatise, which always lay in
Glumdalclitch's bed chamber, and belonged to her governess, a
grave elderly gentlewoman, who dealt in writings of morality and
devotion. The book treats of the weakness of human kind, and is
in little esteem, except among the women and the vulgar.
However, I was curious to see what an author of that country
could say upon such a subject. This writer went through all the
usual topics of European moralists, showing "how diminutive,.
contemptible, and helpless an animal was man in his own nature;
how unable to defend himself from inclemencies of the air, or the
fury of wild beasts: how much he was excelled by one creature in
strength, by another in speed, by a third in foresight, by a fourth in
industry." He added, "that nature was degenerated in these latter
declining ages of the world, and could now produce only small
abortive births, in comparison of those in ancient times." He said
"it was very reasonable to think, not only that the species of men
were originally much larger, but also that there must have been
giants in former ages; which, as it is asserted by history and
tradition, so it has been confirmed by huge bones and skulls,
casually dug up in several parts of the kingdom, far exceeding the
common dwindled race of men in our days." He argued, "that the
very laws of nature absolutely required we should have been
made, in the beginning of a size more large and robust; not so
liable to destruction from every little accident, of a tile falling
from a house, or a stone cast from the hand of a boy, or being
drowned in a little brook." From this way of reasoning, the author
drew several moral applications, useful in the conduct of life, but
needless here to repeat. For my own part, I could not avoid
reflecting how universally this talent was spread, of drawing
lectures in morality, or indeed rather matter of discontent and
repining, from the quarrels we raise with nature. And I believe,
upon a strict inquiry, those quarrels might be shown as ill-grounded
among us as they are among that people.
As to their military affairs, they boast that the king's army consists
of a hundred and seventy-six thousand foot, and thirty-two
thousand horse: if that may be called an army, which is made up.
of tradesmen in the several cities, and farmers in the country,
whose commanders are only the nobility and gentry, without pay
or reward. They are indeed perfect enough in their exercises, and
under very good discipline, wherein I saw no great merit; for how
should it be otherwise, where every farmer is under the command
of his own landlord, and every citizen under that of the principal
men in his own city, chosen after the manner of Venice, by ballot?
I have often seen the militia of Lorbrulgrud drawn out to exercise,
in a great field near the city of twenty miles square. They were in
all not above twenty-five thousand foot, and six thousand horse;
but it was impossible for me to compute their number, considering
the space of ground they took up. A cavalier, mounted on a large
steed, might be about ninety feet high. I have seen this whole
body of horse, upon a word of command, draw their swords at
once, and brandish them in the air.
Imagination can figure nothing so grand, so surprising, and so
astonishing! it looked as if ten thousand flashes of lightning were
darting at the same time from every quarter of the sky.
I was curious to know how this prince, to whose dominions there
is no access from any other country, came to think of armies, or to
teach his people the practice of military discipline. But I was soon
informed, both by conversation and reading their histories; for, in
the course of many ages, they have been troubled with the same
disease to which the whole race of mankind is subject; the nobility
often contending for power, the people for liberty, and the king for
absolute dominion. All which, however happily tempered by the.
laws of that kingdom, have been sometimes violated by each of
the three parties, and have more than once occasioned civil wars;
the last whereof was happily put an end to by this prince's grand-father,
in a general composition; and the militia, then settled with
common consent, has been ever since kept in the strictest duty..
[The king and queen make a progress to the frontiers. The author
attends them. The manner in which he leaves the country very
particularly related. He returns to England.]
I had always a strong impulse that I should some time recover my
liberty, though it was impossible to conjecture by what means, or
to form any project with the least hope of succeeding. The ship in
which I sailed, was the first ever known to be driven within sight
of that coast, and the king had given strict orders, that if at any
time another appeared, it should be taken ashore, and with all its
crew and passengers brought in a tumbril to Lorbrulgrud. He was
strongly bent to get me a woman of my own size, by whom I
might propagate the breed: but I think I should rather have died
than undergone the disgrace of leaving a posterity to be kept in
cages, like tame canary-birds, and perhaps, in time, sold about the
kingdom, to persons of quality, for curiosities. I was indeed
treated with much kindness: I was the favourite of a great king
and queen, and the delight of the whole court; but it was upon
such a foot as ill became the dignity of humankind. I could never
forget those domestic pledges I had left behind me. I wanted to be
among people, with whom I could converse upon even terms, and
walk about the streets and fields without being afraid of being trod.
to death like a frog or a young puppy. But my deliverance came
sooner than I expected, and in a manner not very common; the
whole story and circumstances of which I shall faithfully relate.
I had now been two years in this country; and about the beginning
of the third, Glumdalclitch and I attended the king and queen, in a
progress to the south coast of the kingdom. I was carried, as usual,
in my travelling-box, which as I have already described, was a
very convenient closet, of twelve feet wide. And I had ordered a
hammock to be fixed, by silken ropes from the four corners at the
top, to break the jolts, when a servant carried me before him on
horseback, as I sometimes desired; and would often sleep in my
hammock, while we were upon the road. On the roof of my closet,
not directly over the middle of the hammock, I ordered the joiner
to cut out a hole of a foot square, to give me air in hot weather, as
I slept; which hole I shut at pleasure with a board that drew
backward and forward through a groove.
When we came to our journey's end, the king thought proper to
pass a few days at a palace he has near Flanflasnic, a city within
eighteen English miles of the seaside. Glumdalclitch and I were
much fatigued: I had gotten a small cold, but the poor girl was so
ill as to be confined to her chamber. I longed to see the ocean,
which must be the only scene of my escape, if ever it should
happen. I pretended to be worse than I really was, and desired
leave to take the fresh air of the sea, with a page, whom I was very
fond of, and who had sometimes been trusted with me. I shall
never forget with what unwillingness Glumdalclitch consented,
nor the strict charge she gave the page to be careful of me,.
bursting at the same time into a flood of tears, as if she had some
forboding of what was to happen. The boy took me out in my box,
about half an hours walk from the palace, towards the rocks on the
seashore. I ordered him to set me down, and lifting up one of my
sashes, cast many a wistful melancholy look towards the sea. I
found myself not very well, and told the page that I had a mind to
take a nap in my hammock, which I hoped would do me good. I
got in, and the boy shut the window close down, to keep out the
cold. I soon fell asleep, and all I can conjecture is, while I slept,
the page, thinking no danger could happen, went among the rocks
to look for birds' eggs, having before observed him from my
window searching about, and picking up one or two in the clefts.
Be that as it will, I found myself suddenly awaked with a violent
pull upon the ring, which was fastened at the top of my box for the
conveniency of carriage. I felt my box raised very high in the air,
and then borne forward with prodigious speed. The first jolt had
like to have shaken me out of my hammock, but afterward the
motion was easy enough. I called out several times, as loud as I
could raise my voice, but all to no purpose. I looked towards my
windows, and could see nothing but the clouds and sky. I heard a
noise just over my head, like the clapping of wings, and then
began to perceive the woful condition I was in; that some eagle
had got the ring of my box in his beak, with an intent to let it fall
on a rock, like a tortoise in a shell, and then pick out my body, and
devour it: for the sagacity and smell of this bird enables him to
discover his quarry at a great distance, though better concealed
than I could be within a two-inch board..
In a little time, I observed the noise and flutter of wings to
increase very fast, and my box was tossed up and down, like a
sign in a windy day. I heard several bangs or buffets, as I thought
given to the eagle (for such I am certain it must have been that
held the ring of my box in his beak), and then, all on a sudden, felt
myself falling perpendicularly down, for above a minute, but with
such incredible swiftness, that I almost lost my breath. My fall
was stopped by a terrible squash, that sounded louder to my ears
than the cataract of Niagara; after which, I was quite in the dark
for another minute, and then my box began to rise so high, that I
could see light from the tops of the windows. I now perceived I
was fallen into the sea. My box, by the weight of my body, the
goods that were in, and the broad plates of iron fixed for strength
at the four corners of the top and bottom, floated about five feet
deep in water. I did then, and do now suppose, that the eagle
which flew away with my box was pursued by two or three others,
and forced to let me drop, while he defended himself against the
rest, who hoped to share in the prey. The plates of iron fastened at
the bottom of the box (for those were the strongest) preserved the
balance while it fell, and hindered it from being broken on the
surface of the water. Every joint of it was well grooved; and the
door did not move on hinges, but up and down like a sash, which
kept my closet so tight that very little water came in. I got with
much difficulty out of my hammock, having first ventured to draw
back the slip-board on the roof already mentioned, contrived on
purpose to let in air, for want of which I found myself almost
stifled..
How often did I then wish myself with my dear Glumdalclitch,
from whom one single hour had so far divided me! And I may say
with truth, that in the midst of my own misfortunes I could not
forbear lamenting my poor nurse, the grief she would suffer for
my loss, the displeasure of the queen, and the ruin of her fortune.
Perhaps many travellers have not been under greater difficulties
and distress than I was at this juncture, expecting every moment to
see my box dashed to pieces, or at least overset by the first violent
blast, or rising wave. A breach in one single pane of glass would
have been immediate death: nor could any thing have preserved
the windows, but the strong lattice wires placed on the outside,
against accidents in travelling. I saw the water ooze in at several
crannies, although the leaks were not considerable, and I
endeavoured to stop them as well as I could. I was not able to lift
up the roof of my closet, which otherwise I certainly should have
done, and sat on the top of it; where I might at least preserve
myself some hours longer, than by being shut up (as I may call it)
in the hold. Or if I escaped these dangers for a day or two, what
could I expect but a miserable death of cold and hunger? I was
four hours under these circumstances, expecting, and indeed
wishing, every moment to be my last.
I have already told the reader that there were two strong staples
fixed upon that side of my box which had no window, and into
which the servant, who used to carry me on horseback, would put
a leathern belt, and buckle it about his waist. Being in this
disconsolate state, I heard, or at least thought I heard, some kind
of grating noise on that side of my box where the staples were
fixed; and soon after I began to fancy that the box was pulled or.
towed along the sea; for I now and then felt a sort of tugging,
which made the waves rise near the tops of my windows, leaving
me almost in the dark. This gave me some faint hopes of relief,
although I was not able to imagine how it could be brought about.
I ventured to unscrew one of my chairs, which were always
fastened to the floor; and having made a hard shift to screw it
down again, directly under the slipping-board that I had lately
opened, I mounted on the chair, and putting my mouth as near as I
could to the hole, I called for help in a loud voice, and in all the
languages I understood. I then fastened my handkerchief to a stick
I usually carried, and thrusting it up the hole, waved it several
times in the air, that if any boat or ship were near, the seamen
might conjecture some unhappy mortal to be shut up in the box.
I found no effect from all I could do, but plainly perceived my
closet to be moved along; and in the space of an hour, or better,
that side of the box where the staples were, and had no windows,
struck against something that was hard. I apprehended it to be a
rock, and found myself tossed more than ever. I plainly heard a
noise upon the cover of my closet, like that of a cable, and the
grating of it as it passed through the ring. I then found myself
hoisted up, by degrees, at least three feet higher than I was before.
Whereupon I again thrust up my stick and handkerchief, calling
for help till I was almost hoarse. In return to which, I heard a great
shout repeated three times, giving me such transports of joy as are
not to be conceived but by those who feel them. I now heard a
trampling over my head, and somebody calling through the hole
with a loud voice, in the English tongue, "If there be any body
below, let them speak." I answered, "I was an Englishman, drawn.
by ill fortune into the greatest calamity that ever any creature
underwent, and begged, by all that was moving, to be delivered
out of the dungeon I was in." The voice replied, "I was safe, for
my box was fastened to their ship; and the carpenter should
immediately come and saw a hole in the cover, large enough to
pull me out." I answered, "that was needless, and would take up
too much time; for there was no more to be done, but let one of the
crew put his finger into the ring, and take the box out of the sea
into the ship, and so into the captain's cabin." Some of them, upon
hearing me talk so wildly, thought I was mad: others laughed; for
indeed it never came into my head, that I was now got among
people of my own stature and strength. The carpenter came, and
in a few minutes sawed a passage about four feet square, then let
down a small ladder, upon which I mounted, and thence was taken
into the ship in a very weak condition.
The sailors were all in amazement, and asked me a thousand
questions, which I had no inclination to answer. I was equally
confounded at the sight of so many pigmies, for such I took them
to be, after having so long accustomed mine eyes to the monstrous
objects I had left. But the captain, Mr. Thomas Wilcocks, an
honest worthy Shropshire man, observing I was ready to faint,
took me into his cabin, gave me a cordial to comfort me, and
made me turn in upon his own bed, advising me to take a little
rest, of which I had great need. Before I went to sleep, I gave him
to understand that I had some valuable furniture in my box, too
good to be lost: a fine hammock, a handsome field-bed, two
chairs, a table, and a cabinet; that my closet was hung on all sides,
or rather quilted, with silk and cotton; that if he would let one of.
the crew bring my closet into his cabin, I would open it there
before him, and show him my goods. The captain, hearing me
utter these absurdities, concluded I was raving; however (I
suppose to pacify me) he promised to give order as I desired, and
going upon deck, sent some of his men down into my closet,
whence (as I afterwards found) they drew up all my goods, and
stripped off the quilting; but the chairs, cabinet, and bedstead,
being screwed to the floor, were much damaged by the ignorance
of the seamen, who tore them up by force. Then they knocked off
some of the boards for the use of the ship, and when they had got
all they had a mind for, let the hull drop into the sea, which by
reason of many breaches made in the bottom and sides, sunk to
be called in question. However, my speech produced nothing else
beside a laud laughter, which all the respect due to his majesty
from those about him could not make them contain. This made
me reflect, how vain an attempt it is for a man to endeavour to do.
himself honour among those who are out of all degree of equality
or comparison with him. And yet I have seen the moral of my own
behaviour very frequent in England since my return; where a little
contemptible varlet, without the least title to birth, person, wit, or
common sense, shall presume to look with importance, and put
himself upon a foot with the greatest persons of the kingdom.
I was every day furnishing the court with some ridiculous story:
and Glumdalclitch, although she loved me to excess, yet was arch
enough to inform the queen, whenever I committed any folly that
she thought would be diverting to her majesty. The girl, who had
been out of order, was carried by her governess to take the air
about an hour's distance, or thirty miles from town. They alighted
out of the coach near a small foot-path in a field, and
Glumdalclitch setting down my travelling box, I went out of it to
walk. There was a cow-dung in the path, and I must need try my
activity by attempting to leap over it. I took a run, but
unfortunately jumped short, and found myself just in the middle
up to my knees. I waded through with some difficulty, and one of
the footmen wiped me as clean as he could with his handkerchief,
for I was filthily bemired; and my nurse confined me to my box,
till we returned home; where the queen was soon informed of
what had passed, and the footmen spread it about the court: so that
all the mirth for some days was at my expense..
[Several contrivances of the author to please the king and queen.
He shows his skill in music. The king inquires into the state of
England, which the author relates to him. The king's observations
thereon.]
I used to attend the king's levee once or twice a week, and had
often seen him under the barber's hand, which indeed was at first
very terrible to behold; for the razor was almost twice as long as
an ordinary scythe. His majesty, according to the custom of the
country, was only shaved twice a-week. I once prevailed on the
barber to give me some of the suds or lather, out of which I picked
forty or fifty of the strongest stumps of hair. I then took a piece of
fine wood, and cut it like the back of a comb, making several
holes in it at equal distances with as small a needle as I could get
from Glumdalclitch. I fixed in the stumps so artificially, scraping
and sloping them with my knife toward the points, that I made a
very tolerable comb; which was a seasonable supply, my own
being so much broken in the teeth, that it was almost useless:
neither did I know any artist in that country so nice and exact, as
would undertake to make me another..
And this puts me in mind of an amusement, wherein I spent many
of my leisure hours. I desired the queen's woman to save for me
the combings of her majesty's hair, whereof in time I got a good
quantity; and consulting with my friend the cabinet-maker, who
had received general orders to do little jobs for me, I directed him
to make two chair-frames, no larger than those I had in my box,
and to bore little holes with a fine awl, round those parts where I
designed the backs and seats; through these holes I wove the
strongest hairs I could pick out, just after the manner of cane
chairs in England. When they were finished, I made a present of
them to her majesty; who kept them in her cabinet, and used to
show them for curiosities, as indeed they were the wonder of
every one that beheld them. The queen would have me sit upon
one of these chairs, but I absolutely refused to obey her, protesting
I would rather die than place a dishonourable part of my body on
those precious hairs, that once adorned her majesty's head. Of
these hairs (as I had always a mechanical genius) I likewise made
a neat little purse, about five feet long, with her majesty's name
deciphered in gold letters, which I gave to Glumdalclitch, by the
queen's consent. To say the truth, it was more for show than use,
being not of strength to bear the weight of the larger coins, and
therefore she kept nothing in it but some little toys that girls are
fond of.
The king, who delighted in music, had frequent concerts at court,
to which I was sometimes carried, and set in my box on a table to
hear them: but the noise was so great that I could hardly
distinguish the tunes. I am confident that all the drums and
trumpets of a royal army, beating and sounding together just at.
your ears, could not equal it. My practice was to have my box
removed from the place where the performers sat, as far as I
could, then to shut the doors and windows of it, and draw the
window curtains; after which I found their music not disagreeable.
I had learned in my youth to play a little upon the spinet.
Glumdalclitch kept one in her chamber, and a master attended
twice a-week to teach her: I called it a spinet, because it somewhat
resembled that instrument, and was played upon in the same
manner. A fancy came into my head, that I would entertain the
king and queen with an English tune upon this instrument. But
this appeared extremely difficult: for the spinet was near sixty feet
long, each key being almost a foot wide, so that with my arms
extended I could not reach to above five keys, and to press them
down required a good smart stroke with my fist, which would be
too great a labour, and to no purpose. The method I contrived was
this: I prepared two round sticks, about the bigness of common
cudgels; they were thicker at one end than the other, and I covered
the thicker ends with pieces of a mouse's skin, that by rapping on
them I might neither damage the tops of the keys nor interrupt the
sound. Before the spinet a bench was placed, about four feet
below the keys, and I was put upon the bench. I ran sideling upon
it, that way and this, as fast as I could, banging the proper keys
with my two sticks, and made a shift to play a jig, to the great
satisfaction of both their majesties; but it was the most violent
exercise I ever underwent; and yet I could not strike above sixteen
keys, nor consequently play the bass and treble together, as other
artists do; which was a great disadvantage to my performance..
The king, who, as I before observed, was a prince of excellent
understanding, would frequently order that I should be brought in
my box, and set upon the table in his closet: he would then
command me to bring one of my chairs out of the box, and sit
down within three yards distance upon the top of the cabinet,
which brought me almost to a level with his face. In this manner I
had several conversations with him. I one day took the freedom to
tell his majesty, "that the contempt he discovered towards Europe,
and the rest of the world, did not seem answerable to those
excellent qualities of mind that he was master of; that reason did
not extend itself with the bulk of the body; on the contrary, we
observed in our country, that the tallest persons were usually the
least provided with it; that among other animals, bees and ants had
the reputation of more industry, art, and sagacity, than many of the
larger kinds; and that, as inconsiderable as he took me to be, I
hoped I might live to do his majesty some signal service." The
king heard me with attention, and began to conceive a much better
opinion of me than he had ever before. He desired "I would give
him as exact an account of the government of England as I
possibly could; because, as fond as princes commonly are of their
own customs (for so he conjectured of other monarchs, by my
former discourses), he should be glad to hear of any thing that
might deserve imitation."
Imagine with thyself, courteous reader, how often I then wished
for the tongue of Demosthenes or Cicero, that might have enabled
me to celebrate the praise of my own dear native country in a style
equal to its merits and felicity..
I began my discourse by informing his majesty, that our
dominions consisted of two islands, which composed three
mighty kingdoms, under one sovereign, beside our plantations in
America. I dwelt long upon the fertility of our soil, and the
temperature of our climate. I then spoke at large upon the
constitution of an English parliament; partly made up of an
illustrious body called the House of Peers; persons of the noblest
blood, and of the most ancient and ample patrimonies. I described
that extraordinary care always taken of their education in arts and
arms, to qualify them for being counsellors both to the king and
kingdom; to have a share in the legislature; to be members of the
highest court of judicature, whence there can be no appeal; and to
be champions always ready for the defence of their prince and
country, by their valour, conduct, and fidelity. That these were the
ornament and bulwark of the kingdom, worthy followers of their
most renowned ancestors, whose honour had been the reward of
their virtue, from which their posterity were never once known to
degenerate. To these were joined several holy persons, as part of
that assembly, under the title of bishops, whose peculiar business
is to take care of religion, and of those who instruct the people
therein. These were searched and sought out through the whole
nation, by the prince and his wisest counsellors, among such of
the priesthood as were most deservedly distinguished by the
sanctity of their lives, and the depth of their erudition; who were
indeed the spiritual fathers of the clergy and the people.
That the other part of the parliament consisted of an assembly
called the House of Commons, who were all principal gentlemen,
freely picked and culled out by the people themselves, for their.
great abilities and love of their country, to represent the wisdom of
the whole nation. And that these two bodies made up the most
august assembly in Europe; to whom, in conjunction with the
prince, the whole legislature is committed.
I then descended to the courts of justice; over which the judges,
those venerable sages and interpreters of the law, presided, for
determining the disputed rights and properties of men, as well as
for the punishment of vice and protection of innocence. I
mentioned the prudent management of our treasury; the valour
and achievements of our forces, by sea and land. I computed the
number of our people, by reckoning how many millions there
might be of each religious sect, or political party among us. I did
not omit even our sports and pastimes, or any other particular
which I thought might redound to the honour of my country. And I
finished all with a brief historical account of affairs and events in
England for about a hundred years past.
This conversation was not ended under five audiences, each of
several hours; and the king heard the whole with great attention,
frequently taking notes of what I spoke, as well as memorandums
of what questions he intended to ask me.
When I had put an end to these long discources, his majesty, in a
sixth audience, consulting his notes, proposed many doubts,
queries, and objections, upon every article. He asked, "What
methods were used to cultivate the minds and bodies of our young
nobility, and in what kind of business they commonly spent the
first and teachable parts of their lives? What course was taken to.
supply that assembly, when any noble family became extinct?
What qualifications were necessary in those who are to be created
new lords: whether the humour of the prince, a sum of money to a
court lady, or a design of strengthening a party opposite to the
public interest, ever happened to be the motive in those
advancements? What share of knowledge these lords had in the
laws of their country, and how they came by it, so as to enable
them to decide the properties of their fellow-subjects in the last
resort? Whether they were always so free from avarice,
partialities, or want, that a bribe, or some other sinister view,
could have no place among them? Whether those holy lords I
spoke of were always promoted to that rank upon account of their
knowledge in religious matters, and the sanctity of their lives; had
never been compliers with the times, while they were common
priests; or slavish prostitute chaplains to some nobleman, whose
opinions they continued servilely to follow, after they were
admitted into that assembly?"
He then desired to know, "What arts were practised in electing
those whom I called commoners: whether a stranger, with a strong
purse, might not influence the vulgar voters to choose him before
their own landlord, or the most considerable gentleman in the
neighbourhood? How it came to pass, that people were so
violently bent upon getting into this assembly, which I allowed to
be a great trouble and expense, often to the ruin of their families,
without any salary or pension? because this appeared such an
exalted strain of virtue and public spirit, that his majesty seemed
to doubt it might possibly not be always sincere.".
And he desired to know, "Whether such zealous gentlemen could
have any views of refunding themselves for the charges and
trouble they were at by sacrificing the public good to the designs
of a weak and vicious prince, in conjunction with a corrupted
ministry?" He multiplied his questions, and sifted me thoroughly
upon every part of this head, proposing numberless inquiries and
objections, which I think it not prudent or convenient to repeat.
Upon what I said in relation to our courts of justice, his majesty
desired to be satisfied in several points: and this I was the better
able to do, having been formerly almost ruined by a long suit in
chancery, which was decreed for me with costs. He asked, "What
time was usually spent in determining between right and wrong,
and what degree of expense? Whether advocates and orators had
liberty to plead in causes manifestly known to be unjust,
vexatious, or oppressive? Whether party, in religion or politics,
were observed to be of any weight in the scale of justice? Whether
those pleading orators were persons educated in the general
knowledge of equity, or only in provincial, national, and other
local customs? Whether they or their judges had any part in
penning those laws, which they assumed the liberty of
interpreting, and glossing upon at their pleasure? Whether they
had ever, at different times, pleaded for and against the same
cause, and cited precedents to prove contrary opinions? Whether
they were a rich or a poor corporation? Whether they received any
pecuniary reward for pleading, or delivering their opinions? And
particularly, whether they were ever admitted as members in the
lower senate?".
He fell next upon the management of our treasury; and said, "he
thought my memory had failed me, because I computed our taxes
at about five or six millions a-year, and when I came to mention
the issues, he found they sometimes amounted to more than
double; for the notes he had taken were very particular in this
point, because he hoped, as he told me, that the knowledge of our
conduct might be useful to him, and he could not be deceived in
his calculations. But, if what I told him were true, he was still at a
loss how a kingdom could run out of its estate, like a private
person." He asked me, "who were our creditors; and where we
found money to pay them?" He wondered to hear me talk of such
chargeable and expensive wars; "that certainly we must be a
quarrelsome people, or live among very bad neighbours, and that
our generals must needs be richer than our kings." He asked, what
business we had out of our own islands, unless upon the score of
trade, or treaty, or to defend the coasts with our fleet?" Above all,
he was amazed to hear me talk of a mercenary standing army, in
the midst of peace, and among a free people. He said, "if we were
governed by our own consent, in the persons of our
representatives, he could not imagine of whom we were afraid, or
against whom we were to fight; and would hear my opinion,
whether a private man's house might not be better defended by
himself, his children, and family, than by half-a-dozen rascals,
picked up at a venture in the streets for small wages, who might
get a hundred times more by cutting their throats?"
He laughed at my "odd kind of arithmetic," as he was pleased to
call it, "in reckoning the numbers of our people, by a computation
drawn from the several sects among us, in religion and politics.".
He said, "he knew no reason why those, who entertain opinions
prejudicial to the public, should be obliged to change, or should
not be obliged to conceal them. And as it was tyranny in any
government to require the first, so it was weakness not to enforce
the second: for a man may be allowed to keep poisons in his
closet, but not to vend them about for cordials."
He observed, "that among the diversions of our nobility and
gentry, I had mentioned gaming: he desired to know at what age
this entertainment was usually taken up, and when it was laid
down; how much of their time it employed; whether it ever went
so high as to affect their fortunes; whether mean, vicious people,
by their dexterity in that art, might not arrive at great riches, and
sometimes keep our very nobles in dependence, as well as
habituate them to vile companions, wholly take them from the
improvement of their minds, and force them, by the losses they
received, to learn and practise that infamous dexterity upon
others?"
He was perfectly astonished with the historical account gave him
of our affairs during the last century; protesting "it was only a
heap of conspiracies, rebellions, murders, massacres, revolutions,
banishments, the very worst effects that avarice, faction,
hypocrisy, perfidiousness, cruelty, rage, madness, hatred, envy,
lust, malice, and ambition, could produce."
His majesty, in another audience, was at the pains to recapitulate
the sum of all I had spoken; compared the questions he made with
the answers I had given; then taking me into his hands, and.
stroking me gently, delivered himself in these words, which I shall
never forget, nor the manner he spoke them in: "My little friend
Grildrig, you have made a most admirable panegyric upon your
country; you have clearly proved, that ignorance, idleness, and
vice, are the proper ingredients for qualifying a legislator; that
laws are best explained, interpreted, and applied, by those whose
interest and abilities lie in perverting, confounding, and eluding
them. I observe among you some lines of an institution, which, in
its original, might have been tolerable, but these half erased, and
the rest wholly blurred and blotted by corruptions. It does not
appear, from all you have said, how any one perfection is required
toward the procurement of any one station among you; much less,
that men are ennobled on account of their virtue; that priests are
advanced for their piety or learning; soldiers, for their conduct or
valour; judges, for their integrity; senators, for the love of their
country; or counsellors for their wisdom. As for yourself,"
continued the king, "who have spent the greatest part of your life
in travelling, I am well disposed to hope you may hitherto have
escaped many vices of your country. But by what I have gathered
from your own relation, and the answers I have with much pains
wrung and extorted from you, I cannot but conclude the bulk of
your natives to be the most pernicious race of little odious vermin
that nature ever suffered to crawl upon the surface of the earth.".
[The author's love of his country. He makes a proposal of much
advantage to the king, which is rejected. The king's great
ignorance in politics. The learning of that country very imperfect
and confined. The laws, and military affairs, and parties in the
state.]
Nothing but an extreme love of truth could have hindered me
from concealing this part of my story. It was in vain to discover
my resentments, which were always turned into ridicule; and I
was forced to rest with patience, while my noble and beloved
country was so injuriously treated. I am as heartily sorry as any of
my readers can possibly be, that such an occasion was given: but
this prince happened to be so curious and inquisitive upon every
particular, that it could not consist either with gratitude or good
manners, to refuse giving him what satisfaction I was able. Yet
thus much I may be allowed to say in my own vindication, that I
artfully eluded many of his questions, and gave to every point a
more favourable turn, by many degrees, than the strictness of truth
would allow. For I have always borne that laudable partiality to
my own country, which Dionysius Halicarnassensis, with so much
justice, recommends to an historian: I would hide the frailties and
deformities of my political mother, and place her virtues and.
beauties in the most advantageous light. This was my sincere
endeavour in those many discourses I had with that monarch,
although it unfortunately failed of success.
But great allowances should be given to a king, who lives wholly
secluded from the rest of the world, and must therefore be
altogether unacquainted with the manners and customs that most
prevail in other nations: the want of which knowledge will ever
produce many prejudices, and a certain narrowness of thinking,
from which we, and the politer countries of Europe, are wholly
exempted. And it would be hard indeed, if so remote a prince's
notions of virtue and vice were to be offered as a standard for all
mankind.
To confirm what I have now said, and further to show the
miserable effects of a confined education, I shall here insert a
passage, which will hardly obtain belief. In hopes to ingratiate
myself further into his majesty's favour, I told him of "an
invention, discovered between three and four hundred years ago,
to make a certain powder, into a heap of which, the smallest spark
of fire falling, would kindle the whole in a moment, although it
were as big as a mountain, and make it all fly up in the air
together, with a noise and agitation greater than thunder. That a
proper quantity of this powder rammed into a hollow tube of brass
or iron, according to its bigness, would drive a ball of iron or lead,
with such violence and speed, as nothing was able to sustain its
force. That the largest balls thus discharged, would not only
destroy whole ranks of an army at once, but batter the strongest
walls to the ground, sink down ships, with a thousand men in.
each, to the bottom of the sea, and when linked together by a
chain, would cut through masts and rigging, divide hundreds of
bodies in the middle, and lay all waste before them. That we often
put this powder into large hollow balls of iron, and discharged
them by an engine into some city we were besieging, which would
rip up the pavements, tear the houses to pieces, burst and throw
splinters on every side, dashing out the brains of all who came
near. That I knew the ingredients very well, which were cheap and
common; I understood the manner of compounding them, and
could direct his workmen how to make those tubes, of a size
proportionable to all other things in his majesty's kingdom, and
the largest need not be above a hundred feet long; twenty or thirty
of which tubes, charged with the proper quantity of powder and
balls, would batter down the walls of the strongest town in his
dominions in a few hours, or destroy the whole metropolis, if ever
it should pretend to dispute his absolute commands." This I
humbly offered to his majesty, as a small tribute of
acknowledgment, in turn for so many marks that I had received,
of his royal favour and protection.
The king was struck with horror at the description I had given of
those terrible engines, and the proposal I had made. "He was
amazed, how so impotent and grovelling an insect as I" (these
were his expressions) "could entertain such inhuman ideas, and in
so familiar a manner, as to appear wholly unmoved at all the
scenes of blood and desolation which I had painted as the
common effects of those destructive machines; whereof," he said,
"some evil genius, enemy to mankind, must have been the first
contriver. As for himself, he protested, that although few things.
delighted him so much as new discoveries in art or in nature, yet
he would rather lose half his kingdom, than be privy to such a
secret; which he commanded me, as I valued any life, never to
mention any more."
A strange effect of narrow principles and views! that a prince
possessed of every quality which procures veneration, love, and
esteem; of strong parts, great wisdom, and profound learning,
endowed with admirable talents, and almost adored by his
subjects, should, from a nice, unnecessary scruple, whereof in
Europe we can have no conception, let slip an opportunity put into
his hands that would have made him absolute master of the lives,
the liberties, and the fortunes of his people! Neither do I say this,
with the least intention to detract from the many virtues of that
excellent king, whose character, I am sensible, will, on this
account, be very much lessened in the opinion of an English
reader: but I take this defect among them to have risen from their
ignorance, by not having hitherto reduced politics into a science,
as the more acute wits of Europe have done. For, I remember very
well, in a discourse one day with the king, when I happened to
say, "there were several thousand books among us written upon
the art of government," it gave him (directly contrary to my
intention) a very mean opinion of our understandings. He
professed both to abominate and despise all mystery, refinement,
and intrigue, either in a prince or a minister. He could not tell what
I meant by secrets of state, where an enemy, or some rival nation,
were not in the case. He confined the knowledge of governing
within very narrow bounds, to common sense and reason, to
justice and lenity, to the speedy determination of civil and.
criminal causes; with some other obvious topics, which are not
worth considering. And he gave it for his opinion, "that whoever
could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, to grow upon
a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve
better of mankind, and do more essential service to his country,
than the whole race of politicians put together."
The learning of this people is very defective, consisting only in
morality, history, poetry, and mathematics, wherein they must be
allowed to excel. But the last of these is wholly applied to what
may be useful in life, to the improvement of agriculture, and all
mechanical arts; so that among us, it would be little esteemed.
And as to ideas, entities, abstractions, and transcendentals, I could
never drive the least conception into their heads.
No law in that country must exceed in words the number of letters
in their alphabet, which consists only of two and twenty. But
indeed few of them extend even to that length. They are expressed
in the most plain and simple terms, wherein those people are not
mercurial enough to discover above one interpretation: and to
write a comment upon any law, is a capital crime. As to the
decision of civil causes, or proceedings against criminals, their
precedents are so few, that they have little reason to boast of any
extraordinary skill in either.
They have had the art of printing, as well as the Chinese, time out
of mind: but their libraries are not very large; for that of the king,
which is reckoned the largest, does not amount to above a
thousand volumes, placed in a gallery of twelve hundred feet.
long, whence I had liberty to borrow what books I pleased. The
queen's joiner had contrived in one of Glumdalclitch's rooms, a
kind of wooden machine five-and-twenty feet high, formed like a
standing ladder; the steps were each fifty feet long. It was indeed a
moveable pair of stairs, the lowest end placed at ten feet distance
from the wall of the chamber. The book I had a mind to read, was
put up leaning against the wall: I first mounted to the upper step of
the ladder, and turning my face towards the book, began at the top
of the page, and so walking to the right and left about eight or ten
paces, according to the length of the lines, till I had gotten a little
below the level of mine eyes, and then descending gradually till I
came to the bottom: after which I mounted again, and began the
other page in the same manner, and so turned over the leaf, which
I could easily do with both my hands, for it was as thick and stiff
as a pasteboard, and in the largest folios not above eighteen or
twenty feet long.
Their style is clear, masculine, and smooth, but not florid; for they
avoid nothing more than multiplying unnecessary words, or using
various expressions. I have perused many of their books,
especially those in history and morality. Among the rest, I was
much diverted with a little old treatise, which always lay in
Glumdalclitch's bed chamber, and belonged to her governess, a
grave elderly gentlewoman, who dealt in writings of morality and
devotion. The book treats of the weakness of human kind, and is
in little esteem, except among the women and the vulgar.
However, I was curious to see what an author of that country
could say upon such a subject. This writer went through all the
usual topics of European moralists, showing "how diminutive,.
contemptible, and helpless an animal was man in his own nature;
how unable to defend himself from inclemencies of the air, or the
fury of wild beasts: how much he was excelled by one creature in
strength, by another in speed, by a third in foresight, by a fourth in
industry." He added, "that nature was degenerated in these latter
declining ages of the world, and could now produce only small
abortive births, in comparison of those in ancient times." He said
"it was very reasonable to think, not only that the species of men
were originally much larger, but also that there must have been
giants in former ages; which, as it is asserted by history and
tradition, so it has been confirmed by huge bones and skulls,
casually dug up in several parts of the kingdom, far exceeding the
common dwindled race of men in our days." He argued, "that the
very laws of nature absolutely required we should have been
made, in the beginning of a size more large and robust; not so
liable to destruction from every little accident, of a tile falling
from a house, or a stone cast from the hand of a boy, or being
drowned in a little brook." From this way of reasoning, the author
drew several moral applications, useful in the conduct of life, but
needless here to repeat. For my own part, I could not avoid
reflecting how universally this talent was spread, of drawing
lectures in morality, or indeed rather matter of discontent and
repining, from the quarrels we raise with nature. And I believe,
upon a strict inquiry, those quarrels might be shown as ill-grounded
among us as they are among that people.
As to their military affairs, they boast that the king's army consists
of a hundred and seventy-six thousand foot, and thirty-two
thousand horse: if that may be called an army, which is made up.
of tradesmen in the several cities, and farmers in the country,
whose commanders are only the nobility and gentry, without pay
or reward. They are indeed perfect enough in their exercises, and
under very good discipline, wherein I saw no great merit; for how
should it be otherwise, where every farmer is under the command
of his own landlord, and every citizen under that of the principal
men in his own city, chosen after the manner of Venice, by ballot?
I have often seen the militia of Lorbrulgrud drawn out to exercise,
in a great field near the city of twenty miles square. They were in
all not above twenty-five thousand foot, and six thousand horse;
but it was impossible for me to compute their number, considering
the space of ground they took up. A cavalier, mounted on a large
steed, might be about ninety feet high. I have seen this whole
body of horse, upon a word of command, draw their swords at
once, and brandish them in the air.
Imagination can figure nothing so grand, so surprising, and so
astonishing! it looked as if ten thousand flashes of lightning were
darting at the same time from every quarter of the sky.
I was curious to know how this prince, to whose dominions there
is no access from any other country, came to think of armies, or to
teach his people the practice of military discipline. But I was soon
informed, both by conversation and reading their histories; for, in
the course of many ages, they have been troubled with the same
disease to which the whole race of mankind is subject; the nobility
often contending for power, the people for liberty, and the king for
absolute dominion. All which, however happily tempered by the.
laws of that kingdom, have been sometimes violated by each of
the three parties, and have more than once occasioned civil wars;
the last whereof was happily put an end to by this prince's grand-father,
in a general composition; and the militia, then settled with
common consent, has been ever since kept in the strictest duty..
[The king and queen make a progress to the frontiers. The author
attends them. The manner in which he leaves the country very
particularly related. He returns to England.]
I had always a strong impulse that I should some time recover my
liberty, though it was impossible to conjecture by what means, or
to form any project with the least hope of succeeding. The ship in
which I sailed, was the first ever known to be driven within sight
of that coast, and the king had given strict orders, that if at any
time another appeared, it should be taken ashore, and with all its
crew and passengers brought in a tumbril to Lorbrulgrud. He was
strongly bent to get me a woman of my own size, by whom I
might propagate the breed: but I think I should rather have died
than undergone the disgrace of leaving a posterity to be kept in
cages, like tame canary-birds, and perhaps, in time, sold about the
kingdom, to persons of quality, for curiosities. I was indeed
treated with much kindness: I was the favourite of a great king
and queen, and the delight of the whole court; but it was upon
such a foot as ill became the dignity of humankind. I could never
forget those domestic pledges I had left behind me. I wanted to be
among people, with whom I could converse upon even terms, and
walk about the streets and fields without being afraid of being trod.
to death like a frog or a young puppy. But my deliverance came
sooner than I expected, and in a manner not very common; the
whole story and circumstances of which I shall faithfully relate.
I had now been two years in this country; and about the beginning
of the third, Glumdalclitch and I attended the king and queen, in a
progress to the south coast of the kingdom. I was carried, as usual,
in my travelling-box, which as I have already described, was a
very convenient closet, of twelve feet wide. And I had ordered a
hammock to be fixed, by silken ropes from the four corners at the
top, to break the jolts, when a servant carried me before him on
horseback, as I sometimes desired; and would often sleep in my
hammock, while we were upon the road. On the roof of my closet,
not directly over the middle of the hammock, I ordered the joiner
to cut out a hole of a foot square, to give me air in hot weather, as
I slept; which hole I shut at pleasure with a board that drew
backward and forward through a groove.
When we came to our journey's end, the king thought proper to
pass a few days at a palace he has near Flanflasnic, a city within
eighteen English miles of the seaside. Glumdalclitch and I were
much fatigued: I had gotten a small cold, but the poor girl was so
ill as to be confined to her chamber. I longed to see the ocean,
which must be the only scene of my escape, if ever it should
happen. I pretended to be worse than I really was, and desired
leave to take the fresh air of the sea, with a page, whom I was very
fond of, and who had sometimes been trusted with me. I shall
never forget with what unwillingness Glumdalclitch consented,
nor the strict charge she gave the page to be careful of me,.
bursting at the same time into a flood of tears, as if she had some
forboding of what was to happen. The boy took me out in my box,
about half an hours walk from the palace, towards the rocks on the
seashore. I ordered him to set me down, and lifting up one of my
sashes, cast many a wistful melancholy look towards the sea. I
found myself not very well, and told the page that I had a mind to
take a nap in my hammock, which I hoped would do me good. I
got in, and the boy shut the window close down, to keep out the
cold. I soon fell asleep, and all I can conjecture is, while I slept,
the page, thinking no danger could happen, went among the rocks
to look for birds' eggs, having before observed him from my
window searching about, and picking up one or two in the clefts.
Be that as it will, I found myself suddenly awaked with a violent
pull upon the ring, which was fastened at the top of my box for the
conveniency of carriage. I felt my box raised very high in the air,
and then borne forward with prodigious speed. The first jolt had
like to have shaken me out of my hammock, but afterward the
motion was easy enough. I called out several times, as loud as I
could raise my voice, but all to no purpose. I looked towards my
windows, and could see nothing but the clouds and sky. I heard a
noise just over my head, like the clapping of wings, and then
began to perceive the woful condition I was in; that some eagle
had got the ring of my box in his beak, with an intent to let it fall
on a rock, like a tortoise in a shell, and then pick out my body, and
devour it: for the sagacity and smell of this bird enables him to
discover his quarry at a great distance, though better concealed
than I could be within a two-inch board..
In a little time, I observed the noise and flutter of wings to
increase very fast, and my box was tossed up and down, like a
sign in a windy day. I heard several bangs or buffets, as I thought
given to the eagle (for such I am certain it must have been that
held the ring of my box in his beak), and then, all on a sudden, felt
myself falling perpendicularly down, for above a minute, but with
such incredible swiftness, that I almost lost my breath. My fall
was stopped by a terrible squash, that sounded louder to my ears
than the cataract of Niagara; after which, I was quite in the dark
for another minute, and then my box began to rise so high, that I
could see light from the tops of the windows. I now perceived I
was fallen into the sea. My box, by the weight of my body, the
goods that were in, and the broad plates of iron fixed for strength
at the four corners of the top and bottom, floated about five feet
deep in water. I did then, and do now suppose, that the eagle
which flew away with my box was pursued by two or three others,
and forced to let me drop, while he defended himself against the
rest, who hoped to share in the prey. The plates of iron fastened at
the bottom of the box (for those were the strongest) preserved the
balance while it fell, and hindered it from being broken on the
surface of the water. Every joint of it was well grooved; and the
door did not move on hinges, but up and down like a sash, which
kept my closet so tight that very little water came in. I got with
much difficulty out of my hammock, having first ventured to draw
back the slip-board on the roof already mentioned, contrived on
purpose to let in air, for want of which I found myself almost
stifled..
How often did I then wish myself with my dear Glumdalclitch,
from whom one single hour had so far divided me! And I may say
with truth, that in the midst of my own misfortunes I could not
forbear lamenting my poor nurse, the grief she would suffer for
my loss, the displeasure of the queen, and the ruin of her fortune.
Perhaps many travellers have not been under greater difficulties
and distress than I was at this juncture, expecting every moment to
see my box dashed to pieces, or at least overset by the first violent
blast, or rising wave. A breach in one single pane of glass would
have been immediate death: nor could any thing have preserved
the windows, but the strong lattice wires placed on the outside,
against accidents in travelling. I saw the water ooze in at several
crannies, although the leaks were not considerable, and I
endeavoured to stop them as well as I could. I was not able to lift
up the roof of my closet, which otherwise I certainly should have
done, and sat on the top of it; where I might at least preserve
myself some hours longer, than by being shut up (as I may call it)
in the hold. Or if I escaped these dangers for a day or two, what
could I expect but a miserable death of cold and hunger? I was
four hours under these circumstances, expecting, and indeed
wishing, every moment to be my last.
I have already told the reader that there were two strong staples
fixed upon that side of my box which had no window, and into
which the servant, who used to carry me on horseback, would put
a leathern belt, and buckle it about his waist. Being in this
disconsolate state, I heard, or at least thought I heard, some kind
of grating noise on that side of my box where the staples were
fixed; and soon after I began to fancy that the box was pulled or.
towed along the sea; for I now and then felt a sort of tugging,
which made the waves rise near the tops of my windows, leaving
me almost in the dark. This gave me some faint hopes of relief,
although I was not able to imagine how it could be brought about.
I ventured to unscrew one of my chairs, which were always
fastened to the floor; and having made a hard shift to screw it
down again, directly under the slipping-board that I had lately
opened, I mounted on the chair, and putting my mouth as near as I
could to the hole, I called for help in a loud voice, and in all the
languages I understood. I then fastened my handkerchief to a stick
I usually carried, and thrusting it up the hole, waved it several
times in the air, that if any boat or ship were near, the seamen
might conjecture some unhappy mortal to be shut up in the box.
I found no effect from all I could do, but plainly perceived my
closet to be moved along; and in the space of an hour, or better,
that side of the box where the staples were, and had no windows,
struck against something that was hard. I apprehended it to be a
rock, and found myself tossed more than ever. I plainly heard a
noise upon the cover of my closet, like that of a cable, and the
grating of it as it passed through the ring. I then found myself
hoisted up, by degrees, at least three feet higher than I was before.
Whereupon I again thrust up my stick and handkerchief, calling
for help till I was almost hoarse. In return to which, I heard a great
shout repeated three times, giving me such transports of joy as are
not to be conceived but by those who feel them. I now heard a
trampling over my head, and somebody calling through the hole
with a loud voice, in the English tongue, "If there be any body
below, let them speak." I answered, "I was an Englishman, drawn.
by ill fortune into the greatest calamity that ever any creature
underwent, and begged, by all that was moving, to be delivered
out of the dungeon I was in." The voice replied, "I was safe, for
my box was fastened to their ship; and the carpenter should
immediately come and saw a hole in the cover, large enough to
pull me out." I answered, "that was needless, and would take up
too much time; for there was no more to be done, but let one of the
crew put his finger into the ring, and take the box out of the sea
into the ship, and so into the captain's cabin." Some of them, upon
hearing me talk so wildly, thought I was mad: others laughed; for
indeed it never came into my head, that I was now got among
people of my own stature and strength. The carpenter came, and
in a few minutes sawed a passage about four feet square, then let
down a small ladder, upon which I mounted, and thence was taken
into the ship in a very weak condition.
The sailors were all in amazement, and asked me a thousand
questions, which I had no inclination to answer. I was equally
confounded at the sight of so many pigmies, for such I took them
to be, after having so long accustomed mine eyes to the monstrous
objects I had left. But the captain, Mr. Thomas Wilcocks, an
honest worthy Shropshire man, observing I was ready to faint,
took me into his cabin, gave me a cordial to comfort me, and
made me turn in upon his own bed, advising me to take a little
rest, of which I had great need. Before I went to sleep, I gave him
to understand that I had some valuable furniture in my box, too
good to be lost: a fine hammock, a handsome field-bed, two
chairs, a table, and a cabinet; that my closet was hung on all sides,
or rather quilted, with silk and cotton; that if he would let one of.
the crew bring my closet into his cabin, I would open it there
before him, and show him my goods. The captain, hearing me
utter these absurdities, concluded I was raving; however (I
suppose to pacify me) he promised to give order as I desired, and
going upon deck, sent some of his men down into my closet,
whence (as I afterwards found) they drew up all my goods, and
stripped off the quilting; but the chairs, cabinet, and bedstead,
being screwed to the floor, were much damaged by the ignorance
of the seamen, who tore them up by force. Then they knocked off
some of the boards for the use of the ship, and when they had got
all they had a mind for, let the hull drop into the sea, which by
reason of many breaches made in the bottom and sides, sunk to